A while back Chase wrote a fantastic piece on confidence called “Does Confidence Equal Success? Actually… No.” What made it a fantastic piece was its flying in the face of the conventional wisdom of people trying to give you advice with women telling you to “Just be confident!”
Now is confidence near the top of the list of things women find extremely attractive in men? Absolutely. But can you feign confidence? Absolutely not. Even if you fool a girl for a minute or two, girls can always sniff out a mere veneer of confidence from a mile away.
And as Chase rightly points out in his post, that’s where most guys go wrong. You can’t just fake confidence. Confidence actually has to come from somewhere – either from past successes or a solid foundation of belief, process, and efficacy in other areas of your life.
So how does one develop confidence? How do you get to be like those guys who can just go up to girls in the middle of a town square and just start joking around with them? How do you become one of those guys who are unfazed by rejection who and maintains a deep belief in themselves? I’ve been re-reading Steven Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” along with some other materials that I have found truly valuable during my own journey.
It is entirely doable. And today I’m going to show you exactly how.
Comments
Reputation
Hey man,
Lately I've been noticing that people at school who don't really know me well and I would consider acquaintances at best have been talking a lot of crap behind my back and saying that I'm cocky and rude or that I think I'm better than everyone. I've been following the steps of how to be a lovable asshole. I do have a degree of edge from being an athlete. Could it just be jealousy from guys that are competing for the same pool of girls and auto rejection from girls who hoped to get intimate with me or admired from a far or is something else at play here? Thanks a million
Good stuff
Two things I liked in this article:
First, you mention voice tonality as something to develop...this is spot on. A woman will stay tuned in longer, open up more, and give you more opportunities to connect if you accentuate tonality and cadence. Guys that read this site could literally be having the same exact conversations with higher success by focusing on this I believe. When my "game is leaking", so to speak, it is usually because I'm tired, low-energy, and just going through the motions. This along with good eye contact and focusing on smiling/laughing makes for positive and connecting conversation.
This is coming from someone who sells investments on the telephone...I hate to reference this movie, but watch Wolf of Wall Street when he makes that first sale - his inflection and energy is on point (though a little exaggerated, which you do have to do on the phone).
Writing down 3 important goals for the day is a wonderful idea. There should be at least 3 things everyday that I am excited about improving within myself or my life.
Failure and consistency
NIce article, i specially likes two things that most people find hard to accept today.
First that every failure shows us the things we dont like about ourselves and so we tend to reject it and blame other people. If we embrace it we have the best and more clear goal to follow to improve ourselves.
And the second is the value of consistency, this is just as powerful a tool as facing your mistakes to know one self, staying on a given course you put yourself into constantly challenges your conviction and ability to adapt.
Finally i keep thinking about the importance of being humble. I constantly look for doing new things specially things im not good at, that keeps you from being overconfident and take failure as a necessary moment of learning, so in the end there is no failure.
In the words of miles davis: "Do not fear mistakes. There are none"
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