29 Things that Make a Woman Resist or Rebuff You | Girls Chase

29 Things that Make a Woman Resist or Rebuff You

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

woman resist youIn my article “Why Leadership is so Key to Seducing Women”, a reader asks the about what the causes are of women resisting or rebuffing you:

Howdy Chase, I would personally like to thank you for your writing. Truly inspiring and life-changing for me.

Your leadership advice has reminded me of your “Tell if her walls are up” article and its pertaining point of avoiding red flags that provoke women’s walls. However, I am clueless what triggers women’s walls. Would you mind elaborating on those landmines? Best regards!

The article he’s referring to, about women’s walls, is this one:

Tell If a Girl Likes You: Are Her Walls Up Or Down?

So what does raise a woman’s walls in the first place?

Well, we can break them down into three (3) categories:

  1. Environmental triggers (stuff not related to you or her)
  2. Her default personality (i.e., it’s her problem)
  3. Things you are doing (i.e., it’s your problem)

Below, I’ll talk about each... plus the best ways for dealing with each.

Comments

Bond's picture

Chase,
Nice post man, as always! One question : What are the places where men aggressively approach and hit on women apart from bars and clubs?

And also, I was wondering whether you could get a post on traits of socially awkward people, their behavior in general. Similar to the 12 traits of unsexy guys, which helped me get a clearer idea of what sexy is by understanding what it isn't.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Bond-

Every place I can think of where men (may) aggressively approach:

  • Bars
  • Parties
  • Nightclubs
  • Some beaches
  • Popular vacation spots
  • Some streets after the bars close
  • Some cities / countries (e.g., Spain, Greece, etc.)

(Basically, anywhere men and women mix where copious alcohol is served and imbibed)

How did this post work for you on social awkwardness:

"How to Get Started When You’re Socially Hopeless"

That do the trick, or not quite what you needed?

Chase

JakeB's picture

Wow, very interesting article. No questions about the article. Just want to say this is vintage Chase circa 2013. Nice work man!

bbartman33's picture

Hey Chase,
I know this a bit off topic, but I wanted to know what's your take on keeping your edge while being in an LTR. Before getting into an LTR I was on quest to improve my women skill using the lessons on this website (been a loyal reader for four years now) and I had reached a point where first night lays weren't a dream anymore. With that said, I feel like my general seducer skills are becoming duller due to the lack of variance.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

B.-

Nice to hear you've reached the point where dreams are coming true ;)

For staying sharp in an LTR, still flirting with women is mandatory. Preferably, you live in a place where attractive women are in great abundance and you know they're easy to get, that way even if you aren't taking new girls you know it won't be hard should you need to.

I'd also suggest you get out at least every now and again for drinks with friends and approach a few girls here and there. You can do it just to wingman your buddies or get some new conversation going... just keep at least the basic skills sharp. It'll do a lot for the relationship, too - women stay most attracted to those partners they can tell haven't lost that unshakeable confidence that if they want a woman, they can get her.

Chase

woahdudeliketotally's picture

Chase, I read your article about the 12 traits all boring, unsexy nice guys have. How do these traits in and of itself make a person boring? How does things like believing in karma or watching pundits make you boring? Is it possible that you could write about things men do that make them seem boring to women during conversation or in their actions? I don't think you have that sort of list on this site.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Dude-

If I had to boil it down, I'd say the messages of mainstream thought - whether it's pundits telling you what to think, or sound bites designed to make people feel good about getting screwed over ("Don't worry, karma will get him in the end") - are designed to make their adherents more comfortable with mediocrity.

Women will defend these beliefs, but they also don't really respect them. They're attracted to men who do their own thinking and/or who've had enough life experience they forge their own paths. e.g., most women believe in karma. If a guy says, "Don't worry, karma's coming back to him for that," girls will say "Totally!!!" and emphatically agree, but they won't be attracted. It's the same thing one of their girlfriends might tell them. If on the other hand, a guy shrugs and says, "Sometimes the bad guy wins," she might call him a scoundrel and punch him in the arm, but she knows he has a point and she likes that he isn't trying to just tell her what she wants to hear (doesn't mean you can't have karma-like beliefs, but you have to express them in non-cliché media-trope ways to not be boring with them - you have to show an actual reasoned-out coherent belief system and not just a set of beliefs someone else gave you).

But yeah, I can do an article on why the things that are boring to women are boring. Coming up...!

