How to Be Cool: 4 Lessons from Science and Hollywood | Page 2 | Girls Chase

How to Be Cool: 4 Lessons from Science and Hollywood

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

I taught myself how to be “cool” as a junior high student many years ago. It was an intuitive process for me at the time, though filled with social experiments and trial and error – and lots of beating up on myself to get it just right.

I’ve spent years trying to figure out a good way to teach all the aspects of being cool. A way to boil it all down to something simple, streamlined, and easily remembered and used by anyone who aspires to “cool”: who wants to be that person that everybody else just looks at and says, “Man, that guy is cool.”

how to be cool

How do you transform someone who “doesn’t get it” – whom others laugh at, make fun of, disrespect, or ignore – into someone they look up to, gravitate toward, and esteem?

To do this, of course, you need good tactics – you need to be able to give them the “what to do”; but more than this, you need the underlying principles: what is it about cool people that just makes them so damn cool?

Well, after years of non-starters on an article about this, I will say that I have successfully boiled “cool” down to four (4) core elements that are eminently doable and absolutely teachable.

Get all four of these right, and you will be – without question – unstoppably, unspeakably, almost unbearably cool.

And the best news is, all any of them takes is a little practice and, yes... a little discipline.

Comments

David Riley's picture

Hey King,

Check out a discussion between Chase and some our forum members on this very topic.

Making Intentions Known

Just Dave

Anonymous's picture

Can you make a woman fall in love with you without taking her to bed first? Is this possible? If so how?

KING_12's picture

Just give em awsome intercourse and ignore their inquires-wale

David Riley's picture

To build off King and to elaborate in some areas as well, it's highly unlikely. Depending on how old she is and experience it's very rare. If anything if a girl makes you wait for sex you' ll be the one to fall in love. Eventually, the love will ultimately lead sex which doesn't necessarily mean love. However, girls fall in love faster with men they sleep with because he got her to make a huge investment. When you try to take things slow with a girl, it doesn't work. In theory it should but she becomes bored. She wants to be taken and lead by a strong man. Now before the sexual revolution and in other countries besides America, you could take things slow. If you don't sleep with a girl when the opportunity presents itself, she'll assume you aren't interested in her.

Just Dave

Jonas's picture

Hi, Dave.
I am glad Chase wrote this, even though people asked for this for about 2 years. Anyways, if you could assist me here, David, I would appreciate it very much. I tend to explain things too much so I just hope you will not get lost.

The value part. I read other articles about value and how subjective it is. I understand that for some girl I have high sexual value and for other one I have none, because she is not attracted to me. But value subjectivity can be objective I guess, I am quite friendly and kind person and lots of people tell me how supportive I am. But what I want to get to - I do not know how to add any value to a social sitution. I have some knowledge about working out, nutrition and stuff like that, those self-help advices because I studied it a lot. Now people seem to gather to have fun, to ease out. And I dont know how to do that, sometimes I try some joke, but then discussion goes to things that I am not that interested in, and others are so I do not know how to contribute to that - which can be solved by me being more interested in things. Even for one sentence maybe to add something to the pool. With that "how to add a value", when we have some bigger gathering like 20-30 people, or even 8+ is too big for me somtimes, I see how people are in conversation with each other and I have no idea how to contribute to that. I can ask questions maybe, be interested in what they want to say but I just feel like "why am I here? what am I doing here? what can I offer to these people, how can I make their evening better?" And I simply cant figure out what it is. I read one of the first articles from Chase, about bringing the energy. I tried it but it seems to work only in a setting where people do not perceive as this total loser kind. The bottom of the pit. From what I have seen, people who are interested in many things in life, have connections and are somehow free because they have their primary needs met are the coolest and other people tend to be around them. Which increases their coolness, connections, resourses, opportunities.

And I am kind of a loser who cant find a summer job, last month since my bachelor degree exam, I have been sitting home playing games, watching serials, reading, but also going to gym. I am about to go there right now. As I analyze myself I realized I tend to have some bigger plans in overall time scheme, like enterance exams for magisters at the end of august and it seems it will do for me to "progress in life" and that is why I am not that disgusted with myself playing games all day. Problem is, I read all these things about how to change your life, what to do when this happens, how to act in this situation, keep calm, observe, take action, fail and learn kind of stuff.

This is somehow fixable, scuttle the ships and things like that may force me, but right now I feel my social needs are not met and I just do not know how to add value socially. I even wanted to start asking some people I know longer what do they expect from our relationship, what is it that I can offer them to better their life. But if someone asked me this, I would have no idea how to respond. Maybe respect, not insulting me, being aware that I am slightly damaged emotionally and be careful about making fun of me for sake of making fun of me and things like that. But this is dependand on every person to person relationship. I just have no idea what I can offer to people, my self worth is based on "being there for people in hard times" kind of value. Or sports, I am good at that. But you dont play ice hockey or football in bar :-)

Thank you, Jonas.

David Riley's picture

Hey Jonas,

Back story:
Congrats on all your accomplishments in life so far. We have all been there and experienced what you are describing. It doesn't make you horrible person, you're thinking is just on a deeper level than most people's. You want to add to people's lives and spend time with them. Sometimes when you have a high level drive, repetitive things and conversations don't do anything for you. Especially when the conversation don't reach into anything deep. You become bored and disinterested. This is actually a technique girls use to get the conversation back to where they want it. I actually recommend getting people to talk as much as possible, and use what they say to lead to more talking points.

