19 Common Ways Women Object to Men (and How to Beat These) | Girls Chase

19 Common Ways Women Object to Men (and How to Beat These)

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture
women object

It’s frustrating as all get-out when things are going swell with a gal, only for her to suddenly pull out a trick you haven’t seen before and BLAM! You’re blindsided, floundering, and she’s lost interest.

These are commonly referred to as ‘tests’, but, as mentioned in my latest newsletter (which you’ve either received already, or will soon, if you’re signed up for the Girls Chase newsletter), all tests really are is a woman inviting you to flirt.

Flirt well, and her comfort with you goes up. She relaxes... “Ah, okay. This guy really is as cute as I hoped he was.”

The ability to flirt successfully is THE most important part of attraction and seduction... men who can do it succeed regularly with women well above their looks, smarts, and income brackets. Men who can’t struggle to get women with a fraction of their paper credentials.

One component of flirting is the knowledge of how to respond to various themes and patterns you see again and again with girls. That largely comes from experience – you meet enough girls, flirt with enough of them, and you start to see and hear the same objections again and again, and gradually begin to build up a repertoire of responses you’ve cooked up to dismantle these objections.

Before we dive into this one, I recommend reading or rereading these articles, because the base understanding of what is going on is more important for your progress than a handful of memorized responses:

Also, these four, crucial for being able to respond to ‘tests’ in attractive ways:

That done, let’s arm you with some go-to responses for some of the most frequent objections you’re likely to encounter.

IMPORTANT NOTE: when we look at responses below, keep in mind that the type of response depends upon how the objection is delivered. The same words can be used in wholly different ways. For instance, if a woman tells you, “I will never sleep with you,” and she says it in a sexy voice while leaning in and grinning at you, that’s a categorically different kind of objection than if she leans back with a look of disgust on her face, crosses her arms, looks off into the distance, and then says, “I will never sleep with you.”

Comments

Kaelos's picture

Chase, when you wrote, "You’re pretty good at this, which means practice", do you mean I need to practice more if I get this objection? Or that she's thinking I have had a lot of practice? Or that she thinks I'm practicing on her?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Kaelos-

Apologies for the confusion.

Simply meant that she knows if you’re pretty good at this, then you’ve been around the block a few times – you know what you’re doing.

You’re a pro.

Chase

Leo's picture

Great read Chase. The advice in this article definitely reflects my own experience with women regarding overcoming tests. In my mind however I would hesitate to say that flirting is what beats the objections but rather remaining constantly nonplussed and responding with sexual voice tones. (Which I guess you could call flirting, depends how you define it,) which thinking about it presents an interesting question 'what exactly defines flirting?' When I think of a man and women flirting I think of the two of them exchanging banter, with a sexual undertone attached either verbally or physically. However, a lot of the recommendations in this article aren't really banter but fairly matter of fact just stated with sexual body language and voice tones, which going back to my original point seems the key to objections to me. That being, it doesn't really matter a whole lot what you say, but rather how you say it. I am not convinced that a man with top drawer fundamentals, and responding to objections in a very nonplussed sexual way could really say much wrong, unless he says something really stupid of course.

I guess that's it though, the better your fundamentals, and the more nonreactive you appear, the more room you have to say things (even boring things) that an otherwise less attractive man would not get away with.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Leo-

Yeah, comes down to semantics. What does that word mean to you.

The way I’m defining flirting these days is the subtle tug-and-tease between a man and woman. There’s a bit of a probe or push from her, and the man deflects it in a playful, knowing way, or shrugs it off. And then maybe he does it back to her.

If she gives him such a probe or a push or a test, and he takes it at face value and qualifies himself or buys her the drink, say, that isn’t flirting. But if he gives her a smile and a wink and deflects her attempt, to me that’s flirting. Same deal going the other way: if he gives her a light little challenge and she qualifies, kind of kills the fun. No flirting. But if she deftly sidesteps, flirting.

