Keeping Your Cool: Don't Chase Women | Page 3 | Girls Chase

Keeping Your Cool: Don't Chase Women

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture
keeping your cool

The other day, a reader wrote in with a question about keeping your cool when women are being flighty or slow to respond, in reference to the post on what to do when girls flake:

In your article on girls not returning texts, I was wondering what your idea of a socially savvy way to deal with it was. I've found it hard not to take this personal, especially when it's from girls I've known longer that still do it. I understand it's quite common, but to me there's really no excuse. I'd much rather hear "I'm not interested" than waste my night waiting around, especially when considering how girls get when guys don't call them back.

You know, a long, long time ago -- it almost seems like another life -- I made it a point to respond to every single person who texted or called me, no matter what. I looked at it as a matter of honor, and took it as a point of pride -- I was reliable.

And it annoyed me to no end when people didn't respond. Like the reader above, I couldn't understand people who didn't respond -- I thought it rude, and I considered it inexcusable.

Of course you can take 10 seconds to text a reply, or 10 minutes to return a phone call, I'd think to myself.

I considered it a personal slight, those people who didn't respond.

I see things a lot differently nowadays. Often, I don't even notice when one person or another -- when one girl or another -- hasn't responded, until maybe much later -- and perhaps never at all. And, for all my earlier "principles" on being 100% reliable in responding to those who contacted me, I'm now sitting at somewhere decidedly below a 100% response rate -- maybe 85%, maybe 90%. I still try to respond most times, but it's no longer an unbreakable rule.

The reason why I changed -- both in how I saw it when others didn't respond, and in why I don't chase women with texting or phone calls anymore and why I don't always respond when people chase me anymore -- is what I want to share with you here.

Comments

Aaron mongo 1991's picture

Amazing article! Really put things into perspective for me. Like one the posters, I have no problem getting laid... Although I know in advance that I don't want to date that girl. I think I have super-low self-esteem, so when I meet a girl I want to date; I try extra hard and take it a lot slower and I always find myself initiating conversations, or asking all the questions, etc. This helped me realize that I simply need to take a more aggressive, direct persona in my dating. So, thanks!

Anonymous's picture

For the past 10 months or so, me and my female co-worker, who has a bf, have been flirting with each other, communicating all the time, doing things together, etc.. I moved slowly with her because of the potential disaster of crash and burning with a co-worker, even though I knew moving slowly was a bad idea from past experiences and from reading these articles. We really did have a seemingly pretty incredible relationship, but it was and still isnt sexual. Recently I finally made a move on her and we made out after a company event. I tried really hard to take her to bed that same night but she refused. We made out one other time a week later but now she's put up that wall of resistance Chase mentioned. All along I knew I was doing a lot of things right with her but also a lot of things wrong (chatting with her too much, moving slowly, etc.) that could potentially result in that same shitty feeling that I am once again experiencing. I couldn't just completely ignore her though because we are co-workers. Talk about frustrating!!

Cezar's picture

Im going to tell you from my rich and very bad experience with my female co-worker.
I worked in a great company, had a nice salary. Then I was a fool enough to start flirting with my female coworker. As time passed we becoume more intimate and eventualy get sleeping together, sharing secrets. Whad I didnt realyzed is that my CEO is haveing a crush on a same female covorker, so he start giving me a very hard time at work. Eventualy I got it, and just started to ignore her since my job was more valuable than intimacy with her.
And what hit me THE MOST is that she just get on CEO fucking him and telling him my secrets and the things I told her while we were intimate, basicaly BACKSTABING me intentionaly! Than I was forced to quit that job.
NEVER EVER be intimate or even flirt with anyone you work with. Il go a step further and tell you to never hang out or share your private thoughts and opinions with coworkers (both female and male) becouse it will backstab you hard when you dont expect!

AW's picture

Couple facts about this girl:
- In my social circle
- Asked her out 4 times to be rejected, then gave her cold shoulder for a week and she ended up chasing me
- She came over and we did everything except for sex.

I want a LTR with her and if we had sex I think I'd totally lose interest in her so I told her "I don't f*** on first dates". Basically, I pulled the "You go really, really slow, try not to mess stuff up..."

Asked her out the week after, and she was very busy so she couldn't meet up. What should I do from here?

Thanks for this post, Chase!

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase,

Great article I must say.Though not totally agree on hvg sex on first date. I made point clear that if by 3rd date and still not getting together.I no longer would want to spend more time,effort and money just to linger around being in friendzone My recent experience with a "player girl" really humbled me.First was the spark flies high,we both flirts so much and begin text back n forth.And after 2 weeks of chatting, she started to disappear once a while.Afterwards we had good first date and second one too.
And another new behavior of her surfaced..moody..mad..angry. Probably not mad n angry at me but maybe some other dudes or her own friends etc..thats what i think of that time.I started to feel flustered by this knowing I put so much time on her and try to cheer her up.I went on vacation and get her stuff she requested.I came back and met her again. That night I told her that I liked her and hope there would be something more serious.She is undecided and said never think of it as its only been 2 months of knowing each other.
At first, I kinda agree on the opinion that this might be too early for anything but deep in my mind think that this might be sign of not interested as well. To think that all those sweet text and flirt is for nothing kinda sucks.I figure that if we have liked each other, at very least she would be willing to give chance for us to get together and see how it goes from there.
I made almost all the mistakes you listed there,chasing her..texting her lots..helping her..and soon I requested for another date.To my surprise she said she is fully booked for the whole week for dinner.I was feeling sad and mad to find out I was on her rotation list!!! I was thinking that what was the meaning all the thing she said before?It was all just non-sense!I couldnt hide my jealousy and starts to hit her with that in mind..I was thoroughly disappointed.
I made it a point that I am cutting my loss. Its done and before I go way to crazy,things got to stop.I just removed her from contact and hope not to be haunted again.I barely got some sleep and appetite nowadays.
To girls...I dont know why would you do this to nice guys....until i stumbled upon this article.It has been an AWAKENING.

H

Jonny's picture

Texting is yet another thing guys do to annoy women right? So it will automatically become yet another "testing" means for women. So just assume it is another test. Be patient and don't be needy, whiny, or angry. Then guess what? You failed her yet another test.

frenchdude's picture

i thought this was just another english shit-blog about how to get girls but i found myself reading and liking many of it. it doesn't bore me and actually IS interesting, with sometimes kind of a psychological aspect.

keep up the good work.
nb:don't answer to this i typed in a fake address.

