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Want an easy way to
get girls to come join you on an instant date or
back home? This advanced invite works even if she’s on the fence.
One of my favorite invites is the “come join me” invite. It’s
flexible, fun... and surprisingly nuanced.
I actually spent years experimenting with this invite, with it often falling flat. It took me the longest time to pinpoint what the problem I was having was, too.
I’d chat with a girl, it’d go great, and then it’d be time to change venues or invite her home. And I’d say:
Me: Hey, I’m going to go [do whatever]. Come join me.
And the girl I was talking to would nearly always respond with:
Her: Thank you, but I think I’m going to just [go do whatever].
Occasionally I’d get a “yes” or a “yeah, okay, sure.” But most of the time she’d beg off.
And then one day I figured it out.
Comments
Location preface?
Should you throw in there something to let her know you live nearby? (So she doesn't reject the invite because she thinks you live in the suburbs when you're just 10 min away.)
Thanks!
Mention Distance?
Anon-
If you're making it chill and casual, like "I've got to go grab my laundry" or "I have to drop my bag off real quick", the implication there is that you're taking her somewhere close by. You won't normally take her out to the boondocks to do one of those.
If you're not using a little bit like that to make things more casual (but you absolutely should!), you can mention distance to make it clear. This works best if you're very close, a la: "Hey, let's swing over and grab a nightcap, I'm a block away from here up in the Filmore Building. Best view in the city."
If you're not close, but still not too far, just make it sound like not a pain in the ass to get there. e.g., "We should go chill. I'm two subway stops away. Smooth music, awesome, gigantic patio, and the best wine in the neighborhood."
Chase
Hey,
Hey,
This is a totally off topic question, but in all articles regarding, being powerful, dominant and sexy, I could only pick out physical attributes such as slower body movements etc. Can you just describe his attitude and how he look at life, and how can I become one too, through day to day activities. Thanks!
Dominant Men: Attitudes and Views
Max-
Here it is!:
"How Dominant Men Approach Business, Pleasure, and Life"
Chase
Fear of being Dominant
Hey Chase I've been reading your articles for almost 3 years keep up the good work…Every time I think about being dominant, I get a lump in my throat butterflies in my stomach and a headache. I always imagine the worst happening and I'm sure this screws up whatever goal I am trying to accomplish. I used to have dominant instincts (which I rarely acted on), but I think as I get older (and my life doesn't improve) they're starting to fade. How can I stop being scared of being dominant? How can you start winning if you've spent you're whole life being used to not getting what you want? Do you HAVE to have a solid idea of your purpose and identity to be dominant cuz I've never had that...
Re: Fear of Being Dominant
Anon-
My suspicion is your underlying fear is this:
"If I act dominant, someone will step up and put me in my place."
The remedy for that is to gain new reference points that revolve around you behaving in a dominant way, but not getting put into place, and instead having people respond well to it.
To get those, I suggest you start with small, less intimidating acts of dominance where you aren't putting yourself out there as much. e.g., there's something you need, so you tell someone, "Hey, grab this for me real quick, will ya?" Someone's trying to ask you something, and you tell her, "Wait just one second for me while I finish this up. Okay, there. What can I do ya for?"
As you get comfortable with asserting yourself in tiny ways, you can build up to bigger ones. Ultimately, you should be able to do the things discussed in these articles:
Don't worry about it not happening overnight. It is a gradual transition, as you come to realize you can be dominant in small ways and people will accept it... Then dominant in larger ways, and people will accept it... And then one day you realize you kind of assert your will on most people around you in most situations.
At that point, it's just kind of, "Oh. I guess I don't really submit to anyone anymore," and submission becomes a weird/uncommon thing that only happens if you stumble into the wrong situation (solution: be more aware) or pick a fight you aren't in a position to win just yet (solution: less hubris).
Chase
Excellent extensive account
on this.
When I first saw this in your "She must Feel that you're in Control, most important" in the example of asking her out, I thought I must know more about this.
But it's easily misinterpreted as a "hide your banana" deal.
Glad to see an elaboration :)
Re: Boundaries and how to cross them?
Socializing, I realize people have boundaries for different roles.
Ex. Such as Boss and employees, can't hangout outside of work
can be a rule they set.
Ex. No personal stuff while at work among employees is another.
This reminds me of "X dates before sex" in condensed dates.
