On Entitlement: What Do You REALLY Bring to the Table? | Girls Chase

On Entitlement: What Do You REALLY Bring to the Table?

Chase Amante

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Colt Williams's picture

We talk about value quite a bit on this site: being a high value man, dating a high value woman (or two) and adding value to situations where you want to make friends or contacts. But does value really matter that much? The short answer is: yes. It matters a lot.

Because while a lot of people feel entitled to things... just because you feel entitled doesn’t mean other people feel any obligation to give them to you.

entitlement

I’ve noticed a certain level of self-entitlement in men that have no skills with women, men who are beginners, and even somewhat with men who are intermediate. Today I want to take a deeper look at value and examine what we as men “deserve” from women and life.

Comments

Anonymous's picture

Hmm... A bit confusing..

This site teaches us to be humble, generous, to not show higher value, yet you speak to bring value onto the table..

How can you get value on the table without speaking ?

Your fitness, Your facial expressions, Your social skills, Your sexy vibe, Your fashion, Your job - if this is the way to show value than i am on a good path to be honest..

But i seem to have always had trouble speaking of value, downplaying value or sometimes creating it and amplyfing it..

I mean, when`s best to amplify value ?

David Lee's picture

Actually, as Chase once put it, value is perceived, not actual, so you can control what you show.

Being humble is actually a way to convey high value, because high status individuals don't need to boast and "spill the beans." By downplaying their value, these people are able to show a high amount of value because actions an achievements speak louder than words. The reason why you should occasionally hide value is to be more attainable for those women who already see you as high value; being high value and unattainable will probably lead to their auto-rejection of you.

Showing value without verbalizing it would take the form of your fundamentals - fashion, expressions, body language, your occupation, social skills, etc., so you're on the right track. Remember that this site serves as a kind of huge primer. There are no shortcuts for this, you have to work at and gather experiences.

Speaking of value comes in two forms: explicit and implicit. Explicit value would be directly saying something valuable about yourself like "I drive a luxury car," but you normally shouldn't use explicit value unless you bait first. Implicit is much better and it implys your value, like if she is talking about playing at a concert you can say how you think everyone should play an instrument and show its a shame few people go through with it. This compels her to try and find what other valuable things you're hiding. For other people, value can include things like conversation, access to events, etc.

Amplify value when you seem too attainable, and downplay value when you seem unattainable.

This should help :) I also included references to clarify,
David Lee

http://www.girlschase.com/content/sexual-tension-7-ways-make-women-excit... (Key 2)
http://www.girlschase.com/content/baiting-vs-trading-information
http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-make-friends-master-key-new-friend...

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Anon,

I think David hit the nail right on the head. It sounds like you are on a great path value-wise. What I would suggest is fine-tuning your conversational skills. Because if you have great fashion, fitness, etc. women will have initial attraction for you and they will inevitably want to know more about you. So if you hint at your value, while still deep diving them, relating to them, and being a positive source of emotion and inspiration, then you will learn when to go more in-depth on your hobbies, career, etc.

I would specifically focus on social contagion and storytelling. Both of these rely on building an emotional connection, and if you are pretty high-value, then building an emotional connection should be one of your top priorities. If you combine this with deep diving, humility, and framing, then you'll have a great balance of value and attainability.

http://www.girlschase.com/content/emotional-contagion-seduction-and-soci...

http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-tell-story-rivets-and-captivates

http://www.girlschase.com/content/secrets-getting-girls-art-deep-dive

http://www.girlschase.com/content/conversationalist

All the best,

Colt

Michael Labrie's picture

I agree that a negative entitled attitude is the worst and I agree on your premise that you have to bring something to the table.

However, this article seems to be missing something.

Girls are not looking for guys with good jobs or good income or even big muscles, well not the ones you should want anyway.

They're looking for a guy who thinks of himself as a winner, as defined by his own standards.

If it's getting a high paying job, then so be it.

I care about being a good dancer, a good writer and an intelligent truth seeker. Being on this path, progressing and achieving success makes me a winner.

And that's what a woman cares about above above my job or my car.

You cannot deceive yourself about this. If you're not actively working on being what you want to be and having successes through perseverance, you'll always be insecure.

Colt is right in saying that, to get the most valuable women, you need to build yourself up as one of the most valuable men.

You need good fashion and social skills and all that jazz.

