Emotions | Page 36 | Girls Chase

Emotions

The effects emotions have on men and women, and how they can be a powerful tool in attraction and relationship building.

Being Happy with an Unconventional Life

Chase Amante's picture

A reader writes in with the following question:

Hi Chase,

You are one of the best writers on the web about this topic. I am mainly sending this to thank you, and [because] I have something else to also ask, I will get right down to it. You obviously live a type of life that is not the typical 9-5. Society frowns upon it, but you seem to be embrace it. I would also love to do what you do, but I have this fear that I will fail. There is also all the pressure from family and friends to follow a traditional path.

So, Chase, please tell me: How do manage to stay unorthodox and happy?

Your student for life,
Arnold

unconventional life

It's a good question. I know plenty of people on both the "orthodox" and the "unorthodox" side of things who claim to be "happy", yet whose actions and behaviors betray a deep lack of satisfaction with their lives.

I think most people are lost, and looking, or have given up looking, and meanwhile resent the pressures that others put upon them - whether they kowtow to those pressures, or they struggle against them.

And the people putting those pressures upon them are just as lost and unsatisfied as those they press down on.

This cycle of confusion and dissatisfaction seems to be an inherent quality of human life, and has been down through the ages. One of the things I set out to do a long while ago, though, and seduction was something that fell under the umbrella of this, was not have to worry about this like other people did.

How to Use Anchoring to Mesmerize Women

Chase Amante's picture

anchoringI don't talk much about neuro-linguistic programming on here because it's a little less intuitive a topic, its effects are often difficult to discern, and you require a certain way about yourself to really pull much of NLP off to good effect (i.e., a very calming, soothing, entrancing manner).

One concept often associated with NLP I feel you should absolutely be aware of, though, is anchoring; namely because it's one that is fairly simple to get your mind around, at least at a basic level, but has profound effects throughout the course of an interaction, and a seduction.

Anchoring is a cognitive effect - it occurs in the mind - that happens with everyone, is nearly unavoidable, and very much influences future feelings, actions, and decisions.

Use it properly, and you can not only steer women in the direction you want to go more easily, but you can actually direct their emotions to a greater degree than you'd be able to without it.

Why to Throw Out the 1-to-10 Scale for Rating Women

Chase Amante's picture

1-to-10 scaleBefore stumbling into the world of pickup in late 2005, I'd never used the 1-to-10 scale. Maybe that's because I didn't really have friends; I wasn't comparing notes on girls. Or maybe it was because I wasn't trying to impress anyone by telling him I'd nailed a "total 10."

But in pickup, it seemed everyone used the 1-to-10 scale. Girls were 5s, 6s, 7s, 8s, 9s. Debate raged about whether a girl could ever really be a "perfect 10", or if true "10s" were naught but a myth.

Men would post photographs of the girls they slept with, and label a girl an "8", only for other men to chime in and ridicule them: "Dude, THAT girl is an 8? She's a 6, at best! Stop inflating your ratings!"

Then those same men doing the ridiculing would post pictures of girls that they were dating, and claim that these girls were "8s" or "9s"... and they wouldn't look any different from the women those men had just finished calling "5s" and "6s."

If all this seems silly, trite, and petty to you... it is. It's no better than other form of status jockeying and social ladder climbing, where guys try to seize bragging rights and "prove their worth", frequently by simply reporting the number rating of the girls they've gotten and trusting that everyone else knows what that means.

But not only is the 1-to-10 scale highly subjective and an absolutely terrible metric to use for comparing results across multiple individuals... but it destroys your ability to get truly beautiful women, too.

We Are Not Having Sex Tonight: What Happens When You Don’t

Chase Amante's picture

We've been seeing more comments from readers lately asking about situations like what Mike ran into the other day as remarked on the "How to Steal a Girl" article:

Hey Chase,

I am 19 and I really appreciate all the insightful information you've made available for guys like me to read who aren't all that experienced.

I have a situation where I've been talking with a girl for a few months, and I finally got to see her for the first time two weekends ago(we live a state apart from each other) after texting, talking on the phone and FaceTiming daily before that.

She had been giving me slight hints that she liked me by little mannerisms and things that were made aware to me by reading your posts. Also, I flew up to see her and she dropped $250 on the hotel and drove me around all weekend, so I got her to invest. The first night I had a plan to have sex with her, and followed your suggestions that you had laid out to the tee.

