I've begun to understand one simple truth that I've hidden from myself maybe due too arrogance, stubbornness, or just plain stupidity. It's that right now I am weak, and since I've understood that I understand that I still have more to go until I'll be strong. I realize that I have a problem with avoiding things that cause me pain, to an extreme where i disregard rational thought and exit a situation.
For example just recently I ran into the girl from my first FR:- (viewtopic.php?f=5&t=7735) I've run into her twice before over the past year nothing substantial just a try at failing convo and wave or so. This time I was walking out of the store after I'd bought some grub and I noticed a girl checked her out and noticed it was her and I thought she was gorgeous. She looked back and we locked onto one another and she said something like hey sup and was coming over towards me( In my mind i disregarded her coming towards me as her just putting her basket away), either way I just waived and kept moving. I exited from the situation without even trying which is frustrating. I've realized this is something I always do and when I notice I'm avoiding something I go towards it to not avoid it but in this snap situation I reverted back and avoided. It's frustrating but I understand that I have issues still that I need to address, and from here I can only work towards more.
For example just recently I ran into the girl from my first FR:- (viewtopic.php?f=5&t=7735) I've run into her twice before over the past year nothing substantial just a try at failing convo and wave or so. This time I was walking out of the store after I'd bought some grub and I noticed a girl checked her out and noticed it was her and I thought she was gorgeous. She looked back and we locked onto one another and she said something like hey sup and was coming over towards me( In my mind i disregarded her coming towards me as her just putting her basket away), either way I just waived and kept moving. I exited from the situation without even trying which is frustrating. I've realized this is something I always do and when I notice I'm avoiding something I go towards it to not avoid it but in this snap situation I reverted back and avoided. It's frustrating but I understand that I have issues still that I need to address, and from here I can only work towards more.