Confidence | Page 7 | Girls Chase

Confidence

How confidence affects results with women, and how to get your confidence, boldness, and "inner game" tightened up and running smoothly.

Other Men Are (Largely) Irrelevant for Skilled Daters

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

other menMen who are not super experienced with women tend to focus a lot on other men. Yet the romantically experienced man, in contrast, focuses on women, with little time for other men.

Recently I was observing myself, as I like to do, and noting my own behavior.

I was watching a particularly beautiful woman in a conversation with a man. The two were flirting and the woman was alternating between showing interest in him and playfully rolling her eyes at him.

I could tell you exactly what the woman looked like, what hairstyle she had, what color clothes she had on and what type, her facial features, facial expressions, and so on.

I have only the faintest idea what the man looked like. I didn't bother to note whether he was short or tall, muscular or skinny or fat, or had any facial hair. I did notice he had short hair spiked in the front (possibly with gel). I have no idea if he was good-looking or not, but I'm not really able to tell that with men generally. I don't know what he was wearing.

I realized this after I glimpsed briefly at the man, but returned to focusing squarely on the woman. As I observed myself, I noted this difference, and asked myself what I was looking for in the woman. I realized I was looking to see if she made signals in my direction, or indicated in any way that she wanted me, or any other man than the one she was with in general, to enter the conversation and whisk her away.

While I was observing her, I thought about how when people watch sex videos, both men and women focus on the woman: her facial expressions, reactions, etc.

And I thought, "There's an analogue here, perhaps."

But then I thought of how many novice seducers are constantly talking to me about men here on Girls Chase. They compare themselves to other men ("I'm not that tall", "I'm not good-looking", "I can't build muscle", etc.). They talk about what kinds of men women go for. They talk about being intimidated by other men.

And I realized I don't think any experienced guy I know thinks about other men the way seduction rookies do.

The only people overly worried about male competitors is men who aren't very good at competing for women.

Game Is in Your DNA (But It Might Be Suppressed)

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

game is with usThe ability to meet, flirt, and seduce (i.e., ‘game’) is embedded in the genes of every man. Unlocking that ability, then honing it with practice, rigor, and skill, is another thing…

In a comment on another article of mine, reader Ciro says

Historically speaking game as you call it, was never a factor in the past for getting women. Women needed men to provide for them, that's why game was never something you had to learn. Your grandfather and my grandfather didn't game women because a) they didn't have to and b) they wouldn't even know how to. Who would have taught them? Only recently women have become indipendent financially, now they can choose their men. They don't have to settle for the unattractive guy with a good job anymore when they are 21 only (yet some still do at a certain age). If game was a natural thing then why do most men have no game whatsoever? Why isn't game imprinited in our DNA if that is how you attract women? It should be natural.

This is a position I've seen around the Internet, on men's sites, and all over the place, really.

At first blush, it might seem to feel correct. There was no Girls Chase in 1960, after all! Nobody needed to read How to Make Girls Chase before the Summer of Love! They just went and hooked up!

However, it relies on some fundamental misunderstandings of why seduction became so prominent in the 2000s and 2010s (before sliding back into obscurity again in the 2020s).

The fact is, game has always been with us -- and it is, indeed, embedded within our DNA.

The Seducer's Journey, Pt 1: How Childhood Imprints Influence Your Style

Daniel Adebayo's picture
seducer's journeyWhether you were an elder or younger sibling growing up will influence the stance you take with the women you meet in your life.

Some men become players only to find themselves facing burnout and pickup fatigue. While their relationships feel exciting at first, a rough descent into drama and heartache often follows.

Others play to win and do just that with remarkable consistency. In this elite brotherhood, there are lady-killers whose relationships ooze respect, pleasure, and boredom.

Can you imagine what it would be like if the biggest problem in your dating life was boredom?

Some experienced players reading this article know how that feels. Skilled seducers growing bored of dating success have a choice to make:

  • Lose your grip on self-discipline and get rusty

  • Create new tactics to keep things interesting

Few men who learn dating skills choose to walk the courageous path of the unconventional and eternal student of the game. But why does this dichotomy exist among game students in the first place?

Removing Fear Through Good Practice (Rejection Part 1)

Alek Rolstad's picture

By: Alek Rolstad

removing fearMen are afraid of rejection. But there are ways to optimize yourself to rarely encounter it.

