High risk relationship - rational thing to do?

Shadow

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Feb 12, 2014
Messages
39
Hi All,

I'm currently in a few month relationship which evolved after I stole a girl from her boyfriend.. Even back then that raised some alarms in my head but I was thinking this would be just a fling, but it turned into quite a bit more..

Just recently I was reading Chase's post on "How to prevent cheating" - https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-p ... girlfriend and I started thinking on some of the notes he said .. Then I slowly pulled the relevant 'info' from my girlfriend and I had my mind blown.... Basically the list goes like this:

She has a high sex drive - definitely
She's had many partners exactly 12
She's a party girl / she goes to parties & nightclubs often somewhat, due to distance at the moment but not extreme
She has tons of male friends and few female ones 90% male I'd say..
She travels a lot solo or with girlfriends N/A
She's an adventurer Medium
She has sex recreationally (for fun) rather than for love Yep quite a few times
She's ever been in a friends-with-benefits relationship Yes - once
She's ever had an open relationship / is comfortable with the idea Yes


This is like sounding the Tsunami sirens according to Chase.. I do acknowledge this, but I think I got quite attached and this whole thing is loads of fun.. I've came out of a 4 year relationship 6 months ago and to be fair I have had very little experience with relationships and flings overall before that. So in theory I'm screwed - less experienced, attached and probably at this point not very rational.

On the plus side, she seems quite attached as well - she told me she loves me first etc etc... And she did swear that she has cheated only once (with her former boyfriend with me).. But with this type of girls it seems you can never tell (or at least by someone with my kind of experience).

My question is simple - how do you think is best to handle this? Cut it now, play it out while I enjoy it, set a deadline in stone and do it then? Or go along and face the possible consequences?

Any help or relevant experience is more than welcomed :)
 

Thinkingenigma

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Nov 25, 2012
Messages
293
You basically have three options here

1. Keep it Casual
While it sounds like this might not be an option at this point, I'd say that this is the best thing you can do if you want to keep it going.

2. Open Relationship
If you like her that much and want to keep her around, this sounds like it might be your only realistic option. Before you go this direction, you need to make sure that you are OK with her sleeping with other guys, and that you have your jealousy issues handled. You also need to be sure that you have your own steady stream of girls so that you don't become dependent on her for love/sex/affection. If not, you're going to get majorly burned from this relationship.

3. Cut it Off
If you want to save yourself a lot of grief, this might be the best option. However, I know from experience how hard it can be to let someone go if you really like each other, so only do this if you're sure that you won't break down and contact her again at some point. If you do cut it off, remove all temptation by blocking her on FB (gently explain to her why you're doing that during your last convo) and deleting all her contact info so that you have no way to contact her. This makes it much harder for you to randomly text her one night looking for a hookup that could get you back into this situation.

I understand that this might be a tough decision, but know that you're not the only one who's gone through this.

Hope this helps,

TE
 

Shadow

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Feb 12, 2014
Messages
39
Hey Thinkingenigma,

Thanks for the honest detailed answer ! I think only 1 and 3 are my realistic options as I don't think I will handle 2.. For two main reasons 1) I'm too attached and I can see myself being jealous (quite frankly, I'm already starting to think what she's doing on a daily basis -.-) 2) Her flow of partners will be larger and faster - I don' t have her level of experience in general and any experience with quick flings in particular - so this will definitely make me burn. Plus I don't think she'll agree to this now anyway.

It seems 3) is my best bet here, but my messed up brain doesn't want to hurt her and also wants to keep enjoying this (it really is quite a lot of fun and the sex is ace - she's into some basic BDSM etc etc). And from a self-improvement point of view I'm learning loads - about sex, women, relationship dynamics etc..

Would love to hear a few more opinions on this if possible :)
 

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
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Oct 9, 2012
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5,484
Shadow-

Shadow said:
Would love to hear a few more opinions on this if possible :)

Personally, I'm with TE.

If you're deciding on casual vs. breakup, I'd go by where you're at in life and how messed up things will be for you if at some point in the not-too-distant future you need to check out of life and only put in a minimum of work on whatever you're doing (school, job, business, etc.) for 3 to 4 months if you get hit with a bucket of bad emotions. My strong suspicion due to the amount of attachment you're showing (and aware of, at least) is if you go casual relationship, it'll become a serious relationship at some point, and one that you will be taking more seriously than she is. A personal rule for me is never, ever having any kind of ongoing romantic relationship with a girl who cheated on a partner ever, even if I was the one she did so with. Tigers and stripes, you know.

However, if you're in a position where an emotional hurricane won't seriously derail your life, I'd say go for it, knowing that this is a likely outcome. It'll be painful when you go through it, but the understanding you take away from it (provided you take the time to really analyze what happened, what warning signs you ignored, what you did that caused the end, and the girl's personality) are things it's hard to learn non-experientially.

Plus, in the meantime, it sounds like she's loads of fun - so before the fall happens, you will be having a ball!

Chase
 

Shadow

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Feb 12, 2014
Messages
39
Chase said:
Shadow-
However, if you're in a position where an emotional hurricane won't seriously derail your life, I'd say go for it, knowing that this is a likely outcome. It'll be painful when you go through it, but the understanding you take away from it (provided you take the time to really analyze what happened, what warning signs you ignored, what you did that caused the end, and the girl's personality) are things it's hard to learn non-experientially.

Plus, in the meantime, it sounds like she's loads of fun - so before the fall happens, you will be having a ball!

Chase

Chase, just wanted to follow up on this one and confirm everything you said 2+ years ago :) Things eventually ended ( viewtopic.php?f=7&t=14478 ) - not as bad as I thought they will actually. However, the amount of knowledge I gathered and the amount of fun I had.... It was worth it. The only thing I regret was that I didn't kill the relationship myself a bit earlier (before the 2 year drop did it for me).

Thanks a lot for bringing this option up back then :)

Shadow
 

Aykan

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 6, 2015
Messages
11
Chase, how about if a girl was 'dating' a guy for 8 months but they never had sex because of his religion, and she cheated on him once after he ignored her attempts to talk about it?

Thinking positively, there was no relationship to begin with since they hadn't consummated it yet, and besides she spoke to him about the problem and he ignored it.

But thinking maybe more realistically, it was still a form of cheating....

Would you ever recommend dating such a girl? I said no when she pushed for a relationship but I'm considering going back to her..
 
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