The Ultimate Guide on How to Get a Girl Back | Page 4 | Girls Chase

The Ultimate Guide on How to Get a Girl Back

Chase Amante

Hey! Chase Amante here.

You've read all the free articles I can offer you for this month.

If you'd like to read more, I've got to ask for your help keeping the lights on at Girls Chase.

Click a plan below to sign up now and get right back to reading. It's only 99¢ the first month.

Already a GirlsChase.com subscriber? Log in here.

Chase Amante's picture

how to get a girl backThe most frequent email I get from readers is of the very gracious, magnanimous variety, with readers reaching out to say thanks for writing your blog, your book, etc., and sharing perhaps some of the successes that have come from, in part, applying what they've learned from my materials.

But hands down the second most frequent email I get is the one that reads something akin to this:

Hi Chase, I've been reading your site and I wish I'd come across it sooner. You see, there's this girl I like, and I guess I didn't move fast enough with her, because now she's cold and distant and I don't know what to do. Is there anything you can recommend I do to turn it around?

I get about 2 or 3 of these emails a week. And as traffic to this site continues rising, I'm confident the number of them coming in will only increase.

And I commiserate. I've been there lots of times; watching a girl you really liked shut down and go cold on you when formerly it seemed like she was yours for the picking is maddening, gut-wrenching, and about as big a sucker punch as you can get. It's awful.

So, I want to lay it down here today, for all those guys out there pulling their hair out like I used to -- a complete guide on how to get a girl back.

Comments

Cuivienen's picture

I'm quite new to this site and I'm just getting started. Just to introduce myself a bit i'm a second year university student and from New Zealand.

Anyway...there's this girl in a class I'm taking I've been thinking about going out with for a while. I decided last weekend not to bother with her anymore as she's been distracting me and i've been obsessing over her, but blow me down this morning she started eye flirting with me and then came up and started hitting off a conversation before the next class.

I was pretty stunned by this, especially because she seems quite shy, but it was bad timing because I was busting to go to the toilet and couldn't hold on for much longer...but yeah I introduced myself, asked her her name and stuff, we talked a bit about what we were supposed to be doing (test tomorrow) and then where she came from, it turns out her home town is very near to my mum's.

But the conversation dropped as I had to exit. I just went lol, but then afterwards came back and said sorry, make a joke about it and asked her if she wanted to have lunch with me. She said she had to go back to her hostel and study. I thought "bullshit" but didn't have time to persist.

Anyway I am not sure what to do from this point. I don't get many girls taking interest in me, so I'm worried about letting an opportunity slip past.

Should I persist with her or not? If so, how can I do it?

Anonymous's picture

Hey Dude, thanks for all the advice. I am pretty good at game and picked up a rockin chick. For six months we went out and I played a little hard to get and didnt give her so much attention. I also slightly over negged her and eventually she felt unwanted and underappreciated and left.
I quickly realised I had gone overboard and really wanted her around and give it a fresh start.
I followed the first rule of ex recovery and agreed with the breakup then gave her two weeks no contact. She was happy to arrange a meet up when I texted her and we hung out. My plan was to keep the meeting short and positive and arrange another get together later on in the week. But wouldnt you know we had a few beers and started talking a lot about the relationship, constructively, and ended up in bed together and having breakfast all very cosy.
So what do I do now man? I let her use me...I never asked her to come back but I did say I knew it would have to go extremely slowly if we got back. She said she was ready yet and that she needed to become more positive about herself.
Do I satrt no contact again? I have another date this week which I know will help but whats the plan for my ex?
Thanks a lot

MM's picture

Chase:

So I'm back in the early stages of trying to get this girl back. I know, I know ... tough sledding.

Anyway the timing of my last approach was premature, and I think I came across as too much Mr. Nice Guy, so it's time to follow the playbook to reverse that. Sounds like a 2-step process ... first, follow the playbook and do the opposite of what killed the buzz. No problem. Now here's my question ... since I see her so rarely, and in a semi-public place, I think I may need some bold comment or suggestion to get her back. In other words, if the odds of success are low to begin with, why not go for the Hail Mary at the opportune moment to demonstrate that I have much more a high sexual quotient than she thought. What about this ... when she gives me any opening about how I seem different, or don't come around as much as I used to, whatever, why not say something like "you know, I think you're much more interesting than the friendly small talk we had last time, which is all that will happen when I see you here." Hold her gaze for a moment, maybe even with a wry smile on my face, and then move on. Maybe even say "I'll call you" as I end the conversation and leave her with that thought.

Your thoughts?

Best
MM

Anonymous's picture

First of all, great article. I'll definitely keep this in mind as I am trying to get back with this girl. The story is basically, we were going to go out to a club one night (we were friends at this point), but she felt sick so I decided to go over to her place with medicine to take care of her. One thing led to another and I ended up kissing her, she responded well and we decided to give it a try. 2 weeks later, she tells me that it is not working, that although I do make her happy, I am becoming more of a burden (We both suffer from depression). She is tired of my passive aggressiveness (which is unintentional, but I do realise that I have done it and I am working on fixing it). She says she doesn't want to try anymore (also during the 2 week relationship, she kept telling me that she doesn't deserve me and that I am too nice to her). We got tickets to a metal concert that is happening in 2 weeks, and we are still planning to go see it together. I think until then, I will just not talk to her and hope she will miss me. Is there anything specific I can do to win her back?

Mike's picture

So Chase...the site is awesome...need some advice.....So I dated this girl for about 2 months...pretty intense. Date, kiss on first date...bed on 2nd date, closed deal on 3rd.

Over next 6 weeks had what I thought was a very advanced/intimate relationship. Talking multiple times a day, even talking about future together. Actually met some family and friends of each other. After 8 weeks, out of no where, she calls and says she needs to take a step back (she was have some personal issues with her ex, kid&divorce.) Said her life is too crazy right now to have a relationship...her divorce was going to be final the following week.

So I don't text her for a week...after a week, we start exchanging texts again, about one a day. General small talk, family updates, work updates. Last Saturday night, she really starts burning up my phone too. Finally get her on the phone last night for over an hour, great conversation, laughing joking, etc.....I ask her out, but she turns me down and doesn't offer any alternative. However she also says "it isn't like I'm dating/seeing someone, just going out for drinks and dinner with the girls after work.

What gives? I am totally into this girl, upside down crazy for her and she just is playing so hard to get? Suggestions? Thanks

Anonymous's picture

Chase I am your Biggest fan from India. You should write for Indian Girls too. You are awesome...!!

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase, I'm new to the site and have been reading up on some of your articles in hopes to better understand women and improve my interactions with them, particularly with this one girl.

This particular case is kinda odd, because I've known this girl for a little over a year now instead of something new. I met her at a party being held at her house (not by her, but by a mutual friend) and she's freaking out about trying to keep her house in one piece. I asked if she needed help and we started talking. We really hit it off, I got her number and I even spent the night at her place along with a few others because my ride ditched me. We started texting and ended up going on a couple of dates in couple of weeks.

The problem is, during the time period in which I met her I was having a seriously hard time getting over a my ex-girlfriend and at the same time was trying to get back together with my ex and she knew this. In addition, she apparently didn't want to be in a relationship with anybody since some real crazy shit went down with her ex two or three years ago and hadn't dated since. When I started to move forward with her, she would always counter with asking me about my ex-girlfriend. In respects to her, she probably didn't want to just be a rebound which makes sense but it was still shit ass confusing at the time on who I really had feelings for because she gave me mixed signals. She and I held hands, cuddled, etc. but then she'd say things like "this is not a date" or go cold on me only to return.