Used this way, almost anything can be turned into flirting, even if she didn’t intend for it to be that – you simply see it as an opportunity to flirt, and flirt with it. By the same coin, women can throw men some really soft pitches for flirting that guys completely miss (and vice versa… nothing lamer than you try and flirt with a girl and she just gives you some matter-of-fact answer; qualifying is cute though).

It’s a somewhat hazily-defined term, however, so you can certainly redefine it however you like. That’s simply how I’m using it here.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

I love how practical this article is. Thanks!
But any rule of thumb (or thumbs) that we can apply to when encountering an objection without a prepared response for ?

I know you mentioned about unreactive as the thing of old for you (somewhere in a comment under relationship article), then what's the way to deal with these while coming up on top (she doesn't lose respect for you)?

Re: Looking back
I thought back about some questions I've asked, some things I did in social interactions, and I'm starting to see why you said my comments show how I'm not socially calibrated. Some things I asked in the past are really "should knows", such as setting expectations, of course it's subtly and not bringing it on the table on first date, etc. (probably best after we slept with her if we really must be explicit). Just imagine a girl coming up to us on first date and suggesting marriage!

Re: Teacher and student / Hierarchy

Speaking of the comment about your observations on my faux pas, thank you for being direct as I asked.

It helps clear the air and makes us stronger. I'll try my best to do my part (albeit may get carried away or oversight, forgive me if that happens)

About the chummy friend tone in my comments, I adapted this more due to my anti-hierarchy mindset. (if you don't mind "bro" ;))

I guess the true core of the problem with my calibration is I don't see hierarchy when I speak with people and see everyone equal with same privilege to speak their mind.
Since I see it as clear communication and no masks in all my interactions (no social polite masks while stabbing you in the back or cursing you at night), I guess I got carried away and a natural friend tone was molded into my comments.
My apologies for that.

What is your take on hierarchy?
Since reading your comment, I've been experiencing cognitive dissonance.
I want to maintain no hierarchy view of the world, (we're all human after all, same flaws, same hardwork to get to where we are),
But the teacher and student has sort of a hierarchy? (Not that I mind it with you, but speaking in general.)
Or even in your group articles (friends, social value, social status), there's a leader. Does that also reflect a hiearchy type of mindset?
It's contradicting to me, how groups have these hierarchy, while I don't see hierarchy but also know that "some people call the shots".
It's making my mind go crazy!

It's like seeing signs of calibration points (where I should act as "lower"), but then ignoring it due to "no hierarchy" mindset.

Should I throw out this mindset? Or how should I tweak it to work along with social calibration?

It's not that I don't intuitively "feel" it...but I ignore it unconsciously (after years of fighting depression).
Might just be the mysterious obstacle in my social and seduction game (ie girls in AR haha numerous!)
Maybe it's time to adjust back to the middle. ;)

Re: Ignoring Dynamics
And... I just realized...how this mindset of mine plays into different dynamics...
Teacher and student is one.
Boss and employee is another.
Friend and friend
Or even family and family.

I just act however I want... (which the only dynamic best for is seduction haha! to an extent)
Ignoring the dynamics...
But at the same time, I worry about limiting myself.
More on that below.

Re: Speaking my mind
As a result of that mindset, I find myself doing "Speaking my mind upfront"
I don't beat around the bush and at times, I hurt others.
I am aware of it though, since I was super empathetic young, to the point of crying every time I think someone's offended.
I forced myself at highschool to college, to not think of it.
Suddenly, I turned into a cold individual as people would say.
But ever since I spoke my mind, I felt so much freer...alive.
It's so much more cleaner... simpler and really sets myself at ease...
Just not holding things inside...it builds...and gets painful to almost imploding my inner bits.

So ... to speak or not to speak?

Re: Empathetic Asshole
Which reminds me a contradicting dichotomy with "Being an asshole" but also "Empathetic and socially graceful"
You support both of these, and at times when events occur for me, I get a little confused if "To asshole or not asshole"...

In being an asshole, we speak our mind and not hold back.
But if it was our boss and other colleagues are there, speaking our feedback about an error our boss committed is a big no. Hence, the contradicting "Asshole" or empathy for example.