The night started off great and I could tell she was into me so physical escalation was simple, but after quite a bit of foreplay I made a rookie mistake and left my condoms out of reach. And when I tried to make the move to get them, it took her out of seduction mode and allowed her to think, reminding herself about the internal moral belief she had told me previously about not having sex with guys she's not in a relationship with; therefore killing the vibe for the night.

This was on a Friday night and we spent the rest of the weekend hanging out since we made a special occasion due to the long distance situation. Nothing happened sexually on Saturday or Sunday and she was acting aloof and uninterested on Sunday so I could tell something was up.

I left for home unsure of what was on her mind and now, over a week later, in the time that has passed she has been short texting me with nearly zero emotion or ignoring my texts altogether. In addition, she turned down my offer to facetime, which she has never done before. So it is obvious that something is up, but when I resorted to going "alpha-male" and looking for a response she said she's "been busy?" and didn't respond to my next text asking about it.

Is this a sign of auto-rejection? Or is she testing me with the mixed signals BS? I am really in my head, beating myself up about things I may have done wrong because I know she likes me, but I'm not sure how things could have gone sour so quickly. I thought I had her chasing me and I know she was into me but now I'm afraid I'm getting close to chasing her. Once again, I'm really thankful for all the work you do. I'm aware that this is a lot and my situation is a unique one. I would greatly appreciate any advice and feedback you have for my situation!!

Thank you for your time,

Mike

not having sex

That is to say, situations where the guy takes things right up to the point of sex with a new girl... only for it to fall flat; she says 'no', and he walks away, figuring he can always try again later.

Except, after that single failure, there's almost never a "later."

Why do women vanish after you come right to the brink but don't go over - what's the psychology behind this, and what are the options you have to do anything about it?

3 Techniques for Changing Your Vibe with Women

Richard Wendell's picture

I’ve been getting fairly a large number of PMs of late over on the forum side of things here on GC asking about vibe, so here I am in this article to (properly) tackle the beast!

So what is vibe, anyway?

vibe

Chase and the amazing writers of Girls Chase have a number of fantastic articles on vibe already, and I recommend you check these out before giving this piece a read:

The difference between those pieces and this piece is that the articles above are zeroed in on specific vibes, rather than how to learn and develop a vibe overall in the very first place... and if they don’t answer questions you have about getting vibe down, then keep reading, as I shed some light on the matter of building your vibe.

Emotional Association: You Need This with the Women in Your Life

Chase Amante's picture

There's a very powerful factor in both courtship and relationships that has an outsized influence on how "with you" a girl really is... or isn't.

emotional association

It's something that makes all the difference in the world between her brushing off and deflecting interlopers who come in to try to make you and her break circle when the two of you have just met, or her indifferently engaging in conversation with whomever she finds herself talking to next, with little a care or concern about re-engaging with you.

And it makes a huge, obscene amount of difference in how much of her time a romantic partner of yours is going to spend thinking about you, doing nice little things for you even when you haven't asked her to, and going out of her way for you... and it even makes a very large difference in how much respect she has for you in your relationship, how personally insulting or not she is during arguments, and even how likely she is to cheat on you.

This one single factor is something called "emotional association", and it's a factor that you want to get going for you whenever and wherever possible.

How to Get Turned On and Beat Performance Anxiety with New Girls

Chase Amante's picture

In my previous article here, "You Really Should be Having Sex", about the importance of closing things out with women regularly, Wes comments:

Those ARE reasons enough for me to sleep with a girl who isn't completely amazing but still, HOW do you get turned on by these girls?

Back in June, I had two girls over on separate occasions. Both weren't amazing and I was doing it for the practice. The first girl, I couldn't even "get it up" and i fingered her until she was done and didn't want to go on anymore.

The second girl, I made out with at a pool party and quickly led it to her coming over. I wasn't attracted to her body at all. The only thing pretty was her face and she had nice hair and I couldn't see myself ripping her clothes off and having sex.

I ended up making an excuse for why she needed to leave instead of trying to escalate.

Don't get me wrong, I was telling myself the things you said above but, that doesn't get me hard.

I didn't want to be rude and tell the girls that they need to turn me on. They'd probably get offended. "So you're saying I don't turn you on?! You think I'm ugly?!"

During your years of taking women to bed who were anything but amazing, what personal tricks did you use to "get it up"?

performance anxiety

That's a very good question, and one I want to handle in a post targeting two dual and related reasons that men have for not finishing the last half-mile of the marathon and moving from physical escalation to full-on intercourse:

  1. Not being turned on, and

  2. Performance anxiety kicking in

Let's talk about both.