This continued for the rest of the year with things pretty much staying the same. She ended up being my Prom date and at this point I was completely over my ex who was now trying to get me back at any means possible. I tried to move forward with her again after Prom, but she ended running away from me at one point making the rest of the night just a bit slightly awkward. The next morning after I drove her home I was straight with her and said that I wanted to be more than friends with her but I understood and respected if she didn't want to and that I didn't expect anything from her. She seemed really happy after that and wanted to continue to see me.

We eventually went to different colleges at the end of the summer and I heard from her rarely if at all. A random snapchat or text or skype call here and there, nothing super major. I've seen and dated a few girls since then but nothing major or serious. About a month ago I randomly gave her call on a whim just to see how she was and we ended up talking for a long time before she had to go study for finals. After that, she and I started texting every day and she would constantly talk about how she wanted to see me and hang out a lot over the summer, visit me at work, go hiking together, being really flirty, etc.

I still have class so it makes it a little hard for our schedules to line up but she asked me if I was free two Wednesdays ago since she didn't have work. I was free so we met up and it went really well. There were a few events going on around campus and I got to show her some while catching up. I eventually moved her back to my apartment where she suggested we watch a scary movie. We were cuddling and I was getting positive feedback so I decided to try to move her to my room when my roommate and some of our friends showed up randomly and kinda killed the mood. She asked me if there was anywhere around where she and I could finish the movie alone but everywhere was either closed or taken due to midterms/finals. We ended up finishing the movie in the corner with headphones and I saw her off without anything happening. I totally spaced and didn't even try to kiss her (totally regretting that now.)

I was supposed to see her again the following Friday, but she had work. Furthermore, I invited to come with me to the beach with some friends on Sunday where I was going to move her away from everyone and try to make up for Wednesday, but she ended up getting in a car crash and said she'd talk to me later. She never got back to me and I was slightly worried although she seemed okay. I waited a day before checking in on her with a quick text. No response. I was in town a couple days later so I thought I'd go visit her at work which I know see was kind of a bad idea since it was unexpected but she wasn't working that day (although I assume a coworker told her I stopped by).

It's been a week now and she's still gone cold on me. I don't know if she's mad at me because I didn't move quickly enough or if she was even genuinely interested in the first place and just liked the attention. Or if she's just busy and hasn't gotten back to me. The last time I talked to her about relationships she said she was open to them if she found the right guy so I don't think she's opposed to the idea of a relationship like she was before. I've tried to focus on other girls and not worry about it, I've gotten a few new numbers and such, but I keep thinking back to her. I was wondering what you think, should I try to call her and be nonchalant or should I just give her some space? I mean, I've also considered just striking her up as a loss and moving on, which I've done so in the past but she seemed to be really interested in me this time around so I don't know what to do.

Sorry for the super long essay, but I'm kinda just really confused what to do about this whole thing. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Glen's picture

Hi chase

I split up with my girlfriend five months ago, we were together 6 yrs on and off. This time she ended it saying she didn't fancy me, love me and there was no chemistry. I thought everything was ok but not great due to me goin through redundancy and losing my job so times were stressful for me. but I got another job quite quick then the bombshell. I was heart broken as Ive always done my best for her and my children maybe I put her on a pedestal. I thought not again after all the promises and future plans we made together. We have 3 kids together which i see as much as possible but i have to see them at hers due to my living arrangements. Im always getting mixed messages from her like she will flirt and touch me joking about then it's as tho she don't care and is really cold towards me. Then ask me to be honest if I start seeing anyone else then it's I don't care wot your doin I'm not interested. She wants me to go on holiday and have family outings with her and the kids and do things together as it's good for the kids etc (feeling used) I don't no. She says she don't belive me or trust me but I've never gave her any reason not too. We have had lots of rows in the last 5 months then we get along again, had a week away as a family within this five months aswell which was separate rooms may I add, she knows how much she means to me but she says she will hide her feelings if they come back and ignore them. I don't beg her to be with me and I always look after myself (workout, dress well etc) really just looking for some really good advice on how to get her back.
Cheers Buddy

Slick Rob's picture

Hey guys, I'm here because I need help with this girl. Okay the story is I first talk to this girl about two years ago. I was into her and she was really into me. I wanted to take her out but she said I had to go to her house and meet her family because of her parents. At the time (in my head I'm like, I don't want to do this) but I said okay I'll do it. She was surprise that I said I would do. Its almost like she was testing me to see if I would get scared off by that, but anyway I ask for her address and she give me it. I asked her when does she want me to come to her house. She then told me that if I want I could go there right now but she alone . (I know this is a sign that she wanted the D but at the same time I know I cant just go to her house like that because I had to make an impression on her parents in order to take her out or if I wanted something serious with her.)

So I said no I cant go right now.( That was when it went downhill. I knew I should have just gone) She started acting distance and making excuses for me to not take her out anymore. It worked because I was so furious at the time that I stop talking to her for a good while. Over the next two years I just make a few small talk with her here and there over text. While talking to other girls Of course.

Now the present.... on 6/17 out of no where she wanted to talk to me on the phone just because over text I told her I was on the phone with another girl. (If I knew that's all it would have took to get her to stop acting distance, believe me I would have done it long time ago)

I made plans with her to take her out this Friday 6/27 (Trust me, I know your suppose to move fast but with my schedule and her schedule it was the closest date I could get). Until then we talked on the phone and texted each other. I thought things were going great until she started to text one word texts like "oh" "cool" "okay" and being quite on the phone. (I'm like how do you go from talking most of the time to barely at all). I called her out on it on the Saturday that just pass.(I know that was a bad move but man I was pissed) Realizing what I done I immediately tried to make it seem like its my fault she acting like that. She didn't text me back for the rest of that day and I sure wasn't about to call.

I was so pissed that I went searching on the web to find out what I was doing wrong. That's when I found this site. This site is like a Bible for picking up girls. Each article is like a testament. Now I see what I've been doing wrong with her and every girl that I talked to for that matter but back to my current problem. My problem is I haven't talked to the girl since Saturday so its been a day and a half. I been giving her space. My question is should I be giving her space? If I should be then how much space should I give before talking to her? since you know the date we planned is coming up REALLY SOON.

competition's picture

If youre the previous ex bf before the next guy became an ex and youre with her more constantly now both are working to get her back making 2 ex's trying to win her, any insights on how you can win?

Thanks

lost her with too much pampering's picture

Hi, Chase your article is amazing. It helped me to look at things from different perspective. I love this girl truly. She use to stay at my house on 1st floor as tenant with her family, but we didn't talked or flirted than eventually a year and half back she moved in her own house. In February this year we started chatting on watsapp and gradually the sparks started flying. We started knowing each other well. I fell in love with her in couple of months after that. We mostly chatted on phone and use to meet now and then in a week. I did all kind of crazy things for her. I pampered her too much as i loved her some of them like i travelled 2000 kms to just wish her happy bday. I moved from our city to a different 3 months back to pursue my MBA. Our chatting continued and i always use to come in couple of weeks to meet her even if that was for 15 minutes. I treated her like a princess always in these 6 months. She is 20 yrs and i am 26. She always said to me that she haven't seen anyone like me and that she likes me but never use to call herself as my girlfriend although she chatted and behaved like one always. She said that i am the first boy whom she have made this much effort to meet and talk. Now we have been into this for almost 7 months. Whenever i tried to say to her to be my girlfriend, she said that she don't want to get into relationship now as she don't know herself why. Yesterday when i came in my city again to meet her she said that she cant meet me this time and will meet me soon when she wants to again, i found it very rude and when tried to convince her she rejected it again. She said she will meet me when she feels like and is not sure when after that i didn't chatted with her till evening then she texted me why you are not replying fast enough as i always use to do, she got angry and stopped texting back, i haven't replied to her after that too, coz i believe she has started taking me for granted lately as she kept denying my request or would try to postponed them to meet her. She is not into any other relationship. I haven't played games with her in our time together and pampered her always. Now how to get her back? should i stop texting her now before her comes first? please help me get her back as i truly love her.