Editor's note: this is Part 1 of Alek's 2-part series on fear and resistance. We mistakenly published Part 2 first. You can read Part 2 of the series here.


Hey all! I hope you’re doing great.

Today I want to discuss a simple subject that many men have issues with: “making a move.” This could be:

  • Approaching,

  • Escalating the vibe

  • “Going for the kill” (Inviting her to go home with you)

We won’t be covering anything new. Instead, we’ll be going over well-trod ground, but covering old concepts in a new light, giving readers clarification on how things fit together. This post is mostly suited to beginners, but intermediate players may also benefit.

Guys may hold themselves back from making a move, understandably, due to fear of rejection. There’s no sense pretending rejections are pleasant. The truth is they can hurt our egos or even our dignity as men.

As a result, many have suggested using mindsets or mental exercises to counter these fears. I’m not here to say these don’t work, as they can be beneficial. However, I want to offer a more practical solution or mindset to help conquer these fears. My solutions aren’t intended to discredit others you may seek to apply. We aren’t dealing with an “either/or” dichotomy but rather something you can ADD to your arsenal.

So, let’s get on with it.

You Need to Stand Out (If You Want to Get Girls)

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

stand out to get girlsThe most attractive men stand out. But many men fear standing out too much; to do so is to invite criticism, exclusion, or attack. How do you stand out in positive ways, and not negative ones?

One of the biggest early revelations for me, and one I discussed with our charisma course, which we completed the launch for last week, was that by making myself stand out in various ways, all the way back in junior high school, I suddenly became much more attractive to women.

It wasn't like I became physically better looking, or taller, or more athletic. I'd only changed things like the way I dressed, my hair, my glasses, the way I walked and how fast, and other things. Then, suddenly, every junior high girl and her sister was chasing me for dates. The hottest cheerleaders in school asked me out, as did some cute regular girls (and a few not-so-cute girls too).

At the time I was totally struck by it and could not understand why suddenly I had become this object of fascination for my school's women. After all... I was this loner kid who read books too much, didn't play sports, and for years was considered the 'school nerd'. Why were all these pretty, popular girls chasing me?

Then it clicked for me that I had made myself stand out, in a variety of mostly attractive ways, and that was the reason why.

After that, I became obsessed with standing out. Everywhere I went, everything I did, I had to stand out -- and not just in any way, but in attractive ways.

This is a common thread I see in guys who get good with girls: they always stand out in a variety of attractive, visible ways. Some are ways they tweak their appearances and nonverbals (i.e., their fundamentals); some are ways they behave, and the things they say and do. But they all stand out. They are all recognizably different.

Likewise, I notice with guys who don't get good with girls there is an opposite common thread: they try to fully conform, keep their heads down, and not stand out. They fear standing out and will resist if you try to get them to do it. They will also exaggerate how much they stand out, both internally and to you, claiming they stand out a lot while to you and everyone else they barely stand out at all.

But if you want to get more women into you, and chasing you, and you also want more recognition from men, then you are going to need to stand out.

Internal Consistency

Chase Amante's picture
internal consistencyA mental priority of men and women alike is to preserve internal consistency. Threats to that cause resistance – both in the women you want, and in you, yourself.

People do and say a lot of hypocritical things.

But what happens when you call someone out on an act of hypocrisy? Does he say, "Whoops, my bad! You caught me slipping"?

No, of course not. That almost never happens.

Instead, the usual reaction is what? Defensiveness and denial. Auto-rejection is also a common response.

Imagine you try to go home with a girl you met at a bar, and she tells you, "I don't just hook up with some guy I just met." But two hours later, you see her leaving the bar... with some other guy she met after she talked to you.

So you stop her and, feeling a little salty, say to her, "I thought you didn't go home with guys you just met?"

How will she react?

I think you can imagine how she will.

She'll either be:

  • Incensed: "What are you, my dad? Get away from me!"

  • Denying: "Actually we know each other" (might be a lie!)

  • Embarrassed: "Umm, I just need to go home now, sorry John" (you cockblocked the other guy)

At no point is she going to just say, "Ha, good point! You caught me in an act of inconsistency. Bully for you!" then just continue with what she was doing.

