Expert level situation (Casual vs LT) Need help

Quick background so you can help: Been seeing this girl for 8-9 weeks following the advice on this site of just seeing her 1-2 times a week. Not texting much, not talking on the phone barely ever, etc.
From beginning the odds were 50/50 if this girl was even going to hang around my city much longer because she was applying to jobs all over the country.
So with that perspective in mind we were just having fun hooking up at first but somehow got into a conversation only about 2-3 weeks morning after hooking up... with her clarifying she had just got out of a LTR and had been in relationships most of her life.
So she says before she met me her plan was to be single for a little while for a change. Now, I said all the right things and we continued from there like we had been, mostly just seeing each other on the weekends but getting to know each other more and getting closer.
From day 1 she has always been receptive to any moves or escalating I do, but past 3 weeks or so she has actually been initiating more with me. Has been nice. We basically act exactly like bf/gf now without the title (i.e holding hands in public, actually doing things besides sex like going out with her friends, she's even met my parents now since she wanted to meet up when I told her I was with them having a drink...) I had met hers too before that...
Now, this girl seems to be very transparent and I have no reason not to trust what she says. She tells me where she's going and who she's hanging out with and I don't even ask.
About 1.5 weeks ago she told me she was going out on a weeknight to meet up with a guy friend she had met a few months before me. Said he had been trying to get her out Thursday, Friday, Sunday, Tuesday, and now Thursday so she finally agreed...so pretty clear to me his intentions. I made a jealouos comment fishing and she replied "Oh don't worry, never even hugged the guy before". So I dropped it. She went out with this dude and his friends until closing time when she worked next morning at 6:30am...she had stayed out late with me on work nights but figured she wouldn't with just this "friend"...anyway I'm sure I shouldn't have texted around 1:30 but I did and she called when she was on her way home...after small talk the convo went to me making another jealous comment... she replied something along the lines of "well I'm a single girl aren't I?"...so I was like sure but I guess I don't want to really share you after all, and asked her if she was ok sharing me if I date other girls. Which she wasn't ok with. She lives close by so I said why don't we just meet up in person to talk and she agreed so I went over.
We end up talking about things and she sort of rehashes the convo from early on about not being ready for a relationship... which was surprising because her friends have been pulling me aside and saying "she's all about me" and "we need to date"...and of course all her actions since I've known her have been like a girlfriend, and her treating me as a prospective bf. She agreed we basically act like bf/gf without the title....We got on the same page again, that we both like each other, want to keep seeing each other, but dropped the bf/gf talk. End up sleeping together then I go home.
Since that night where I thought I maybe screwed it up... she met up with me and my parents, has been calling a bit more, texting a bit more frequently, and biggest news of all, she just got the job here in my city so looks like she'll be staying...this was yesterday. Took her out to dinner to celebrate. Hearing that she will be living here was a weight off my shoulders. I can be honest with myself now that I've been falling for her and just holding back since she might leave. LTR is my goal now with this girl (and has been assuming she stayed). BUT, last night that same guy friend texted her from Vegas so she tells me he's at a bachelor party and she replies something to him...so pretty clear they've been texting and keeping in touch quite a bit. Added each other on all the social medias etc. Anyway, I don't get jealous this time, until later in casual conversation she says "oh, didn't know I was in a committed relationship" sarcastically, since she's not...seemed REALLY out of place. She knew it too... I didn't say anything to provoke the comment ...she apologized since she could tell I was confused by why she even said it...she was sick and on meds so she sort of blamed that and night ended with no hooking up since she was sick. That is where we are today.
With the question of her leaving my city gone, I would like to take this to LTR. All her actions have been progressively more affectionate but sometimes her words are still either "anti relationship" or just contradicting.
One caveat is she leaves on a trip for 2 weeks to Europe next week and I have some doubt that she would want to get into LTR right before leaving. Pretty sure she wants freedom for her first solo trip she's been excited about for a long time now...How do I handle this going forward? This guy that is texting her... is this a problem to address?? Do I just keep doing what we've been doing longer since it has been good and progressing? I just don't want to stay in this non committed stage too long to where I give that other guy time to mess things up...any help in greatly appreciated!!

Hey man, know what you mean as your situation is similar to mine in some respects, well I think you got needy and jealous about her seeing this dude, which was totally uncalled for since you had kept your options open and in reality were just upset when it turned out her options were better than yours.

Fortunately you retrieved things somewhat by getting her to admit she also wouldn't be cool with it, and you also kept your cool and didn't push too hard for LTR, so you probably received an attraction boost from that, as you appeared like a guy with options, so she started to chase a little more. Basically if you are a challenge, girls like it a lot.

With that in mind, why not just continue what you are doing? As you said, you behave like bf/gf already, so what more do you want? A signed contract?? What good would that do? She can still dump your ass at any time, or cheat if she wants. Women live in a place of sexual abundance we men can only dream of.

