POLL: When is the best age to marry?

I understand a lot of people here don't want to get married. But I do, and i know others here also want to, one day. So, to those who are open to marrying a beautiful woman one day, when would be the best time to get married?

25-27 years old?
28-30 years old?
31-33 years old?
34 years old or older?

Personally, i think 27 is a good age to find a girl for a LTR, spend 3 years together (avoiding the 2-year drop) and then proceed to marriage from there if you're still happy with her.

I would say 28 to 30,

Most of my friends in college are getting married at 21. That's too young, especially if you really haven't lived and enjoyed life. I'm planning on traveling upon my college graduation and heading to Greece. It's a lot harder to travel and do things if you have kids and a wife. I'm also a musician as well and I want to keep my options open. Especially, when it comes to job options. I can take a job wherever after graduation just cause I won't have any restrictions. I also want to see how the economic situation plays out in the states, otherwise I'll be like my eldest brother and jump ship. I really don't see the rush or excitement to get married honestly.

I'm not saying I wouldn't want to get married, but I like the idea of having my freedom and not being domesticated anytime soon. I'll have to see where I am seven years from now.

DrexelScott said:

since if you marry at 27 or 30, you'll be tied down during the best years of your life with access to the most, and best options.

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It depends on what you want, I rather have a child during that time. I feel as though a child would be worth more to me those other woman. Especially if I chose the right women. Everybody wants different things, and what may work for you may not work for me and vice versa. It also depends on how career driven you are, if you made good investments you should have no worries . . . right?

Just_Dave said:

DrexelScott said:

since if you marry at 27 or 30, you'll be tied down during the best years of your life with access to the most, and best options.

Click to expand...

It depends on what you want, I rather have a child during that time. I feel as though a child would be worth more to me those other woman. Especially if I chose the right women. Everybody wants different things, and what may work for you may not work for me and vice versa. It also depends on how career driven you are, if you made good investments you should have no worries . . . right?

Click to expand...

+1

Oh good lord.

Who you are now is totally different from who you will be 5-15 years from now. Instead of worrying about decisions that you will make then, focus on the present. You are never going to accomplish anything if you keep yourself occupied by irrelevant concerns.

When you are ready to get married, you should get married. Until then, focus on improving yourself and your SMV. There are always areas where you can make tangible improvement - no time to spare for these fantasyland ponderings.

DesiBro said:

Oh good lord.

Who you are now is totally different from who you will be 5-15 years from now. Instead of worrying about decisions that you will make then, focus on the present. You are never going to accomplish anything if you keep yourself occupied by irrelevant concerns.

When you are ready to get married, you should get married. Until then, focus on improving yourself and your SMV. There are always areas where you can make tangible improvement - no time to spare for these fantasyland ponderings.

Click to expand...

Haha, seriously, who are you to tell me i can't think ahead, and how i should plan my life? You say this on every thread i post. At least when DrexelScott told a different viewpoint, he had a lot of valid points to add to the conversation.

If you don't like my threads, then don't comment.

DrexelScott said:

I would encourage you to wait until you're at least 35 or so. According to science and anecdote, that 30-40 is most mens' prime and peak of sexual market value. What this means is, you'll be in great shape, have a stable career, own some assets, and generally have far higher value than you do when you're young.

In other words, you'll have more women attracted to you just because you're there, and you'll have access to the younger women who may be eluding you at the moment. I think you should at least experience single-man-prime-ness before deciding if that's really what you want, since if you marry at 27 or 30, you'll be tied down during the best years of your life with access to the most, and best options.

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I like this response. I've never quite understood how men as old as 35 are able to get with young, 21 year old girls...but I won't question it ;-).

The marriage situation is a sticky situation with most PUAs because

1)Sex is great today
2)Do not want to follow society

Well we can't avoid the "settling down effect", it is otherwise good to know why you want to "settle". For most people, it's

1)Stability
2)Society

The thing i want to argue is that both of those things, For me at least, is rather they are both something where i called impractical and probably "not relevant" because of my age, but what i do know is why i want to "settle down" or rather this simple reason.