Love Triangle's picture

Hi Chase, great article. I am not sure how to apply it specifically to my situation.
Here is what happened; I met this girl in the Fall in my law class. She was fine, pretty and nice. She sat down beside me one class and helped my highlight key parts of my notes. After class I tapped her on the shoulder and asked her for her number. She gave me it and then we texted a lot, so much so that my girlfriend got jealous. I met up with this girl once to briefly study, we had a good chat and she really seemed to have fun. She offered me cookies for the next class. We planned to meet again to study, this time she was bringing me some cake that she had from a party for one of her friend's new born first birthday. I started to cave under pressure to my girlfriend and told her that she was giving me baked goods and my girlfriend said this girl obviously like you. I felt guilty about meeting her again at school- I think this meeting would have turned into a 'hang-out' date, as we both messaged in the morning before meeting about showering and getting dressed. However, I felt a hesitancy about meeting her because of my girlfriend. On the girl's way there she asked if I wanted a coffee, I didnt text back. I left reluctantly (reluctantly because I realized i really liked her but I also realized I invested a lot in my girlfriend and felt conflicted). So, I showed up 1 hour late. She texted 'you know I left already'. my phone died, and so I messaged her on a text app on my ipad. I tried to resolve her anger and let her know that its ok if she is mad, and that I will make it up. She said she ate the cake and not to be late again. So I am still in- but I have been pushing it. We then planned to meet soon to study for the exam. During the week we texted and she hinted that Santa would have a gift for me after the exam. This one I didnt tell my girlfriend. Before the last class, she texted me and asked if I was going. I said yes. But then that night I decided to google her for the first time. I discovered she was a sorority girl, and even though she was arab muslim- she drank wine. Now, she was like a Kim K, awesome ass, not an overtly religious person. But her character seemed good. This is important to note because I didnt want to just bed her. I wanted to her to possibly replace my girlfriend. But learning that she may not be of as good character as a I thought (yes I know I placed judgements and made assumpitions) I decided that there was too muchat stake for me to risk it with my girlfriend. So I slept in the next morning. She texted me angry saying why didnt I tell her I wasnt coming. She started talking about how I let her down since I said I would come but didnt. So she asked another guy to study with both of us. I felt like this guy meant nothing to her, but it was her way of punishing me during exams and if I passed the test, then it would go back to normal. But I didnt like that fact that she did this and I blew up on her over text. We argued about trust, she said she liked me but that we would have to study like she directed and that if I liked her I should trust her for looking out for me. I felt jealous and responded angry. I didnt like being told what to do, I was the man, I was not going to be commanded by a girl, espeically one who raised the concern of my girlfriend, to tell me what to do. So in a fit of anger, but relaly in a coded way to push her away (because if I didnt think she was gf material I didnt want to bed her), I said 'fu*k you' and called her a 'rotten bit&h'. She said you cant talk to me like that and instead of backtracking, I went harder and told her to 'take a hike' to which she promptly blocked me. I thought maybe I should apologize but decided not too. Before the exam (two weeks after the incident), I saw her sitting down and she stared at me as I walked. I thought of approaching her but became defiant/I had to still cram a bit. So I walked passed. I tried to re-commit to my girlfriend and get that return on investment (2.5 years of being together), but things we unraveling. So I decided to call it off with my girlfriend after graduation (at graduation I was hoping to see this girl but she stayed at school for the summer term before applying to law school). So once I got a new phone and number I decided to reach out to her in august. I called and left a voicemail. Then I texted too and said I wante dot talk to her. I left messages and text for a week. Then I was more direct, I told her I ddint want to apologize over text but that I needed her to accept my apology. After some texting, she said 'apology accepted, hope everything is well, goodluck!'. I felt like she was dismissing me. So I tried to call and text some more over a week and tried to get small commitments out of her, like can oyu let me know about this, texting is impersonal, can we meet once etc. I tried to use small commitments to get her invested but she ignored them. She then said 'stop contacting me, I have nothing to say to you, I cannot make this anymore clear. Moving on.' (I heard she got accepted to a law school in the UK, so maybe the whole new chapter of life thing was making it easy for her to be happy and start anew). I was about to call the whole effort off, but decided one last ditch effort and explain to her that I insulted her not because I didnt like her but because I did and that I was confused. I said this in about 300 words. I wanted to send it as a letter, but didnt trust she would read an email. So I sent it in a series of texts and did the big reveal: I thanked her for showing me there were nice girls out there and that it gave me the boost I needed to break up with my girlfriend and not settle. The last thing I said to her was a few days after that 'spam letter text' and asked 'nothing to do with me? what do you mean?". she hasnt replied. She is still in town but may leave any day now to the UK if she is going to do law school this Fall, unless she changed her mind and plans to apply to other schools. I don't know what to do. I tried small committments, I know a bit about that theory. I feel like I screwed up on two fronts- I insulted her, and then me trying to get her back looked needy. I also tried to get compliance and make commands. Right now I am giving her some cooling off time. How should I apply the steps going forward ? I feel like she is committed to ignoring me. She once said to me 'don't screw up next time because I will go all arab on you and you will be dead to me'. I'm not sure what that entirely means, but it sounds like if I get on her bad side, I dont stand a chance. Help me outChase, I really think this girl is special but I feel like even if I get a meeting with her, it will take a Herculean effort to get her back on track.

Anonymous's picture

so i basically waited to long to approach...and now she's cold. this girl was really into me, but when i appraoched she rejected me point blank...she said she has a bf, and that she doesnt think it was a good idea,btw the entire time i spoke to her she couldnt look me in the eye and basically tried to get as far away from me as possible. i've been reading your articles for a while, so i want to know from u personally if i should persist or move on? p.s im in college and she's in my class

Joshua Flahive's picture

Hey how's it going I came across your post today I could not stop reading it I have a problem maybe you could help me out I've been married for thirteen years to my kids mother whom passed away last year I have not played the dating game for along time. A few months ago I started talking to this girl we hit it off well at first I would see her everyday at the corner store so one day I decided to ask for her number she gave it to me to me and we stayed talking I've seen get a few times the first time we went out she came up and hugged me I was taken back by it but I did not show it so before we reached the door to the restaurant I went in for a kiss and that's when she hit me with it she has a baby daddy and would not kiss me so I was like OK my bad so months go by we still talked everyday on the phone texting or at her place of work but recently she put up her wall and I'd been hard to figure her out she tells me she is having problems at home and she does not want to talk about it I've become really attached to her now bad I have feelings for her and now I've scared her away she said I was being possessive and I still don't see how I was and note we don't talk hardly anymore other than the occasional text sing hi how are you can you tell me how to get my swagger back and communicate with her again?

Tyler C's picture

Loved the article first of all, great job.

Alright, so, for my situation, I liked this girl- a loot. We are both in band, and someone found out that I liked her. So he went up and talked to her and told her straightforward I liked her. So now, she knows. I have tried before this to talk to her, but I got too nervous to even move, and I kind of made it obvious beforehand. Before I made it obvious that I liked her, she used to always look at me often, and focused on me and was shy whenever we were around each other. After it became obvious, all of it stopped. Now, she doesnt like any other guy in the school, so this must mean that, like you said, made me too easy to get.
The guy who went up to tell her is one of my good friends. The girl I like has a friend that he is going out with. So, he is talking to both of them, his girlfriend AND the girl I like. He tries to bring me in the situation when both of them are around, but I freeze up, and try to avoid the situation.

