Male Authority and Female Lust | Girls Chase

Male Authority and Female Lust

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

The cocky owner of a small business bends one of his female employees over his desk after hours on a Friday afternoon, when the other employees have gone home, including a pair of male office workers who’ve been competing for that same female coworker of theirs for months.

Across town, an arrogant-but-charismatic high school running back trots off the football field after a loss. Most of the team’s down in the dumps, but he’s not; he’s taking one of the cheerleaders for a “ride around town” tonight. She’ll be the fourth cheerleader he’s slept with from his school’s squad.

male authority

That night, a trio of cute girls in flashy, sequined dresses stay past closing time in a semi-popular nightclub there in town for an “after party” that involves them, a bartender, a doorman, and the club owner. All three of the girls are naked in under an hour, and though the routine is getting a little old for each of them, all three of the men still enjoy sleeping with his new girl.

At the same time that evening, a psychologist has a discrete liaison with one of his troubled-but-sensual patients. She knows he’s married and has a family, and the last thing she wants to be is a home wrecker... but she really can’t help herself.

There are a few somethings each of these situations have in common with one another: they are male authority... and female lust.

But the greater irony under all these tales is the one that many average men who haven’t experienced such dalliances themselves spend time boiling with envy over, and vainly try to point out to any woman they can catch the ear of: outside of these environments, with this artificial position power they’ve constructed for themselves or happened into, these men are nobodies... and without that authority those men have, these women probably wouldn’t be very attracted to them.

Yet nevertheless, they are.

Comments

Flamingo's picture

Your Chinese friend got me curious ,Chase:

How does one cold approaches organizations and avoids an outright dismissal ? How can you hook somebody's interest straight away when you don't have much bargaining power and opposing party has no interest and a very limited amount of time ?

Cheers

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Flamingo-

One of the ways he goes about doing this is targeting people reasonably high up in the organization whom he can offer some value to, and reaching out to them from a "let me make a recommendation" approach. So, he'll get in touch and say, "Hey, I'm a big admirer of your blah blah blah... have you ever thought about XYZ? I've been studying your ABC and it really looks like you could do a lot with XYZ that you aren't yet doing." He'll then get into a dialogue with this person, who will sometimes introduce him to other members of the organization, and someone with hiring power who's sufficiently intrigued will ask him what he's doing for work presently and if he might like to interview for a position there. He also keeps an impressive-looking résumé that's stuffed with keywords that executive recruiters look for on executive recruitment websites, and gets quite a few recruiters contact him off of that.

As for what he does to hook people's interests, he's extremely good at this, and I think it's just come mainly from being such a knowledge hound that as soon as he takes interest in an industry, he sets to work benchmarking it and finding out what all the best practices are, and then goes looking for a promising-looking company with a division in that area that's lagging behind. His philosophy on finding jobs is that you're in a much better position to rise quickly if you find an area that's in bad shape and in need of a turnaround than you are if you jump into something that's already doing fine and doesn't need much work. I think the reason why is it's a lot easier to march in and look like the messiah with all the ideas and the ability to make it rain in a division in need of a turnaround, while if you walk into something that's genuinely at the top of its game already, there's not much you can offer in terms of improvement, at least not if your improvements are all pulled from benchmarking the best (which is where his ideas come from).

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hello Chase!
I just read your article on empathy and it has me thinking.
I am naturally a very low empathy individual, close to phychopath (lol) and the similarities are many. I am not however violent or cold-hearted, i have empathy but only for my self and my family.
Why is high empathy considered normal ,but low empathy abnormal, a disorder? From what you say low empathy individuals have the ability to achieve higher empathy naturally, without medication, so why is it considered a disorder?

Anyway if we consider low empathy a "disease" do you believe falling in love is a "cure"? I'm saying because when i fell for this gal a year ago and generally when i crush on someone i become a lot warmer, and very high empathy, yet when it passes it's back to low.

Last, i notice a lot of similarities of this last year crush with what you mention in your "Can't Stop Thinking About Her? Here's Why You Need to Meet More Girls" article.

I've been doing lots of digging because this is the first time i have a crush for so long (a year now) and read a bit about obsessive love and limerence. What is your opinion on this?

In your case did sleeping with other girls solve the problem, because i did and it helped, i don't think about her every minute/everyday anymore, but still she's at the back of my head sometimes and i haven't fallen in love since...

Thanks!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Low empathy's just considered "abnormal" because most people are moderate- to high-empathy. That's really just the way "normal" is defined: what is the norm for most people? If most people were low empathy, then moderate / high levels of empathy would be considered abnormal, and low empathy the norm.

Low empathy individuals who become killers and criminals tend to have defects in their brains aside from simply an empathy switch that's in "off" by default. Namely, they tend to have more violent tendencies and much poorer impulse control. Just being low empathy does not in and of itself make you a psycho killer; I've known plenty of low empathy individuals that would view murder as an extremely imprudent thing to do, even if it wouldn't necessarily weigh on their consciousnesses too much.

