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Hi everyone. I hope you are all doing well. This post will be answering similar questions to last week’s post – discussing calibration and sexual escalation. Today however we will be more focused on sex talk.
Before I begin, let me repost a relevant question from one of our readers “Anonymous”:
“I was thinking, what’s the difference between the sleazy guys who talks about sex, using sexual frames and escalation vs. sexy guy who talks about sex, using sexual frames and escalation? And I read your sequence in “Physical Escalation in Public”;What happens when we escalate at the wrong sequence (too much)? thanksalek ;)”
Last time we discussed calibration and escalation. Some of the questions answered last time were:
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When should one start to escalate
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How can one escalate without triggering huge amounts of resistance
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Tips and tricks to avoid resistance
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How to calibrate your escalation
Now last time we discussed “escalation” in general without focusing too much on whether we were talking about verbal or physical (non-verbal) game, because the concepts discussed in the last post were applicable to both.
Anything discussed in the previous post is valid for verbal seduction (sex talk) and hence can work as a great foundation for what I am about to discuss here. Today however we will focus on calibrating sexual verbals, and learn how to avoid triggering resistance while doing so.
Comments
Good advices but........
Hi Alek,
really a good article, a lot to learn but.......... you say
"The key thing when talking about sex is to communicate that YOU are a great lover and that YOU know your shit when it comes to sex, female physiology, and the psychological aspect of sex so that SHE KNOWS that IF she wins you over, she will have an awesome night"
what if I have had only 2 or 3 girls, what if I am not the experienced guy???? A girl will smell it miles away. In my opinion it is for experienced guys.
"Now I am pretty experienced with sex talk (I have been doing it consistently since 2008 – I was actually 16 back then, posting on mASF)." YOU, yes, but me........?
At least for me not very helpful, but interesting anyway...........
Anonymous
Hey man. Good questions
You are right - I consider sex talk (and everything similar to it) as an advanced technique that requires a higher amount of experience. That for many reasons, like the one you mentioned but also when it comes to the ability to deliver and calibrate it properly.
Anyway to answer your questions: there are no easy fix there.
That being said you have two choices here:
- One fake it till you make it - directly lie about your sexual experiences. Practically speaking, some people are good at "faking it" (actor talents?) some are not and will just come across as rather incongruent - i.e. women sensing you are bullshitting them. Some are comfortable lying some are not. There is also an ethical aspect here, but I am not here to judge so whether or not you'd like to lie is your call. I personally am not comfortable about pulling off big lies to women (i can still pull of small lies,such as "i don't live for away from here" or "we will go back to my place and just listen to some music and have a few drinks")
- Sex talk based on your actual experience. So let us say you had a girlfriend or (a) fuckbuddie(s) for a while, you probably learned a few things or two. Use that. Use what you have.
Here is what I would do: focus on the basics first (having a solid foundation will make sex talk way easier for you, believe me) and get some lays. The more lays the more content you will have to talk about the next time you talk about sex with a girl. In addition to that, you fundamentals will become way stronger which will make your sex talk more solid. Another option is to have 3 fuckbuddies and just experiment with sex. That too can teach you a few lessons about sex, which will affect the content of your sex talk positively.
As you can tell, there are no easy fixes here. Sex talk is an advanced technique. If you are not there yet, work on your fundamentals (that being said, a lot of brilliant seducers, including many who posts here on GC only use fundamental/basics to get laid).
Hope this answered your question,
Alek
Good advices, but.........
Hi Alek,
yes it answers my question......
Thanks
You're missing a chance
I disagree with your avoidance of sex talk in groups, I find it very useful.
You have to dial it back a bit but if you have group of girls or a mixed group where you're pretty sure the other guys are inexperienced or uncalibrated it's easy to set yourself up as the sexy guy in the group and suddenly the girls pre-filter themselves - you wind up being the top prize...