I kinda think I made myself too fragile and too easy to rely on/get, and that I made it too obvious. So what exactly should I do? Oh, and I already told her how I felt- over the phone. She said she liked someone else, but I know she's just playing hard to get because I ALWAYS see her alone. So for me, what can I do? Make her jealous? Pretend that I forgot about her? I need some sort of way to make her actually want me and that I changed, not nervous anymore, and tougher. Basically like some way to make me ready, because I obviously wasnt before.

Thanks!!

vipul's picture

what if the girl after the breakup is telling that she is not ready for relationship and still pinging , talking and sharing all her close thoughts and keep me informed whatever things she is doing . the only thing she is saying is that she wants me as a friend in her life a very close friend whom she can depend onto and meanwhile she is very attached to me and cant let her force not talk to me . in this case what should i do ? As i want her anyway in my life . and meanwhile i am giving her space . what should do to get her back please guide ?

Lover's picture

I know this is a huge wall of text, but it's a good puzzle

Had a summer relationship with a girl who was going to be a senior in college 7 hours away. I'm 3+ years older than her. We spent a ton of time together over 2.5 months and I've never been so close to a girl. We have a lot in common emotionally and hobby/taste wise.

Most of it was great, she thought I was a player at first. I'm not a player at all, although I am probably a league above her. I tried to get an open relationship going near the beginning and she was really put off by it. I was at a point where I wanted to have a relationship over sleeping around with other women because I recently was sleeping around before I met her. Eventually I tried to become exclusive with her. We ended up being on and off a few times so we stopped being exclusive. She wanted to control the status of the relationship she said.

I was dealing with a lot at the time and I didn't give enough attention to her every now. She would not hang out every time this happened until I saw her at the gym where we both train. I had to explain myself every time and she would seem angry. and then and when I would see her at the Gym where we both train I would make up with her and she would seem angry and then things would work again. I thought I was going to move away and was unsure about my future. I also was in the middle of figuring out my purpose.

She viewed me as very controlling and I had nearly all the power in the relationship. I have some baggage myself so I can't say I acted perfectly all the time. I rejected her right before she went to college because she didn't want to hang out that weekend and I thought she lost complete interest. We made up before she left and spent the last 2 days together the whole time.

When she got to college she was telling me things like "my hearts falling out of my chest when I thought you were moving across the country, etc" I'm into making videos so I had recorded a lot of the cool moments we spent together. I made a little video with her and it included funny parts, cool parts and a little bit of romance. She loved the video and showed everyone. She texted be probably 3x as much as I texted her back. "I thought you were ignoring me, oh my goodness!" The last thing that happened was a video Skype date 2 weeks with her in college. At first she showed me her rommates and was happy and then eventually started acting sad.

The next day she said she wanted to go out with a guy she met recently and see what he was like. I was like "whatever floats your boat" trying not to sound jealous. 2 days later she has a facebook official BF and "he's the love of my life I'm so happy." I called her to see what the deal was. She said her heart was so happy etc. She seemd disconnected to me the whole time. I was like "why did you do this" over and over? She said she was sorry and didn't expect it. I told her when it hit her she would have to appologize to me because she was clearly numb. I ended up deleting her from facebook.

I was really hurt for a long time and sank into deep depression as other things in my life kept snowballing. Recently I figured out my purpose and everything personally has gotten better. There are a ton of girls that I see regularly and I can get many of them. The thing is I'd rather get back together with this girl, even though the other girls are more physically attractive.

So 60 days later after no contact I wrote "tragic email" over Facebook after reading advice on this site. She's still Facebook official with her BF, I know nothing else thats going on with her. She will be back for winter break in 1.5 months.

I've read a ton of information on this site regarding escalation windows, auto rejection, social proof and a ton more. After diagnosing my problem I figured the issue was I stopped giving her what she needed and seemed like I didn't care. I also think it was related to the tragedy of her leaving. The thing is... when we saw each other during the summer she would sleep over for 3 days at a time. We got as close to sex as possible and did other things, but she is a virgin and she thinks things going in it hurt and only likes masturbating on the outside. I was fine with that because sex hasn't been pleasurable for me recently compared to blowjobs.... We did a lot of that. She didn't like when I tried to finger her. The last time I talked to her she said I was controlling. Like I said she would stay over for a long time and she briefly would mention other guys and flirt with other guys at the gym in front of me. This makes me think she was also bored with me at times???

To sum it up I feel like all 3 of the girl leaving you issues occurred at the same time, with the "boring" one being last. On facebook I ended up adding a ton of social proof and showed me with a girl I did stuff with on halloween (the day after sending the tragic email).....

Btw the email clearly stated I found my purpose and tried to get her to understand I was unable to give her what she needed at the time because of all I was dealing with and that it was a shame she was so far away now. I almost completely followed your instructions for how to write the email with the right tone, not chasing and showing how she missed the "stock price increase" by a small window. When I spend enough time editing, I am very good at getting my point across when writing content.

So far it's been several days and she hasn't responded, but facebook verified she's read it. I"m not sure if I went over the top on making her jealous or if I completely misdiagnosed the issue...

I'm not sure what to do with this situation. On one hand I can get a lot of other girls, but I think this girl would be a great girlfriend for at least a year or 2. I haven't found many other girls I've actually wanted to grow, learn and be with for an extended period of time.

Appologies for the poor organization.. It's really late here and this is keeping me up. I need some sleep.

=/
I'd appreciate some help man!
I'll be happy to talk in more depth about the issue, I just really want to nail this one right. I think she's a good choice for my future should we actually enter a commited relationship. She is the good girl type who would do anything for someone she loves. She's already given me more compliance than many, many other girls. Once again our hobbies, personalities and lifestyles align pretty well.

Another issue is she has a ton of male friends and seems to have had no real long relationships just like me. Our communication isn't the best either. She is a little immature at times, but has a deeper level that I see and will be growing soon.

Anonymous's picture

Hi bro,
I really need your help in this one. Please do reply to this i will really appreciate that. I love this girl from the bottom of my heart. We were in a relationship where she wasn't saying verbally that she is my gf but she use to talk like one. She is 20 and i am 26. She always use to say to me that she is not ready for relationship. But some days back i said something to her jokingly which she took on her heart. I tried to convince her that i didn't meant it and just said out of joke. It made me misty eyes when i was apologizing to her on phone so to make her believe that i was truly sorry i send my crying pic to her that made matter worse. After that she said she didn't liked all that me sending a crying pic. After that her behavior changed drastically!!! Now she is not talking romantically to me which she use to a week back. She is saying give me some time to overcome that incident. She says she forgot about it but her behavior is not the same. Please tell me how can i gain her confidence back. I really do want her back and this time i want to make sure she becomes my gf too.
Thanks.

