Can You Beat the Bad Boy and Get the Girl? | Girls Chase

Can You Beat the Bad Boy and Get the Girl?

Chase Amante

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Chase Amante's picture

beat bad boyA reader named Tom wrote in a short while back with the following question:

Can you do an article of what a man should do when he has to compete with a badboy to attract a woman?
Many thanks for reading.

Well, that’s an interesting one.

Especially considering so much of the content on Girls Chase is aimed at turning you into the bad boy.

But what happens when you’re head-to-head with a badder boy than you?

Comments

Davex_89's picture

Great article Chase!

I often find that my own style with women is an amalgamation of many of the traits or identities you have described in this article. I am somewhat rebellious and give off an assholish/bad boy vibe yet often I dress well and can pull off the suave/cool guy persona. I am well read and pretty confident so can throw the confident/nerdy in there too. Almost a jack of all trades if you will. The problem is at some point I will almost certainly be trounced by somebody who stronger in any one of those characteristics than I am..

In the short term I believe your strategy would work wonders, as I have discovered myself. My only concern is how you would keep this up over the long term? Surely you can not alter your identity or change her perception of you over the long run without "giving the game away" so to speak? Is this a strategy you would employ only for fast seductions?

Regards,
Davex

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Davex,

Over the long-term, no one's a caricature, and once she's sleeping with you that's when she peels off your successive layers of masks and sees you as a complete person, instead of the stereotype or identity you presented to her during the seduction.

Eventually she's going to see that was one side (or several sides) to you, but 'you' as a person are much more than that.

If you're running a prolonged seduction, the key to doing that effectively is limiting her contact and exposure to you so she isn't able to peel back the masks before she has you. You must keep intrigue up, at least until she's gone to bed with you several times.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Great read as per Chase. I've made it my summer mission to master the bleached blonde bombshell type, but I'll be employing this article and your recent natural article too.
I've been wondering about something recently though: I've found thanks to yours and other articles that i can make almost any girl orgasm. However, i more often than I'd like find it difficult to give some girls multiple orgasms. These girls usually tell me they can only orgasm once at a time (sometimes very easily too), have you run into this much and if so do you have any specific methods to overcome it?

Once again, fantastic piece :)

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Nice going with your bedroom skills!

Yes, that'll happen; not every girl's going to cum multiple times with you, at least at first.

It seems to be mostly a comfort thing, and once she's familiar enough with you that she lets her guard down, you can start stringing together orgasms for her.

Also seems to be partly a body familiarity thing; you get better at working her body as it becomes a more familiar body to you. It's usually never 100% smooth your first few times with a girl. Docking with an unfamiliar ship, all that.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hi Chase, great article as always. I have two questions that are somewhat related to the discussion here:

1) When a guy butts into your conversation with a girl, what's the smoothest way to deal with situation like this?

In your other article you talked about appearing bored and not breaking circles, but in party/social circles the guy is usually acquaintances with the girl, and have more connection/relatable to one another (e.g. same workplace, same school etc,), so it's easy for the guy to talk about stuff that I can't possibly relate to, and the girl will be socially obliged to talk to him even though she may like me more.

Usually I try to appear bored and after a while just left to talk with other girls, but I know I have lost a few girls this way. I'm tempted to say "come find me when you're done" to give them a chance to re-open me later, but never tried it. How would you deal with situation like this?

2) When a girl tries to make you jealous by trying to hook up with another guy, how should I deal with it? Usually this happens when I have made a mistake (teasing too hard, moving too slow etc.).

To clarify, I'm usually quite unfazed and non-needy in situations like this, mostly because I know there are always other girls who want me. However, a string of recent events made me realized that maybe I'm not as strong as I thought I was, as even girls who I'm only mildly interested in kind of hurt me when they tried to make me jealous by hooking up with my friends. I'm not sure why that is, maybe because I knew that they could have been mine?

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Sounds like you're mostly getting it right on guys butting in. Don't break circle, just chill and act bored and let the girl handle him if she breaks circle and turns to engage the guy, and if she likes you most of the time she will.