CannotSay's picture

Hi Chase! I read your blog for some time already, but this is my first comment. I will make it short: A friend of mine set a double date, I met a girl, she is amazing, beautiful, smart, lots in common and so on. We went out again, double date, everything amazing, she's always curling her hair, playing with rings, talking deeply looking inside my soul :) Third date, we alone went to a very cool French restaurant, had wine, everything was great again. After this day I started making a lot of mistakes. First, I was drunk and wrote her a message saying that I liked her a lot and so on. She replied me something like: Let it happen. We went out again, she invited me to go out for a dinner. Amazing everything, and I..... touched her hands. Evolution here. She asked me when we are going to meet again, I told her about weekend, we left, no kisses and .... We never went out again for a month. She is always busy, barely replying me. I used this month to put in practice what you said with other girls and I got some cool ones, but I want exactly this one. What would you suggest me to get her back? I don't text her already for 1,5 week (texting her average 1 message every 2 days before). I cannot say if she is really busy or she is avoiding me. I don't want even to write her a "Good morning" without finding the best words...

RJ's picture

Hey Chase... Im in quite a situation..Long story short, i was with my Ex for almost 4 years!! We were best friends and very close..We fought and fought after the Second year due.to cheating on my part and also jealousy on Both sides. She stepped out Too and was on Dating sites and flirting on Facebook..Basically we were drifting Apart and the trust has vanished..She ALWAYS came back after a fight..no More than a Few days later..Out of The blue she texted me a Month ago and said she found someone else and To never contact her again..I Panicked And texted her for Two weeks almost everyday..i Finally gave up and am Going no Contact...I really Love This girl and want her back, but Im.stuck..How does Someone you Spend every day With just disappear..Does She Care? She said she Doesnt love me anymore..but weeks prior she Was in love With me..im dyin without her..I know i Have To let Go..but i Wanna marry her and Start over..What Do I do?

RJ's picture

Hey Chase... Im in quite a situation..Long story short, i was with my Ex for almost 4 years!! We were best friends and very close..We fought and fought after the Second year due.to cheating on my part and also jealousy on Both sides. She stepped out Too and was on Dating sites and flirting on Facebook..Basically we were drifting Apart and the trust has vanished..She ALWAYS came back after a fight..no More than a Few days later..Out of The blue she texted me a Month ago and said she found someone else and To never contact her again..I Panicked And texted her for Two weeks almost everyday..i Finally gave up and am Going no Contact...I really Love This girl and want her back, but Im.stuck..How does Someone you Spend every day With just disappear..Does She Care? She said she Doesnt love me anymore..but weeks prior she Was in love With me..im dyin without her..I know i Have To let Go..but i Wanna marry her and Start over..What Do I do?

Anonymous's picture

So basically my friend goes to a private college and knows a girl from Poland he goes to school with. He also told me that she has a cousin(also from Poland) and said we should double date. So we all met up at a hookah bar and it started off rough as she was astoundlingly beautiful. I was nervous at first but came into my own. My friend and I thought it was going nowhere but they said they wanted to go get something to eat. A new hope had arisen. We all opened when we got there and talked more and they didn't want to go home even after that. After this we tried teaching them how to drive manual cars as that is a way to start physical intimacy. It was at its peak here as we started to flirt and talk about more personal subjects. I had completely forgotten to get her number though the idiot I am. So now I don't know what to do exactly. She is someone I definitely am interested in. What do I do? It was the first time we ever met so I dont know if this is a done deal or if I should pursue. I just broke up with my girlfriend of a year and month also.

Jake's picture

So I've been out with this girl maybe 8 times. First 3 were constrained
to flirting by circumstance. Last 5 were open. I've been hurt before so
was taking it slow, and she says she was recently hurt too. Anyways,
yeah, I think she was more into me than I comprehended. We made out
each date. One time she moved me to feel her up and whatnot. I think
that's the key signal I missed, I should have at least got her off in
the car that night. Some part of me thinks that BOTH of us were silently
thinking 'motel right now' (my place is a real wreck), and me being a
good LTR guy totally missed that. Now after a short Thanksgiving hi when
we were with our own families, she hasn't got back to me and it's been
an uncharacteristic silence for few days now. So I'm going to do a few
things... fix my place asap, like the best I can do in two weeks or less,
I hope it's enough. Then go see her at her work and ask her out. If she
says yes, we go out, do stuff on the town, and make out as usual. The big
question is... 1) tell her I like her at risk of her seeing me again or
not, and wait till my place is sweet 2) pause the making out and get to
the nearest motel 3) pause the making out and take her to my messy place
(which I told her about) and we'll have sex there. Experience tells
me my odds at keeping her now are slim. But we're pretty good together
so I have to take one of these options and cannot risk contacting her
(wasting the 'everyone gets a chance' contact) till then. Yet, I don't
feel like fucking someone who won't become a true LTR/married down the
road, I'd rather fap. Advice? Do I go full risk and invite her to a
crazy messy place? At least it's 'me, as i am now' that she'd get to
know there and not a hotel. Or just explain that I've been hurt, need
time and will have her over in a month if she truly likes me?

timothy's picture

Hey man, I'm just starting in game, with talking to girls and all thatlike fresh out of the woumb aha, do you run any classes like up close in personal in the feild? I find that wouldbe so helpfull. Especially for a guy who trys yet seems to get nowhere

Anonymous's picture

What happens to those saving sex until within marriage? If attraction has an expiration date, then how will you ever get to marriage before sex?

Anonymous's picture

So this girl went to the same college as I. Never met, just through passing on campus. Anyways, via FB I got her number and we texted a little. She was home for break and we went out on a date. I picked her up at her house and actually met her parents. Very sweet and nice, they offered me a drink before we went out. So we went ice-skating, the chemistry, the connection was great (through my eyes). The conversations were 2 sided. After ice-skating, we went out to dinner, had more great talks and such. Afterwards, we drove back to my house, had some wine and cuddled on the couch, watching tv. Then I went for it and we started kissing. One thing led to another and we're both in my bed, nothing on. So we are being intimate and my passion comes out, and I basically asked for sex. At the time I wasn't thinking. I really connected with her, I have never brought up sex on the first date, she has been the only one that has made me kind of lose control in that sense. I brought her back to her house later that night. We held hands in the car the whole way, and as she left, she kissed me. I texted her saying what a great time I had. The next morning she texted me for a little bit. fast forward... Two days pass and we texted, I woke up to a text and she had a lot to say. She said she had such a good time but was surprised I asked for sex, she said she wasn't upset or mad but just surprised and thought she was going to separate me from the pack! this is were I went "ahhh" cause I genuinely liked her and didn't want a one night stand.... THUS, I ended sending her a text trying to explain myself, didn't get a response, a few days later I texted her, no response, I then called her and she picked up but she was walking into a bar with her friends so I said I wanted to talk about our date night and call me when shes free. Haven't heard from her since. I texted her asking how her night went and still no response... what to do what to do??? any suggestions? I'm not one to be clingy at all! but I actually do like her for more than just physical needs. She's a great person and our date went so well! a lot of flirting and touching and hooking up. Please tell what I should do....I'm thinking long term not short...I am not going to text her or call anymore...

THANK YOU!!!