Anonymous's picture

Cam someone help me out I need to get my girl back. We first met almost five years ago and I knew we had a connection. For the first time we got together it was great but suddenly she says to not call her anymore. So I don't contact her for about four or five months and she contacts me. After talking for a while we decided to give it another shot. I had some complicated things going on in my life so I had to go away for about four months when I left it was good between us we wrote letters to each other for the first to months but then she stopped writing back. Once I came back I gave her a call but she said she was dating someone else that she couldn't get rid of because of how he was she has it was easier said than done even though she tried to leave him he would still bug her. Well almost three years later she contacts me on Facebook and we start talking I found out that guy and her had a kid but they were not together anymore. The guy treated her bad and to top it off he was a drug addict. When we started talking she would tell me stuff like she always knew I was the one. She said I was always on her mind while dating the other guy. She even mentioned that she brought me up a few times to the guy and he ended up beating her. Well we were together for a while but all of a sudden she completely got me out of her life she blocked my number she deactivated and blocked me on her Facebook. Last time we spoke she said that she saw no future with me. I have a job I pay my bills and everything I'm the complete opposite to the guy she was dating why would she think that. Anyways I want to if I still have a chance to get her back or is it done for good. Thank you for your time I hope to get some feed back soon.

danny's picture

This really rings true right now, I have been flirting with a girl for a few months, getting to know her and building quite a bit of chemistry. She works at a coffee shop I go to work on my computer. She had a boyfriend at the time, we met, who was shitty, manipulative and distant. We talked a lot and as soon as they broke up we said we should hang out, texted and flirted a lot more than previously, but she was always aloof about hanging out. In an attempt to show here I was not the kind of shitty guy she had been dating, I told her outright how I feel, that Im not the kind of guy to play games, or try and play the field, and she has been pulling back more. It seems like I came on to strong, and now she feels either disinterested or like she can have fun and Ill just sit there and wait.

In our last conversation, which did not go great (she didnt get mad, just wasnt as forward as normal) we actually talked frankly, said we were both interested in each other, but then she brought up just getting out of a relationship, always hanging out with friends etc. so, expressing both interest and disinterest at the same time

would be interested to hear thoughts.

Silk's picture

AGAIN! Where you 4 months ago, Chase?!? :)

Phone folley's picture

Hey Chase -

Thanks for the column! I was in a relationship for the last three months of 2014. I was taking it slow and cool. We saw each other one time a week, started sleeping together after second or third date, and the sex was indescribably out of this world, as expressed by both of us. We would have sex 2 - 3 times a night whenever I stayed over.

After about 6 weeks she said "I love you," which sort of shocked me but I was cool with it and said it back. By about the 8th week she unexpectedly told me she had ideas of wanting to go to Vegas and get married. This was me in the past, but here it was her saying things too soon, but I was chill with her comment and I continued to play it cool. At her invitation the amount of time we spent together increased; I met her kids; we spent Thanksgiving together; and we were tight.

Then a couple weeks before Xmas, I had a one week bout of insecurity and pulled some dumb ass moves. She was driving and asked me to text her daughter. To that point I'd never had ANY interest in her cell phone. I'd been drinking, and while texting her daughter I noticed a text from a guy, and I went into it and read it (there was nothing there that was bad). I wasn't sure if she'd noticed and I played it off (I didn't say anything because I felt like a total jerk and was really embarrassed over my actions), a week later I'd found out she did notice and she called me on it.

That same week, I made a comment following THE BEST session of sex I've ever had that wasn't harsh at all but needy. It was so pathetic I can't bring myself to share it here.

Those were the two major screw ups.

We talked about it the following weekend a couple times after she brought it up, I owned what I'd done, apologized, and we had makeup sex, but then she told me she needed some space. I was okay with that, but perhaps a bit bummed and I suppose nervous because we were supposed to spend Xmas eve and morning together. I had a few extra things at her house I took with me as I thought I was going to get dumped, which I found out later irked her.

I texted her Tuesday morning before Xmas, and she didn't respond. Then I called her that night. She said she didn't respond to my text because she didn't know what to say. She asked me what I wanted. I told her I was really into her and wanted to continue seeing her. When I asked her the same question, I got a long pause, and she said I don't know what I want and I don't know what to say.

Nervous and feeling vulnerable, I sort of abruptly said, "well, let me know if you figure out what you want, and I'm going to move on" and hung up.

I've mostly played it cool since. She called me the afternoon of New Years Eve; we spoke and had light hearted conversation; she was headed out of town to visit a friend in Boston, and I sincerely wished her to have fun.

About a week later I texted her; she responded; again light hearted; and I suggested dinner the following weekend. She said she was going out of town, and I said okay, cool, have a good time and meant it. At this point with the holidays over I was feeling a lot less tense, more confident, and back to normal.

I've not been calling her at all or making any regular attempts to text her, or chase her at all. I'm focusing on taking care of myself and my life as I have TONS going on with my job and I'm about to move.

My life won't be back to "normal" probably for another couple weeks.

My plan is to not contact her again and let her reach out to me. I don't say that out of pride or bitterness or an interest in playing games. I just figure if she's interested in me she'll simply call me.

Question is, am I wrong with this approach? Other than move on with my life and focus on forgetting about her and taking care of myself, am I foolishly missing something? Should I be doing something else? We're still friends on Facebook, and neither one of us posts much, but I probably do more than her. We're not in the same town so it's not as though I run into her at all.

While I was really into her, I'm also tired of beating myself up over my mistakes, so I'm just focusing on moving forward. Note, the phone incident was totally isolated; I'd never done that with anyone before and never will again.

Thank you!

Anonymous's picture

I just met this girl through a friend of mine and post that day the very next day all three of us went out for a concert, she was flirting a too and gave me clear signs to that she was into me , we already exchanged numbers and started texting each other but not that often, this female is very conservative and heavy headed with a lot of attitude ,sos yes she does come under the Low- social status category

she had a fight with friend who introduced us and she talked to me about this and stopped being in touch with him, she is usually not very talkative and does not text or message much.

i just played dumb by putting a accusation on her which got her on fire , she responded stating that "Please dont messg me anymore nor call me we cannot be friends after this its difficult for me , please understand i have problems"

I gave some space and then sent her a text jusst randomly about the new cool video to which she responded " can you please stop texting and move on please , we are not friend we are stranger and please accept this ". we some harsh texting like this for a while and then is all stopped

i really like this girl and would need her back in my life. Need your help on this .

Please advise what should i do next .

Anonymous's picture

Im a bit confused on #4, if you came off as too easy, and you didn't make her jealous. Do you try to make her a lil jealous or completely not at all. great article, wish me luck

Anonymous's picture

So your article was great. I started hanging out with this girl a few months ago. Met her through one of my good friendsl (Nothing with her). We hooked up one night, and shortly after that we started having a casual relationship. She actually wanted this . Mostly seeing each other in social situations but then started being just us. Sex was off the chart for both of us, tons in common, and led to being more on the boundaries of casual but more emotional intimacy.. Over a few months we were seeing each other more and more. Usually I dont get too attached to girls but this one I was starting too and she was as well. I made tons of mistakes that you all talk about. Seeing her too much, being a little too needy, although it was returned alot. She was very hard to read, mixed signals gallore on what she wanted. . After a while she ended it as it got to be a little too much for her and I came across as a little too easy.

Note: I had just got out of a 4 year relationship so I got a little too caught up and didnt do all the things like talking with other girls etc. It was kind of a rebound. We did have such an amazing connection, physically and emotionally, and I know she felt that too.

After it ended it was when I found this site. I did all the things you talked about and would see her through friends ocassionally. Last weekend she started texting me and made it pretty transparent she had interest. We slept together again and it was great sex. In the morning she was all lovey dovey like nothing really changed and this where Im at a loss on next steps. Its something id like to explore but dont want to make the same mistakes, but also dont want to just cash it up to a one time bang and nothing. Im still talking with other girls, etc but how do I switch the power and give the least effort but still want to see her and not come across like I used too. I will see her without setting up anything but I dont want the attraction window to close.

Any advice on next steps after you re bedded her? Ive realized all my mistakes from before and have gotten back to myself prior to being on rebound.