I'm not sure enough about how low empathy individuals function in "in love" situations to know personally whether love can force your empathy switch to flip on. I've seen in-love low empathy individuals saying things like, "I want to take care of her," and, "I want her to be happy," about both partners and pets of theirs. I don't know enough of what's going on in their heads to know if this attachment is empathy (feeling what the other individual feels like) or just some combination of sympathy (feeling emotions for someone, though not necessarily experiencing what they experience) and emotional need (wanting to do what's needed to keep that person or animal happy and around, and not leaving, rebelling, or making one's life miserable).

As for getting over a girl you have fixation on, sleeping with more girls helps, but the only real cure for it is replacing a girl you were fixated on with girls of similar or higher caliber than her. Once you've replaced her with equally or better women than her, your fixation on her will start to look silly to you in comparison to what you have or have had.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,

Just a quick question regarding this article. How do you avoid yourself being positioned into the "friendly guy" or "useful guy" or "fatherly figure guy" when you offer connections/resources to the girl?

I know that you should add some teasing and sexual tension, but I can see how some girls would just keep you around for your usefulness. How do you tell the difference between the two?

Thanks,

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

You avoid this by introducing enough teasing, challenging, intrigue, and sexual tension into the interaction that the girl never feels as if she "has" you, and instead feels constantly off-balanced and in the chase position.

If you want to test for whether a girl feels like she "has" you, and thus is treating you like a friend or a supporter, or if a girl is in pursuit of you and wants you, just try to escalate things with her forward: have her come and sit with you and start getting physical with her in person, or have her leave with you, or bring her home. If over phone or text, ask her on a date or invite her to your place. The girl who's chasing will be thrilled you've asked; the girl who views you as a friend or a supporter, though, will be annoyed at any attempt by you to upset the status quo, and will do her best to wiggle out of doing any of these things you've asked her to do.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

I've noticed that some of the smokingly hottest girls really start losing their looks even in their 20s. Is this normal? I know two girls, whom have no connection, who's looks have started to deteriorate since a few years ago. They were literally the type men would give up one of their nuts to be with, and what's ironic is that they both have a similar look to eachother in terms of personality, style, and even facial appearance, although they were of different races. They were both party girls though and maybe all the drinking and probably drugs started taking it's toll on them? They just look so old now and not really in a good way (even though older women can be very attractive), but maybe their maturity has reflected in that appearance. They def look like women now vs. Looking like girls.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

It depends. It's easy for younger women to look really beautiful, sometimes deceptively so; youth hides imperfections, and even a pretty ugly woman at 30 can look reasonably cute in her late teens or early 20s. It takes a bit of a trained eye to be able to differentiate between the girls who just look pretty because they are young, and the ones who look pretty because they are genuinely pretty, and will remain pretty even as they age.

However, a hard partying lifestyle can also be a very rapid aging factor. Hard drugs are the main culprit; particularly drugs like heroin and meth will age people incredibly fast. If you want to see how fast, just do an image search for "before and after drugs" and look at some of those images; the ones with dates are the best. You'll see people that have aged 20 years in 6 or 7 months. And much of that aging is permanent. If these girls are tanners, that will do it too; tanning does major damage to the skin, and a woman who spends a lot of time tanning can have skin aged a decade or more by her mid- to late-20s.

Other things that can age people are chronic lack of sleep and high levels of stress, though the aging here is often reversible (as soon as they get good sleep for a while and jettison their major stressors). Finally, smiling makes a big impact - a smiling girl can look 10+ years younger than one with a stern expression, and if a girl's going through a tough stretch and not smiling a lot, she can look older all the time purely by default.

Chase

Marty's picture

Chase:

Personal experience assures me that the issues discussed in this very lucid and compelling article do indeed affect female attraction for men very strongly. Almost 20 years ago I began work as a tutor of English as a Foreign Language to adult students in a country where I have family connections. Barely out of school myself, and with zero experience of women, I was shocked to receive copious attention from the ladies, and even more shocked at my own success with two of them. Both later laughingly confided to me, in bed, that the contrast between my naïve private persona and my image of authority in the classroom was disorienting.

These days, this article serves more as a useful reminder of the sort of considerations that those of us with leadership responsibilities should pay attention to. In contrast with almost everything else I've learned from you, which has been entirely new, I'm pleased to say that over the past 6 years or so, I've followed the course outlined in this article more or less naturally. The crux, of course, is that I haven't known what to do with the resulting female attention, and have squandered it uselessly, either by allowing interest to flicker out through inaction and turn into auto-rejection, or by displaying an excess of enthusiasm that yields too much power and makes the woman think she must have been mistaken in her first impression.

Finding the happy medium takes skill, judgment and experience, as you so helpfully commented to me a few months back.