Chase

Anonnn's picture

Hey Chase. i need a little bit of help. Basically i met a girl some weeks ago and managed to get her number. I texted her saying that we should get food when she is free some hours after meeting her. Two days later I shot her a text and was going to try and set something up, but got no response. I called her up some days later and she told me she'd "check her schedule" and at this point I stopped trying because I felt it was going nowhere. after reading one of your posts, I realized that I could've pushed a little harder and tried panning out between texts and phone calls to get a date. we both go to the same h school so I spot her every now and then. what would you recommend?

Anonnn's picture

my mistake, to clarify, the first text was a "nice to meet you. we should grab food sometime" type of text. she responded to this one.

Tennant's picture

What would you recommend a guy like me to do when I have little money to be able to use to go on dates often and not being able to drive around much? (I'm asking this with the intention of maintaining a relationship not a one night stand)

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Tennant-

Run a relationship like this:

"How to Start a Relationship with a New Girlfriend"

I've had plenty of girlfriends where the first 3 or 4 months together I didn't spend a cent in any way related to them except perhaps a little food or drink on the first date or two for myself, and any money I spent on subway rides to meet them somewhere.

Once you've slept with her, there's really no reason to even leave your place when you're with her, not for the first few months anyway. You can always introduce more stuff later on if you're so inclined and either have more money or opt to do things you don't need money for (like go to the park, beach, museums, window shopping at malls, hit the grocery store to buy ingredients and cook food at home, etc.).

Chase

Hessam's picture

Hi dear Chase.
First of all I want to thank you for sharing your experiences here which lead all of us to grow together. And I also want to wish you a great year full of success.
I have 3 questions. So let me be straight forward:
1) I'm an eastern and as everywhere the sky has the same color: Girls, all over the world, oftentimes use some repetitive cliché sentences (maybe necessary to answer or not) which are important to be propelled cleverly.
All of us are familiar with these types of sentences:
- Hey, what do you think about me! Do you think I'm the type of girl that … (while proposing home-stuff or escalate things to sex)
- What's your goal in this relationship? What do you want from me?
- I have a boyfriend/lover/husband … (maybe true or not, during pick ups)
- That was not supposed to happen and it's your fault. (after last night sex!)
- How can I trust you? (while picking up or proposing them home)
- AND SO ON…
[ I know that you mentioned these types of sentences in some of your articles before, but would you please collect up most important repetitive sentences you have heard during these years of experience and the best answers for them in ONE concise article. I mean MORE than what I mentioned above. ]
2) If we found ourselves in a situation which compel us to prioritize some tips (Not chasing girls/ moving fast/ make her invest in you/ building more emotional connection …) in a way that using one may violate the other, how and what our priorities should be? (e.g. when building more emotional connection needs more attention and time and the situation twists in a way that you feel like you're chasing or investing in her or you can NOT move fast)
3) Do you believe that we should disqualify ourselves as boyfriend material in ALL cases? And how should it be? (direct verbal or indirect non-verbal)

Sincerely,

Hessam

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Hessam-

Noted on the objection-response list article.

On prioritizing, I suggest you always opt for whatever pushes things forward. If you have to choose between increasing her comfort OR moving forward, and can only do one, opt to try and move things forward. If she likes you, she'll understand. If you make her really comfortable with you but then there's no time to do anything, you're gambling you'll see her again, and that you'll be able to get back to wherever you were at with her this time, next time, and go from there, which is... a big gamble. Going for it now is the better bet. How you know which bets are better bets than others will largely come from experience, however.

Re: disqualifying as boyfriend material, no. If you don't have lover value, you'll shoot yourself in the foot by killing your boyfriend value too (at that point, what value to you have to offer her?). Likewise, if you only have little lover value, but lots of boyfriend value you might be better off using date compression and making use of your boyfriend value (while still aiming to be as much of a lover as possible).

Chase

Mattie's picture

Hey Chase, I know Ricardus has posted a bit on this, but how would you preceed if you are seen as husband potential with every girl in social circle? They know about my qualities, see my high lvl fundamentals, and the massive amounts of preselection I have, but when I try to move fast, they all take it slow, trying to not mess it up. I was thinking about saying that I have a girlfriend but am in an open relationship. Any thoughts?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Mattie-

If it was me, I'd bring a few different girls I'm seeing around to the circle at various times. The first time, they'll say, "Oh, she must be his new girlfriend." And then a few weeks later they see a different girl. And then a few weeks later a different one after this. Assuming all girls are cute, your value is retained, but it starts to shift.

Another thing I'd do is edit my interaction styles with these women. I'd quit having deep, substantial conversations with them and gradually transition to busting their chops more, chase framing them, touching them, and being sexual with them.

Just keep in mind it takes time to change your image in social circle, and if you do too much too quickly, without a truly convincing explanation for it, everyone will think you've gone off the deep end (e.g., "midlife crisis"). Usually you will have to introduce changes gradually.