You Really Should be Having Sex

Chase Amante's picture

should be having sexShould you sleep with women you're not all that excited about, purely for the sake of the sex itself?

It's kind of a loaded question - isn't it?

It's one you encounter with guys who are new to the idea of approaching their success with women as a skill set - you'd like to be good with women, but you're not a crazy sex-aholic who's ready to jump on anything or anyone who'll take him, and in all honesty there's really only a small, select subset of women who really do it for you.

We've had a few questions to this effect recently on the site - here's Mike, on "Girl Has a Boyfriend? 3 Things to Do and 7 Things NOT To":

I'm almost to the point where I feel the need to buy sex, not so-much because I haven't had it in so long that it's driving me crazy, or that it will build my confidence, but merely because I sense the women I'm interested in ( all of whom have boyfriends) sense in me, to borrow an expression, a 40 year-old-virgin syndrome. I don't believe I can lower my standards, taking on a girlfriend I'm not sexually attracted to, merely to get in the game and end my prolonged period on the market ( I live in a relatively small community where everyone seems to know everyone else's business.) But do you advise that's what I'll have to do before I can land the big fish? Or do you believe there is some amorphous "clinical" benefit ( again, not related to building confidence) to getting laid once in a while even when you have to pay for it?

... and here's Michel, with a similar question a day later on "The 100 Hour Rule":

[W]ith my girlfriends before, I knew each and every time that we would be lovers in the first 10 seconds after meeting her. Then there is no question of approach anxiety or of bad technique (even though I'm sure that technique helps make the relationship better, and that all I read on this site will one day prove useful!). But without this feeling I really don't feel attracted to a girl. The idea of having sex with these random strangers I meet every day is even mildly disgusting.

Thus, we arrive at the beginner's dilemma: you'd really like to have more success with women, just... you'd like it to be with the women that YOU want to have success with, not merely whatever you can get.

So what do you do?

Cold Reading Your Way to Great Conversations

Richard Wendell's picture

cold readingNote from Chase: after good feedback on his first piece appearing on the article side of the site, on properly setting expectations, Richard - who posts on the discussion boards here under the alias "Zphix" - started work on a few more articles, including this one, on cold reading techniques and usage. While we have an article up already on cold reading - see "Employing the Cold Read to Unlock Women's Secrets" if you're unfamiliar with the subject - this one from Richard explores the subject in a number of nuanced and specific other ways.


You’re no doubt familiar, at least in passing, with the gypsies of Medieval times; with tarot cards, palmistry, clairvoyance; and all the other “psychic” phenomena. Today we’re diving back into the wonderful art of cold reading to better enable you to have yourself a sweet (and magical) time with that sexy girl you’ve got in your sights.

Cold reading according to Wikipedia is defined as:

[A] series of techniques used by mentalists, psychics, fortune tellers, mediums and illusionists to determine or express details about another person, often in order to convince them that the reader knows much more about a subject than they actually do.

For you as a seducer, as a conversationalist, and as a ladies’ man, this is only partially true. Yes, you’ll be getting some information out of her via cold reading... but what you’re really doing is easing pressure, allowing for a deep dive, and building compliance.

4 Crucial Mindsets for Your Relationships

Peter Fontes's picture

In my recent article 'Scare Tactics and the Illusion of Control', reader Yink wanted to know how he could reconcile not using 'scare tactics' and still have his girl believe that he has options and that he can and will leave her if she doesn't act right:

Because Chase once wrote that you need to make her feel that you have other options and can leave at anytime if she is not treating you well. So should we use the scare tactic when we feel like she is slipping away in order to make her buckle up? Thanks.

The solution lies in having the right overall mental attitude instead of relying on individual techniques, thus the title of the article - mindsets vs. techniques.

mindsets vs. techniques

First off, let's have a look at the definitions of each, as a lot can be gleaned from them (definitions here from TheFreeDictionary.com):

  • Mindset: a habitual or characteristic mental attitude that determines how you will interpret and respond to situations

  • Technique: a practical method or art applied to some particular task

One has far-reaching implications for many behaviours and situations, and the other is simply one solitary method to carry out a single function.

So pitting mindset vs. techniques may look as if it's a battle between an over-arching concept of behaviour and single instances of behaviour, but in fact, it's actually a battle between two meta-mindsets: the mentality-seeking mindset and the technique-using mindset.