That Nice Guy's picture

I've been chasing after this girl I know for a while, took her out to prom, to the movies, dinner and all. Acted like how a gentleman should have, something told me I should of made my move that first time but I was too nervous so I waited. Came to find out later she was already taken. So now in my eyes she is a lost cause , sorry to say but I'm done trying to chase women and show them how great of a man I can be for them only to be placed in the dreaded "friend-zone". Now, I'm just focused on me and nothing else. To be honest I'm done chasing, never liked it in the first place, and if she comes chasing after me I'm not going to take the bait because she had her chance already.

Anonymous's picture

As everyone else has said, thanks a lot.

Your articles make so much sense, I don't know why I didn't realize it before. Unlike other 'guides' in the market/online, its not about being somebody you're not, it's about being yourself but just not a push over. Also the concept of moving fast, WOW, how clear it is to me now.

Thanks again,

J

Dr. Phil's picture

Hey Chase,

I have a question for you and your advice would be very much appreciated!!

I've had two very attractive flighty girls practically force their number into my hands, even though I never asked them for it. However, once I initiated contact I could see them flake more and more and the attraction window is closing. I've been straight and to the point and set up dates that were agreed upon using many of the strategies that you preach, but yet they still play these "hard-to-get games". I'm seeing other girls and I refuse to chase, but I was wondering if there are any strategies to increase interest levels before I move on completely. Essentially I'm wondering besides ignoring and no-contact if there's any way of letting them know that they risk missing out if they don't take action.

To be honest I can't stand girls who play these games, and I'd like to flip them back onto them somehow.

Many Thanks,

The Doctor

Javier's picture

Hey Chase, there's this girl I'm talking to in Colorado and I plan to see her on the fourth of July. I had seen her a couple of times but she said she was too shy to ask me out or make a move, as was I. We started talking over the phone and she told me she had a sexual attraction for me and told me she has full interest in me. We've been talking and texting, like a lot and it seems like the attraction is dying out. Is there a way to keep the fire alive until I see her?

Carlos K's picture

Hey Chase,

Man, let me take a moment to say that I love all this stuff...I've had the opportunity to check some of the material posted by date doctors and gurus, but I think your site goes well beyond a set of empty "scripts" and techniques and actually offers valuable advice to be a better man in everything...not just dating. Thanks Bro!

Long story short: I blew it. I met this cute French girl dancing a few weeks ago...I am kind of introvert by default so I end up ignoring them and appearing to be mysterious without meaning to...they love it and start chasing. I asked her out for a coffee, coffee turned into drinks....lots of making out and french kissing that night. I can tell you honestly...she was begging for it right away. The bad news: a family member was landing from home that night, and I just could not take her home and forget about it. So I did my best and tried to end things in a high note.

And here comes the blunder....I sent her a cheesy text next day. Needless to say....she didn't reply, and when she did almost a day afterwards, she sent me exactly the same message you describe in this post (I'm so busy...hope you're doing ok....). We still got together for dancing again that week...but she was a different person already. No connection, no flirting, no nothing....I ignored her, took her home and erased her number afterwards. I know she is gone....

I must accept that she was significantly younger (23 Vs 30), she likes to club, she likes to drink (I'm referring to your post on not dating club girls) and will be in town just for a couple months. I knew it wasn't going to turn into anything serious from the beginning. Still..it sucks, I know I blew it.

Any insights on how to avoid that strong tendency to try to create connection through cheesy stuff?

Kishore's picture

Chase......recently I lost my Asian girl friend. I tried three or four times to kiss her. But due to last minute resistance, I didn't do. I thought she is not interested. Now she is away from me. Now I am frustrated. Not getting sleep. I am totally depressed.

Then I searched internet, to know where I have done wrong. I came across your site. It's just wonderful and highly informative. I have done all the mistakes you have mentioned in the site. Though I am a techy I don't know small things about girls. Your site very useful for persons like me. Thank you.

Anonymous's picture

you have some points but in general you are quite wrong. Chasing works quite well if you have a good hand (meaning a few girls going on) and let them know about it. then is when it looks that you are cool. you are never to be cool because your are not chasing...many people have given up already and they dont cahse and they get zero.

Anonymous's picture

From what I have learned from your articles is that chasing girls doesn't work and its frustrating so how about a girl I have chased but it has failed and after I stopped chasing her. Then she started chasing me back and honestly I still have strong feeling for her but it looks like its just for her ego. What can I do with that and how to be cool about it. Iam in a small town not in New York city as you grow up there and we are in a social circle which I have to see her every day ? And she still has a boyfriend for almost six months now?
Iam a big fan of Chase Amante articles

Thank you

Rahul's picture

Hi Chase,

Your articles are really insightful and I agree with most of the content but I am confused regarding what shud a guy do , if he is texting a girl who is not living in the same city. I have this friend whom i like, initially she was the one who always initiated the conversation, soon I got more and more involved and started texting her almost everyday. Gradually her texts stopped coming, though she responds almost everytime I text her. As you say we should use text only for scheduling dates but what shud I do if I cant meet her, as far as calling her is concerned she does not picks her calls most of the time but responds on text messages. I know I shud not text her so frequently but still the urge is there, I dont know whether I am interested in her romantically since I have never met her but I am attracted physically. So what should I do, move on or keep flirting now and then as you say persistence is important if u want to score with girls

Regards
Rahul

Bammi's picture

Met a girl a while back that was drop dead gorgeous, petite, pretty face, banging body. She had a great personality, was fun to be around and we shared the same interests. She seemed perfect for me.
Now here is the kicker...she lived at home with her parents and soblings and she was super attached to her parents. Every single date (besides 1) involved me being around her and her parents. This made it very hard for me to be intimate with her (even though she wanted me to be intimate). Time passed, and eventually she kind of fizzled out. we were still hanging out, but not as frequently and then one day she started a relationship with her coworker, which caused me to ditch her for good. Any thoughts on what I could have done to avoid the split?

sw's picture

So is there anyway to get out of that zone where the girl sees you as just a friend. I've done the whole dating multiple women thing, and had many lovers but my heart is still stuck on this one particular girl. every other women is just another women. Would love for some advice.

Anonymous's picture

I have to say this guy's advice works. Keep in mind though that you may have to tailor it for your woman. I met someone amazing, we hit it off instantly... Then we started spending too much time together, and it blew up in my face. She said it was too easy, she likes the chase. I said ok fine, I gave her space , made her feel like she was back in control.. And then she started to chase little by little.. I'd give her snippets of information when we did talk in order to turn up the mystery a bit.. Then she was hooked.. Women love to feel that they're in control, but if you can give them the appearance that they have control but in reality you're the only driving... You'll be set.

LoneWolf's picture

Your articles are great, and i've found them an inspiration to be the better man. But i need advice on something, related to this article.

Firstly: is chasing and ABSOLUTE no go, or is there a time and place for it?