Chase

Andrey's picture

Chase,

Wanted to personally thank you for the content. Your writing on here has finally come to fruition that no matter the girl I am seeing, my frame as become so strong that each girl flat out tells me why have the other guys she met were not like me, and falls pretty hard but in a sweet way.

Quick example with this new girl I've been seeing the last couple of weeks. One day she is all lovely dovey, the next she dresses up to the hilt, drives me to her friend's restaurant to "test me", shit test me more like it. She kept saying, you have no idea how many guys I turn down, and how hard I am to get blah blah, turns out her friend chats with me for 1 min, and tells her not to be so crazy if she wants to keep ME! Its in big part thanks to you, saluted! If you are ever in Honolulu, beers and activities are on me. :)

Keep up the good work!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Andrey-

Nicely done ;) Yeah, if you've got girls qualifying themselves that hard to you, they're yours!

Cheers for the invite in Honolulu. Great town.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Re: Your snippet in
http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-get-phone-number-girl-every-time-y...
search "meanest teacher"

How come your conversations seem a lot more fun than my deep dives?
After approaching, I find myself asking "What do you do? Why? Are you going to do that forever?" after she answers each. She would usually say, "X" "Because I like it, I'm not sure why, I just like it" "I'm not sure, but it's what I do now".

Then I ask "What do you do on your free time?" "I just hang out with friends, then work, and school." Then I have no idea where to take the conversation with those answers. It's always these for deep dive and I do it after opening "Going to anywhere exciting?" in which they answer "Home, not really exciting". But it's all the same procedure every approach. Sometimes women will say "I just like it" to "Why are you doing this job? Why not business major or psychology major or math?" ; sometimes they will dive into stories and enthusiastically try to impress without me trying. But it's more of the former. And I'm scratching my head as I find myself in pauses as she turns away and I reopen her after thinking of what to say; repeat; for former cases.

Re: Fun part
The conversation part, I do notice I rarely find myself in a similar situation as your snippet.
A little showing her mischievous side, I wonder what puzzle piece I'm missing.

Re: I don't know
I remember you told me to change topics if they don't know.
But they continue saying I don't know.
For one, they don't know their passion or know how to answer the 8 questions article on a date.

Me: Why are you studying business, not math or economics or psychology?
Her: It's the only thing I'm good at.
Me: Because you're good at it?
Her: Yeah, I suck at math
Me: Then what's plan after graduation?
Her: I have no idea.
Me: Hmm, anything you're passionate about doing?
Her: Not really.
Me: Hmm let's put it this way, if you can do any job in the world without concerns of money, what would you do?
Her: Ehhh I don't know.

Exhausting my usual procedure with deep diving (job and free time), and their I don't know or short "I just like it", I find my ammunition empty. Then I sit up, and just throw on the bored look, looking ahead while they sit next to me. Some will start a nonpersonal, "Did you hear about that movie?" which I have not. Some will just let it hang (for approaches).

Any advice?

Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

Fundamentals, I suspect. If women are giving you cold, monosyllabic-or-close-to-it answers during deep dives / other conversation, it’s a strong sign your fundamentals need a lot more work. Could be value (maybe your look needs upgrades; maybe it’s voice; maybe it’s eye contact; posture; could be all of it); could be attainability (maybe you come across too aloof, too intimidating, too unrelatable, etc.). Many things it could be, but all tie back to fundamentals. If your fundamentals are good, women just need you to give them opportunities to open up to you, which is part of the function of a deep dive.

For getting women to show their mischievous side, that’s fundamentals, and it’s also teasing and playfulness. I can’t tell for sure from what you’re writing here, but your conversation sounds extremely dry. When women give me boring or non-answers I play with them: “Oh, you’re an accountant? I can totttaly see that. I’ll bet you sleep with grid paper under your pillow.”

On your conversation itself - needs a lot of work. A few comments:

Me: Why are you studying business, not math or economics or psychology?
Her: It's the only thing I'm good at.
Me: Because you're good at it?

^ no reason to ask this. You’re asking her to repeat what she’s just told you… merely treading water.

You could get playful and say, “Pssh, I’m sure you have many other things you’re good at.”

You could jump on “good at business” and say, “Oh really? So you’re a rainmaker then.”

Her: Yeah, I suck at math
Me: Then what's plan after graduation?

^ You’re randomly jumping around instead of thread-cutting properly. Graduation has nothing to do with sucking at math; it sounds like you’re reeling off a script. Good responses to “I suck at math”:

“Nice. Welcome to the club.”
“I heard there are like 3 people who don’t.”
“Nothing worse than trying to psychoanalyze people but you can’t figure out how to handle all the polynomials they’re throwing at you.”