In the instances where you've done everything right, but the girl broke circle and let herself get sucked into a conversation with the guy, however you think she'd rather be talking to you (maybe she's too much of a nice girl to boot the guy, and now she feels trapped talking to the guy she doesn't want to while the guy she does want to talk to, you, slips away), I find it's best to say something to her like:

"Hey, it seems like you guys really want to catch up, should I just leave you two to chat?"

If she was just being too much of a pushover nice girl, this is usually the counter-pressure she needs to feel confident enough to tell you, "No, no, Frank was just saying hi," and then to tell Frank it was great chatting with him but she's talking to you so she'll have to catch up with him more later.

If she says, "Yeah, Frank and I have a lot to talk about," that's a polite let-down, and you probably misread the situation / she isn't that into you. You can still peel off here in a socially graceful way (give a nod, and say, "I will leave you to it, then", and turn and leave) that can boost attraction at how well you handled the setback and can mean she seeks you out later when she's drunker and hornier.

With #2, the only solution I've found if she's being very aggressive with the other man is just being SUPER dominant and telling her, "Knock it off, come here," then pulling her ASAP. If the other guy is into her and I think he'll cockblock or try to fight me, I'll go in and befriend the guy first while ignoring the girl, at which point she'll usually peel off him and move onto Guy #3. At which point I can then drop Guy #2 (who has no idea what just happened), peel her off Guy #3 before Guy #3 has had a chance to start feeling confident with her (Guy #3 will also have no idea what just happened), and pull her.

But basically, if she's trying that hard to make you jealous, she's usually pretty sold on you and you getting her back from other guys will ramp her up sexually. You still need to be careful during the pull - I've had girls like this draping their arms around other men on the way out or trying to run off and go home with some random guy they spot, purely because they're still in "Screw this guy, I must make him jealous!" mode, but if you successfully get them back it's usually LMR, then sex.

The other thing you can do, if they're not being super aggressive in how they pursue the other guy, is just to sit for a few minutes patiently, then wave them back over and tell them to knock it off, or go chat up another girl in eye shot of them, and wait for them to come hover near you, annoyed that your response to the jealousy plotline was to talk to more girls yourself. These are really the superior options (since they get her chasing), but if she's really wound up sometimes you only have time to be aggressive and chase her down yourself. Not ideal, since she'll resist and gets to be the prize, but if you mess up later on time is not on your side.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Chase I must say I'm very impressed by how well you described my situations given such limited information in my original questions. These are great advices indeed and I can see myself handling situations smoothly like how you describe!

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

Another great article!
But it leaves so much to be desired!

Related to article:
1. By different identities, how do we change gears and become them? I read your 9 males identity, but it doesn't go in detail with how each exhibits different behaviors as clear as your Brood, smooth, talkative article.

For suave and smooth (defined in 3 flavors article), I know how to do that. The whole site about moving slow, law of least effort is part of suave character so that's straightforward. Also my default :)

But a jock, or bad ass could use more explanation. Hopefully it doesn't require dashing to the tattoo shop and back whenever a girl needs the switch! ;)

2. Re: relationships expectations and date compression

I remember you or Ricardus saying to set expectations as lovers (see less frequent) and then increasing later on rather than vice versa.

In DC, we see them fast, second date after a day (or few) and then third we lay them but doesn't that set expectations of seeing each other frequently and then dial down after the deed is done?

Also, it's negative punishment (taking YOU away after sex).

What do you think, bro?
Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

The "9 Male Identities" article was more a guide to the different male identities, though not so much a guide to inhabiting any of them.

You're not so much going to be able to put on different identities like you're putting on different hats. These are core personality inclinations, which you can change, with time, but you'll have to build new hobbies, new belief systems, new behavior patterns, etc.

If you want to know how to be one of them, just find guys who are like that around you and study them. Do what they do, act how they act... become them. With time, your identity will direct itself to match with theirs more and more.

Re: dating expectations, yes, I recommended starting off relationships as a lover and progressing gradually towards a more serious setup if that's what you're after. If you use date compression, that will set a certain expectation of seeing you more often, and it can indeed feel like punishment if you suddenly vanish after sex. Two solutions to this:

  1. Stay in close contact with her after first sex so she never feels like you're ignoring her, until you next meet (and sleep together)

  2. Or, schedule your next meet for sex soon after the first

If you intend to keep seeing a girl, converting her ASAP is important (in my opinion), and you can afford to set good precedent later on.