Thoughts?

Thanks Chase,
Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

Check out this article:

Secrets to Getting Girls: Addressing Women's Objections

The “throwing back objections” bit should be pretty usable for most of the objections you’ll face if you don’t have a better answer readily available to you.

Great to hear you are “seeing more” – that’s a very good sign!

Here’s my take on hierarchy: I dislike hierarchies and prefer to operate outside of them. However, if there is an imbalance of value between you and another person – say, you want value from this person, but he doesn’t necessarily want anything from you – it’s important to be gracious rather than chummy.

Chumminess is how you communicate equivalent value exchange; it’s a way of saying, “You provide value to me, and I provide equivalent value to you!”

If you are chummy with people you are not providing roughly equivalent value to than you are receiving, it feels incongruent; the communication is that you do not recognize you are not providing equivalent value in return, or, still more likely, that you don’t recognize whatever value the other person is providing you is all that valuable (which is typically insulting to people).

With buddies, it’s good to be chummy, because it reinforces that mutual bond. If you leave off being chummy with a chum, there is a gulf there that is not so comfortable. With bosses, teachers, mentors, police officers, other authority figures, etc., it’s important to be aware of the situation. e.g., drinking with your police officer buddy in the bar, he’s your bro. When a cop stops you on the street to check your I.D. because there’s a robber running around and you match the description, you’re usually better off being respectful and not using bro. Whether you think there’s an equivalent value exchange there or not, he’ll often tend to think of himself as being nice to you and not arresting you as providing more value to you than you handing him your I.D., and acting chummy can almost seem like a provocation to him to revoke that value (“Maybe I should just arrest this guy and put him in the lineup”).

That’s an example of an intuitive social norm that people have varying degrees of sensitivity to. Not everyone follows it intuitively perfectly all the time, though most people are at least somewhat aware of it; and it can get stickier to make the correct call on in some more convoluted situations than others.

There are times when it’s worthwhile to ignore dynamics, but it’s usually better practice to know what you want from someone and whether you can expect to get it from strength of will, by ignoring the dynamic and imposing your frame on them, or whether you are better served by simply not violate social norms. Comes down to “It depends.”

As for speaking your mind, I suggest you read Principles by Ray Dalio:

Principles

It’s all about this.

As for being an asshole, well… an “empathetic asshole” is more or less a genuine man. Which is where you want to get to. Though you will usually need to pass through the unempathetic asshole phase first.

However, probably best to avoid being an unempathetic asshole at work.

Chase

simflip10's picture

Hey Chase,

I have a weird situation & I don't know how to proceed - it's about this one girl (i know no oneitis but still lol)

Background: I have a messed up nose, like not just big & fugly but like really messed up caz it messes up my face, caz I also can't breathe much which creates lines on my forehead caz of sinus clogs. So overally, my face looks scary, mean, fugly, etc. Sometimes people stare at me, double takes, are uncomfortable around me, some repulsed, I get about one instant eww/ughh a day on average. It's like having a minor facial deformity pretty much.

Most girls aren't interested in me or just stare caz of peacock factor you know. I do have good posture, kind of dress nice, the interesting factor caz of my appearance likely but I think most importantly that I think I have high hormone (T) levels. Caz some cute girls are just interested in me instantly, like w/ a sexual/twinkle look in their eyes & Approach Invitations, & from research & ur site, it's the only possible explanation I can think of. Heck I've even had about 3-4 mutual love at 1st sights w/ super cute girls, like on the same angle of my face/nose, w/ in a few hours time, I've gotten an eww & had a mutual love at 1st sight w/ a cute girl. It's weird lol. It's gotta be hormones caz i'm not good-looking at all.

Anyways, so there's this beautiful girl (she seems shy-excited type, which seems just my type , & she looks younger than me (I'm 22) & also seems inexperienced like me (I've never kissed a girl) & she seems like one of those naturally cute girls you mentioned in that one article on them). She volunteers at my local animal shelter and we had a mutual love at 1st sight about 5 months ago.

