Will Netflix and Chill Actually Get You Sex? | Girls Chase

Will Netflix and Chill Actually Get You Sex?

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

2015’s most popular humorous way to suggest a girl coming over to your place to hook up has been the phrase ‘Netflix and chill’, mostly used to joke about hooking up online, like so:

Netflix and chill


Netflix and chill

Netflix and chill

So, as we’re concerned on this site with what actually works, two questions then:

  1. Should you ever use ‘Netflix and chill’, or any other trendy line like this?

  2. How good are humorous/trendy lines at getting girls back to your place?

This post will answer both.

Comments

Anonymous 's picture

Hi Chase,

I've been hesitant to ask women back to mine by suggesting we "watch a movie" precisely because of the "Netflix n Chill" meme. It feels like anything even remotely suggestive of spending time alone at an apartment with a women watching any type of media is basically considered an invitation to sex now.

As a result, I feel like I have to come up with alternative ways of inviting her home. Is this fear rational?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Well, the fear is 'rational' superficially, from the perspective that it logically makes sense.

Go out and start inviting girls back to watch movies though and you'll discover it's not a useful fear to have.

The point of the 'invite her back to watch a movie' line is to get her over for sex, in a way she can claim plausible deniability. It is not to hide that sex is a possibility. You just want enough doubt in her mind that she can say, "Sure," and not know with any certainty that you will be trying to take her to bed.

Despite the Netflix and chill meme, there are plenty of women who go over to guys' places to watch movies and nothing ever happens except they watch the movie.

If you invite her over to cook dinner, she knows what's up. If you invite her over for a nightcap, she knows what's up. If you invite her over to play Parcheesi, she knows what's up. Same if you invite her over for a movie. In all of these cases, she knows sex is a possibility, and you'll get the same balking if she's more on the "Nah, I don't think so" side of the fence with all of them.

It doesn't so much matter what line you use, so long as it's easy for her to say 'yes' to and it isn't too unambiguous about what will happen.

That said, if you've got a fear around movies, just use something more comfortable so you aren't getting hung up inviting her home. Ask her back to see your souvenir collection, or check out your travel photos, or to show her that crazy game you picked up in an Illinois pawn shop, or whatever it is. Mention it early on in conversation to seed the pull for later, then use it to pull her once it's time.

Chase

NickAngel's picture

I really appreciate the replies I've been getting to my questions....always concise, insightful, and eloquent.

Anyhow, I've got two more Q's, and I apologize in advance for being somewhat long-winded:

1) How do I deep dive both girls and guys but still maintain control of the interaction/ operate from a position of power? I've been implementing deep dives in a lot of my conversations, and while I've noticed people really enjoy talking about themselves, I've gotten the impression that some people just use me as an outlet for their dreams, motivations, passions, etc., but don't return any real social value to me; kinda like their thought process is: "Oh cool, this guy will listen to stuff most people don't care about or take the time to ask about...nothing like a willing listener who I can open up to". However, when other people enter the interaction, suddenly the person I've been deep diving is only interested in joking around and looking cool. Just wondering what I can do differently to get reciprocation for the value I'm providing so I'm not that nice guy who buys everyone drinks (metaphorically) but people don't really respect. I've tried asking for compliance, but this seems to work a lot better on girls I cold approach and doesn't flow as smoothly in a social setting (work, party) or with guys (although I could be doing something incorrectly, don't know for sure).

2) What can I do right now to make money? I'm currently attending college and have a job as a waiter, but I'd love to do something that makes me more money as I work towards a long-term career. I have a passion and some talent for writing, and am willing to work hard/ teach myself. I am NOT whining to get a job here or anything, but I read one of your replies to a comment where you recommended codeacademy.com to make some money, so I was just wondering if you had a snippet of advice for someone who is interested in writing (or honestly any other job that pays handsomely to a willing learner and a dedicated worker who is still working on his degree). I realize this is a somewhat personalized and off-topic question, so no worries if you don't want to respond to this one. I don't want to cast the burden of finding a lucrative job on anyone else, but I'd appreciate any suggestions if you had the time.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Nick-

I’ve certainly seen more longwinded comments.

Deep diving is a two person affair. A third person entering the conversation usually disrupts it. To be polite, you shift to light conversation - you can’t keep things deep with three people usually, unless one is venting/confessing and the other two are on a similar wavelength of listening and taking it all in.