Thanks man!

Anonymous's picture

Hey man, I am not certain that you still respond to comments, I am amazed at the plethora of dudes posting comments on here, so I'll try to keep it short and simple.

There was a girl I haven't met but had mutual friends with on facebook, she's hot,smart etc
She made a post one day saying a great smile and tattoos always get her, so I posted a picture of myself as I have both, and she initiated contact with me messaging me on facebook.
I was on my way to job interviews, and had to break it off, so I sent my #, she replied with hers,
and for a week, we had a really intense texting thing, she'd text every morning as soon as she woke up, and all day throughout the day. We also talked on the phone a few times.

Here's the deal, although we were very flirty all through this time and she called me handsome, the moment things started to go a little sour, is when I mentioned details hinting we had a romantic connection. It was progressive, but she distanced herself, after standing me up when we were supposed to meet for the first time. She said we could meet the next day but started to get more aloof and we didn't. So..so far we haven't met, had a week of great emotional connection and funny flirting, and then...nothing.

She admitted on the phone that she doesn't date well, and that its hard for her to have emotional intimacy, yet we had that before I tried to put a label on it as being romantic, or calling our meeting a "date" instead of just saying "we should meet up." She says she's great in a relationship but has a hard time transitioning into that stage. Well...in the aftermath of her standing me up twice, she sends me 0 texts, and I made the mistake of over texting her a little. Its like going from 100 MPH to 3 mph. I know I probably came off as needy and it sucks realizing I could have avoided it.

Most would say move on, you already messed this up, but I want to see if there's any way to turn this around. I know I should've kept it casual, been more unattached, and a little more hard to get. Just caught off guard by how much she seemed into me. Until she said she felt pressured by the expectations of a date and wanted to be friends first, but only if we could meet in a club with other people instead of a coffee shop to just talk to eachother. Then just straight silence. I don't know..guess I failed at keeping this short.

What would you do in my position? Just go silent for a few days? I want to meet her but its like beating a dead horse at this point trying to get her to do this is a challenge, though at first she was totally down. Well, if you are still reading Chase, thanks man. This may be hopeless, but I figured I'd throw this out there in case you may have a strategy you think would be effective. Its hard to play hard to get when she's pulling away, and not to come off as needy texting any further when its no longer mutual for the amount of texting I did towards the end. I don't meet girls this smart and hot that often, so thought I'd see if I could save this sinking ship, any way to bail water? lol

Peace

-T

Geet Sharma's picture

Well I am about to lose hope of getting ur replies to my questions or perhaps stupid questions, but still a try Chase, the problem with me is that I liked a girl in my final year college and I approached her and we had exactly 2 encounters but till then the things were not gud enough between us to ask her out, and due to some reasons she had to leave the city and took admission to another city but now she is coming back to my city for her masters degree, so not in the college but may be somewhere outside I could encounter her, so if u cud please tell me anything which cud help me make her my girlfriend. Plz Chase really need ur help!!

Al's picture

Thanks for the advice! Going through something at the moment with a girl I pushed away. Looking back at my behaviour and overreactions to things I'm really dumbfounded I was that guy! I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel and hopefully seeing her today (or more likely tomorrow). Fingers crossed so hard, as it would haunt me for a LONG time if I can't turn this one around!

Anonymous's picture

Hi,
I'm an asian, i am not sure if asian women think alike? But I'm going to try no matter what..I;ve tried to give my 5 yrs almost married relationship which she felt hurt cause I rejected her when she needed me. Just early this year she confessed to me that she wanted a break so we had it. It was meant to be a make up space not break up for real.

Now she moved back about 300 kilometers away back to her hometown and trying to apply jobs other than my location. She hates and resent my hometown due to the 5 yrs she felt is worthless and regrets her time here. She is stubborn and refused to actually talk on the phone or meet up except whatsapping or facebooking.

She snaps easily hence i do not dare going up unplanned to see her without asking her. She is getting colder day by day...as if she has lost her love towards me. Just weeks she told my friend ( a neutral loving friend) that she loves me very much but she doesn't know how to salvage it as she has lost her directions in life. Now she is only thinking for herself and her dreams. I know I've neglected her. She knew I've changed but she said let the future unfold itself when I asked to fix the thing back.

I'm confused as some people might think I should approach her straight if i Love her as she's waiting for me and some advised me not to see her but give her time and space.

What should I do when my girl is unofficially breaking up and yet she is finding ways to get away from me. What and how should I do?

Anonymous's picture

Hello,

I live in a country where family life is still very conservative. It's not uncommon for even women in their 30s to live with their parents and still follow curfew rules.

What would be a good way to escalate? It seems like finding the time and place to be private is a challenge by itself.

By the way, I like what you said about auto-rejection. something new

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,

I regret not seeing this kind of post before meeting the girl i like. I met this girl 3 months ago in Tinder (yea you may say Im too stupid to treat her seriously) and we werr kind of click with each other. So we met for over 10 times already, we kissed and she was really turned on in our second date, then we had sex in third date, and slept a few more times when we went 2 short trips (just stay 1 night).

I think the stupidest mistake I made was telling her that I like her, I want her to be my gf, became so needy. She told me that she also likes me, but she is no longer young (29 yo) and is looking for a serious relationship, so she told me to take it slow as she has many things in her mind. Well, I duno if it is excuse, but I had been asking her 2-3 times about our relationship and finally she said she was pressurized...,I know I screw up the whole thing.

She started to be cool to me, we dun have funny joke/flirting anymore.

Just then I started reading your articles, which really useful and I mean it really helps to change my mind to meet girl. I tried the "no contact rule" and tried showing her that I hv many activities and plan, and Im not waiting her. Then now, she would text me for small chat if I keep not finding her for more than 24 hrs.

Honestly, I know the chance of getting her back may not high, as I showed that I was needy and too easy. I started meeting new girls, but you know, she is still in my mind and cannot be easily replaced. I want a last try with this girl, what should I do?

orbitalhub's picture

Hi Chase,

I met a girl at church that is my exact type. After deep diving her I asked her out. She starred at me for 5-7 seconds and replied, ''maybe''.She then continued to stare at me. I said "how are we supposed to get to know each other if we don't go out?''
''church group'' she says and walks off.
I want to make the best, most bold play for this girl that I can.

The church group meets once a week.

Is it best to continue to talk with her and attract/emotionally connect/set up a date? or should I ''play it cool'' and be aloof?

Any thoughts?

Anonymous's picture

Hey chase,
Learned a lot from your great suggestions and have been getting more accompany from girls.
But there was this girl who I accidentally 'over flirted'
Did not been a jerk but will she feel than I am too lusty? I don't know what to do she seems to be colder now.

Sacred's picture

Hi, like some other people have posted about their relationship hurdles. I feel like im in love with my roomate. Ive met many women in my life but i cant simply just shrug the feeling of letting someone like her go. We have very similar characteristics and same set of views, yet at the same time different in many. Simply put: Two sides of the same coin. The attraction i felt towards her was so strong i went as far as to check zodiac compatibility(somethig ive never done before) Not to my surprise we were very similar. Im a pisces and shes a virgo. To some extent i beleive shes the perfect canditate to call a "soul mate"
I made a mistake during the first stage of attraction and wanted to be more of a friend to make her feel more comfortable rooming with a guy. One day i lost my shit from thinking so much about her and i told her how I felt about her(as passionately as i could) and she rejected me and wanted to be just friends. I know she has some form of attraction towards me but i probably played the wrong moves
Unlike most women ive been able to get over. i cant just shrug the feeling losing someone like her. Ive kept my calm past couple of days and shown no sign of remorse or sadness. I have to win her back and im willing to do anything to make it work. Ultimately im also prepared to move on, i will feel more at ease knowing that i tried but it didnt work so its not fault.

