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Ever deal with a girlfriend causing drama by just trying to get her
to forget it?
This can seem the expedient path, but rarely is it the most prudent
one.
It is just human nature that we don’t want to forget the things that got the better of us. We dwell on the past to avoid getting bested again in the future.
However, in order to make sure the old wounds are not sabotaging us in the present, we have to remember that moving forwards is more important than reminding ourselves of the past.
We get stuck in a perpetual loop after bad things have happened sometimes, and that is okay, but sometimes we just need a little help to step outside of those troubles so we can start seeing ourselves acting normal again before we get past it.
Girls are just like anyone else when it comes to the past because they don’t know how to address the same issues if faced with them again in the future. When they face them again they will gain a heightened awareness of how fragile their situation is and worry about it.
Most guys address these concerns the wrong way: they make promises, ignore the looming possibility of reoccurrence of the issue, and target her “focusing on the past” as the problem to be eradicated. The only problem with that is GETTING HIT ONCE IS ENOUGH to double the pain when hit TWICE, so a girl is going exaggerate the importance of the issue if it is ignored.
Girls often mention the past because they are afraid that a positive stream of events they are having will be interrupted by the same BS. In order to help girls move past this, don’t make promises, don’t ignore that it can happen again, and don’t treat her memory and caution as the problem.
Comments
I`m a bit confused, please clarify
Another great Article, Cody
However, I have some questions that confuse me a bit with the "game".
First: Another pickup artist called Jesse (he runs his own website, great stuff) says you should not be the first to break eye-contact, because it shows dominance. Chase, on the other hand, teaches to break eye-contact first, to not be labeled as the creepy guy. What should I do?
Secondly: You also teach that persistence beats resistance and is sexy. But doesn't that display neediness and makes you the chaser?
Third on my list: Deep diving is all about talking about emotional subjects and building an emotional connection, while (so Chase teaches) making the girl do most of the talking and revealing the minimal about yourself. Doesn't that mean an interview-like conversation? And again obviously make you the chaser? DISCLAIMER: While talking to girls, you are supposed to reveal next to nothing about yourself , does this apply to deep diving too? Because in order to make an emotional connection she should be able to relate to you, no?
These are the main things I`m confused about atm, otherwise thing are running smoothly ;)
Reply would be appreciated
~RedBaron
Eye contact is something
Eye contact is something surprisingly complex. You will often hear tips like "look up", "don't break first", "if you look down it is submissive", but in reality there is a lot more going on than that, so if you ONLY think about that you will have trouble.
Try being a bit more flexible with your interpretation of advice, mix and match and see what works for you. If you see no difference, maybe its a bit ahead of you, or maybe its not useful right now, or maybe you are missing another part that is more foundational.
Persistance can certainly REVEAL the chaser in you, the trick is to persist in a way that doesn't cause you to crack or break.
Imagine you are james bond, and you are getting interogated, do you flip out, or do you stay calm.
Persist within reason, because its necessary to a degree, and be calm about it.
Keep conversations about yourself neat, and preferably about things you can reasonably handle on your own. With girls, I ask them about themselves in order to find out things about their character, it helps me make informed choices.
Self-desctruction
Why do some people sabotage themselves and cheat on theirselves telling they are not worth the best things that life brings them? I was that myself, I see it in girls a lot of time, but why this happens? I have felt something that advantage I have against others is simply unfair (for example I get good grades - friends not, I get approached by cute girls - friends struggle to tell a word at all... when I don't learn at all for exam and get good grade - many guys would tease me as an idiot who learns a lot)... Well I answered my own question maybe, but how to break that loop and help others do that? I did it in most of situations in my life by simply not letting myself to act that odd way, but how could I help others, or should I just cut contacts with such people as soon as possible and not turn back at all?
We sabotage ourselves because
We sabotage ourselves because we want it all... NOW!
Patience is not a strong suit of people with even a little insecurity lingering within them.
Don't take it personally, if they are struggling you can really only do as much as you can do.
Seduction danger
Well, guys, what about danger to disrupt girls' life in a way that she will never meet that awesome man ever again and never get such experience from any average guy. You leave her wanting for someone like you most of the time. Is it fixable at all?
Handling your past effectively
Hi Cody,
This article really made me see myself and girls from a completely different perspective. I think you exposed an actor-observer asymmetry in my mind! A girl's messy past shouldn't make her any "different" than my own past issues.
With this new symmetry in mind it was really easy to imagine using empathy to effectively help a girl deal with her past mentally. For dealing with my own past, though, I feel like I have not just to get past it mentally but to make sure that I carry out the necessary actions to get reasonable closure and get myself into a place where it makes sense to release it mentally.
In the end of your article you touched upon this idea with "If you handle your past effectively – tie up loose ends, get over your ex...". On this site we have some solid tips on getting over exes and I think I have a lot of experience with it personally. On the other hand, tying up loose ends and effectively handling your past in general, well I'm wondering if that would make a useful topic for an article or followup. My guess is that as confident men diving head first into experience after experience in life we're all going to accumulate slight traumas and messy dealings that don't make sense to ignore or run away from, but we should keep them in the back of our mind like you mentioned. How can I incorporate them into my identity without getting sucked back into them whenever I see an old face or even think of an old story?
I found this article really insightful. Thanks for taking the time out for it.
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