Good to see everything connects now :)
My question is, anyway getting around these?
If people keep distance, or masks, or boundaries, we can never form that true connection (or not anytime soon at least).
I remember you saying you're good friends with your bosses (in "Kick ass with Guy talk"), well then you must have gotten past that boundary I mentioned above pertaining boss and employee. How did you do it?
Lawliet
Boundaries, and "Let's Go Watch a Movie"
Lawliet-
Glad to hear it on control. You certainly should not be hiding the banana!
The easiest way to cross boundaries is to either operate completely outside of them (e.g., you go to a strip club but never tip and never behave like a customer), or to be so respectful of them that the other party knows he can bend them and it won’t mess things up (e.g., you’re such a damn good, loyal, respectful employee that your boss says “I think I can hang out with this guy and it won’t screw up the chain of command”). That latter depends on an individual who’s confident in himself; I don’t have experience trying to break boundaries with unconfident individuals, and suspect they’d need a different approach, but I couldn’t tell you what.
I’ve never taken a girl to the movie theater whom I haven’t already slept with. So no, I don’t mean to the movie theater.
This might be more of an American norm though (pretty common to say, “Let’s go watch a movie,” in the States and she knows you’re taking her home, possibly for sex). I have had girls tell me overseas that I was the first guy who told them he wanted to watch a movie with them and then took them to his apartment and not a movie theater. Which I found amusing. “I had no idea we would be watching a movie on your tiny laptop screen!” one girl told me (post-sex). lol
Chase
Watching movie invite?
Just one more thing
"Let's go watch a movie" invite...
Is this back to the theatre for some 3D action of deadpool or Finding Dory?
That'll set our goal way back (sex) ;)
(partly joking, partly for clarification)
;)
I remember using this "Let's go watch a movie at your place"
and she says "I only watch movies alone at my place"
Minutes later, she suggests to go to the theater, which I declined.
Movie? Bad! Goes the manto of "Bad dates Chase article"
Lawliet
Financially Independent
Hello Chase,
While reading this article a "ping" came to me. As you said in some of your other articles that you were able to travel extensively to places in the world and stay there for a long time like a few years or so. I am wondering how you can do that, to be able to go to exotic places and stay for a while yet be financially sound. Right now I am a 2nd year college student without much experience in the working field; I would love to do what you do and I wonder how you do it.
Re: Financially Independent
Henry-
For a while, I was not financially sound. At one point, I was $60K in debt with no income source and thought I’d have to quit everything and go back to the U.S. to get a job.
I had a number of businesses I tried out (Girls Chase was among them); most failed and I had to close them and lay people off. Most of my debt came from these failed businesses… Travel is pretty cheap if you’re smart about it (some recommendations toward the bottom of this long article), particularly if you travel off peak days of the weak, look for deals, and stay with friends (or you could use Couch Surfing, I imagine, if you don’t know people).
Eventually I got business working well enough that I did not need to fret about how I was going to pay my bills anymore. But there was a point in 2012 where I almost had to quit everything and go back to 9-to-5. Of the long-term travelers I know, they fall into four camps:
If you opt for English teaching (can make okay money doing this; good money if you pick the right country [Korea is tops in Asia; can make even more tutoring children from wealthy families in the Middle East]), get a TESOL/TEFL certificate before you leave your home country. You can do this for $1000 with classes on the weekends for a month. That + a college degree will get you a job pretty much anywhere except Western/Southern Europe. If you want to teach in Western/Southern Europe, you'll need a CELTA certification, which takes longer and costs mor emoney.
If you opt to do freelancing, entrepreneurship, or just work a 9-to-5 and save money for sabbaticals (or take sabbaticals between undergraduate and grad school, say), check out these posts for some ideas:
And of course there are plenty of other things you can do besides these, too, like learn a skill you can use worldwide (e.g., bartending), take a job that entails traveling (e.g., photojournalism / wildlife photography), etc. Plenty of ways to pull this off if you want to get creative. You've just got to plan around it, then do it.
Chase
Club Game Sticking Point
What could I be doing wrong Chase?
I've been doing club game for 6 years and have not gotten a lay yet, not even a date.
I've tried many different approaches; I've tried grinding, I've tried just having conversation, I tried quick number grabs, deep diving, everything.
Closes I got was talking on the phone and date flakes, mostly the girls never respond to the first text.