Why i want to get married or rather this simple reason: Have a son, and i always wanted a daughter. Maybe few sons will do, but that's what i want, and probably the daughter is a priority because i always innately wanted that.

So my question to all of my friends here, if you want to get married because of stability and society, yes there will always be influence from "society" and your "settle down" effect, but rather how do you guide to get to an objective, like having a son because afterall, Society thinks for themselves, They think as individuals, and Stability doesn't really exist, with girls having flings, divorces. Your parents or your friends parents are just examples not very far away. (at least for me, here, i see it everywhere)

Zac

Ryan said:

DesiBro said:

Oh good lord.

Who you are now is totally different from who you will be 5-15 years from now. Instead of worrying about decisions that you will make then, focus on the present. You are never going to accomplish anything if you keep yourself occupied by irrelevant concerns.

When you are ready to get married, you should get married. Until then, focus on improving yourself and your SMV. There are always areas where you can make tangible improvement - no time to spare for these fantasyland ponderings.

Click to expand...

Haha, seriously, who are you to tell me i can't think ahead, and how i should plan my life? You say this on every thread i post. At least when DrexelScott told a different viewpoint, he had a lot of valid points to add to the conversation.

If you don't like my threads, then don't comment.

Click to expand...

"Man surprised me most about humanity. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived." - Dalai Lama

There's a point at which planning becomes counterproductive.

DesiBro said:

Ryan said:

DesiBro said:

Oh good lord.

Who you are now is totally different from who you will be 5-15 years from now. Instead of worrying about decisions that you will make then, focus on the present. You are never going to accomplish anything if you keep yourself occupied by irrelevant concerns.

When you are ready to get married, you should get married. Until then, focus on improving yourself and your SMV. There are always areas where you can make tangible improvement - no time to spare for these fantasyland ponderings.

Click to expand...

Haha, seriously, who are you to tell me i can't think ahead, and how i should plan my life? You say this on every thread i post. At least when DrexelScott told a different viewpoint, he had a lot of valid points to add to the conversation.

If you don't like my threads, then don't comment.

Click to expand...

"Man surprised me most about humanity. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived." - Dalai Lama

There's a point at which planning becomes counterproductive.

Click to expand...

You misinterpreted that.

Get out -->

Ryan said:

DesiBro said:

Ryan said:

DesiBro said:

Oh good lord.

Who you are now is totally different from who you will be 5-15 years from now. Instead of worrying about decisions that you will make then, focus on the present. You are never going to accomplish anything if you keep yourself occupied by irrelevant concerns.

When you are ready to get married, you should get married. Until then, focus on improving yourself and your SMV. There are always areas where you can make tangible improvement - no time to spare for these fantasyland ponderings.

Click to expand...

Haha, seriously, who are you to tell me i can't think ahead, and how i should plan my life? You say this on every thread i post. At least when DrexelScott told a different viewpoint, he had a lot of valid points to add to the conversation.

If you don't like my threads, then don't comment.

Click to expand...

"Man surprised me most about humanity. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived." - Dalai Lama

There's a point at which planning becomes counterproductive.

Click to expand...

You misinterpreted that.

Get out -->

Click to expand...

Guys, this is one of the few forums where people exchange thoughtful ideas. Let's not start off the new year changing it into a place where people just "beef" with one another.

But to answer your question, Ryan, I don't think there is specifically a good age for marriage. I've known people that got married in their early twenties and they are still very happy with each other. Just as I've seen people get married very late in life (into their sixties and seventies even) and they were happy too. I've also seen a lot of unhappy marriages where divorces happened quite quickly. It all varies depending on what you want out of life.

For me, I would probably never marry. I don't really see it as necessary in current society anymore. The only thing I think has an expiry date for age is having children. Personally, I don't think anyone should have children past the age of 35, men and women. Just because health risks increase after that, and you don't want to already be retired when your kids are heading to college.

