5 Tips to Get Over Jealousy | Girls Chase

5 Tips to Get Over Jealousy

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Cody Lyans's picture

In my opinion there are two kinds of jealousy:

  1. The kind you feel out of superficial insecurity, and
  2. The kind you feel out of genuine loss

jealousy

A lot of men feel jealous superficially and confuse it for something genuine. That is easy to fix, you just have to learn to move on. But occasionally some of us who are familiar with moving on get swept into a situation where genuine loss is felt, and no matter how hard we try we just can’t let it go.

In this article I’m going to talk about the second kind of jealousy and getting past the grief that comes with it.

Comments

JJ's picture

Hi Cody,
I broke w/ the ex a year & a half ago, was only with him for 11 months. We drifted apart b/c we both have major issues mine are by far worse and he's 11 years older and looking to get shackled, while I'm not. He's had flings over this time. He never posts photos on IG or anything, but I've people who inform me and provide proof of his endeavors. When I saw him with the previous girls i felt they were compatible with him looks(tattoos) ,(alternative) lifestyle, mutual friends, (extreme) hobbies etc.. Honestly, I was rooting and celebrating for him. As I thought, maybe he'd find the ideal mate he was searching for. Now in the past 7 months he got this maggot in his head of dating a complete bore(I met her once we dislike each other). They're so awkward together, he has only one mutual friend with her, no hobbies in common, completely opposite looks she's close to his age ,but dresses & acts 50, lifestyle couldn't be more different. She's always posting photos of them together on IG, he has never posted one of them together which is not a surprise he never has posted photos of girls. Although, he wanted to post photos of us together all the time, but I only allowed him one w/ me wearing sunglasses as I' wasn't into showing him off on IG. I think he just wants to control her and she's the weak marionette plain type,but what irks me is why didn't he give one of the girls he had more in common with a try. Actually, I know why he's trying to experiment with women that are easily manipulated and naive. It feels like a low blow for him to go from me 7/10 to a 3/10 she puts me to sleep. Shes one of the most boring people I've ever encountered, her life has always been uneventful and she doesn't know what make of herself now that an exciting spontaneous guy is with her. I kind of pity her it's a matter of time before he leaves her and even if she's in her thirties she's very inexperienced and will take it hard. I don't think I feel jealousy as I don't want him back. Never would waste my time by taking him back (he tried briefly), but I've moved on. So when he was with girls that I approved of and were at my level I was cheering for him, but now I feel humiliated that he'd reduce himself to being with a loser. I do know he' frequently asks about me and he gets jealous according to sources. He was possessive and territorial, but if I did another relationship anytime soon which I doubt as I'm an aloof Aquarius that doesn't enjoy restrictions, I'd go for the type I have views, beliefs, lifestyle, hobbies, ideas, friends etc. in common with.

T's picture

Hi,

I read your comment and I suppose you are a woman (are you?) :-).
Interesting comment. But whatever is your question?

JJ's picture

T,
Yes, I'm a female and a fan of girlschase. I don't exactly have a question that's why it's called comments below not questions below lol. I'm just sharing a particular jealousy scenario in general. And would like an evaluation. I like to participate, credit the guys and always appreciate any advice or feedback from any of them. I trust their judgement and evaluations especially, on my behavior. I strangely find it therapeutic to get opinions from professionals as they're neutral plus it's free here. My friends aren't really helpful because as expected they take my side so I don't know if I'm wrong or what exactly I need to make improvements on.
JJ

Cody's picture

First the obvious, it sounds like you might be trying to have it both ways, and that is out of pain.
Second, you are hedging your bets emotionally (which is also a low blow and maybe why he feels inclined to seek a girl he can stick with).
Third, yeah guys have a tough time being aspirational and its a bummer.

But fourth, girls don't always judge it right.
Try to be less "absolute certainty" in painting him the way you do. That doesn't mean getting back together because its obvious he makes you claustrophobic, but most guys just lose it when girls put them in the bind you have, and its not necessarily his fault.

You do feel loss, I can see that, loss of him "getting up on the horse" etc.
But, in my experience girls do that even to me, when I'm perfectly non claustrophobic, so... I can only be honest that girls get this part of things wrong as much as the men.

What do you do when you are both wrong and emotionally connected?
It is a big question, the answer to which I think is about facing fears, rather than setting rules.

Look at it as an opportunity to question your strongly held beliefs withhout swinging to the other side of the fence and think on things. Thinking on things will lead you to generosity and youll start to feel better

JJ's picture

Thanks, your input has cleared my muddled mind some. I've felt like the mechanic that's been holding on to the filthy rag at the hip all the whille wondering why the washed uniform never looks pristine at the start of the shift and I'm ready to burn it for good.

GoodPerson's picture

"love some people unconditionally if they deserve it"
good one!

Slowly but surely 's picture

Superficial insecurity? Is it due to insecurity to oneself? What triggers this kind of emotions and how do you personally get over it. We know it's the feeling is superficial yet we can't help but still feel those jealous feelings. Are we somehow able to eliminate them?

P/S I don't think you guys get enough credit for publishing out all these insightful articles. Stumbling into this website, I have to say is the best investment one could take

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