But you also need to think of yourself as a winner. Once you have a truly good self-image, things will self correct. You won't feel the need to brag. You will know the hardships of struggle. You will possess the humility that comes with it.

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Michael,

Well put; creating a sense of unshakable confidence in yourself and seeing yourself as a winner is one of the most important important factors to being a successful man. That's why I say that if you have good fashion, good job, etc. then you can be good or even great with women or in life.

But if you want to be *exceptional* or the best, then you need one or two defining pursuits that are important to you, and that you will cultivate no matter what. In your case, these things are dancing, writing and the pursuit of truth (all things I can relate to).

A while back Chase wrote a post on confidence not equaling success. http://www.girlschase.com/content/does-confidence-success-actually-no

I think this idea is important -- confidence can't come from nothing. If you have no deeper pursuit, no fundamentals, or anything else that attracts women, you can't just tell yourself "I am a winner" or "I am the prize"

As you correctly stated, humility and self-assurance comes from knowing that you've put in the work and faced the hardships. But with women, it's not a case of one or the other. If you have a lot money, you will attract certain women just because of that fact. But if you have no fundamentals or social skills, you will indeed only keep the superficial ones around. No one wants that. Nor do you want to have to throw your value in people's face; only men who reassure themselves with the money and accomplishments do that. Strong men have the value, but have people discover it for themselves, and then let them keep finding more and more.

On the flip-side, if you have a deeper pursuit, but have no fundamentals, poor hygiene, etc. then you will also have a hard time with high-caliber women. So these two facets feed on each other. Having the foundation for a humble, quiet confidence with nothing to prove, and having the tools to attract women and close with them. *That's dominance*. And that will take you to infinity and beyond.

-Colt

Cruzer's picture

Great article, but i want to ask you something that varies from the topic.

How does one have presence?
There are some people who walk in a room an are able to instantly command attention, even though they may not be the best look person in the room......so how do i do that

John W.'s picture

That's a good question, and I have wondered about that myself constantly. An actor that comes to mind is Anthony Hopkins. It doesn't matter if he's in costume and barely recognizable. For me, he still commands presence and captures my attention as soon as I see him on screen. A perfect example would be the movie Thor. I hadn't realize that he was playing the King (Thor's Father) until about half-way through the movie. Perhaps that would be a good future article, on how to capture and command presence when one enters a room or wherever he goes?

Author
Colt Williams's picture

Cruzer and John,

Presence is a combination of many different emotional and mental factors. It definitely requires its own post. I will try to get a post up on this soon. Stay tuned!

-Colt

Anonymous's picture

I'm going to come at this from an unusual slant here: I think working really hard on things like a job and on sociability is stupid and selfish. It gives you an unfair advantage over other people, forcing them to work harder also.

Working really hard may help you personally, it ruins everyone else's chances. Why do you put so much virtue in working hard? The harder you work, the harder everyone else will have to. If a person is socially backward it's okay to try to get them to normal, beyond that it's unnatural and greedy.

Chase Amante's picture

Anon-

The struggle to overcome one's competition and pass on one's genes with the most desirable of mates is the very crux of life.

If you changed man into an animal with, say, no desire to improve himself materially or bodily or work harder on improving himself or his holdings - say you threw him back on the savanna, and he had never invented fire nor the wheel nor the spear, and never would, because to do so would be hard work, which he never did - he would stockpile food for lean times, and still gorge himself on berries and nuts and meat during good ones, and still fight other men and struggle to best them in order to gain access to the most choice females (or any females at all).

Even you, here, are competing, albeit in a different way than many of the men on this site - rather than improving yourself, you seek to stop the advance of others, leveling the playing field for yourself without you having to work any harder. You encourage other men to work less hard, get less attractive mates, in order to increase your own odds of securing a more attractive mate that one of those men otherwise would have gotten but now won't, provided he heeds your (distinctly self-serving) advice.

Imagine yourself on a desert island with one other man, and one other woman. The other man starts building a hut to provide shelter from the rain, and traps to catch fish in the water for food, and spears to fend off wild beasts. You look on, and see the woman gravitating to him more and more. If you asked him to stop building all these things and working so hard to improve his position on the island, because it's unfairly making him far more attractive a mate than you and making him far more likely to get that girl than you, do you think he would listen?

Do you think he should?