Reason i ask, is because there's this girl i like. She's fun, sexy and i don't, there's something about her i just can't put my finger on it.

Well, when we met, she was going through some tough stuff. She recently broke off with a guy she was VERY close with and had been stalked. Because of this happening one after the other, she asked me for a bit of time to get her thoughts straight. I gave her time.

Then there was another guy, well he was there before me, but she kept telling me she saw him only as a friend. Another friend intervened, and said they should be together, and pretty much this chased him off with his tail between his legs. She was hurt by this and came to me for comfort.

After helping her feel better about herself and all that jazz, i gave her a bit of space where i didn't say anything to her at all. I didn't purposefully ignore her, i just didn't go out of my way to reach out to her.

Shen then sent me a message saying she missed me and its lonely without me bugging her every chance i had. She said she wanted to spend more time with me and what not, so we did. We hung out quite a bit, chatted and stuff. But then i made a fatal mistake. Well i don't see it as a mistake, but more of test to see if she was truly into me. She kept telling me about this other guy she was close with, and i dropped the bombshell and said perhaps she should consider getting together with him. And she did. This tells me she's not interested.

Well, i placed some distance between us, and didn't talk to her as much as i used to, preparing myself to move on. But then she contacts me, asking me why i'm being so distant. In fact, she's asked me this now a few times.

Well eventually i got fed up keeping it bottled in, and i told her. I told her i liked her, and wanted to be with her, but she went with this other guy instead. Btw, she knew i was into her from the start. We even slept together. This was the reason i was being distant, because she failed my "test".

At this point, i'm beginning to wander if she really has feelings for me or not, because she keeps trying to get my attention and is genuinely hurt that i'm acting all distant towards her. She told me she wasn't going to take my advice, but she felt i wasn't interested in her anymore, which is why she did it.

And i don't know what to do... I decided i'm not chasing after women anymore right after i read your article. But this one's complicated... Do i continue placing distance and let it fade, move on and find some other girl, or continue to fight this one and wait out her relationship with this other dude? Oh and i should mention, she's only been with this other guy a few days now...

And one other thing, if you suggest i move out, should i block her out completely, and only respond like another human would, or what?

Thanks for the great articles, and i apologise for the long comment lol.

LoneWolf

An older broad's picture

There is only one place a man should chase a woman and that is right to bed, but don't act like the house is on fire, unless it really is. Move with intention, without hesitation, as long as the vibe is good. Don't miss the cues leading up to clothes-off time by overthinking it. A woman will actually be able to see your racing thoughts because your eyes will be darting about like an insecure puppy. Maintain a steady gaze!

If you think you're in the ball park, knock it out of there. A man's desire, mixed with self-confidence, is a turn-on. Don't rely too much on intermittent reinforcement (push-pull, on-off) outside the bedroom, leading up to it. Yes, it's a powerful drug, but if it's all you got, there will be resentment stored up and though she may want you, she could also end up hating you at the same time.

Smell good, practise good grooming and move like you have grace and mystery. Be sociable and somewhat chatty, but keep it light, like you have nothing invested. Maybe spread the word that she intrigues you and you like the way she looks. It'll get back to her and it's an ego boost.

Not too many women these days will admit this, but guys and girls cannot be honest-to-goodness friends. Girls, guys who are one-on-one "friends" with you secretly wish they could screw you and are just biding their time. No wonder they stay in the friends' zone. That can be seen as pretty weak in the female subconscious.

And to the cow who suggested that chicks who sleep with someone on the first date are sluts, I slept with my husband on the first date on the floor of his parents' basement. That was many moons ago. I didn't have a lot of partners (boo hoo), but was always happy to do it without overthinking it if the opportunity arose. Jesus, you're only young once!

Anonymous's picture

Okay heres my situation -

Was in touch with an amazing looking woman the last few weeks. She is from Venezuala and living here in Dublin. I was in touch with her on POF. her English is really poor and her responses were really minimum if she even bothered to reply. Eventually got to meet her. Met her midweek(my call) at a pub close to her house (I wasn't familiar with the place). Date went okay, We sat across a table so not a whole lot of contact. We left the pub after two hours (I had two drinks / she had one and didn't want another).

Sounds like the date went bad ... we kissed on the cheeks though she acted like she wanted me to kiss her. However I didn't. Later that night she texted me 'you fine'.. I presume she was asking if I was okay. I replied the following morning wishing her good morning, hope she slept well, it was great meeting her and she looked lovely and looked forward to meeting her again. Yes I agree - pretty weak. She never replied.

That was yesterday morning. It def looks pretty poor. Im going to hold off until Monday and then text her inviting her out to a seafood restaurant (she said she loves seafood).

All pretty weak - though its the best that can be done I guess,

Akels's picture

hmm, a lot of stuff in here is actually true and insightful, i think it's a bit rough around the edges though and there are some flaws in it, I'm gonna pick it apart later when I'm not so tired

Anonymous's picture

Ironic that his name is Chase though

Anonymous's picture

awesome article. I came to the same conclusion as you a few months ago after dating a girl who was a textbook example of this shit. I did not fuck her on the first date and after that it was lost game. (And I chased her)... but never again. I stopped givin a fuck about women around me. And now they are all crazy for me. Like this big tittied blonde who keeps chasing me. She is hot but has boyfriend so I don't give a fuck about her. This seems to attract her. I was thinking about telling her that I'm not her "friend" but I just don't give a fuck.... I'm the type o guy all the girls gossip about right now cuz I'm muscular and heavily tattooed and not a nice guy. This kinda shit attracts them.
If I can give advice to all the guys who are being "nice" to girls... being a mean motherfucka is more rewarding!!

I prefer club game, dancing game over approaching in social circle because club game is physical instantly. A kiss is the best introduction!
Peace!

FreshLove's picture

Hey Chase,

Like everyone else says, great article man. I am experiencing a situation that has this kind of smell all over it to the point it's straight stanky!

There's a twist to mine being that I actually slept with this girl the first time we met. It was a crazy experience, one that I'll always remember, even if I never see this chick again.

Basically, I drive for Uber part time, often driving late nights, as I have a day job. So, I get a lot of party peeps and tipsy riders. Sure, I get the occasional flirty chick. I've even get the girl who likes to share stories here and there. Always makes for fun rides.

But then it happened...I picked up this girl from a dance club/bar on a Sunday evening. Her personality was addicting. She immediately wanted to sit in the front seat with me and began flirting with me, calling me cute, etc. We had a great/fun convo and I picked up on the obviousness of her attraction to me....well, because I'd be a complete dumb ass if I hadn't.

We began touching. She started running her fingers through my hair, which is a little long, and massaging my head. I mean, I'll be honest, I don't know if this is the kind of thing this chick does to every Uber driver she thinks is cute, but she definitely made it obvious what she wanted. I'm guessing she was horny before she even got in my car and I was just in the right place at the right time. Plus, I wasn't a pussy about it and caught on quickly and made moves quickly....after all, we're talking about a 15 minute ride here.

