Dating

In a non-monogamous relationship, is it ethical to keep your partners in the dark about each other? Let’s explore the reasons why it is – for you and for them.

Girls Chase reader Damien asked me a question about a relationship he had with a woman that lasted two years in a non-monogamous setup. He noted that his girlfriend was mostly drama-free and easy to manage, which is the way it should be.

However, Damien also mentioned that he felt like he was lying to her at times by withholding information about what he was doing with other girls. I thought this was an interesting topic to explore in the context of this system and non-monogamy in general.

Damien writes:

““I had a non-monogamous relationship for two years where I ran things exactly like described in this article, but it always felt like I was lying to the girl (even though I was just not telling her the details). Also, that girl was low-drama and easy to manage.”

So, should a man tell his partner about all his activities, or is it better for him to protect his partner by withholding certain information that he knows could be harmful to their relationship? It’s a tough question, one that is worthy of an article because it’s the central concept of understanding how the harem system works – and all implicit systems.

We’re going to explore the ethics and philosophy behind the harem system. As you’ll see, the system was not designed to enable men to lie to women – quite the opposite. It was designed to protect and sustain women and to look out for their interests.

It’s a non-monogamous system, so it does largely cater to men. After all, it’s an innate male desire to have sex with many different partners, and there’s no getting around that. For women, the system holds a different promise, and most of it is dependent on the man.

Even monogamous guys who have been with the same woman in a loving relationship for many years feel a desire for other kinds of pussy. Not every guy gives in to their desires, but I do know many men and women in monogamous setups who do, which might make it the most dishonest agreement of all. It’s not just men that have a desire to sleep around. Often, women share the same level of horniness as men – or even more so.

Emotionally, women always desire to be with the strongest man in the pool and seek commitment and security with that man exclusively. Sexuality, however, can be very different.

Most times, a woman won’t cheat on her man or even consider sleeping with other men if she’s sexually satisfied by her main partner, because there’s no reason for her to. With this in mind, let’s talk about the implications of the system.

For each non-monogamous relationship you intend to build, you’ll inevitably have The Talk. If you manage it well and keep a solid frame, odds are she’ll hop on board.

The most defining moment in your relationships – whether in this system, monogamy, or some other kind – will always be “The Talk.”

The Talk is probably the most defining moment in the entire relationship cycle. From the moment you convert a girl from first-time sex to a relationship, to the point when you openly set the terms of the relationship, you’re preparing the girl for The Talk through your behavior, showing her exactly how you’re going to act going forward.

The purpose is to set a frame she’s not likely to have ever heard from a guy before – you’re non-monogamous, and you’re going to see other people while you’re with her.

After The Talk, over time, she will either accept these terms or auto-reject entirely. If you want to keep a girl as a non-monogamous girlfriend while retaining the freedom to date other women – with her blessing – then The Talk is critical.

The reason The Talk is essential is that, up until that point in your relationship with a girl, the most significant anxiety she’ll have around the relationship is knowing where it’s all going.

By this point, you’ve probably been seeing each other for several weeks or months, and since girls have a very limited timeline to enter into relationships and achieve commitment, she wants to be sure she's investing in the right man.

You, on the other hand, need to tell her subtly yet directly that she’s not investing in any “normal” relationship status – and by “normal,” I mean standard, social monogamy. Instead, she’s entering a custom relationship style – one where you care about her and want to see her as your girlfriend, but you’re going to be dating and sleeping with other women.

During The Talk, you’re going to tell her this openly and honestly, and she’ll understand it perfectly. You’re also required to set it up in such a way that you have the best chance of you both getting what you want in the end.

Some people might not agree to this principle, but I can tell you from experience that at least 80% of the women I’ve been with have stuck around after The Talk to date me, sometimes over a long period. Others drop out immediately, and that’s fine.

The beauty of the harem system is that women can step into and out of the harem at any time, something we’re going to address in Part 8 of the series. You should never be concerned about a girl leaving because she rejects the system – in my experience, it’s usually temporary.

Part of the freedom of the harem system – or any implicit non-monogamous system – is that the partners can do whatever they want, providing they’re respectful to each other.

As the dominant partner who will be introducing the system to your girlfriends and essentially asking for their compliance to buy into it, you will be principally responsible for their well-being and how well they understand it.

It's entirely up to you to teach your girls the way you want them to act in this relationship style. The best way to do this is through your behavior, which you’ll back up with The Talk. This is the most defining moment of your relationship, so treat it with respect.

Attraction isn’t the end-all in getting women into bed. In fact, too much of it can complicate things. Here’s why focusing more on compliance is the way to go.

Hey, guys. Not too long ago, I wrote a theoretical piece stating my definitions of attraction and compliance and how I distinguish between them. The goal of that post was to clarify:

• The confusing paradox of “attraction is there naturally” – i.e., that attraction is not something you create, but either is or isn't there – and the idea of “building attraction”

• The difference between them – attraction being an emotional drive that causes a person to feel emotions towards another versus creating a state of mind that makes another person comply with your demands

• How this all plays out in the field

Today, I want to discuss this even further. I believe that compliance is a more powerful tool than attraction, and therefore something you should strive for. The reason behind this is that attraction, once you reach a certain level, becomes a double-edged sword that can work against you.

The assumption is that attraction leads to compliance. This is true in many cases – if a girl likes you, she will be very likely to follow your lead and comply with your demands. However, as we will discuss here, attraction can sometimes make a girl less compliant. We will explore why that is.