Leading Conversations

Value:
I believe value should go both ways. No one wants to be in a friendship or relationship where a person is only taking and not giving anything back. A lot of my friends I'm just friends with because I like them as people. I tell them I don't want anything from them I just enjoy their company. When you talk to people at parties talk to them about things at the party. Be at the party, don't talk about boring topics such as work. You're their to have fun and relax. If you don't know anyone at the party, walk up and introduce yourself. Chances are they don't know a lot of people their too. I'm famous for introducing people and getting them to mingle. It makes everyone feel more at ease when they're familiar with the people around them.

Life of The Party

Jobs:
Summer jobs are hard for a lot of people to come by. Don't be so down on yourself. I once had to start applying for summer jobs in December and January. It's all the matter of how early you start looking for them. On top of that it's applies to the line of work you're looking for as well.

Free time:
I have a PS$4 and one of my fraternity brothers who's in a LTR and he's coming by today. We're just gonna get a pizza and just play PS4. It's just fun just to hang out and play video games. We'll go out to different parts of the city as well, but it just feels good just to unwind and crack open a brew or too.

Anyway hope all this helps,

Just Dave

Doctor's picture

How would you recommend saying hi to people passing by or far away, etc without an awkward waving hello or saying hi awkwardly? Basically how do u greet people correctly )

Jh's picture

I would like your insight on this:

I'm actually currently sitting on a bus that I'm taking from NYC to SF.

Why?

I don't like the cold and I want to experience the west as I've never been.

I'm 20 and homeless. I'm out here pursuing my music and Im not going to stop until I unlock the recipe to achieving my dream :)

I read here a lot about Sigma and being high value... Maybe the fact that Im 52% psychopath and a bit of a narcissist (internally) has helped me develop myself into who I am today.

Would this be considered being uncool?
I have no money but I smoke cigs. I haven't quit because I want to do it with medication so my emotions can remain in control.

I go up to smokers and say, "Would be so kind as to bum be a smoke?" They usually give it to me and then I smile, head nod, and usually deep dive em a bit before I take off.

Sometimes I feel bad that I might be taking value, but is it taking value or giving it?

Best,

Jh

boss's picture

Chase, you are providing so much value with all of your work, i can never thank you enough with words. You have helped me enormously with all of your content and for that i am forever grateful to you.

Keep up with the good work!

Jimbo's picture

Agree with pretty much everything, but I don't think it was very wise to encourage people to break the law or rules. I know you didn't explicitly advocate for it, but it's tempting enough to a lot of guys to go full thuglife in order to get poon. Doing so would be neither good for themselves nor for society.

The attraction and coolness of the law-breaker is just that of a man who is his own man, one who thinks outside the box, who's on the fringes, who's a pioneer in something, who has initiative, or one that does his own thing. Those types of men are attractive and cool and, yes, they include breaking laws and rules but not only -- which is why I think #4 could've been best headlined as "Do your own thing". People can do revolutionary things, start movements, do uniquely extravagant things, and going against the current (all of which can make one as cool and attractive as breaking the law) without becoming law-breakers. Example: starting a white nationalist movement. (I've been a prominent member of one. And yes it does attract girls for various reasons. Chicks on the Right and Far Right are typically hot btw.)

And regarding your last paragraph, I don't admire punks and law-breakers; I just feel like punishing them, badly, and ruin their lives, which I will do once I get in a higher position of authority.

The only parts I agree with #4 are "taking risks" to which I would add "calculated" (you can't achieve much in life if you don't take calculated risks). Pushing the girl's boundaries I think that's just part of the teasing and being a bit of a dick to excite her.

Jimbo's picture

Hey there,

Yesterday I was hanging at a bar downtown with a couple of friends and something happened that reminded me of this article.

So we were sitting there and there was this guy a lot of the regulars recognized as soon as he set foot into the bar, with a certain look of admiration from those who knew him. I thought he was the owner or something.

So a friend of mine asked a guy next to us staring at him, "Who's this guy? What's with all the attention?"

"It's Flamingo," the dude next to us responded. "Watch him play pool and you'll understand."

So we kept our eye on Flamingo. He went right up to the bar, ordered "the usual" (wasn't charged for it), and put the mug of beer on the side of the pool table.

Folks started gathering around that table, and men and women alike were almost begging him to play with him. By the end of the game I realized they were actually begging him to be the one to have their ass kicked by him at pool.

So he picked a guy, and man he finished him in like 3 minutes. He would strike a ball then grab his mug and sip from it without even looking at the table, that's how confident he was the ball would land into the hole, which it invariably did. The guys around him applauded and half of them looked at each other with a dumbstruck "bruuh" look each time he effortlessly struck sometimes up to three balls at once in; the girls looked at him with submissive admiration. And deservedly so -- you rarely see so much genius right before your eyes.

And here's the thing: he played like three rounds (won all of them obviously), and just left. He could've gotten any girl but he didn't even look at any of them. He just kicked ass, got applauded and cheered, and got out. He could be gay, who knows.

I was told later on that that's just how he operated. He doesn't have specific times. He just comes in, sometimes after two days, sometimes after two months, puts his genius for show, gets applauded, and leaves.

I was also told that some people there would come to that bar just for the possibility of encoutering Flamingo and watch him play.

And to be honest, he's one of the coolest guys I've ever come across.

So yeah, I would definitely add "prowess", "outstanding skill", "genuis", or something to that effect to the 'Being Cool' list.

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