But internal consistency goes a lot deeper than this.

It reaches the way a man interacts with a woman he wants to pair with, or with another man he wants to form a connection with.

And it even reaches the heart of a man's very thoughts about himself, the way he conducts his life, and his ability (or inability) to do what he needs to do.

Unhelpful vs. Helpful Mindsets for Seduction

Chase Amante's picture

By: Chase Amante

unhelpful mindsets for seductionThe way you think about things can help you seduce more women, or it can hurt you. Recognizing whether a mindset helps or hurts is key to adopting healthier beliefs.

In seduction, there are mindsets that are helpful to a man's seductive efforts, and there are mindsets that are unhelpful to them.

Helpful mindsets can be cultivated and used. Unhelpful ones should be pruned.

Much of the time when we talk about mindsets, I focus on talking about unhelpful mindsets to prune. Why don't I talk about helpful mindsets more? Because often when you talk about helpful mindsets, men either cannot relate to them (because those specific mindsets do not resonate with them, personally) or even find them boastful (even if it isn't how you intend).

There's an interesting phenomenon though where one man's unhelpful mindset is another man's helpful one.

To get you thinking clearer about your own mentalities, I'd like to take you through an 'unhelpful vs. helpful' mindset review and give you a chance to figure out which each of your own thoughts is.

Tactics Tuesdays: Unmasking Byronic Flaws

Chase Amante's picture
byronic flawsByronic flaws make a man more interesting, and much more bondable in courtships and relationships. Yet there’s an art to revealing them that many men often get wrong...

I recently worked with a hard case guy on a repeated relationship problem he has. Periodically, his relationships fail, inexplicably to him, with every woman he dates peeling off and wanting out.

He's been unable to understand why, but with this latest girl she gave him a lot of very clear feedback, that also mirrors feedback he's gotten from other girlfriends, as well as mirrors my own feeling personally with him.

That feedback was this:

That the girl, despite six months of trying to peel back his layers, was never able to get to know the real him. She feels like, after six months of attempts, she's still right back where she started with him, and is tired of trying.

This is a guy who, in most on-paper respects, should be a desirable guy. He's tall, accomplished, has good fundamentals, and good game. He's well-nigh unshakeable in his frame and is relentlessly optimistic (without being unrealistic). He's an ex-military man and is tough-as-nails, yet is also a religious man and is caring and intelligent, if sometimes not always totally attuned to why a woman is doing what she's doing.

What I realized on looking at how this latest girlfriend quit the relationship is that he isn't letting women peel his layers back properly, and this is causing women to feel like they don't even really know him.

Which in turn causes those women to feel like failures, then causes them to leave.

What I said to him was, "You need to help women peel your layers back properly. You might also need to get more comfortable yourself showing people more of whom you are underneath your armor."

How to Disprove the "Looks Are the Pillar of Attraction" Ideology

Chase Amante's picture
looks are everythingSome guys say looks are all that (or most of what) matters when it comes attracting women. This article uses mountains of photographic evidence to bury that theory forever.

Every time we talk about looks on Girls Chase, we get some guys in the comments or on the forum who get upset and tell us we're totally delusional and looks are the central thing.

These are the types I consider 'looks purists' and/or 'looks absolutists'. This site is one of the few in the seduction niche that is out there saying, "Looks are important, and it should be one of your priorities to work on yours," yet these guys still show up to tell us our focus is still not heavily enough on looks, and/or that it is pointless to try to work on looks because the only thing women pay attention to are your genetic facial traits.

I can tell you as a guy who has enjoyed success in a number of different fields that getting too obsessed with one particular aspect of success and putting it on a pedestal and making it absolute and pushing for pureness is a certain way to failure in that field.

With all things, dating included, you must have balance in your approach if you want success.

(honestly I'm somewhat befuddled why the hardcore looks guys read Girls Chase. You'd think they'd be busy doing facial training exercises or reading about who are the best plastic surgeons or something)

We've had plenty of articles very clearly disproving the 'looks are the main thing!' reductionist perspective of attraction. I'll link them in a moment if you want to go through them.

However, today, I want to conduct a fun experiment with you, that will be enjoyable for most people, meanwhile causing looks-are-everything acolytes to implode in a pile of cognitively dissonant goo.