I'm lost right now, what can I do to get laid from club girls? I've been doing this for a while and I got 100s of numbers and not even a date, just no responses or flakes.
I would love for you to figure this out for me, my lay count will sky rocket once a break the code.
also, I noticed that I don't dance with girls very long, I feel it's a rhythm thing or something.
it's wierd because I fuck the shit out of these girls and I have good rhythm, but it's different to me than dancing.
How can I grind better with girls?
Thanks
Club Numbers, Business, Burn Out
SZ-
If you’re going for phone numbers, nightclubs are the lowest percentage places to go for these. Trying to get a good phone number in the club is like trying to find a good job by going door-to-door in the hood and asking if anybody’s hiring. There’s a chance, but it’s not a very good one.
Even still, if you’ve taken hundreds of numbers and not one date, there’s something wrong, and it’s probably how you come across when you meet these girls. Even with abysmal, Clueless Boring Questions Guy texting you ought to be able to get a date sometimes. I would encourage you to post field reports to the Field Reports Board on the forum, write them clearly and easy to follow and include as many details, as much dialogue, etc., as you can, and hopefully you will start to get some feedback you can run with.
Failing that, you may just need to sign up for phone coaching:
http://www.girlschase.com/coaching/phone
There’s only so much you can do for a guy from words on a screen, and obviously this isn’t cutting it for you.
I’m ambivalent about writing about business. There are a lot of guys out there a lot more successful than I am who have written about their own journeys, and I think they’d be much more worthwhile to study. Just Google search guys like Neil Patel, Charles Ngo, Anil Sethi, Dan Kennedy, etc.
If you’re burnt out, take some time off, do something relaxing, ideally something creative. Creative stuff always recharges me. Might be different for you; may be a YMMV scenario. However it does seem to work for a lot of people, so I’d at least try it out.
Chase
Burn Out
Coincidentally happened upon a study on burnout:
Burnout is caused by mismatch between unconscious needs and job demands
If we extend this to anything, it's basically, "Here's what I need emotionally. Here's what I actually do. These two things do not intersect."
Figure out what your emotional needs are, and seek to bring what you do in line with them, and you avoid burnout. So goes the research; and I can tell you anecdotally that the most burnout-resistant folks I know are the ones who are most rigid about making sure their emotional needs are met by the things they involve themselves in and commit themselves to.
Chase
How am I supposed to act
All my life I have dressed very nice and wear designer brands. it's not out of being a cocky assume hole or nothing, I just like to dress well and for myself. I never put thought into impressing people at all, I just like nice clothes and can dress.
People put it on me that I'm supposed to be getting good way more girls than I have currently gotten or I should have the best looking woman in the room.
Maybe I'm supposed to be more cocky and arrogant because it looks like I have a lot of money and dress nice, so I should be getting the best girls on the spot.
like I said earlier that my mindset is not affected by my clothes because I have always dressed like this and I guess they come from the mindset of where they were bummy before and now that they have nice clothes, that they can get girls.
anyway, how does one use his clothes to get more girls?
what attitude do I have to adopt to get more girls with my fly clothing?
I guess either they feel girls are supposed to be attracted to me because of my clothes or I'm supposed to be extra aggressive because of how good it dress, which 1?
they make it seem like I can use this to my advantage and I want to know how I can.
thanks
retire In 10 years
chase, after reading your article about being an older man. you said being retired was good. how does one retire so young? basically it would be 10 years of work right? the guy would be in his mid 30s, so how does he achieve this? does he get a high paying, job, business, what does the man do that would retire in 10 years?
also chase, could you tell me a little about how you started your business and how you made it so successful? basically how everything started, your mentors, how long it took to get decent money,etc.
I would like to know your business journey.
I really want to create a business, If it's too much to write. could you make it an article soon?
Tired
I don't know if this deserves an article, but what do you do chase if you're burnt-out?
I've been trying to get better with girls and have been going out a lot, I haven't been getting the success that I desire and it's been a while, now I'm burnt-out
I feel like this is too hard and I just think about all the work I have to do to get laid.
from the pick up, to the date, to the lmr, it just makes me not want to bother with it.
am I making this too hard?
How can I recharge and make things easier?
I also feel lazy with life, I don't know what I'm going through right now, but I don't want to work or anything, I just want to lay down, relax, and sleep all of the time.
I want to stop, any ideas?
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