By the time I got her back to her place I offered to continue the conversation, which she was thrilled to do, especially after I told her I was single. That was the real turning point in our convo, by the way. Once I said that it's like I knew I had her.

We ended up making out in my car right then and there. That quickly moved into the back seat like fucking high schoolers. Made me feel so alive! And I realize it probably made her feel the same too.

We ended up in her room and you know the rest. And I'm not bragging by any means, but let's just say she REALLY enjoyed my efforts.

Okay, but here's where this awesome tale takes a down fall, and why I'm writing....

After I "released" myself, I hung out for a short time, just cooling down. I thought she had fallen asleep and decided I better just peace out. I had to get up the next morning and really didn't expect anything from this girl. BY THE WAY, yes, she had been drinking....I could taste it. But by no means was this girl wasted. I would have never done what I did otherwise. She was totally good, just happy, if you get my drift.

Anyway, as I was attempting to creep out she turns on the light and asks me to stay and have some food or something. I explain that I had a great time but I really got to go.....MISTAKE #1: Not making her feel good about the situation and me.

She immediately asked me for my number.....MISTAKE #2: I gave her a wrong number because I had a lapse of good judgement. (too busy thinking this chick could be psycho rather than play it cool and give myself an opportunity.....stupid).

MISTAKE #3: I didn't even try to get her number or contact.

It ended with me giving her a soft kissing and caressing her, telling her I had a really fun time. Then I left. I could tell she was really disappointed. But, fuck, I had to leave, you know? I don't think that was the problem. I think the 2 problems listed is where I went horribly wrong if I had wanted to keep in touch with this girl.....and that's why I'm writing on here.

Turns out, after a few days I thought to myself, why the fuck did I do that?.....as in give her a wrong number, not talk to her more after the sex, have some food with her, not get her number. I realized how bad I came across when, in fact, I really enjoyed our time together. Yes, the sex was great, but she just seemed like a lot of fun. And I need more fun in my life, as it seems all I do is work. Our convo just came easy.

Plus, we're both a little older (she's 30, I'm 33). So, she probably knows what she wants and is probably over a lot of the games and shit, which I would like....hate games as much as the next. She also had mentioned how she was a live in the moment type of person, which is much the same with me. Bottom line, YES, I realize this wasn't her first rodeo. She's older (not old :) ) and she probably hooks up regularly. But I don't fucking care about all that. I've been around myself and don't judge, or try not to, on shit like that. She just seemed sure of herself and I like that. She was also educated and a working woman. So, who am I to overly analyze the situation, you know? Fuck it was just awesome...and I thought I blew it. It's like I got handed something from above and didn't even take a chance to see if we could make it happen again.

Okay, so, after a couple weeks of going back and forth with my thoughts, not over the top though...don't get me wrong....just thinking about it here and there.....I ended up dropping off a rider near her place. I decided right then and there that I was going to say, "Fuck it." and give it a shot to reach out to her. Problem was is I had no way to do so because I didn't get her number or anything. Remind you, I gave her a wrong number like an asshole. But I did give her my email.....needless to say she didn't email. And truth be told I doubt she even tried the number.

Anyway, after saying the finalizing "fuck it", I wrote her a note like a damn teenage Romeo telling her I think I may have "accidentally" given her a wrong number in the fluster of things that night and this was the only way to reach her, having dropped someone off by her place. If she had tried calling or texting that was my bad (didn't really mention that, as I didn't want to apologize for anything, but it was hinted to by what I said more or less)

In the note I invited her to join me for a jog the next day. Why? Well, the night we hooked up she had been in running clothes and she told me how she enjoyed running and working out. So, I mentioned in the note how I need a jogging partner on occasion and I challenged her to show me what she's got (kind of a lame attempt to flirt in the note, I know). I just wanted to keep it light and social. Figured we could grab a beer or food or something after if it went good.

In the note I mentioned that I thought she was fun and that if she doesn't want to hang it's all the good and I'd never bother her again if she didn't show. But, if she did want to meet up eventually, reschedule, whatevs, to call or text me at so and so number. YES, I gave her a real number in the note.

Did she show? Nope. Did I really expect her to? Nope. Did I feel like a total idiot and creeper after having left the note? Yep.

Still though, I don't care. I hate how much negativity society puts on shit like this. I mean, really, it was my only way to reach her. Plus, it's not like I didn't know where she lived or hadn't been there before, you know? And I consider myself, as do most people I know, to be a pretty eccentric guy. I think this is what attracted this girl to me. And I'm not stupid when it comes to "the game", but I do like to experiment and come at girls different here and there. It makes things interesting and makes me stand out....whether good or bad.

I either fail miserably or conquer swiftly. Really, I just like to test girls to see if they will respect who I am or not, if they are cool peeps. And I can be a weird dude, I know. But it's because I'm not afraid to be myself. Is that a crime? But I am extremely social and big-hearted too...the kind of guy girls fall in love with when they get to really know me but it's hard to get to know me cuz I shield myself type of guy, you know? My big heart has mos def given me grief in the past and I have learned that it is a huge NO NO to let it out on girls too early. You gotta be hard man. You can't give too much. You can't invest too much or you end up at the raw end of the deal....and that fucking sucks.

To get back on track with the story.....

Nevertheless, I felt stupid. But I never expected anything out of what I did. But the day after I went to meet her and she didn't show, of course, I got a text from her saying "she just wanted to let me know she had gotten my note (smiley face) but wasn't sure when I had left it. She hoped my week was going well."

Pretty basic stuff, but surprised the hell out of me. It also meant to me she obviously was nice. But, not wanting to down play myself, it also meant to me she was somewhat interested. Why else would she even take the effort to contact me, especially when I made it plain as day in the note I would never hit her up again if she didn't meet me or reply. The ball had been in her court and she shot in my hoop.

But here is where things start to get troublesome for me.....HAHA!!!

I ended up texting her back a couple times later that day, basically saying "it's all good and how had she been", moving into what I hoped to be more flirtatious talk to see where her mind was. But I wanted to tag her down on a meeting soon too.

She said she had been "really good but busy". Hmmmm.....I then asked her if she liked to dance. She didn't text me back until the next morning with "I do. (smiley face)"

I replied telling her that we were going to get our groove on then (I genuinely love to dance, BTW. I used to break dance a little back in the day and had girlfriends that were dancing partners for years before life got busy). But I never set up a day or anything, as I just wanted to play it cool and take my time.....MISTAKE #3: Can't wait!