Any advise you can offer will be much appreciated

shiva's picture

Hii, Your conclusion regarding this whole episode of guy chasing girl & girl loosing interest is exactly what happened with me.
But i feel, still I'm in controlled situation not so lost yet, there is still some hope.
My situation was a triangle story, my best friend & myself was both interested in same girl, normally i back-off whoever girls he interested and he also does almost same, but i'm bit more conservative then him in terms of getting into feelings as my background & culturally where im coming from its a restrictive society.

So there was this girl who i felt like showing some kind of interest in me initially which i kept connected but i downplayed it, but one moment came when we had conversation & we were discussing something then she told me that she is feeling boredom so i invited her for salsa club & even she invite my friend too but he did int turned up, she had very good time dancing with me and later i just dropped her home,
then 2nd time i invited her she came with her friend & also my freind came this time but he immediately left without telling us any reason which she didnt like, but we continued with the party and that day I had very strong connectivity in dancing with her & almost kissed her would have gone further but there are lots of ifs & buts.
Now third time i really messed up when we went to beach and we had some things going on between us but always there are someone between us as her best friend, where i again become hesitant to make a move while dropping them, she looked at my eyes ask do you have any plans i said i will let you know,
but there were something i need to go somewhere urgently which she is not aware about it but i think that was turning off point, where she started turning back whenever i invite, after that my freind took her out and that was big blow for me, that were i realized & felt jealous about it, couldn't sleep for 3days,
I just text my freind about this issue, he said its Ok no need to worry and asked me to take things slowly and build back relation with her, right now she will hate both of us.
If i had told him earlier, he wouldn't have taken a move, same-thing i was also thinking but everytime i cannot backoff.

but now she got to know that Im somehwat interested in her & she said to me i didnt return her feelings on right moment so things are bit complicated in her heart & whats in heart she only knows, may be she is confused, i was trying now to indirectly flirt with her with some text messaging but she is cold.

So Im thinking to talk to her clearly about the situation but also i think i should not or stay away from her for a while, please help me on this what should I do..?

Anonymous's picture

so I met this babe and thing kind of kicked off immediately. there was sexual chemistry and we where very attracted. along the line I told her I liked her and that is when things began to change. she meet a new guy and started speaking t me about him. I told her to stop because I liked her and it felt weird and I was a bit jealous. she kept thinking about him and I think I came of as needy and hung up on her so she just lost attraction. soon she said I was wasting my time that she liked the other guy and she's intrigued by her. what do I do to make her come back to me?

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,

I've been following this post for a while now and followed if not all tips or principles you have shared with us. Anyway, here's my situation. There's this girl I've dated for 3 or 4 months, and it was mutual and really hit it off. I moved fast with her and things weren't really going downhill for us.

4 months ago coming out of college graduation, we were both finding our first jobs. There is this company that she applied and it was one of her top choices. Now she recommended to me that I applied for the same company. The company hired her prior than me. Unfortunately, I was also applying for the same position she got in. My reason for applying for that position is because I really like that position and I was really inclined in that kind of job. She also knew that I wanted that kind of job it was just unfortunate that she got hired first. She started to feel cold towards me because she thought that if I got hired we would be spending too much time together and she doesn't want her professional life to coincide with her personal life. The company however did not hire me. So I told her that what she's worrying about is not going to happen because I was not hired. However, she still is cold towards me so I gave her space and limited my interaction with her. She texted me and had the talk through text and she decided to break things off. I accepted and respected her decision because there was nothing I could do in text to her feel differently from what she is feeling that time. I knew what was wrong, that I kind of scared her of what's going to happen that is why she pulled away on her own.

It has been 4 months now and I still like her. I never chased her after the talk. We belong to the same circle of friends and I've heard the thoughts of our other friends. During this 4 months, I've been improving myself in terms of other personal things and focus on my career. We haven't seen each other since our last date.

My question now is how do I get her back? I know that I need to set up a meet and that is already set. But during the meet, do I ask her immediately if she wants to start over? Or do I need to do it gradually like, I need to set up a second meet? We will be meeting 2 and half weeks from now.

Thanks Chase I appreciate and followed almost everything that you've taught in this website. I'll be waiting for your reply.

Anonymous Trang's picture

Hi! I just recently stumbled upon this article since I am currently in this type of situation with some girl and was looking for a solution. Since August of this year, a new girl was introduced into my current circle of friends. She's a Japanese exchange student who's studying English in the states till March of next year, so her time here is limited. I'd usually see her and hang out with her with the group and it wasn't until early October that I asked her out for drinks.

Our first date was a surprisingly good time despite the fact that she did not come over when I invited her back to my place(said next time since she had a 'headache') and that I only got a cold kiss on the cheek when I went for the lips. Even with the language barrier, we were able to keep a good conversation going throughout the night, and she really opened up to me as we discussed personal topics like sex.

I didn't get to see her much after that since we were both busy with school and our second date wasn't until Halloween. The venue we went to sucked and she forgot her ID so we couldn't go to any bars so we just grabbed dinner and talked for like 2 hours. After dinner I asked her if she wanted to hang out at my place and she said yes. There we talked for a little bit more and I told her we should hang out on the bed and she complied again. This is where I messed things up BIG time!

Before anything started, she asked if I could change the wallpaper of her phone from her now recently ex boyfriend to something else. After doing that, I stupidly asked out of genuine curiosity why they broke up. Her answer pretty much caught me off guard as she said she didn't pay attention to him for a month and he broke off their 6 year relationship. We then talked more on the bed...and nothing happened. As I dropped her off, I tried to make one final push to do something crazy and suggested we just kiss. She found the idea amusing but all I got was a cold one on the cheek. Still feeling awkward, I sent her a text to nullify the situation teasing her that she was a terrible kisser. To my surprise, she replied later jokingly justifying that she's not a terrible kisser and thanked me for the day. But ever since that second date whenever I'd see her, she doesn't engage me in conversation as much like she used to, and she's not as warm and receptive to me as whenever I'm around.

I've tried to set up a third date recently but she said she had plans and I can't even tell at this point if its legit or she's just avoiding me on purpose. On top of that, she went out twice with someone from the friends circle but my friend did some digging and found out nothing happened...yet.

I know it this may sound shallow, but the thing that bothers me the most is that I didn't get to sleep with her when I may possibly have had the chance to. I feel like there is unfinished business between us but at the same, I do genuinely enjoy her company as well. I've already been doing my best to follow the steps in this article like not chasing, which I think I've been doing fine with. But admittedly, its been difficult to not think about her.

At this point, do I still have a shot? When should I call it quits with this girl?

A.dboy's picture

i seriously need your help chase ..i need your help plzz contact me as fast as you can

vaib's picture

actually i did chase her a little but now i really want her back.....

Dieing to get back's picture

Hey Chase,

My experience with this girl is that shes showing interest, flirting with eye contacts and obvious body language and some light teasing at first.
But i took too long to take actions and acting cold towards her, when i got finally made a move she is acting all cold, obviously showing in her body language shes not interested.
She left the country to study abroad, we are still texting each other for alot of months but nothing actually happen. She did showed response to all the text but i will always be the one who text her. It took awhile for her to revert back, like 1 night, sometimes never.
Just recently i found out shes actually going out with this other guy. I am not sure are they already together or are they just seeing each other, but i am sure she is totally smitten by this guy.
We still text, and sometimes teasing each other, but nothing further.