I'm still working on it ☺

-Marty

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Marty-

Neat experiences there, with the girls pointing out the difference between the perception of you as the impressive, controlled authority figure in the classroom, and the reality of a far younger, less experienced you outside of it. That's a good one for driving home the power of presentation, and how much of a difference a different presentation of yourself can make on attraction.

And, absolutely - making that impression is just part of the battle; putting it to good use is the other part! Only having one of those abilities but not the other leaves a lot on the table... you need that balance to even things out.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

I've always been very calm and nonchalant but with it comes lifenessness and some people think I'm boring. Howbcanbi achieve both?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

I'd recommend working on your eye contact, first and foremost:

... you can have the most boring conversation in the world, but if your eye contact is captivating, people will find you intriguing.

Next, I'd advise you to work on getting good at drawing out interesting things about the people you meet:

... because a big part of being interesting isn't so much about being interesting yourself, so much as it is drawing out what's interesting about other people. They will interpret you as being a very interesting person, simply for drawing so much interesting material out of them.

Last part is working on building up your identity and putting together multiple layers to use for helping women "unwrap" you:

... and adding in sexuality to spice up your game:

Get all of that handled, and you will be a very interesting person indeed, no matter how still or "lifeless" you are with your movements.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Chase,

Thought this was a good chance to point out that you set an excellent example at providing value with little downside. Your comment here was practically a tailored recommendation, offered very thoughtfully, and with a lot of authority, and yet it just came across as super considerate and amicable. This is the kind of stuff that keeps me here :).

Anonymous's picture

I could be reading into things, but there's this girl I see who seems to always be looking at me, even when I'm moving around. Today it seemed like the entire night. She's always with her boyfriend though, and today I saw them kissing for the first time. Does this sound like something a girl might do to get my attention because I don't know why she keeps looking in my direction...

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Sounds like she might have a crush on you.

Girls date men all the time who aren't their ideal choices, but are, rather, the ones who took action with them. All the more reason to let that be you - much better to be the one she's sleeping with, than the one she's stealing glances at but not actually doing anything with than it is to be the alternative.

Chase

The M's picture

Hi Chase,

Just wanted to clarify something (unrelated to this article):

For the girls who don't party, drink, or go clubbing, and are generally just wholesome, wonderful people (so the kind you'd date, and whom you're more likely meet during the day), do you still use a strong sexual vibe, flirt a lot, and move as fast as possible? Also, do you portray more of your wholesome side with these girls to make them feel more comfortable?

Best,
The M

Author
Chase Amante's picture

M-

With those kinds of girls, I find it best to alternate back and forth between a soft, gentle (but still focused / intense) vibe, as if they are gentle spirits I want to caress and touch, and an intense, predatory vibe, as if I am the lion and they are the gazelles I am stalking on the savanna. I feel like this creates a nice comfort-excitement roller-coaster ride to go on that excites them enough, then backs off right before they reach a point where it's too much and they'll panic, while also priming them for what is to come. Keeps you relatable in a way that most of the "all sexual, all the time" guys are not, but out of the boyfriend/ friend zone, unlike the nice guys they usually stick to dealing with.

As for how I portray myself, I don't talk about wild sex or clubbing or anything like that, but rather more portray myself as a romantic traveler in search of beauty and meaning and creation; if they ask about risqué topics, I'll tell them I indulge from time-to-time, leaving the details unexpanded upon (unless they get really interested and it turns out to be a hidden fantasy or something they're very curious about doing), but mostly keep the focus on more dream-like subjects, since less experienced women tend to be dreamier women, and this relates better to their fantasies / "ultimate man" archetype.

Chase

The M's picture

This answer is absolutely perfect - thanks!

M

Jimbo's picture

Yeah I don't think a fashion designer would have any intent or desire to "abuse" his authority over his models because fashion designers are usually so, you know, "fabulous." ;) Which is kind of a waste of authority if you ask me.

#Diversity_in_fashion_designing
#Straight_guys_matter

Jimbo's picture

At least when it comes to female attraction.

Reading this article got me thinking: women pretty much go (almost equally) for both those who have authority (rulers, managers, enforcers, educators, etc.) and those who defy it (the bad boys, rebels, disruptive elements, Byronic men, etc.) They go for both those who enforce laws and rules and those who break them; for both the Man and those who stick it to the Man; those who run and hold the System and those live on its fringes or outside of it; for both cops and thugs. And this I think is just another expression of women being drawn to both alpha and sigma males.

Just something I noted.

Jimbo's picture

Hey Chase. So I watched this episode of HIMYM the other day, and in it, Ted (the architect) hired an assistant/apprentice. And when a female friend of Ted came to use the bathroom, this assistant guy told her she couldn't because Ted won't share his bathroom. He basically stood between her and the toilet and wouldn't give her the key. And she got really turned on they banged.

Later when PJ got fired, Robin was like: "When PJ had a job, he was sexy. He was guardian of the bathroom key. A hot guy telling you when you can and can't pee? That's the dream," in a half-joking half-serious manner.

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