Confidence

A few friends and I were sitting at a table, careless fluff talk and barely appropriate jokes going all around, when someone made a joke that had everyone cracking up. Too bad I can’t recall the joke. But the point is that we were having a good time. After all, as most people, I love laughing and smiling (that goofy photo next to my name is there to prove it).

Then one of the friends commented – “Why do you cover your mouth with your hand when you’re laughing?”

“I do? Didn’t even notice it.”

I then got noticeably embarrassed and attempted to change the subject.

In truth, I was actually aware I was doing it and the fact that this friend, I’m sure without any bad intentions, drew attention to it made me both angry and uncomfortable.

Here’s the deal: at the time I had properly crooked teeth, something I’d been very insecure about; and covering my mouth with my hand (or any other object I might be holding in my hands) was my way of masking this insecurity. Unfortunately, it wasn’t as nonchalant as I imagined and my friend’s comment made it painfully obvious.

And even though I didn’t want to admit it at the time, this seemingly insignificant insecurity was impacting my life in more ways than just trying to hold in a laugh or a smile before I can cover it up with an awkward gesture.

Indeed, in my mind I felt flawed; I imagined how life would be so much better if only I had a beautiful smile – I would instantly become so much more confident and surely all my female classmates would find me incredibly more attractive.

Also, if I saw a woman I liked and then it turned out that she had a great smile, in my mind this would instantly make her “out of my league” because there’s no way any woman with great teeth would find me attractive. Silly, I know.

Is casual sex morally acceptable? Historically, people have viewed sex as a serious matter that should be restricted. And social conventions have typically told us to withhold sex and control our human lusts.

Most religions therefore consider promiscuity a sin; something immoral that was even punished by death in the Middle Ages. The sanctions for promiscuity have become way lighter since then, and in the modern day West, the sanctions have for the most part become only of a social matter: judging, exclusion, and shame.

Though I’ve covered it in some of my previous articles (like this one or this one), in a nutshell, female sexuality has been restricted in order to create order and avoid chaos. Remember, the majority of males out there compete over the provider role, and therefore are not very sexually attractive to women in comparison to the small minority of lovers – those men whom women find sexually attractive and who provide them sexual satisfaction.

Previously, we covered common mistakes to avoid that have the potential to hinder our success.

We’ve talked about the importance of having a conversation outline as well as a customizable conversation starter you can implement today with the girls you are meeting.

In the last article we explored how our voice, awkward tendencies, and early attractive conversation affect our communication with women. In this post, more concrete examples of effective and ineffective behavior will be discussed, as we discover the final three fundamentals of conversation. Those are:

• Screening
• Rewarding effort
• Connection building

However, before diving further into the nuances of conversation, let’s explore the why behind the what and the how of communication in regards to attraction so we can better understand what makes our behavior effective or ineffective.

In the last couple of posts:

1. The “I’m Glad I’m Not the Only One Who…” Conversation Starter

2. The Fundamentals of a Great Approach: Interaction Outline Pt. 1

... We learned a customizable conversation starter (post #1) that allowed us to focus on the fundamentals of physical, logistical, and emotional escalation (post #2).

Before continuing forward with the creation of our conversational outline, today we are going to focus on: the fundamentals of basic conversation.

Note from Chase: this is our first article from Mateo Navarrete – my old J.V. partner from way back in the day when GirlsChase.com received 200 visits a month and we used to offer live seminars and in-field coaching in San Diego, California in 2009. Mateo’s a former car company spokesman and present day owner of Live the Knight Life matchmaking services in S.D., and he’s one of the more positive, optimistic, and contagiously inspiring people you’ll meet. Take it away, Mateo..!

When was the last time you felt awkward around a girl to whom you were attracted?

I don’t mean to call you out; we’ve all been there.

Instead, I simply want us to think about what it was exactly that made us uncomfortable in that particular situation.

Blistering snow whips at your face. Your skin slowly cracks and numbs by the moment. And with every step, your body begs you to slow down and rest for just a moment…

But if you stop, you die.

Your tribe was just exterminated in a raid and you’re the only one who escaped. All that remains is you and your will.

No one is here to save you.

You are all alone.

Recognizing your desolation and loneliness, water pours from your eyes, granting everything in your sight a glow that you hadn’t noticed before this moment.

Intrigued by the perspective, you stop, disregarding your impending death, and observe your surroundings.

Despite the truth that your life has been stripped to pieces and everything is rapidly killing you, you drink in the world with no prejudice.

Curious, you stick out your tongue and taste the tears and the snow. Just the same. Just water.

You notice that, while the cold hurts, it’s just a feeling. Yes, slightly less satisfying than the warmth of your campfire and the embrace of your former lover, but, nonetheless, still just a feeling.

The fear slowly fades – you recognize that the “world” is just a lot of individual elements reacting on their own to the rest of the elements, no different from you.

A smile creeps upon your lips.

The rest of existence is just as lonely as you are.

Purpose fills you, and you resolve to continue walking.

The cold air still stings, and the tears continue to roll down your cheeks, but your sly grin propels you to a nearby grove of trees where, for one more night, you choose to persist in this life.

The vast majority of people in the world operate under the belief that they are good enough. Since birth we’ve been fed ideas that we are perfect just the way we are. Doesn’t matter if you’re skinny, fat, awkward, or have a bad temper; it’s just your personality, and you can’t just change that. After all, we’re all unique – all 9 billion of us – which leads to the conclusion that there is at least one person who will love us unconditionally: our soul mate.

But, if I’ve found you here, reading these words, it implies that you understand that love – real, passionate, sex-driven love – is not the same variety of unconditional love that you receive from your mother. There’s something different about it.

Women aren’t going to want to sleep with you because they see you as their soul mate, they are going to want to sleep with you because you are attractive. It’s because you lead them decisively towards the bedroom, not because you are her one and only special someone; not because you were destined to be together.

However, understand this as you may, there is a chance that this knowledge has fooled you into being something that you are not. Those ideas that we’re consistently fed that we are good enough are hard to let go of, and in the face of action we often would rather make up lies to make us feel as though we are that attractive man who can lead decisively.

Which, in the end, is just another way of saying you are perfect the way you are.

You bought into the idea without even meaning to.

In order to relinquish control of the little white lies that you tell yourself, you must actively wrestle control of your ego. Yes, your ego, because after all these years of messages that you are fine the way you are, you must understand that something in you has to change before you are to obtain the results you seek.