Just my thoughts,

-Doc

Thanks Doctor. I'm irritated at the amount of times Desi (or anyone) tells people what they should or shouldn't do without good reason, though i think i was a bit harsh as it's new year.

But if you have children with a woman, isn't that practically the same as 'marrying' a woman? You'll want/need to be around your child as much as possible, which would mean living with the woman (living separately wouldn't be fair on the child), and having children and/or relationships with more than 1 woman would just cause loads of drama, no?

I think it depends on the individual you can get married at any age as long as you are not dead. Of course, it depends if you guys want kids and you probably would want to get married earlier but it's up to the couple to decide that. Me personally I don't want to get married because I think it would ruin my manhood and mental health but If a friend would ask me this question I would at least say 34 years old. The reason I say this is because you are deciding to raise a family and you don't want to be stuck with a crazy woman. Plus, by that age you are more experience with women, hopefully.

Ryan, seems like you started a good ol' discussion here. I was going to refrain from commenting, as I have more than one dog in the fight, but it's getting so excitable on this thread I think I'm going to have to express an opinion. There's some really intelligent commentary here from all concerned, I find.

As is often the case with questions that are simple to express, but difficult to answer, I think it depends on a number of factors.

#1. First is what you want out of the marriage. Do you go into it planning to divorce at some indeterminate point, or try for the whole "death do us part" malarkey?

You can play it both ways. I have a lot of (male) friends and acquaintances from the more permissive Eastern European cultures, where I spent a sizable chunk of my career, who married young (e.g. as an undergraduate student), divorced after a few years, and are none the worse off for it, especially where women are concerned, because it gives them a nice little Byronic flaw in their character which new girls can then fuss over to their hearts' content. Great bad boy positioning. One of my friends was divorced when I knew him, never spoke about it, introduced me to his stunningly cute, intelligent and successful girlfriend; since then he's married her, we'll see what happens but no doubt he'll start the whole cycle again at some point.

It seems that with all the "prenuptial" contracts and whatnot these days, people are taking a much more realistic long-term view of marriage, contemplating the possibility that it may end prematurely at some point, without necessarily specifying exactly when that will be. I believe that is healthy and to be commended. With my girlfriends I always stated outright at the beginning that I didn't see the relationship lasting longer than 2 years (and it never did), and they seemed good with that; a similar level of candor is perhaps to be advised between grooms and brides, although with a longer timeline obviously.

#2. Second is whether you are a man or a woman. I really think that makes a difference in terms of ideal age.

I married at 26. The girl was 23 at the time. Looking back on that now, I wouldn't say it was a disaster, but I wouldn't exactly class it as a success either. One of the reasons, I now feel, is that 3 years is not really an adequate age difference. Most of the truly happy couples I know personally these days in long-term relationships, whether marital or non-marital, have an age difference of approximately 15 years. It can vary of course; sometimes it's as much as 18-19 while others are no more than 12-13 years apart, but it always seems to cluster around that mid-teen figure. Don't forget that the longer you stay together, the smaller the age difference becomes in relative terms, so if you start with the gap too narrow, it erodes almost altogether after a decade or two.

Personally I find women of all different ages from, say, 18 to 55 or so sexually attractive, and I don't plan to marry a second time, but under the influence of what I've witnessed, right now I find it hard to take seriously the idea of starting a new deep relationship with a woman who's older than, say, ten years my junior. Older women (say 34+) are wonderful for fun and companionship, but for anything serious involving romantic feelings and so forth, I think it would have to be a younger girl for me. It is a matter of personal preference though.

With this in mind, I don't believe there is an "ideal age" as such but I really think girls should have a chance to complete their studies and figure out what direction they want to take their careers first, in spite of the pressure to bear children while it's still healthy to do so. You might say that 24 is a good age for women, while for men perhaps 40 would be a sensible figure. I've seen it done differently though—one friend I have, now living in DC, met a 19-year-old girl when he was 33 and married her soon after; they've been together 15 years or so and seem very happy. Some girls prefer to have a child or two first and then get stuck into their careers, which seems to work pretty well for them too. So it depends on the individuals of course.