I don’t recommend deep diving too much when you’re networking or lightly socializing. You can use a few lower level deep dives to build some connection here, but keep it mostly light conversation: some banter, find a few ways to show commonality, and look for similar interests. If the guy is cool, tell him you want to grab food or drinks some time, same as with girls. Don’t expect people to do the work of closing you. Deep diving is good, but it’s not value in and of itself unless you are inspiring and motivating with it, helping people realize things they didn’t previously realize, etc. Not stuff you should be doing when people are likely to interrupt you, either - save that for the date (or the one-on-one meeting). Too much deep diving in non-deep situations can make you feel like that guy who isn’t really in tune with the vibe and wants to peel someone off… it can make folks feel subconscious when they pop out of it when the third person joins in.

On making money - here’s a post with everything I know on making money in the short-term:

How Can I Make Money Right Now?

Chase

Anon Fella's picture

Hey chase !

Nice article, it was fun and quick read !

So, there's one thing I'm really interesting in right now and that is : How to be unreactive and stay calm and chill ( in scary situation also).

This is something I've been wanting like for long. To be honest its so cool to stay calm and not nervous or scared, which I got every now and then and lose control of the situation.

Is there any post about this at GC ?

I'm a beginner and working on my approaches and mostly opening, and yeah I'm getting good at it!!.
Girls are receiving me more warmly and happily ( not every time ), but heck its has become fun at the moment. I'm like so excited to go out everyday just to meet new women.

Maybe you could do a post on un reactiveness !?.
That'd be sooo helpful.

And hey, keep up the great work !

Thanks

Author
Chase Amante's picture

AF-

There is indeed a post about this! Check out this one:

Tactics Tuesdays: Staying Unfazed (When Girls Try to Faze You)

Chase

EvanK's picture

Chase,

I wasn'y expecting this article to delve into pop culture and how it can affect your game. Great stuff.

The meme itself is big in online dating. I see it occasionally in profiles as a joke. Online dates work great for me, as they're quick and effortless to set up and a guaranteed date if she wants to meet. Also, the stigma of online dating being weird is pretty much gone. About 10 years ago it was perceived as very unconventional, but now it's the norm. Are there pros and cons to the online approach vs pick up in everyday real world settings?

I don't find myself going out to pick up random women like I used to. What do you think are the advantages/disadvantages to both? Perhaps an article could cover this? ;)

Cheers,
Evan

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Evan-

Sure, absolutely there are pros and cons.

Pros of online are that it’s easy to do, it’s convenient, and you don’t have to warm up or spend much time motivating yourself. Another pro is that many/most of the women doing online dating (who will actually meet up with you and aren’t just fishing for Instagram followers) are cruising for cock, so you’ll get a lot of quicker flings if you’re running online right.

Another pro of online is it’s fantastic for ending dry spells. If you haven’t been gaming in a while, you can have some rust accumulate that’s hard to shake off, and doing well at cold approach, then the follow up, then the date can take some time, especially if you’re only intermediate or so. With online, because the girls are easier and the process is shortened, and you get to skip the entire approaching part (which most guys hate), you can quickly string together a few quick lays and get rolling again.

Cons are that because of those pros, way more men are doing it, which means you’re not going to get the same caliber of girl (day game: no one’s chatted with her all day; online game: 60 guys have messaged her… just today alone) unless you are THE best. You can be significantly more average with day game and get better girls (more attractive looks, personalities, etc.). Another con is that you’ve got way more crazies online: normal girls sign up, get a bunch of messages, lose interest, and don’t come back. The nuttier ones sign up, love the attention, love that they can sleep with the hot guys here who ignore them in real life, and stay.

One more con of online is that it makes you lazy, and can mess with your abundance mentality - because it’s harder to meet genuinely hot girls online, if you’re doing exclusively online you become much more likely to compromise… you FINALLY get that one really attractive girl, except she’s got a lot of red flags. But screw it, she’s gorgeous! Relationship. If you were doing day game, you’d meet 10 girls like her and go for the ones without the red flags, but the ones without the red flags aren’t online so that option closes off to you.

Anyway, those are the big ones. But I like the topic! I could definitely turn it into a full-on article… maybe this week :)

Chase

Evan K's picture

Thanks for the thorough reply! Great points, Chase.