Seeking to improve oneself and one's position is the most natural thing there is in mankind.

We would not have cities and computers and flying machines without it. To ask a man to deny his desire to make something of himself is to ask him to deny the very thing that makes him human.

Chase

340Breeze's picture

I'm hoping you're being contrarian for the sake of argument.

The contrarian position to hard work is quite selfish as the purpose for wanting other people to NOT work hard is so you don't have to!! But the contrarian argument is dangerous and destructive to innovation and human progress. Without hard work and innovation, overcoming trials and tribulations, and perseverance in the face of error, defeat, and ridicule, the human way of life would stagnate. Let's say Facebook, Apple, Google, Intel, Microsoft, et al adopted your approach of not putting "so much virtue in working hard." A)They wouldn't make as much money or even exist and B) our lives wouldn't be as beneficial as a result of their selfish and greedy ways. Yes they're greedy capitalists, they want our money, but before we consumers give it to them, they must innovate and provide us with products we value so much that we are willing hand over our hard earned money. Same thing with women...why should they hand over their panties to some lame lazy bum who is averse to hard work and might hurt their social reputations, cause them to produce weak children, or who will hurt their feelings?

In this day and age, with all the freedoms that humans have fought for over the centuries, and all the information we have available in bookstores and the internet, we can not FORCE anyone to do something that they don't want to do. You CANNOT FORCE a consumer to buy your product any more than you can force woman to be attracted to you. You can squeal and plead with them until you're BLUE in the face and it won't make any difference. So to adopt your approach of not working hard (and not persevering despite setback) is a very efficient way of making sure you go extinct! Why should a woman choose a man that's lazy over the one who works hard? She doesn't owe anyone anything, she's just a woman who is trying to live her life. Should she be sympathetic to you and be dragged down by mr. lazy, hate hard work? Or should she choose to be uplifted by mr. hard-working, caring, suave, debonair, sexy?? In fact she can choose neither and that's fine too.

So since beating people over the head with a stick to do things your way isn't a viable long-term strategy then the way to do things is to incentivize people to purchase your product. So that means if you're Apple for example, you innovate to give people a very useful phone/tablet, and they will be willing to hand over their money. If you're a man who seeks a woman, you innovate and work on who you are and your capabilities (fundamentals) and your abilities to seduce and present yourself well. Stop complaining and BE what is missing in her life (excitement, sexiness, thrill, a little danger, great conversation and so on), and she will hand over her panties. She has emotions and needs too!! So why not LEARN how to fulfill her needs and have a very beneficial symbiotic relationship going? The hard work isn't just to compete with other men, but it's also to make women FEEL GOOD!! That's the whole point of seduction, is to leave a woman better off having met you, than she would have been otherwise. Seduction isn't just about sex...it's about enriching the lives of your targets. And besides do you know how good a feeling it is (whether from a capitalist or seducer) standpoint to have someone else on the planet incented to purchase your product because of all your hard work? It's a fucking rewarding feeling!! Success is what leads to confidence which in turn leads to more success. Try it out and see!

This is the way the world works, and complaining about hard workers is just evidence of a flawed mental model. In fact, I'd argue that it is far easier and more effortless to learn the ways of the world/seduction/business and create your own winning strategies by working hard and innovating, rather than trying to do the impossible and suggest that others shouldn't work as hard. It's just not going to happen. Nor should it happen. Progress should not be interrupted just because of someone who doesn't want to do the hard work. And if I were a woman, an attractive, educated woman, and I had choice with men...say two guys: Guy A guy who is hard working, strong, gentle, physically attractive, flirtatious, sexy, dominant and control, and who follows through and perseveres despite difficulty. And Guy B who is you, the lazy one, who do you think I'd choose?

There's nothing "unfair" about working hard to excel. Suggesting that others don't work hard is just laziness, as it's the easy thing to do. And in the end once you put in all the hard work and practice, and you overcome failure and you reach advanced status and mastered your art, you'll find that you don't even need to work as hard any more... your subconscious mind is already primed with the most attractive responses to women's shit tests, or you know how to play that Mozart piece with your eyes closed, almost.

Hard work is one of the most excellent things we humans can do with the tools we have (our brain) so why not learn how to be very efficient and excellent at using what we have, while producing innovative and delicious things (like iPhones or orgasms) thus making other people feel good in the process?

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