#3. Third is cultural factors. The society you live in, and the circles you move in, in other words.

One of the things I've noticed since moving to the USA almost 3 years ago is that Americans take marriage WAY too seriously. In less uptight cultures such as France and Italy, the whole thing is treated with a healthy skepticism and farcical nighttime escapades are the stuff of everyday life as well as novels and movies. I guess it's because they've been at it for longer, so it doesn't seem like a big deal to them any more... it's just what you do, create a secure environment for your children and then go off and continue living your life more or less as before. This eminently sensible Mediterranean approach has carried over into the sizable Italian and Greek diaspora in the States, but doesn't seem to have permeated the wider community unfortunately.

A sinister side-effect of the trend for marriages to become less common in wealthy societies today is that, when they do happen, people make much too big of a deal out of them. Think about how the opposite has happened with, for example, undergraduate degrees—as more and more people get a college education, the university diploma becomes devalued. The marriage certificate, by contrast, is gradually becoming more and more of a rarity and as a result, people are putting huge pressure on themselves and treating married people like some kind of an artifact, including an unfortunate habit of putting social pressure on others to sexually ostracize them, married women especially, regardless of those people's actual desires for sexual contact with willing partners or the absence thereof.

Like Chase says, it's just a piece of paper. Sadly this fact is not remembered by much of society, which is why I believe the societal implications should be taken into account before deciding on when (and whether) to marry.

-Marty

What i'm really surprised and confused about is why people here have such a negative view on marriage. Or want to do it as late as possible like it's some inevitable event causing the death of youth.

Call me an old-fashioned fool, but the whole purpose of me practising girlschase is not to bed girls all my life. Sure, that's fun, but it also feels awfully base. It doesn't feel like it would fulfil me. Like skipping dinner to eat loads of chocolate cake.
For me, the purpose of girlschase is for that one day when I meet the girl of my dreams. Though there are so many beautiful girls, I honestly believe such girls only come a few times a man's life. The girls that make your heart beat faster and stomach full of butterflies. Many girls make me feel nervous, but there has never, albeit one or two, that has caused me to feel the uncontrollable feeling of love. I believe in this.

I want to be in the position to know everything i need to know to make that particular girl fall head over heels in love. I want to make her the happiest woman in the world and her appreciating me as the love of her life. To wake up everyday, seeing her face and knowing that we will be together, for better or worse, until we're an old couple, doing simple things like gardening and making tea together everyday. Sure we'll have our arguments and sometimes we'll sleep in separate bedrooms probably. But i have everything i need to know on this website to make sure those arguments don't become serious, and that she'll always have feelings of love for me, care for me as i care for her and share the happy moments in our lives and laugh with each other about them. Maybe i could do that with my 632nd lover, but i just feel that things would be more meaningful and have more depth with the woman i'll call my wife.

And this also leads me onto another area of my life which i most treasure. It is my dream to have children with such a woman. Especially an adorable little daughter whom i can love, play with and treasure everyday of my life.

I'm also very confused as to why Marty recommends marrying a girl ~15 years younger. I'm sure he has his reasons, and who am i to question a man who's already been married, but how can you relate to someone like that? How can you share stories of your childhood and laugh with her when she has no understanding of your time? And you likewise have no understanding of how things were like in her time? She will be born and raised in a different world of that i couldn't relate to.