However, I figured I had a little wiggle room with this rule because I had slept with her already. Plus, it had already been like 2 weeks since we hooked up at this point. Me playing it cool seemed the right thing to do as she likely was a little taken back by the note and all. Plus, she never texted me back after me saying we were going to get our dance on, which I really didn't expect her to. What I'm thinking now though is the note was a good move by me and was an up point, something different for her. I should have capitalized and asked her out more immediately. Her "I do." was her invite. But her "really busy" comment made me hesitant, I suppose.

BTW...I know I totally over analyze shit in all aspects of my life. I'm a very detail oriented person. I can't help it. My job requirements call for such.

From there I tried taking the initiative and calling her a few days later to set something up....screw the texting. Went straight to voicemail. Left a quick message. .....she never called me back.

At that point I was like, "You know she probably isn't that interested dude." But I also know that some girls just love to play the game. I'm persistent but not stupid, I like to say.

So, a couple days later I texted her. She responded. I texted her back....with a lame text on my part I gotta say....trying too hard to entertain. But it wasn't all that bad. And the main point was to ask her out, which I tried to do in asking when she was free.....AND NO I never mentioned the call....I know better. She never responded. MISTAKE #4????: Not being direct enough?

At this point I was pretty much done. I knew I probably lost her and decided to move on. Maybe I was being overly critical of myself, which I tend to do. But I wasn't going to set myself up for disappointment with some chick I didn't even know. Plus, I was beginning to feel like I was coming off as desperate or hung up on this chick, which I wasn't . I just am persistent, like I said. She was pretty hot, the convo was good, we had a lot in common (from what I knew), she was great in the sack and I just wanted to try! So, don't hate on me everyone!!!! :)

But, I have to admit I don't get out much either because of my work. So, maybe a part of me is trying too hard.......DAMMIT!! I am a competitive beast too and hate losing, although I am perfectly fine with losing if it comes to that. I don't obsess. But if a woman, or job, or whatever gives me room and I think there's a chance, I'll continue to pursue to some level.

Your article, Chase, describes this as all out wrong, for the most part. And I have to agree that most of the time you are absolutely right my man. But there are always exceptions to every rule. You just have to feel it out. The problem is when you are stupid about obvious signs. This is when we become self sabotaging and delusional. You have to be able to see the signs.

And here's where I need your opinion on this chick.....

After blowing it all off and moving on, about a week later I told myself I should give it one final shot....just in case. Prob not the best decision but this would be my final attempt. So, I messaged her again with a more direct approach saying that "I would be hitting her up sometime soon to set something fun up", more or less. This way she would anticipate me messaging/calling again and I could finally get a real "yes or no" and stop her keeping me on the tail end of her heels.

So, a hand full of days later I thought of her and decided to ask her to a show.... I know she loves music and dancing. She's a total social butterfly...which means she's probably a flirt and probably has tons of dudes hitting her up constantly.

I call. She doesn't pick up. I message then saying "I just tried calling and wanted to see if she wanted to go with me to a show that Saturday." Kind of last minute on my part, as it was the day before. But fuck it. She immediately messages me back saying she "actually already has plans but loves the act I'm going to go see and the venue" (Smiley faces, blah, blah, blah). She's "sorry she can't go and hopes I have a killer time."

After several texts by her I end the convo with, "no worries. Let's meet up next week!"

She says, "Sounds good!"

I tell her I'll "give her a call that next Monday or Tuesday to set something up".....MISTAKE #5: NOT SEALING A FOR SURE DAY AND TIME RIGHT THEN AND THERE.

You know, as I write this essay I realize how stupid I've been. The signs are pretty damn obvious this chick has just been keeping me as an option. She obviously likes the attention. She's a flirt. And, hey, she doesn't owe me anything nor I her. It was a fun night. And I should just leave it at that. And now I will. NEXT!...and next will be many!

It just drives me a little bonkers that I let myself make such dumb moves over the course of this experience with this chick.

She probably is a LOT of fun to hang with. She very well be very busy. But you call people back when you are interested. You make time for people that you are interested in. And, as a man, you have to know when to put the guns away.

Anyway, I ended up calling her that Monday evening....surprise, she didn't pick up. I left her a quick message saying "I had something awesome for us to do that Thursday and for her to call me back to let me know."

This was my make or break moment. Of course, she never calls back. Then, the next day I get a text from her that says,

"Hey so sorry I haven't gotten back to you! Things are really busy here on my end! I'll get back to you when things slow down a bit. Hope you enjoyed the show"

Finally, resolution!

Will she "hit me up". In all likelihood, NO. She, like so many women, probably doesn't know how to say NO and has just been making me feel good by giving me small hand outs like your girlfriend did with Ho Hai Guy. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and made excuses for her to keep me going. But, damn, they are just that, EXCUSES!

Like I said, she might be pretty busy. But her "busy" could also just be other dudes. This was her way of telling me NO without saying NO. It was her way of, in a round about way, telling me that she doesn't want to hear from me, hence, "I'll hit you up", so, stop contacting me.

What do you think Chase? Am I over analyzing this? Was I a total dumb ass here? Or did I make a valiant effort appropriately? Do you think this circumstance is a little different since I did already sleep with her? Does Buyer's Remorse have something to do with it? Or is she really considering me but is just too desired by too many to really give me a shot? Finally, do YOU think my assumptions are correct or is there a chance she actually will "hit me up"?

Ai yai yai. I know I'll never put myself in this situation again any time soon. More chicks here I come! But, with all respect, cut me a little slack if I have come across a bit anxious with this chick. SHE WAS HOT and FUN. And I just recently got out of a 7 year relationship. I'm like a blonde taking an SAT after homecoming again.....or, at least feel like it. I see her as someone to have fun with and might be being a bit naive about her rejecting me. But I also could just be thinking too much about it.

Honestly, if by the odd chance this chick does hit me up I don't think I'll even hang. I really don't feel like dealing with someone so tough to pin down. PS.....I did recently find her on Instagram (not hard to do and she told me to look her up so please don't call me a stalker!! HA!). My assumptions on her being a social butterfly are 100% on. She's out all the time, posting picks and vids from music festivals, shows and more.

Man, I feel sooooo lame now after writing all this. BACK TO FUCKING WORK!

Any thoughts are appreciated man! Great stuff!

FreshLove

Edgar's picture

Crazy story bro. I think you already know where you made mistakes...best of luck next time

Anonymous1412311's picture

First, great article and well written. Secondly, the work involved to keep a woman happy day in and day out throughout her life is mind boggling to say the least. It's another full time job no thanks. I'll pass. And god forbid you become married you are ball and chained forever. Hell to the no. You must become a full time jester and circus monkey to inflate her pitiful fragile ego is tiresome. It sucks all the energy out of you. Ultimately, for what? In my opinion, because ultimately, it's just to sleep with her and pretend to care about her life. If woman did not have a vag, then what are you pursuing? You wouldn't case closed but you can try to pursued otherwise.