If a girl’s friends are present, they’ll get a say in whether she’s allowed to hook up with you. So be prepared to win them over and get their approval.

You’re at a club. You meet a cute girl, and it’s going well.

Then she tells you that she wants to introduce you to her friend. You walk over and are introduced. You make some small talk with one of the female friends, and then, when you get the chance, you return to your girl because… well, you’re trying to nail her, not her friend.

Your girl talks to you some more, but then you see her eyes flick briefly towards her friend. A few seconds later, she says to you, “Hey, one second. I’ll be right back.”

She walks over to her friend and they talk. You wait for your girl to turn around and re-engage you. But as the minutes go by, her body turns further and further away from you. Two minutes become four.

You feel alone, left out in the cold. You take a few sips of your drink to not look totally out of place, but after a few more minutes, your drink is empty. You feel empty. You don’t know what happened, but you do know that you lost your girl.

You walk back to the bar, order another drink, and look out into the crowd for another girl.

What happened?

You failed her friend’s test.

The more you lead your girl during a date, the more she’ll get used to it, and the more natural it will be for her to say yes when you invite her home.

Ah, logistics.

Logistics are a crucial yet easily overlooked part of seduction. If you think about it, what aspect of seduction could be more important than having a plan to get her back to your place?

Sure, it’s essential to handle your fundamentals – to present yourself attractively while seducing women. It’s also necessary for you to learn the ins and outs of seducing women, to be a good conversationalist, and to know how to turn women on.

But if you’ve learned how to do all these things and you still don’t have a sure-fire way to bring the girl you’ve seduced home so that you can get intimate, you’re still missing out on an essential aspect of seducing women. Additionally, you’re missing out on several girls you could be having sex with.

We know that, as men, the onus is on us to lead. Most women aren’t going to lead the interaction towards intimacy. More specifically, they aren’t going to handle the logistics in a way that you end up having sex with them. It’s not impossible, but the odds of it happening are very slim.

And we know how disappointing it can be leaving things to chance in this game of seduction.

In this article, I’ll be focusing on logistics. I’ll be sharing a simple and effective strategy you can use to ensure that more of your dates end up back at your place. The beauty of this strategy is that it’s something any seducer can use, regardless of their current skill level.

Beginner and intermediate seducers will enjoy this article because it’ll help solve one of the most common sticking points at this stage – handling the pull consistently and smoothly. More experienced seducers also have an opportunity to learn about a unique way to get dates home with ease, giving them a new technique to add to their arsenal.

And on that note, let’s get to it.

Editor’s Note: this is our first post from Darwin, whom our very own Hector Castillo has adopted as wingman in Romania. He specializes in social circle game and Instagram game. Here, he shares his experience with how being picky can boost your attractiveness. Here’s Darwin! –BT

Being picky means knowing what you want. Knowing what you want enables you to choose a path to obtain it. And this decisiveness helps attract the women you like.

Everyone has their preference when it comes to dating women, whether that be what music she listens to, shoe size, political views, or even her hair color. Knowing what you want helps you find your next favorite girl – and it enables you to get her in bed, too.

The level of your game is what allows you to pick and choose your women. If you’re fresh in the game and haven’t honed that fire that burns deep within all men, fear not – you have a lot of time and plenty of girls with which to practice.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable, go and approach, and earn the right to be picky with the girls you pursue and how you pursue them.

Every loss brings you closer to your next girl. Improve faster by recognizing what went right and what went wrong. Do you remember which joke made her giggle? Do you remember when it all went to hell and she walked away? Focus on that, and you will be much closer to creating a list of shaggable women.

When you get to a certain level, you can be picky with not only the quality of girls but also how you approach them. You will know who is interested and likely to respond well to your advances. You don’t need to waste time approaching random girls who may or may not be attracted to you. Unless, of course, you’re a dog and want to. My buddy Hector is one of those guys – he’s always horny.

Every relationship has its phases, but non-monogamous setups are often more challenging. Handle each phase well to help things go smoothly and make it last.

Welcome back to the Harem series. In this article, I will continue discussing how to date and manage relationships with many women in an implicitly non-monogamous arrangement. In Parts 3 and 4, we discussed how to compartmentalize your many relationships and structure your lifestyle to balance the number of girls you desire with what’s possible within the system. 

Let’s move on to discuss the life cycle of these relationships, as understanding how they evolve is key to affecting their outcome and longevity. After all, every relationship (even outside this system) has a specific life path. As a man, the dominant force in the relationship, you are in control of where it goes, based on the type of relationship you desire. It’s up to the girl to accept it, or reject it and find another man who wants what she wants.

As the leader in this dating structure, through the whole process, you’ll be guiding the path of these relationships, to protect the woman and create the best outcome for both of you. Ideally, you will structure the relationship so that she understands precisely what it is, how non-monogamy works, and whether it’s something she wants or not.

It’s also important to structure this in a way that makes it easy for her to say yes or no and increases the likelihood of her accepting the implicit non-monogamy model, regardless of her own previous experiences and desires. 

To set up the right path for this system, you must set the correct frames very early, so she understands exactly what it is you do and what she’s getting into. You’ll be conveying most of the information about the relationship through your behavior, not through words, although they will come into play. The life cycle of this relationship type is split into six different parts, and the woman needs to cross all the thresholds to ensure its longevity.

If your girl makes it through all these stages within the first six months or so, you can bet that she’ll be in your life for many years – for as long as you want her to be.