I was watching the Lord of the Rings for the first time yesterday (watching the hobbit pursuaded me to watch the series), and you can see how Sam, when he thinks he's going to die with Frodo on top of Mt. Doom, all he can think about is marrying his beloved Rosie (http://youtu.be/gKrmkHLYBug). He realises she is the most important part of his life. She's more important than travelling with Gandalf and Frodo on that big boat to live a life of immortality. It's different from a 'nice guy' attatchment to a woman, but he loves her. Before anyone points it out, i'm totally aware that hobbits/Sam doesn't exist (but neither does James Bond, and most characters mentioned here), and Sam may not be the type of man i should emulate for the purposes of this site, but he has the same personality as me and the same dream i want. After such a quest, you'd think Sam would want to take advantage of his hero status and be the Casonova of middle earth (which many people here would have probably done). But that's just not who he is, and not who i am either. http://youtu.be/IEnWSf59YlA I almost cried here. Those who will understand these thoughts about marriage will empathise.
That's just one example i could think of right now. I'm sure there are others. The rogue life of James Bond of having sex with yet another random woman is something i just want to experience, rather than something to devote my life to.

Maybe it's more of a personality thing, in which case, i will never truly understand the thoughts of those like DrexelScott, Chase and DavidEdge and how they tend to see marriage as more of a burden than a gift, and how they see children as merely an investment. And they will probably never understand my views on marriage and call me a naïve fool who doesn't understand how the world works (i've been called this before by many people) but i feel it's society that pressures people like DrexelScott and those like him into marriage, which is why it's got a stereotype of being a miserable, sexless and argumentative life that's portrayed on t.v. and common thinking.
Everyone here describes marriage like life as a caged farm animal. Marriage probably sounds as bad to these people as a life without marriage to me, but that's because i don't think about marriage that way.

I understand that people say marriage is nothing but a paper contract, and they're right. My aspiration is to raise and be in a loving family with her that will bring happiness to my dream woman and my children. The act of marriage can't create this (obviously, from looking at society today. My own parents aren't too great either), but i think it provides the only path to it.
I think Metomeya understands my thoughts (as we share similar interests and desires from what i've seen him write), but we are few and far between, and maybe i got to accept that what i want is totally different to what the majority wants (especially on a pick-up forum). But i'm not afraid or ashamed to admit this.

I think i will retire from this life i'm following now at around 25-26, and marry around 28-30. DrexelScott says that this will be the time i will be the most sexually attractive. Then I believe that's the time i should be with the woman i love most.

How i see it. you could get married at any age. the time is right when you find a woman that questions your beliefs and challenges your ideals. Especially when it comes to pick up. When you find that woman that rises above all the other women you have been with. Ands makes you think to yourself "wow I have never found a woman this awesome" or one that you find and while you are dating her she has set the standard for the kind of women you want to be with. THAT IS THE WOMAN YOU WANT AN LTR WITH. and to Marry if you so choose.

Some of you on here might argue that marrige shows a lack of abundance and a willingness to settle. Well I say thats bullshit. There is more to life than just fucking random bitches all day. When you find that one woman that is different and better than all the rest you fucking hang on to her. And you hang on to her tight. Because she will make you more happy than all the random whores combined.

I have found the LTR skill to be far more challenging than pickup. I will be honest it may not be as exhilarating as getting an instant lay or finally releasing the sexual tension with a woman your on a date with. But it has its own rewards.

I myself have already thought about marrige. I've talked about it with my gf (been 1 year already) and im safe to say I want to marry her (hopefully after the 2 year mark and we have lived togeather 6 months).

If the marrige doesnt last, then it wasnt meant to be. But I am T Vaunswa, I can do and I willl do whatever I set my god damn mind too. And what I want is this woman. It doesnt come from scarcity....It comes from Love, I've found that woman that rises above the rest and when you do, your beliefs will will change as well.

Cheers, The Tool

Drex said:

Sure, it would depend on your goal and what you think is in your own best interest.

To me, having a kid at age 27 or so seems like giving an investor a huge amount of equity, with royalties into perpetuity, of a company you own which is just beginning to take off. Almost like an automatic siphon that removes your money, removes your time, and removes a ton of energy you'd need to reinvest into that company in order to see it truly succeed to the best of your ability.

Yes, it would also make a difference how career-oriented you are. Just like women, men must make a choice of whether they'd prefer of life of primarily parenting, or primarily career, if they wish to truly excel at either one. I know when we are young, people tell us we can "have it all" and "do it all," but it is simply not true.

