Dead bedroom , causes and fixes

Hey guys , I am now in a dead bedroom( which is relationship where sex is rare or quality of sex is lacking). I was wondering how dead bedrooms form in relationships in the first place? I have read most of the articles on the website and know importance of respect in the relationship, the 2 ,5,7 year drops,the drop in novelty, and how women's attraction wane over time, but I was curious on libido issues. Perhaps Chase or the Gchase team can do an article on women's libido and how to avoid dead bedrooms. My girlfriend was sexually assaulted a long time ago in her past , she has an autoimmune condition type 1 diabetes, and she takes birth control all of which can lead to libido problems or a dead bedrooms. Sorry for the long post , my questions are how does one partner lose libido at such a fast rate and how can I fix a low libido partner if its even possible? How common is this issue do all couples have it?How do I change the bad routine? Why do girls starfish sex?Lastly, how do I prevent these issues in the future with different girls? My girlfriend in addition to less sex frequency is also freaked out by nipple touching, fingering, and cunnilingus completely because of past experienced. She is ok with anal. She doesn't like making out too much says its messy and cant handle "wet kisses". And sex itself she likes only vanilla missionary where she starfishes and can only get off by riding me slowly and after she falls asleep without finishing me. What should I do guys? There is even a whole Reddit dedicated to this topic.

TLDR
Girlfriend and I are in a dead bedroom very rare sex
What causes drastic low libido or dead bedroom in couples?
How common is this issue does it happen to every couple
How can we fix low libido women or dead bedroom issues?
How do I change the boring routine and fight against her excuses and stop her star fishing?
Most importantly how do i prevent this situation from ever happening again with future girls?
Girlschase team please consider this topic for an article

First question, was it always this way? Did she always have a low libido?

If not, then it's a problem with your relationship. You need to reinvigorate her attraction to you. You need to become more involved with something outside of her. Get her chasing.

But considering she's afraid of "wet kisses," yeah, man, I'm gonna be honest, it sounds like she's not really that attracted. I know girls who have been sexually assaulted and, if anything, it makes them more horny/crazy in bed. She's cool with anal but not french kissing? that sounds...err...off. I know girls who consider themselves "asexual" getting pretty turned on.

What causes drastic low libido or dead bedroom in couples?

Click to expand...

Her not being attracted to you that much.

Hector

I am really sorry for the late reply Hector, I don't think I got an email with your comment so I didn't see sooner.

At the beginning of the relationship, her libido was higher and we would do it a lot but even then it felt a bit off because she couldn't handle her nipples being touched and wet kisses too much either and she didn't make too much noise during sex. I thought it was because she had been assaulted in the past.

For the getting attraction back aspect, what would you recommend are the most important things I should do first.

Work on my leadership
Dominance
Getting investment back
Doing my own thing and ignoring her?

How do I restart desire?
Thanks you so much for your help!!

Hey Ragnarok,

Sorry to read about this.

You mention a few good points which are drivers of attraction: leadership, dominance, investment. There is another very important one: the certainty that she has you. No sexual competitive threat. No challenge.

Think about it this way. Having sex is your right as a man. If she cannot provide it to you, you will have to get it from somewhere else. How much ready are you to get sex from someone else? If the answer is that you cannot do it because you could be losing her, it means she has you.

Think of it as a contract. Surrendering your right to have sex with whoever you choose, is a very, very big thing. Her part of the deal is, she needs to deliver on sex, or else. Right now, she is not honoring her part of the deal.

Another thing now. How much are you willing to walk away from her? Again, if the answer is "not at all" or "not much", then she knows it, and she has you.

My guess is, she's feels 100% safe that you won't be going anywhere. So she can afford to withdraw the sex. She keeps power over you this way. She is the one in control. This, in turn, further decreases her attraction for you. Her, feeling too safe, is probably the main cause of your problems. I believe that to keep the balance in a relationship, you need to provide her with *some* safety, but not as much as she would like to have.

Now I don't want to be the guy bringing the bad omen, but one of these days you may well discover that she's getting nailed on the side by a bad boy. Not saying it is happening, but knowing about women's attraction dynamics, it is likely to happen sooner or later.

I hope that this will give you material to think about.

Cheers,
Seppuku

So for this point do you think it would be wise for me to start using some dread to get rid of her 100% safety?? Couple that with the other attraction factors and could I possibly fix this issue?

Hey Ragnarok,

Usually the seduction knowledge tells you where you optimally want to be. It also guides you about how to get there, starting from scratch. There is no magic recipe, however, about what to do when you're in the wrong place, and how to correct it. In sum, seduction is about doing things right in the first place.

You would be much better off starting from scratch with another girl and trying to do things right from the start.

But we can try to apply the knowledge and see if we can fix things for you.

The below pointers are all based on the usual drivers of attraction:
* Make sure you are less invested than she is. She is more in demand than you are.
* Make yourself less available for her. You're a busy man.
* Leadership. You decide. You can consult her (sometimes) but ultimately, you decide. But it is not good to consult her on everything, it makes her feel that you're unable to decide anything without her. Always make clear to her that the ultimate decision is yours.
* Compliance. Don't ask, give her orders instead. It doesn't have to be harsh. You can be soft, but firm.
* Dominant sex. She is here to please you sexually. You take your pleasure from her the way you want. If you've been trying to work her hours long to get her orgasm, stop that, this is again putting her on a pedestal. Your pleasure first. Make sure she understand that.
* Your sexual options. If you don't have any other sexual options on the side, you can be sure she is intuitively aware of it. Remember, deep down into women's psychology, a "real man" is a man who fucks girls. So, you should get yourself some side girls. But at the very least, you should keep yourself sexually attractive to other girls. Good for your own psychology. Also, some feeling of sexual competition might change the dynamics in your couple.

That's very generic, without knowing more specifics about your couple. Overall, the frame that you want to establish is, you are the King, and you are above her. But remember that this is about (perhaps dramatically) changing the course of the ship. Sometimes it is easier to get into another ship and set its course from scratch.

Well, I hope that helps.

Good luck man!
Seppuku
PS. From your original post, I do not address the "sexual assault" aspect, and assume she reacts by the universal feminine attraction mechanisms. These are the same, irrespective of race or culture.

In addition to the excellent advice Seppuku gave, you may want to check out Chase's article on reversing bad precedents: https://www.girlschase.com/content/rever ... -girls-you

Good luck!

Thanks for all the help everyone, your advice is much appreciated! The King frame is what I am trying now, but as you guys correctly pointed out its very hard to get investment from her in the form of things like asking for water. And its even harder to be dominant because she just resists my commands. The main thing I am trying on the King frame is trying to rock the boat and get what I want and deflect her objections and resistance to it. Thanks for the help. I am working on it now