It *has* to be falsely self deprecatory. Ideally you raise a topic like 'Everyone takes turn to tell their worst sexual disaster' - then you tell about how you were doing something just beyond the comfort zone of a partner and something out of unpredictable went wrong and she bailed - eg. sex in the shower and the hot water ran out or blindfold bondage and the dog leapt on the bed - try to say something kind about the unfortunate partner. Calibrate the anecdote to the group but find something that shows you're up for adventurous activities and are comfortable mentioning them in passing.
You'll find most of the other guys will helfully disqualify themselves and the girls fall into two groups, excited and grossed out. Listen to them but respond to their state, not their words.
If you can't steer the topic in a sexual direction you can often swing something off a location - 'That club's near (area) isn't it? I had a girlfriend there once..' and go into a self deprecatory sex topic as above.
Then pull back slightly and concentrate on one or two of the girls who's eyes are sparkling.
Anonymous
Hey man. Thank you for your contribution.
I agree with you a 100%. The reason I didn't recommend sex talk in groups is because it is harder to pull off than 1on1 sex talk. However yes it is fully possible to pull it off, but as i mentioned in this article, it requires:
- More skills
-More brainpower (i.e. you really need to be concentrated in order to calibrate properly)
- You need to tone it down and talk about more innocent topics
Onto the technique you just shared: BRILLIANT. Thanks you for your contribution. I really like the idea of being a bit self deprecatory. Sharing "failed" sex stories is a good trick to get the conversation going and introduce the topic of sex in a way and entertaining way without coming across as bragging. I have used similar techniques with great success. Usually I transition from a failed story into a really hot story. This way I avoid coming across as bragging as I just shared a failed story.
Thank you.
Alek
Conversation starter
Alek,
Do you have any introduction lines that you use to start the sex talk? I figure you vary things but you have probably found ways to kick start the subject. Sometimes it just flows due to the circumstance but at other times I need a soft start to use.
SGent
Smooth
Hey Alek,
Great article as always bro!
I had similar questions as SGent.
1. How do we transition smoothly into sex talk (the stuff in the article)?
I'm a Lover of smooth and natural like you ;)
2. How would you transition to sex stories / or frame setting stories?
Examples:
"I am discreet and low key" You tell a story about a girl who talked and that was lame.
"I am a good lover" You tell a story how a girl screamed so loud, the neighbours phoned the cops!
"I don't like jealousy" You say how jealousy ruins all the fun.
But introductions that smoothly slides these in...now that I'm unsure.
Yours,
Lawliet
Lawliet
I will make a post about this exact topic - see my response above.
About sex stories I have written 2 posts about that topic:
http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-tell-sex-story-part-i
http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-tell-sex-story-part-ii
This should answer your question. If it doesn't, let me know.
To answer your question from last time:
You seemed to be confused about taking a step backward in order to move forward.
What I meant by this is that whenever you face resistance, take a step back. Taking that step back is the goal SEQUENTIALLY. You take that step back in order to bypass some of her resistance so that you can MOVE FORWARD. Moving FORWARD is that main goal. Did that clear thins up? if it didn't let me know :)
Alek
SGent
Hey.
Yes I do have a numerous techniques that I use. I will give you a short list here. The reason I will be doing so is because you just gave me an idea for a future post. Unfortunately if I write it today, I will not be posted before 2 weeks (because I already sent in an article a few days ago). If you can wait 2 weeks, I promise you to answer your question a 100%. Before that time, you can check out my reports (linked in this post). Some of them cover this exact topic.
Here are some techniques that i use (i will be described in details in my post about it):
- Assumptions http://www.girlschase.com/content/assumptions-tools-attraction
- Smoothly transition into the topic: http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-use-sex-talk-part-ii-case-study
- Compliments: http://www.girlschase.com/content/fractionation-s-role-hooking-chicks
- Discuss sex and society - My favorite chick cracker is: "don't you think it is unfair that women get judged for being sexual whereas men can do what ever they want? (90% success rate)
Hope this helps for now.
Alek
Alek,
Alek,
I was read the second one and it gave me an excellent opener. Since I am older and attract younger women I can say something like "People can be so judgmental. I bet there are people in here looking at us and thinking there's an older guy with a young woman. He must have a lots of money or a big dick. Or she must be after his money. I think people should be more open to sexual relationships no matter the age of the man and woman. Don't you agree?" It really doesn't matter where we are because you know that judgement happens. So it should be an opener most of the time.