Her: I have no idea.
Me: Hmm, anything you're passionate about doing?

^ You’re jumping from topic to topic, without thread-cutting properly, and leaving big topics on the table unexplored.

Her: Not really.
Me: Hmm let's put it this way, if you can do any job in the world without concerns of money, what would you do?
Her: Ehhh I don't know.

^ More reading from the script.

I know it’s hard thinking on the fly when you’re still new. It’s just something you’ll have to get used to doing. I suggest trying to make conversation with everyone you come into contact with and just getting used to talking to people. As you get familiar with the more basic rules of conversation, figuring out how to hold a conversation with women gets easier and easier too.

I might actually suggest you focus more on small talk for now. Focus on small talk, get used to transitioning smoothly between topics and exploring topics of interest, and once you’ve got the basics of simple conversation down, you can move to more advanced tech like deep diving.

Don’t be worried if you’re not ready for it just yet - focus on what you need to handle first, and you’ll come back to it when you are ready.

Chase

Clueless's picture

Howdy Chase, Thank you for elaborating on identifying those landmines and a few first-aid patches. You have my sincerest gratitudes. Truly honored to have your extensive account to my question.

Pertaining to "Over the long term" point and upping our game, would you mind elaborating on building tough nut crackers or a bulldozer for smashing resistance walls in early seductions?

Best regards!
Clueless

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Clueless-

Sure. That’s things like handling women who are aloof, who won’t easily open up to you, who refuse compliance, etc. That is essentially what we talked about in articles like these:

Chase

Clueless's picture

Additionally, would you elaborate a how-to reach hook point early on in an interaction after approach when she's merely terse in her responses?

- Clueless

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Clueless-

There’s not always going to be a way. Sometimes your fundamentals just aren’t up to par for whatever she’s looking for and she is not attracted to you. Sometimes she may like you, but she’s extremely closed off and no matter what you do you can’t get her.

That said, if you’re getting the feeling she IS interested, she’s just being difficult, focus on the “compliance” bit from the list of items here:

Book Excerpts: Reaching the Hook Point with Girls

Couple getting compliance with lightly teasing her for her difficult behavior and you can crack a few more of the girls who act closed off during those early efforts to open them up.

Chase

GoodPerson's picture

Once upon a time I discussed irrational excuses why people don't do things and I've run into one strange excuses.
It looks as though someone watched too much TV and they say: "I don't improve, because then somebody might force me into using my skills against my values." It's like not going to gym, because then somebody might use your weaknesses to get you into crimes where physical strength is needed.
For any moderately sane person it sounds like "what the fuck", because hell - there are so many people who have healthy body, are strong. They never get into any crimes.
When it comes to social skills excuse might be "oh no, there are little people who knows social stuff well"... Guess what, there's the same too.
But to be honest. I'm not myself that good at any life area which would make me more exceptional than people around me... And I guess...?
Maybe there's some truth in it?
With social skills or similar it's kind of "okay, if you're afraid, disguise them", but then it comes "so why do I need them at first place, I feel the need to be popular and admired"...
I don't know. I guess I get into too much dirty lusty debates with crazy people.
What's your point on this "forced into evil" thing?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

GP-

I’ve wasted a lot of time arguing rationally with people holding irrational arguments over the years.

The big lesson is if someone gives you a totally irrational reason for whatever he’s doing, it isn’t the real reason. He HAS a reason, and it is IS rational, at least within the context of his own life and experiences thus far, but he may not know what it is, or may not be willing to expose it for discussion and debate. So he floats some B.S. reason just to get you off his back. It’s the rhetorical equivalent to “I don’t want to talk about it… I just want to do what I’m doing.”

Once you’re aware of this, you can call people on B.S. reasons and say that’s bullshit, what’s the real reason. Once you reach something that’s LOGICAL, then you can engage in a real conversation.

Until you’ve reached his actual logical reason for doing whatever he does, you’re wasting your breath trying to argue your way around his irrational reasons. It’s like arguing with the nightclub bouncers who are going to follow the rules no matter what, instead of attracting the owner’s attention and speaking with him.

As for “forced into evil”, it’s just a non-answer to get you off his back. Keep digging for the real reason. No one actually thinks lifting weights or something is going to lead to bad people forcing them into subservience to their evil plans.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Thanks for your article on resisting.
It's like a another piece of the map on the journey. Thanks bro!

About resisting and walls, it reminds me of a couple dates I cancelled and the girls going cold.