What you need to do is work on your own abundance mentaliry. Grab some fwb on the side and just ignore this one for a bit if she seems unavailable or mentions the other schmuck. This will be so attractive to her that she wouldn't dream of leaving you.

You're better in bed than him anyway, right? And what do u care if she fucks the other schmuck on the side, as long as she makes herself available to you, turns up to any date she makes with you, and acts appropriately when she does so? Think abundance man, abundance!

TL;DR if it ain't broke don't fix it.

Ray

Leopard,

Along the lines of what Ray said, your jealous and needy comments have only been hurting the situation here. This girl might be starting to feel like you're not a challenge (or the guy she thought you might be), so it's making her test you even more to see what kind of man you really are. You've failed a few tests, and that's always a big red flag for a girl when it comes to a guy she might want to end up in a relationship with.

If you're running things correctly, the girl should be chasing you for an exclusive relationship. Ideally, you should never really be bringing it up, and as much as she claims "freedom this" and "independence/single that," if she's seeing you all the time and she's sleeping with you all the time, then you know she probably has a very high opinion of you (and is MUCH more likely to fall for you since she feels like she's the one constantly wanting YOU -- not the other way around).

Things are in limbo at the moment, but you can probably still turn things around by just relaxing. Let her do whatever she wants to do -- your mindset needs to come from one of abundance. Whenever she goes away to do something, it means YOU get to meet new women and sleep with them rather than worry about what she's doing; SHE needs to be the one to worry about what YOU'RE doing. The fact that you texted her that night when she went out with her friend showed her that YOU were worried about her and not the other way around.

Work on coming from a place of non-neediness. When she isn't around you, that is an opportune time to meet more women and work on your abundance mentality. The more you worry about her, the more you're going to make more mistakes and make jealous comments that are going to push her away from wanting you for something long-term.

- Franco

Thank you Ray and Franco for the advice. Makes a lot of sense when you put it like that. I'll try to keep doing the things that have been working so far and then focus specifically on abundance mentality to see if I can shift some power back my way. Have to be more of a challenge like you guys said! Definitely failed a few of her tests...I just didn't recognize them as tests when I was in the moment.

- Leopard

Guys above me told you all you need, also check out Magic Pussy its in a book about female psychology. Basically she thinks cuz she has a pussy that she can get whatever and date more guys and you shouldnt, that raised kind of a red flag so keep your mind on it. And dont be needy, man up and flip off all those shit tests. And check out the book I mentioned some really cool stuff in there I actually saw a reference here on GC. A friend of mine actually had it after I mentioned some stuff to him and I read it and really opens your eyes even more about womens minds and seduction and everything, especially choosing and dealing with LTR.
Books name is Practical Female Psych. For the Practical Man.

Thank you for the reply DrexelScott, very good point about women's words. This girl's actions have been great, it's the words confusing me.
Quick update on this: Focused on abundance mentality this past weekend like you guys said.
Went out to a club/bar and invited a very hot girl I've known for awhile (at least equal to the girl this thread is about). She texted me when she got there at about 12:30am and said the line was extremely long to get in. Didn't have much time til the place closed at 2am, so I asked if she wanted to go the place across the street instead and she said yes. So I walked out and the line was moving pretty quickly so we decided just to stay in line and go back inside to the place I was at with a couple buddies. I'm standing in line with her and who do you think comes up behind me.....my original girl I've been seeing with her best friend (who I'm cool with)!!! I played it cool of course and just acted like more the merrier and walked in with all 3 but my original girl was visibly upset/annoyed/confused. This was the last night she was in town before leaving for 2 weeks to Europe so the plan was supposed to be she was hanging out with her best friend... So I was doing my own thing although I knew there was a chance we would run into each other since one of my buddies I was there with has been talking to her best friend some lately. This is exactly what happened as my buddy had told them we were at this place and they came to meet up. I hadn't communicated well with my buddy so it wasn't really his fault (he didn't know I had another girl showing up).
Anyway, apparently they went and met up with my two buddies and left me with the new girl. We made our way over to the group soon after but my friend told me that my original girl had pulled him aside and was asking 100 questions about why I was with another girl...he played it cool and didn't give her much in the way of answers.
She was visibly jealous but I shifted my focus to her. She's the one I want of course but I kept the new girl included in our group and everybody was having a good time dancing and drinking. My original girl slowly warmed up since I was paying attention to her and the new girl apparently said some things that probably helped me out...she told my original girl she was tired of assholes and looking for a real guy blah blah blah....which my girl took as she was looking for ME! The new girl I invited left about 20 min before the rest of us did because I'm sure she realized what the situation was. Went back to the friends place with my original girl, her friend and my two buddies. Small studio apt with no privacy but for the few minutes we were left alone in the place together my girl came over and was making out with me. Then no privacy after that and she had a really early flight so me and my two buddies didn't stay there (only one bed anyway...small place). She did bring up the other girl, saying "so let's talk about so and so" and I just said exactly like she did whenever I got jealous a couple weeks ago..."oh her?, yeah she's my friend" and she was like "right, well you may think of her as a friend, but she doesn't think of you as a friend only blah blah blah she told me she's tired of assholes and looking for a real guy"....so basically she showed more jealousy than I ever did when things were flipped around...although when she went out with that guy friend she actually told me ahead of time and I didn't run into them in line together haha. Anyway, I kissed her bye when I left and told her I would see her when gets back from her trip. Thoughts?? Was this abundance mentality in action? Should I have done something differently or do I need to follow up this weekend with any action? Thanks for the help!