Thanks
SGent
Other methods
Hey Alek great article! You mentioned at the end of your article that being very attractive helps when you go direct with your sexual intent, is there any other methods like that which have low return rates with the exception of being very attractive. In other words if you are very attractive what other high risk things would work in your favor?
Anonymous
I wouldn't use the words "work in your favor". even though good looking men have a higher success rate when pulling off risky techniques, the success rate is still rather... low...
However, to answer your question:
- Direct, caveman style physical escalation (without doing a lot of pre-work in the form of target selection and triggering approach invitation) is a high risk - high reward technique
- grabbing girls and telling them super stupid stuff ("I want to piss on you" - I know a guy who managed to pull that one off - try it at your own risk)
- Telling girls right away that you can them hot, and that you would like to bang them - i.e. "wanna fuck?"
I don't recommend any of those techniques :)
Hands down Alek!
yo alek, thanks for answering my question with two articles! Hits em straight home. You rock dude! for general sex talk, I'm conflicting with Chase's article:
http://www.girlschase.com/content/sexual-tension-7-ways-make-women-excit...
He says "dry sex talk" does not turn women on. He would talk about their favorite position and techniques without implying between them. Is this a different talk than the one you describe and if so, what makes this type ineffective? thanks alek! ;)
Anonymous
Tricky Question. Let me think about the matter and respond to you on either sunday or monday.
-Alek
Dry Sex Talk
Anon-
When I was trying it, as in the sexual tension article, I was going in with no other sexual aspects to my approach and hoping that a kind of clinical discussion of sex would maybe be what was needed.
As Alek talks about in this post though, that's going to be 1.) too obvious about what it is (you're just trying to talk to her about sex... hmm, I wonder why), and 2.) really boring, because it isn't backed up by you being excited and passionate about the topic (as he is - Alek really loves talking about sex, and it shows every time he gets on the topic with girls or anybody, I'll tell you from watching him first hand), having nonverbal sexual tension building going on with touch or eye contact or flirty smiles, etc., and just using the sex talk well, where you're teasing her with information, baiting her in, giving her stuff to ask you about and get you involved in, etc.
You could probably say for me I abandoned sex talk before figuring out how to use it effectively, and moved onto other tools for building sexual tension. Alek on the other hand has used sex talk as a pillar to build his sexual escalation game around, and he's gotten really good at it.
I notice a lot of guys start off talking about sex talk the same way I did, and many of them don't seem to pick up on the fact that women are mildly amused at best (or bored, or wondering why this guy is bringing up sex in the first place...). Sex talk's a great technique used right; just make sure you're following Alek's guidelines and not telling yourself the new guy standard: "I'll just start talking positions and body parts and she won't be able to keep herself off me!"
Chase
Isolate and Escalate
Hey Alek,
In Sexual prizing, you said you learned to master isolate and escalate at 15.
Would love it if you can share how you got there as sex and escalation needs that primer before it's even possible.
Hope your trip is going fantastic!
Lawliet
Lawliet
Just came home!
That is true. I have had a long journey. I can share more personal past experiences in my future posts - no problem.
In addition to that I will be on the podcast really soon. I am sure they will ask me a bit about my past.
best,
Alek
dilemma
Hi Alek,
I haven't understood one sentance: "It also helps being very good looking – and that also gives it a pretty low success percentage. " Does that mean women for some reason don't like good looking man?
I ask this because I'm good looking and women never see me as a lover candidate, and always as boyfriend candidate and I always get friend zoned.
Hope it's not too late to put a qustion post.
I feel you Xander...
I feel you Xander...
The thing is that, being good looking makes women socially attracted to us, not sexually. "OMG! Look! My new boyfriend! He's so handsome, isn't he?!" she said her friends. This happen to wealthy guys too, "Hey, you know? My husband bought a new BMW! Hohoho~!" That's just the way they are, I think.
But, don't worry. You already know the solution, do you?
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