Dieing to get back's picture

Hi Chase,
Met this girl who is interested at first with all the body language and eye contacts and light teasing.
I took too long and when i took action, this girl grew cold on me.
After awhile she left the country and went for Further studies abroad, which is in another State.
Before she left, i got her number and we started texting each other. It is me who actually started and her ending it. She does replied to the texts but sometimes it took awhile too long or sometimes never.
We did tease each other over text, but it always stops there without anything moving forward.

I even went over to meet her after a few months, at first she sounded quite excited even proposing we should meet up and proposing the time. On the second day, i asked her out again but she actually said she is not free, so i tried again the next day. She actually came out for dinner.
After everything, we are still texting and stuff but nothing is just moving forward.
It is very obvious i am interested in her, and i bet she too knew it.

Just recently i found out she is going out with this senior year guy(seems like they are already going out for quite awhile, even before i drove over to have a meet up with her.)
Really took the effort to, i drove through 5 States. I am not too sure if they are just going out or are they already together, but one thing i am sure is she is totally smitten by this guy and she seems happy.
We are still texting but it is obviously different after i found out about the senior year guy, there are still some light teasing and i do not know if it can be called light flirting.

So Chase, what should i do now? Should i really let her go or should i just keep persuing?

Please Chase, i seriously need some advise here.

Anonymous42's picture

Hey Chase, nice article definitely something to keep in mind. However I have a unique situation, I met up with a girl that I go to school with. We talked for a while and I got her number on the second day. Things were going good but ,then I found out that she had gotten a boyfriend on the same day I was going to ask her out. So in response I became more distant while she was dating him and she found out that I like her. In response she tried to keep me as a friend however, I managed to avoid staying as a friend for too long. Her boyfriend eventually broke up with her, so I stopped being so distant. We talked for a minute or two between one of our classes and i texted her that night. When I did so I directly mentioned that I still like her, in response she said she was "willing to give me a chance" but not to push it. I then asked to clarify what she meant by a "chance". She then clarified that she meant that she was going to think about it. We then said goodnight to each other and went back to doing whatever we were before. I had then remembered the next day that I needed to move fast, so I pushed her to make a decision more and more every night, by saying that I wanted an answer soon or by reasoning with her to try one date with me then to see what she thinks. By the third night neither of us had a good day, but I thought her day had gotten better so I decided to push her anyways.... well, that blew up in my face. She said "That's it, you want me to make a decision? Forget it, it's not happening." The next day she ignored me completely in school, so I gave her about two or three days to cool off. On the third night, I texted her and kept my cool. Before sending any messages I made sure I had planned out my texts. I send her the first message no response, half an hour later I send her another no response , Two hours later I send her the last message and got no response. Here I am three hours later typing in this comment, unsure of what to do. If anyone has any suggestions or has any idea of what I should do, please let me know. I don't have much time to make a comeback, she is moving away from my area after the school year ends (June 2016). sorry if I screwed anything up in my comment, this is my time commenting on the site.

an nguyen's picture

dear chase,
i've been a reader of yours for quite some time now, and i've recently ran into a bit of a problem. this girl decided to hit me up
on instagram, and eventually we start to get intimate, (haven't had sex yet). problem is, i told her i didn't want a relationship in the beginning, but as we began to chill more, i start to want one with her. however, i think i was too late in telling her that as a new guy entered her dating life (she tells me that i've gotten farther with her and she has only been kissing him) . i decided to tell her that i want a relationship with her and now she tells me she needs time to decide. she tells me her main concern is that we won't have a stable relationship (i think she feels the new guy is a safer bet as opposed to me) despite the fact that i can tell she still wants me. what do you think i should do? would be great to hear from you

Lionel's picture

I met this girl in the gym and we became friends almost instantly. We started talking alot and got to know each other really well. A few weeks into the friendship I could tell she was a little interested in me but I was attached with someone, so I shrugged it off and didn't bother much about it. After my ex and I broke up, she was there for me which obviously after a few weeks i started to fall for her.
Unfortunately, when I told her about how i felt, she said that the window of opportunity has passed.
My question is, how do I get back that window of opportunity?

David L.'s picture

in your article you talked giving a woman cool down to realize life isn't as much fun without you. how often should you see someone for this to to happen?

Keir's picture

Hi

I met this girl that was working at my gym about a year ago. I got her number and we started texting. I had been trying to get her out for a while and she stood me up 4 times without even a text. I eventually got a date with her 2 weeks ago and we went out for a drink. This turned into 13 hours together and we were all over each other and we texted the next day and she said she would like to see me again. On Wednesday, I sent her a text saying “dinner on Friday, I’ll pick you up at 7”. On Friday afternoon, I got a text saying sorry I thought I had text you back and wondered why you hadn’t text me back. On Friday night, I finally asked her where I stand and told her I was fedup with her fucking with my head. She said we should leave things. I’m in total bits here. I really liked her and I know it was only one date but we had been talking for a while. It’s now been 3 days NC.

Michael Farrow's picture

Hi Chase

So my girlfriend ended things with me 5 months ago. I am now in a different country to her but will be back in the same country in about 4 months. I initially deleted her on all social media, in order to completely focus on my recovery from my major injury. I had to put all my focus on the recovery and could only focus on positive energy and seeing her at the time was a detriment to that. I am fully recovered now and better than ever however. The injury put a strain on the relationship, because the medication I was on made me more irritable and depressed. She has her own issues with depression and eating disorder that I was always there to deal with, however she didnt seem to handle it well when I was going through the worst of my problems.
About a month ago we spoke on the phone for about an hour, she called me after I congratulated her and a friend about a internship offer through text. She was asking how my family is doing my dog etc. Even joked that she just missed my dog and not me and brought up me removing her on social media and asked me when I would be back in the UK (where she is) during the summer. I just said it was nothing personal I just had to put all my focus on my recovery and I added her back just on snapchat after.
I talked to her a week later and chatted briefly and I ended the conversation. After that however I just thought ball is in her court, and I was busy travelling and with work. I noticed she was following my snapchat stories of my holiday where I was doing all sorts of activities I couldn't do before cause of my injury, however randomly she removed me as a friend after I posted a photo of my dog which was strange. However a couple of days ago about a month after my most recent contact I just sent her a simple text asking "Hey, you free?" whilst I was a drunk to have a chat.

I noticed she then blocked me on whatsapp. I really dont understand her behaviour of being keen to talk to me and a month between of doing nothing she suddenly just blocks me. You may say its a mistake for me to not contact her in that period, but in my mind neither did she and I was incredibly busy living my own life on holiday in new places with new people and out working hard at my new internship.

I am pretty confused about this situation and would be glad if you could help in some way and what my next steps should be.
Thanks
Mike

Lk's picture

Hi chase I know your super busy, but I need your help, with a girls who I was after from my church, I was trying to get a date, with her but she seemed to busy, I think on the second ask, she flaked, and was really sorry, I tried again 3 times, and she is not coming out, so I thought to ball in your court her, but before that I followed your text/call split, so after I called her it went well, then 3 days after I text her for the date ask, and she never replayed, I

Sniper's picture

Hello chase great article how do I turn myself into the guy who gets chased by the women he blew it with honestly I would love for you to explain that part yours truly sniper

Leave a Comment

One Date girl next to the number one

Get The Girl In Just One Date

It only takes one date to get the girl you want. Best of all, the date's easy to get… and girls love it.

Inside One Date, You'll Learn

  • How to build instant chemistry
  • Ways to easily create arousal
  • How to get girls to do what you want
  • The secret to a devoted girlfriend

…and more great Girls Chase Tech