I've gone intermittently to the shelter over the past four or five months & probably seen her about 4-5 more times & each time, she gives me an approach invitation, she's probably given me all the AIs you listed in your article (the proximity almost each time, the standing there & staring at me like an inexperienced girl would do, the completely open BL just standing there looking at me close up) but I'm shy/awkward & pretend to not notice, go on my phone, etc. which probably keeps her from auto rejection caz it just appears as I never saw her. She's not just pretty & w/ a super sexy undercover body, but she's like radiant to me - it's gotta be hormones lol. Heck she's even taller (5'7") than me (5'6") & prob outweighs me lol. I'm super skinny.

So even tho she's seen my nose, pretty close too sometimes, & my face (like she's even had a scared/staring look a couple times on seeing me & still tries to catch my attention w/ AIs/proximity), I'm just I guess scared of rejection if she gets like super close to me (like up-close face-to-face convo, or kissing, etc.) & then won't be interested in me caz of how I look/the way my face looks. Do you think this kind of stuff is that big of a deal to a girl like this in a situation like this? Also just as big, what if i'm pretty awkward/shy when talking to her, how much do you think it'll matter? Also I'll prob be nervous w/ her/other girls caz i'm inexperienced.

Thing is, once I'm in, I don't think i'd be that bad off. Like before my nose got messed up in late 2014/early 2015, I used to be popular in college, charismatic, good at conversation/deep diving (thanks to you), smarts (top 30 college), & talented at what I did collegiately. So I still have my mind, convo skills, high empathy levels, etc. + probably now the brooding & interesting factor etc. But I just suck at some parts of presentation (appearance/face, ashamed, awkward) & of being uncomfortable w/ myself.

I'm going to get cosmetic surgery for my nose in Sept. but still this girl, & other girls, who seem to give me AI/opportunitites to meet me sort of up close, are here now & I guess I just need some good advice caz I want to try w/ this girl, & maybe a few other cute girls who seem interested in me. What do you think I should do & how do you think this'll go? Any other tips to become less awkward/less afraid of things, just facing fears I guess?

Thanks - Simflip10

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Simflip-

I wouldn’t worry too much about the nose. Maybe some girls don’t like it, maybe some do, but since there’s nothing you can do about it now there’s no sense thinking about it.

If girls like you, then obviously the nose is not a problem for them. Even if they ask you, “So what’s up with your nose?” that doesn’t mean they don’t want to go out with you, kiss you, or go further. We had a guy on here with a concave chest a while back talking about picking up girls shirtless on the beach and saying once he got past the initial fear of women being freaked out by the huge indent in his chest, he realized it was basically no problem: just approach them on the beach, and he did just fine.

I’ve had girls momentarily freak out about various things (e.g., some ugly scars on my shoulders), but so long as you’re comfortable with whatever it is and can just matter-of-factly tell her what the deal is, if she likes you, she won’t even care.

Chase

anony mouse's picture

Finally, something of real meat, instead of mixing all different ways to tell "Just go do it".
There are more topics worth discussing:
- What if she's on her period?
- What if she has a mummy who is concerned with every step she takes?
- What is the proper level of hygiene: where are you smelly and where are you dirty sexy man?
...
and similar ones.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anonymouse-

If she’s on her period: “I’m not scared of a little blood.” If she insists it’s gross, just tell her all the other men she’s been with are pussies if they’ve told her that.

The mother… I don’t know, haven’t dealt with that. If I have a girlfriend who has people in her life monitoring her, I just tell her to handle it and let me know when she’s free to meet up. I’d advise you to do the same… I imagine you can waste a lot of time trying to figure out other people’s business for them.

And the proper level of hygiene: well, it depends on the girl. I’ve had times when I haven’t showered in far too long and stunk to high heaven, and some women seem just magnetically attracted to me. While I’m sure others are repelled, I just don’t know because they aren’t around me. Only thing I can say is test it out and see what sort of results you get – if you reach a level of stink where cute girls gag and flee, you’ve probably discovered the point at which showering is mandatory ;)

Chase

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