If you've decided you'd rather have a kid and spend most of your time, money and energy raising it--as opposed to doing pretty much anything else--then that's absolutely your choice to make. I am simply cautioning guys to give themselves the best opportunities to meet the widest pool of available women, waiting until they actually have enough money to raise a child, before jumping into it simply because it "feels" like a good idea.

Click to expand...

Alright if you happen to raise a spoiled brat who doesn't feel entitled to help you when you get older, blame yourself for bad parenting rather than trying to make it sound like a business deal. Having the wrong mindset when raising a child is what causes your child to resent you and not be bothered with you in the future. Certain people shouldn't have kids for these reasons, if you don't feel fit to have a child simply don't have one. A lot of people aren't fit to have children and it creates all sorts of problems for society. You need to be able to give the child love, affection, and personal attention. You also need to be involved in the child's life. I'm not talking about being a sperm donor and a cooperate sponsor as you try to make it sound. We both except the fact that one has to be ready.

Drex, my only question to you are you feeling some type of way?

Either way, what you say and do shouldn't personally effect me and what I'm doing in my life. You obviously didn't read my initial statement on the this particular topic. I said I would spend time traveling after finishing my degree and having adventures. If you think I am the type of person to sit around and do nothing in life and focus on one thing, you obviously don't know me. I'm not one to settle and live a mediocre life.

The one thing we can agree one is you know your path and I know mine.

Err... In case, (this is my ego here.) I never have or said anything against marriage on here. In fact, if you watch the Matrix and you see Trinity kiss Neo and he comes back to life, I believe that kind of shit because i felt it before.

Tool has a great point on what he writes here, and to me, that is like the above point on "Trinity kiss Neo and he comes back to life".

But like i noted, Most guys i know follow their friends and society, You know the wanting to be "cool", and "be a part". Just because someone's married, they want to be married too. Well there's always influence, but rather my question is what you want to achieve out of marriage?

Most people will want to settle down, as much as they don't want to say it!!!, and yea (I take from Chase here) "Your girl is different!", Every girl is different according to EVERYBODY and another point, the "settle down effect" will be a factor on your decision.

So my case here is i always wanted a daughter, That's my innate objective that i always wanted, and a bunch of young "me" that i hope to continue my legacy without forcing on them.

Peace,
Zac

To DrexelScott: That's the point we're making. I can't speak for everyone, but I think i know what Just_Dave means (if not, i apologise).

Thus, as I illustrated in my example, if you are trying to start up or run your own business, that is a massive amount of cash flow that you could otherwise have invested in yourself and your own professional success. So as I mentioned before, you really have to make a choice of which you would rather prioritize:
raising a child, or having the best chance at your business / professional life succeed as much as possible.

Click to expand...

For me, and for Just_Dave i'm sure, that's a very easy choice. But everyone is not the same and i respect your differences in thinking, so i wish you the best in your pursuit if success in the business life, as that sounds like that is your passion. My hopes and dreams for the future are different, so i would choose the other option, even if we didn't have such a good life.

In actuality, I'm in agreeance with several points from what you guys have said.

Anyhow, my views are pretty broad, and keep expanding:

First and foremost, marriage has to be for you. Everyone has different relationship values, and not surprisingly love is often not at the top of the list. As such a lot of people can form fulfilling relationships for themselves without love, commitment, or the other "marriage-type" values.

If marriage is up your alley though, I believe people should married when they are financially secure, and have their finances in order. (Same thing with children actually).

Objectively, I agree with Drexel, where most people should wait until they are financially ready which statistically is in the mid-30s. But, we all know that exceptions to statistics exist because some people make the money a mid-30s man does in their mid-20s and so on...

Even when you utterly love somebody, and it seems that two people enjoy each other to the fullest, marriage still may not be the best option at that moment. I don't believe people should make decisions at the height of emotional highs either.

All in all, relationships and marriages can work, we all know they can. It's a matter of the power you have in your life. When you've got that power to control your life, then you are ready for the prospect marriage