I'd also throw in that cold approach gives you more of a dominant, masculine vibe. The fact that you're actually approaching a girl out of the blue and hitting on her comes off as sexy, exciting, and shows confidence. Most women, especially shy ones, really admire that.

Also, like you mentioned, so few men cold approach any given woman, especially during the day. That really sets the guy who does cold approach apart. Online dating is for anyone, and it's much harder to convey confidence and strength when messaging a girl on an online platform. The sexy look, the body language, and all those other things that only real-life interactions can show are completely missing from online dating.

Thanks again, Chase. Always a pleasure!

Evan

Taken's picture

hello Chase, superb advice! may i ask for some insight?

when girls ask this question, or any question of the like to kill our mystery of what we do besides out dating , how do we keep the power you said in intrigue article?

And help answering that pesky do you have a gf right now...
“My life is simply too busy for a girlfriend right now... it wouldn't be fair to her.”
She: Well what are you so busy with?
Me: ...

Cheers!

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Taken-

For questions like these, pick one interesting thing you did and make that your explanation.

Her: What did you do last week?

You: Hmm, let me think. Well, one thing I did was I went to this archery class where they had us shooting arrows at these targets across a gymnasium. You'd think it'd be pretty simply, but it turned out to be way harder than I expected and I was just shooting arrows all over the gym. I think I hit a bullseye on someone else's target, actually. What'd you do?

Or

You: I'm too busy for a girlfriend right now... just wouldn't be fair to her.

Her: What are you so busy with?

You: Trying to change the world? [smile] Well, let me ask you this: have you ever taken yourself as a self-improvement project? I do that, but to the extreme. Gym, study, business; expanding my network, expanding my horizons. I'm extraordinariy selfish, you see; a girlfriend would have no time with me.

Just pick one thing and talk about it, and you're good. She'll feel answered, the story will be cool, and yet she'll still realize you told her much, yet told her nothing, and the intrigue is unharmed.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Thanks for the heads up with netflix line. It's so popular and I hear it everywhere.
Hopefully it'll get traffic to your side too along side ;)

AR is so complicated.
That girl I turned around over the phone after hard push selfie, she said ok over the phone but said it's too dark out at that scheduled time and can't make it but suggest reschedule. I was busy so I couldn't.

I tried the 2 weeks after over text and she would give me a time to meet up and then after a day or two, she'll say her employer phoned her day before and now she can't. She told me her schedule is free on (Dec 17) and she'll let me know.

Now, the complication is this. I feel that because I validated her to bring her out of AR over the phone, and now I've pushed her twice to meet, intrigue is gone.
However, if I don't push to meet and she doesn't text me on that day, I feel she will forget (due to decrease in attraction and thought investment from intrigue).

If you were in my shoes and you wanted to push limits and see if you can get her out in the end, how would tackle this walk on fine line?

Lawliet

Lawliet's picture

Was thinking of sending "Playing hard to get now? Too late. I was meaning to check out a place. What say we grab some japanese food?"

Or since she said she's free that week and will text me, I guess I can assume she did but I didn't get it to remind her promise. Also a little byronic side from the bar last week.
"Dropped my phone in the middle of a fight last week and had trouble receiving texts. You said you're free this week, how does it look now?"

Anonymous's picture

yo chase, love the articles! Good call dude. the line's so overused, it's darn transparent like asking for sex...

About frames,
What kinds of frames would you say we avoid and what kinds should we embrace from girls?
You see, you mentioned about an inexperienced girl asking, "Do you go for first date sex with every girl?"
and the answer to that you say is "Yes" with sexy smile. Yo right here! http://www.girlschase.com/content/does-seduction-only-work-sluts

But darn it, before I saw your answer key, I was thinking of denying that frame. I guess I didn't want her to think I'm a player?
So what's your rationale for choosing which frames we accept or reject that girls or friends set on us?

My side thoughts, a gal I met constantly makes teases of me and frames me hurting hearts of other women. She would say, "Aww what did you do this time hurting those poor hearts?" or anything that poses me as a bad guy.
Would you say it's worth accepting this frame? I played along with "Indeed. Weak hearts beware" and then she said, "Nvm...so I'm busy this week to meet but I'll..."
Guess she didn't like I didn't answer her "What". thanks chase! ;)

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Well, there are numerous ways to answer any question.