Why do businesses exist? What is their bottom line? Money. Remove that and the business vanishes. This is devilish mind game and it's wrong. But it's in place for her narcissistic and inferior brain to desire her and worship her. But I have never gone out my way to chase women because it's a hit or miss and let's face it, once you get married they have you by the balls and will burn your personal belongings god forbid they turn on you. So...do yourself a favor...get a high class escort and call it a day. Because you'd save $$$, time, sweat, energy, broken hearts, etc.

Anonymous's picture

Much respect! I have been dealing with this BS way too long. Very succinct, way too much energy spent on fems.

Kudos!.

Anonymous's picture

Chase thanks for this article man. Though this pertains to mostly newly dating, My girl and I broke up a few days ago and I can't get her off my mind. I'm so afraid she's going to find someone else that I have to constantly call and text and find excuses to get her back thinking about me. It's like I want to move on but I really don't. It's gotten desperate to the point where she's blocked me. If I play it cool now am I being to obvious?
How can I turn the tables on this without being obvious?

Anonymous's picture

Hey Chase,

Great info man on this topic. Made things more clear. I was wondering if you become lovers on the first date if your still in your teens.

Appreciate the advise

Anonymous's picture

Alright so ive been talking and sleeping with this girl for about three weeks and at first she seemed really into me and told me she liked me and all that stuff in addition to staying the night and having sex with me which ill also add was getting better and better. Suddenly within like three days she wont talk to me and when we were with friends i could tell big time she did NOT want to be alone with me. What the hell should i do? I mean i was having alot of fun and out the blue its over? Im so confused.

Gomes's picture

I learnt most this the hard way .Women really take men for a ride.

Anonymous's picture

Hi,

I am in my late 30s... met a Romanian girl... also in her late 30s at few of the events organised by a forum where primary objective is just to meet people and socialise. Dating is not a primary objective of the forum. Could have worked out for few which I am not aware…. First time we just had casual chat and got to know about her name, country, professional background etc. This chat lasted for around 20 minutes. I felt the girl was quite nice and charming. Normally, on this forum contact information is not shared but just enables user a facebook type of messaging on the portal. Nothing more unless one mentions explicitly.. For couple of subsequent events I asked her if she could join but she excused about her busy schedule (on portal message only). We had no contact for almost 2 months. Suddenly, I saw her again in similar event and we spoke for almost 2 hours. For entire event she spoke to me almost all the time. Usually for these events people hang around and are interested talking to multiple folks. Neither of us felt doing so. I sensed that she enjoyed the conversation too. I had quite a very happy feeling after speaking to her and she asked me if I would attend the musical concert the following day. I mentioned about my prescheduled plan for the next day. After coming back home, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I dropped her a note on portal that I had a nice time speaking to her and would love to join the concert. But I had no response which she usually did for not attending previous events.

By this time I almost determined to continue relationship with her and thought if I would ask her contact information so that we could catchup for coffee or may be dinner. We spoke for some time just before the concert, but as soon as it finished, she said she wanted to go back home. I couldn’t understand her quick departure. All 3 conversations we spoke about general stuff - our families, cultures, hobbies, travel, our professional lives, future job plans and many other topics. But never discussed about past personal lives. I thought it would not be appropriate in the second meeting and didn’t want to spoil the good conversation.

2 days later after this concert, she had a birthday which she mentioned sometime ago on the portal (now removed) and I marked the date. I wished her on the portal with a message (bit flowery though) and waited for another 3 days to see her response back, but no luck. We both are away from our home countries and kind of expats in another country.

Did I sound bit desperate ? No response from her is making me anxious each day and for some reason I just couldn’t stop thinking about her. Not sure if I have fallen in love just after few hours of intense and connected conversation. Any suggestions ? What should I do next ? Could she be feeling the same way I do ? I am not even sure if she would show up for similar events in the future. But I really do not wish to loose her and quite serious about long term relationship if things work out.

Cheers !!

Johnny cash's picture

I just started subscribing to your page for about a week now and I have kept this tab Keep your cool: don’t chase women on ever since. Not that I’m a slow reader but each sentence is an experience with a girl that I had to recollect and a phone # that I abused. After each recollection and figuring out where I dropped the ball; I had to delete each phone number. I'm the guy who wines her and dines her and sends her romantic messages and steals a kiss here and there. I'm also "this poor guy is, chasing after the same girl he's been chasing for YEARS with no luck, not realizing that she's been in a relationship half of that time and she's just keeping him on the backburner" hounded with calling and texting and begging them to go on dates –and to answer your question” how many of those girls have you slept with or turned into girlfriends “ NONE but what’s worst Chase, I did that in another area of my life; in my career development as well. I was offered an opportunity for this great job that would starts me at $65K. I looked at the job description tentatively full of fear. That’s when the hiring manager looked at and said don’t worry I’ll teach you everything you need to know but I hesitated and lost. Two weeks later I wrote a letter and made a call trying to get back a job offer again once the opportunity's already passed. Of course I didn’t get the Job back and I’m making $45k doing what I hate. “Understand that past a certain mark, she really is lost, and that trying to get her back is like trying to get back a job offer again once the opportunity's already passed you by because you took too long to take action and seize that opportunity.” If I told you that I wish I met you 2 years I won’t be lying but I know I’m exactly where I need to be at this point. It’s like that stew that has to be cooked at the right degree “frustration” and the right time “failure” to be just right. Thanks for reflecting to me what I needed to see.

hammermedia's picture

Met Bex 8 months ago. She's 33. I'm 47. She put me in the friend zone so I had no contact for a month and things warmed up. Bex is hot, smart, and we have shared some really tough times and has lots of guys circling.

Life intervened ran into an ex, who is "crazy" and SUPER hot and SUPER smart and SUPER freak. We were serious for 5 months. During that time I saw Bex once a month and text once a week. We would meet for a cocktail and end up spending 5 hours together. She's busy getting her masters and works full time and travels when she can find time. She also schedules stuff weeks in advance.

Me and the SUPER freak start to break up. So, I push Bex to go on a weekend trip with me. She says yes. I bang her twice the second night we are there and again the next morning. She came 4 times. She says that I was VERY good in bed. Sends me a text that the weekend was "pretty epic". Lot's of kisses and hearts in the text.

Thursday, 4 days later she comes over again and I make her cum twice. Said I can't have sex again today because I couldn't walk for 2 days after you did me last weekend. We grab a quick lunch and as we're talking about the night, I tell her that her wet spot was huge and she's looks down and smiles and says "you're making me blush"

Sunday I ask for a date, she says she's super busy the next 3 weeks. It really is end of semester and she's swamped. I call her to talk about scheduling another beach trip and I PUSH for a schedule she gets defensive. I know, I know, bad timing and I came off needy. I'm really in love with this girl so I wanted to get it handled.

Next 5 days, barely texts me back. While she was working a late shift, I said I have 3 nights open before I leave town on a trip, let's do dinner. She just ignored the text. Last I text her was 2 days ago "Good morning" (which I do about 3 times a week) and no response. That's a first.