However... that said... you will be fighting precedent if you structure a bunch of dates in quick succession, then sleep with her, then see her a few more times to convert her in quick succession, and then start stretching things out. At that point it feels like you're drifting away a bit.

So it's a tough choice to make: do you want to draw things out in the beginning and hope that despite the extra time you can sleep with her anyway, but then you're on easy street with good precedent after you've managed to convert her?

Or do you want to speed through the courtship and give her a whirlwind romance to make sure you get her, but then deal with resetting precedent after when it's time to slow things down and see her less often, now that she's converted?

Ideal of course is you sleep with her on the first date, wait a few days, then have her over, have sex a second time, and convert her that time. In that case, it's all happened so fast she hasn't had time to figure out what she should expect from you timing-wise, and you can set whatever schedule you like from there on out without fighting any precedent.

Chase

EvanK's picture

Hey Chase,

This is such an important article. I'm always going for the suave/bad boy style and I do run into guys who are prison-type bad boys who might have a history with girls I'm talking to.

It's funny how I actually once explained to a buddy of mine that "rock, paper, scissors" is the way to go about handling this, and what do I see in the article? Rock, paper, scissors as an analogy. That's pretty awesome and your approach is spot on.

It's interesting that most guys DO NOT have a defined image, as you point out. I would say a solid 50% of guys have a nothing image going. That means they wear nice, somewhat trendy clothes when going out, but they don't have a defined image. It's not nerdy, bad boy, suave, etc. It's just something out of catalogue and a nice guy personality to go with it. I would say about 30% of guys have a preppy, clean cut look going and usually have an over-the-top white knight personality. Then 20% or so are all the unique, interesting types. So you're right. You can choose whatever style when going against these guys based on the girl in question.

I find that nerdy girls really do like bad boys. I see this time and time again. But maybe you mean "nerdy excited" girls which I suppose is a subset of nerdy girls.

By the way, you mention in the "Cast Your Line" section of this article that saying something stupid can mess things up. Do you mean saying something stupid like something that unravels your image and makes you look like a fool/fake, or do you mean just saying something that can kill the mood? In other words, I'm curious how absolutely water tight our interactions with girls have to be.

I bedded a girl not too long ago and after sex, she saw that I had a book that can be rather embarrassing to own considering the image I go for. She jokingly said "I'm not so sure about what kinda guy you are now" but then she laughed it off. At that moment I was actually wondering "Is this what Chase means when he talks about a woman finding out you're not the man she expected?" Haha This seriously went through my mind. But I'm curious how perfect our persona has to be.

Cheers,
Evan

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Evan-

By "saying something stupid", I meant anything that kills it for you: could be a vibe killer (You: "I've gotta be honest, I hate feminism" You: "Let me tell you about my favorite political party" You: "Don't you think they should just ban religion?"), could be something really incongruent (e.g., you were going for the smooth bad boy role, and then you showed jealousy when she mentioned something about some guy she hooked up with a few weeks ago). Anything that wrecks the interaction.

Re: how perfect the persona needs to be, depends how you meet her. If you know her via social circle, she'll cut you more slack. If it's cold approach, you must be a lot closer to perfection. However, the more times you've slept with her, the more fleshed out you can become - the bad boy who watches My Little Pony, or something. Won't work for most girls before sex, but if she's already been with you a bunch of times and discovers you're secretly a brony, well, it'll be weird, but whatever, she knows you, it's just one of your quirks.

Chase

Sadegh's picture

clap clap clap Chase!
THAT was dramatic:))) I've noticed many times has passed since you gave an article about eye contacts, don't you wanna give us an update on that, gratefully loved it though.

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Sadegh-

Hmm, well, I'm not sure how much I have left to say about eye contact that I haven't already said, but I'll do some digging and see if I can come up with anything fresh.

Chase

Lawliet's picture

Hey Chase,

What's your take on this dilemma?