Re: Cancelling dates
Any good pointers for doing this without getting girls into auto rejection?
Timing, over text or call, or wording would be great!

I encountered two scenarios I cancelled dates.
One, I was texting her before heading out and that's when I realized her roommates were home.
I didn't think about it and cancelled it last minute, when she might have had her own room (so we can just go in her room should be ok?)

I told her I ate something and got a stomachache.
She took half an hour to reply a it's ok to cancelling.
I then texted I need some rest and all.
That was apparently the last text.
I texted her a few days later, asking how she is.
No reply. Phone call after a week, it turns out she had blocked me (thanks to iPhone).
Oh well...next one.

Re: Second one,
This one, I had been running "call and text switching".
On a phone call, she agreed to meet up that day.
I sent my text the day before to confirm the location but no reply.
I went along the day of the date and texted before heading out the door
She finally replied that she just saw my texts and tells me not to go, because she didn't see the texts before. She immediately called me, but I didn't pick up. And texted her back.
She asked why must it be there and wanted to change locations "For her" so she can meet up because it takes 2 hours to get to my set location from where she is now.

I cancelled it, because it won't be in my control at all.
And the location she said was downtown, there was no possibility of logistics also.
She apologized for replying so late and I said it's phone problem, not hers (What's to do when she flakes article, no big deal). Told her, we can try again later, bye! over text.

She expresses her disappointment by "Ugh, guess we're not seeing today then :P".
We had a chase framing roleplay on the outset so I thought it was fine to tease her that she lost her chance to get me, now she has to be more x within the roleplay in text. But in roleplay which I thought takes the edge off...
She didn't reply.
After a week, I thought I saw her at school and texted if that was her.
She says no, then I asked where she was.
No reply, I texted her to ask her out again after a week of silence again.
2 weeks since the original date, she didn't reply it.

Reason why I waited a week after every no reply, because she usually replies either by the end of the day (fastest) or in 2 days later. I gave her a call (which was intended to be "Bonding phone call with no date ask" on your typical progression I was following) but she didn't pick up.
Now, only text to something different then throw in her court left on the progression.

Apart from general advice on cancelling dates,
Any firefighting for the second one who hasn't blocked me yet?
And Do I continue the typical progression (or any variations do you suggest for different situations?) you laid out and drop a voicemail of "throwing back into her court" if she doesn't pick up again?

Thanks,
Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

I have some example flake texts you can send in Module 4 of the new course I’m building (just wrote them up the other day, in fact… Module 4’s all on texting, calling, and correspondence). So, if you want word-for-word examples, grab it when it comes out!

I will say this though: it’s very easy to get flake texts wrong. If you sound at all insensitive or fake about it, or aren’t flaking for a high value reason, you’ll send most girls into auto-rejection. Flaking can really shoot your value through the roof right, but… yeah. Gotta be careful with it. If you’re going to tell her you’re sick, that looks kind of fake over text… I’d probably opt for a phone call so she can hear that you’re ill and she can tell you she hopes you feel better.

The second girl sounded like she was really trying to meet up with you that day, but you outright cancelled on you. You’d have been better off compromising and doing a shorter, informational date, assuming this was just a first or a second date. You can’t take every girl in one date, and if they’re hours away from you, unless you really get them crazy about you in the first meet or over the phone, you’re probably going to need a date or two meeting up somewhere between your locations before they’re invested enough to venture far and come meet you.

Chase

Anon yo's picture

yo chase, really love this article! thanks for your reply here and sorry for confusing you.
http://www.girlschase.com/comment/71837#comment-71837
what I meant is examples of wording responses to her missed escalation windows or auto rejection that is warm and accepting, but not supplicating or apologizing and gives us a value hit instead of fixing attainability. And can't wait for your product dude! already saving up for your masterpiece! thanks chase!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon yo-

Oh, okay, I think I got you - you mean a word-for-word script about what to say to girls who are going into auto-rejection?

I don't believe I've written that out publicly anywhere; at this point, I'm likely going to reserve it just for the course. There's a little "auto-rejection formula" you can follow that's not 100%, but it can bounce you back with a lot of girls pretty quickly. Anyway, it is in the course, in one of the earlier modules (I think it was in Module 3 or 4; I wrote it out already, a week or two ago).

Meantime, there is a little speech in this article you can take for a spin:

"Tactics Tuesdays: When She’s Not Ready to Escalate"

Scroll down to "Eliminating What It Isn’t" and look for the red blockquotes. It's not quite the auto-rejection script, as it's missing one of the elements, but it's a pretty good jumping-off point.

Chase

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