We've been talking about going to the shooting range. I'm thinking of "Hey Bex! I forgot how much I love Aspen. How's school? You surviving?" Then wait for a response, and reply with "I'm back Sunday so how is your next week? Is my Puerto Rican gun slinger available Monday or Tuesday ?"

I'm working a few other girls but this one has me chasing. Has lots of guys chasing her. So it's a fine line between persistence and chasing.

HELP!

Milla's picture

So you have the girls chase you. You pick the one you will want to date/marry; the girl of dozens who gave it up to you by the second or third date ( because she was quality to begin with) . Next you marry and settle down, she goes to work you stay home because you bloat on your mental periods . What's next? Men and boys baring children? Tom-foollery! This is why relationships and marriages last months and not years, and the main reason Jerry Spring and Maury exist. The problem here is that if she was that easy for you, she will uncross her legs for your bestfriend, a new or used car , to be the first in line for the new iphone, job promotion or a happymeal.
This article is for boys who never grew up into men. More than likely from a broken up home with no father or male influence to show you how they courted your mother/female relatives? If your goal is to bed as many "girls" with little work or input as possible this is for you. As you can see the author's goal only goal was to get a girlfriend. So that's where we leave him and leave you... dating. Sorry. This doesnt prime you for meeting a soulmate only that hoemate. As far as I can read, it appears that the author's girlfriend may still be looking? Sure this article has some truths to it; with time a girl's interest will fade. It because we ,as females, with any sort of dignity will at first pause and ponder your interest. We will actually take time out of our busy days thinking about what you meant by your actions. We may not may not be immediately attracted , like or fall in love with you , but persistance will usually payoff. You usually shoot yourselves in the foot when you play games, fear rejection, or try to categorize us. You will spend your lives wallowing in and sorting out the dime a dozens and ignoring the one in a millions who want to be considered more than just a fillable hole . You want a young and decent lady, here's how you'll find one: we are the one smiling, as we walk over the ignorant masses of halfwit, half-dressed girls grovelling at your feet.

Franco Lombardi's picture

Milla,

This post by you sounds rather salty.

This isn't an article explaining to men, "Here's What ONE Woman Thinks You Need To Do As a Man to Get a Quality Woman." There are plenty of those types of articles out there, and if there are guys who want to subscribe to those trains of thought, then they can go out there and find them. That is what Cosmopolitan is for -- along with the other mainstream magazines just like it.

Generally, when I find a woman using the terms "hoe" (or in this case, "hoemates"), it's an indicator that her method of "bettering" herself is by putting other women down to make herself appear more valuable. However, from my personal experience, the women who are actually valuable don't really spend too much time bashing the quality of other (unknown) women because they are too busy focusing on improving their own quality of life. The same observation seems to hold true with men as well.

This article is for men, and it describes how men should keep a level head with women because women are fantastic at causing guys to lose their heads in the midst of strong attraction.

P.S. Your presumption about the author's background is also inaccurate.

- Franco

Richard's picture

Hey Chase,

Good article and good points thank you.

I think it is wrong to distill things down to a Graph of interest, that spikes and then declines over time.

You share your story, where a girl you chased, broke your heart, then much later in time, was desperate to have you after you moved on.
This is an example of an 'Interest chart' that , peaks, declines, bottoms, then repeats again much further in time.

Also, I think 'If she doesn't sleep with me on the first date, I move on'.
is actually quite ridiculous.
In my experience, there are some girls, the best girls, that have met more than a few guys exactly like you.
The are for whatever reason , not necessarily going to sleep with you straight away, though it is very likely that they could be your perfect life partner, if you gave them some time. (3 or 4 dates)
She wants: excitement, intrigue, romance, laughter and mystery and devotion,
she will have absolutely no inclination or interest in sleeping with you on the first date.
You are basically avoiding Love (and potential heartbreak) with the best girls.

xpansion's picture

Hey

Just wanted to ask a question out there about a girl i have been seeing.

So we meet and everything was cool, i took her out on dates we went hiking and fun activities like that ( we kissed after the first date) we were holding hands and everything but when it came to getting on, i tried but she always pushed my hand away which i dont mind, i kind of figured she was a good girl so i would have to really grind this one out. ( We have been seeing each other for a month)

I felt like the relationship was going somewhere so i decided to buy her a christmas present since that she was going back to her home state for a few weeks and i wouldnt see her over christmas and new years and she made me some organic chocolate and wrote me a really lovely letter about how she was so grateful to of meet and and so glad im in her life.

She left and i thought i would give her some space and not let her feel pressured by constant texts whilst with her family. So i messaged her on christmas day but no reply, i messaged her a couple of days before new year..no reply. I ended up calling her on new years day ( i was at a festival and couldnt call her over new years) no reply. So i was kind of getting a bit worried. So i waited a week and i found out there were some bush fires near where she lives so i sent a text saying " Hey stranger heard there are some crazy fires near you hope your ok." She replied back saying " hey so sorry i havent been in contact i have been really bad with communication..no excuse, but its all good no fires here. Hope your well!"

So i left it, and now she has come back but i havent called or texted her and i guess im a little stuck of where to go from here. My gut instinct is to hold out and wait for her to contact me since the fact i put myself out there quite a bit.

Any thouhgts?

kusoagaki's picture

Sound totally like me . Ok here is the story . Before our 1st summer we talked via viber for 6 months and during the summer she jumped on the her best friend's neck and she kicked me out of the picture so I started chasing her and you know ... nothing good happen...We went back to our countries and I didn't give up but she told to...We saw each other after 6 months and I acted funny and cold like not into her and she liked.She chased me for a while and she wanna go on vacation with me next summer and we are texting again via viber but some times she want me so bad some times she ignoring my messages and reply after a hour or two and I'm so confused.She know that I love her so bad but this time she told me with other worlds "She realized what she missed" .For the last 3 months we talk almost everyday.Now I don't know what to do . Perhaps would be good if I disappear for a few days or start being nice . Give me an advice please.I know I'm attractive because so many girls want me and I have even a few proposal for marriage from girls :D but she is my weak spot and she know that very well.I don't wanna screw the things again.

Bob's picture

"Basically, the longer a girl knows you without becoming your lover, the lower her level of attraction" Ok this is the first time I've heard of this. Typically you get women asking if guys will lose respect for them if they sleep with them too soon. You even see advice telling women to wait to have sex with a man. Not that I dont believe it. But I need more evidence to believe it. I had an experience once where I hung out with a woman for a little less than a year before she wanted to have sex with me. In her own words, she takes "a while to have feelings for a guy". Turned out, all her boyfriends began as friends. Guess this kind of goes against your theory. It also goes against the whole idea of being trapped in the friendzone. Funny thing is I had done nothing special. And she was hot. A real tiger in bed.

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