For “Do you always go for first date sex?” you could also say, “Only with women I like.” That way you’re framing it as a reward / sign of approval. Could even continue with that and make a chase frame about it: “The women I don’t like I make wine and dine me, and then I never put out.”

If you’re denying any frame that frames you as sexual, you’re killing women’s attraction for you.

“Do you always go for first date sex?” —> “No…”

She knows that either a.) you’re lying and just telling her what she wants to hear, which means you’re scared of telling her the truth and thus you REALLY value sex with her, and maybe aren’t as successful with women like her as she’d like… OR b.) you really don’t go for first date sex that often and are probably just doing this because you think she’s some kind of slut who’ll be up for it.

Backing down when you get challenged creates more problems than it solves, every time. Anything where the girl is pushing you to answer a certain way, that’s generally an occasion where you need to ask yourself, “Hmm, which answer is going to lift the flap and show her I’ve got a pair of balls hanging there and not a vagina?”

“Do you just want me for sex?” —> “Of course not. I like your mind also.” [said in a half-playful, half-serious/sexual tone]

“Do you always go this fast?” —> “Only with the women I actually like. The others can wait, because I have no real desire to be with them.”

Buying into a woman’s frame if it’s patronizing is the same. “Aww what did you do this time hurting those poor hearts?” is condescending; you’re better than the women whose hearts you break, and she is better than you (which is why she can mock both the weak women who possess those fragile hearts, and you, the breaker of them). (this frame also sucks because she’s talking about you and others, not you and her)

Buying into the frame (as you did here) simply acknowledges her supremacy.

Instead, again, do the unexpected: neither protesting, nor buying in…

“Aww what did you do this time hurting those poor hearts?” —> “The same thing you do to my heart every time you speak with me that way, my love.”

Chase

jake's picture

Hey Chase,
Great and very relevant article for 2015. I think it's amazing that you can still pop these out like nothing with no lack of creativity and repetition.

My question has to do with one of your most popular articles on sex where you discuss on hitting the cervix of the vagina for maximum pleasure. I always hear conflicting accounts.

I browse reddit and a lot of women on there say that some of the worst experiences have been when men have hit the cervix and leaves them in extreme pain and almost unable to walk. They say that it would have been so much better if the man did not do that and just gave them oral sex. Actually I notice that a lot of women and men on there say that only a few women can have vaginal orgasms and you are much better just trying to give her clitoral orgasms.

I am so confused and yes I am a pure and innocent virgin. Is that advice on your sex article only good for a few specific women?

One more question, what is a good measure to use for when you know you give a girl great sex? Like 3 orgasms or do I have to try to give her like 7?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Jake-

Hitting the cervix hurts until the woman approaches orgasm. The closer she gets, the more pleasurable it becomes, until eventually it becomes exceptionally pleasurable.

Much the same as the clitoris; rub it too hard (or pull the hood back) before she’s sufficiently warmed up, and it hurts. Once she’s nearing orgasm, you can rub it REALLY hard, yank the hood back and stimulate it directly, and it’s absolutely intoxicating to her.

Every woman CAN have vaginal orgasms, as in she has the potential to. Most men aren’t able to train women who can’t cum vaginally to do so, and most women can’t get there themselves. Every woman you meet who can cum vaginally right away either is naturally highly orgasmic or had a lover who trained her. How long the training takes depends on how sexually experienced and comfortable the girl is, and how much or how little pressure she puts on herself to cum. I’ve had some girlfriends who had their first vaginal orgasms with me almost immediately, though I had one who took years (eventually got her as orgasmic as the others… though it took about two years to get her all the way there and multiorgasmic, cumming easily).

Anyway, I have an article on the training process (in case that’s what you’re after) right here:

3 Steps to Help Her to Orgasm from Sex.”

Don’t worry too much about this sex stuff if you’re a virgin. Learn adapted missionary from my article on that and use that one; we’ve had plenty of guys on the forum saying they used it their first times having sex and the girl was pleased or even orgasmed. Don’t focus on getting her to orgasm the first time you have sex, just make it a good time.

Sex can be good without orgasm; she doesn’t have to cum to enjoy it. Check out Ricardus’s article on being a good lover. You can have a girl who wants to have lots of sex with you even if she’s never had an orgasm. However, once you can get her to the point where she’s orgasming (especially if it’s a deeply satisfying orgasm… i.e., a penetrative orgasm, vs. one she gets through oral sex or fingering), you’re on a different level.

Chase

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