Assume interest interferes with my calibration.
If I focus on calibration (Is she ready / or will she be receptive if I escalate), I end up not making the move.

Or ended up asking for too much too early (compliance), or moving too fast before she's comfortable.

Any advice for developing proper calibration but also assuming attraction?
A double head question in one ;)

Lawliet

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Lawliet-

Sounds like you're biting off too much to chew.

For now, just use "assume attraction" as a tiebreaker when you need to figure stuff out.

e.g., "Does she like me or not?" --> assume 'yes' and go from there.

The rest of the time, focus on getting your calibration down. Once you've got that down, you can then focus on instilling bigger picture good mentalities, like assuming attraction.

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hey chase, great content. Anyway, I've been into this girl lately, and just read couple of your article and it seems like I've been doing it wrong.
I invested too much and I was way too open. She told me that we could be friends and all this time she was just enjoying talking to me though I really thought she'd gave me a chance. Lately I heard she's still into this other guy who she was with. Is there a way I could turn things around? or have I fucked it all up? Thanks

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

Check out this article, and follow the steps prescribed:

Can't Stop Thinking About Her? Here's Why You Need to Meet More Girls

If you start doing better with other women, you may find she comes back around.

(also may want to read the one by Ricardus on escaping the friend zone)

Chase

Anonymous's picture

Hi chase
I really need your advice please guide me.There is this girl that my friend had a fling a month back. Next month he has organised a get together and she will be there to. According to him she is very soft at heart and kind. I checked her out on social media. From what I understand is that she has given up on the concept
" together and forever"
As in one of her post she stated that this statement is a lie with a sad emoticon next to it.
And her sister in law who is getting married wrote on her wall that you will find the right guy be patient who will make you feel special and treat you right.
Know my question is I kind of like this girl and don't mind being in a monogamous relationship with her as I feel she is somewhat in nature like me
The problem is that she has had sexual relationship with my friend in the past who is not at all serious with her
(I have not had any experience with girls in the past no relationship also)

So when I meet her how should I take things forward with her as my friend will be present to?

Also my friend has told her that I am shy and have no experience with girls in the past..... If she meets me and ask why have I not dated any girl before what should I tell her?

Should I tell her that I was waiting for the right girl who would make me feel special as I would want to have sex with a girl that I love ( that's also the truth) how do I make this girl chase me ?

Note - I have read most of your article on girlchase and have really loved them. And made changes in me and on my way to be a better man. So I do want to surprise this girl when she meets me. As I won't be what she thinks I am. I am also ready and willing to take any risk after your advice

Thanks
Cheers,
Anaya

Author
Chase Amante's picture

Anaya-

What women say on social media has little to no bearing on their emotion towards men in real life. Women use social media for emotion dumping - the things they write on there are the equivalent of the guy who wakes up horribly hung over and says, "Oh, I am NEVER drinking AGAIN!" Then, two days later, he's pounding back Jägerbombs.

Confessing emotions to women does not make them attracted to you, and instead is a one-way ticket to the friend zone:

Anyway, for your particular situation, check this article out:

Can't Stop Thinking About Her? Here's Why You Need to Meet More Girls

Chase

Anaya 's picture

Thanks a lot your doing a superb job for naive guys like me and also for the society in general if I could be of any help to you in future would be awesome
Cheers
Anaya

austin's picture

as always , great work Chase . From Africa (Kenya) & i do really relate with your articles.

Jimbo's picture

Hi Chase,

Could you talk about how to project a badboy persona best. I have a pretty rough idea about the clothing and style. But what about the rest? (behavior, lifestyle, etc.) Does one have to be unemployed and have gone to jail to be a legit badboy or to come across as one? I mean I was arrested once for suspicion of possession, went to the station and all, but I wasn't charged with anything, and was ultimately let go. And I've only been in two fights my whole life (one of them in junior high). And even though I took drugs, I still see that as a regular guy kind of thing because, it's like, who hasn't?

I ask that because I can easily do the suave, cool, smart, and even well-off guy, but the bad boy persona I just can't put my finger on it. And I want to try, at least long enough to prove to myself that I can do it, that I can pull it off like the rest of personas.

Thanks in advance.

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