Hey man, I think you might have fucked up by breaking circle and switching your focus to the other girl who you didn't have a date with. It looked a bit like rewarding the girl you like (not sure why, she sounds like a pain in the arse) for refusing to hangout with you and hanging out with her friend instead. And if I was the new girl and made a date with you to go clubbing I'd be pretty fucking pissed off to be blown off partway through the date, I know you still gave her some attention but basically if I take a girl on a date it's like a contract, if she agrees ahead of time to hang out with me, then that's what I deliver, no exceptions. You should take a leaf out of that book. If the new girl was hot, then you probably screwed things up with her, a shame because you likely could have fucked her that night instead of getting diddly.
Ray

I hear you Ray, but remember my goal is to progress the original girl to LTR. Coming up on 11 weeks of seeing her following this site article about first 90 days. To clarify on your statement, she has never refused to hang out with me in place of the other guy "friend". Has actually always accepted any invite I make I think 100% of the time. She just never invites me to make plans really. She will text when she is going to be close by my place (her way of wanting to hang out?) What do you think would have happened if I stuck with the new girl and ignored my original girl I've had something going with? I feel like that would be the end of it right? We essentially act like bf/gf all the time, even in public, and even in front of friends. Me with another girl in the same place I'd feel like a complete ass. Figured just being with the new girl in line showed abundance and some social proof?

Guys,
I want to check that I am absorbing as well as learning info from this site and advice from here correctly. That guy from the first post is increasingly chasing my casual relationship girl by liking almost every single picture she posts on instagram, facebook, etc and asking her on dates via text.
Now, I'm not saying she doesn't text him back and like his posts too but...based on what I learned on here this guys seems like a rookie right? A real man that has abundance mentality shouldn't even have time to be liking every social media post she does...? She should start to realize this guy isn't a challenge and is chasing her if I'm understanding things correctly...
Now, I'm not even acknowledging this guy to her at all anymore since I know better now about being perceived as jealous... and I have been working on my own abundance mentality, self improvement, and being a bit more of a challenge anyway. BUT, I did want to check that I am comprehending things and recognizing what is right and wrong regardless of where things end up with this girl. Am I right in identifying this guy as chasing and playing things wrong?
Still comes a bit unnatural to me but the results have been there. Out of Friends, Lover and Provider categories, the friends part comes easy (as it may for most), and I'm fortunate enough to be in solid standing as a provider (relative to my age which is 28), but the lover is where I identified I needed work and have made progress this past year. Thanks for any input as always!

Wanted to check back to see if anybody can guide me on above? Am I on the right track? Thank you

Leopard,

Now, I'm not saying she doesn't text him back and like his posts too but...based on what I learned on here this guys seems like a rookie right? A real man that has abundance mentality shouldn't even have time to be liking every social media post she does...? She should start to realize this guy isn't a challenge and is chasing her if I'm understanding things correctly...

Click to expand...

Yes, there's no reason to be "chasing" a girl through social media, especially if you've already "caught" (had sex with) her.

What she does on social media with him is irrelevant because she's sleeping with YOU. That's all that really matters. Chasing her through social media can only hurt you; she likely sees you currently as a sexy, dominant, high value man. So there's no reason to suddenly make her think that you're chasing her because you're lower value than she originally estimated.

- Franco

Thank you Franco, to clarify though I haven't slept with her since the night I showed jealousy...which ended with us sleeping together after she hung out with that other guy. The next weekend was that time of the month for her so I only got a BJ. Then unfortunately no opportunity the next weekend when she saw me out with the other girl due to no privacy with friends around at the hotel. Then she was gone for next 2 weeks on trip and I basically just left her alone while she was gone. That other guy liked all her stuff and it is probably safe to assume was texting her while she was gone. I figured it would be a good thing that I gave her space to enjoy the trip but now I'm second guessing because seems like this guy swooped in and built a connection...honestly thought she was using this guy as a test if I would get jealous again (which I failed the first time) and I intended to not bring anything up and hopefully pass the test this time. She got back late last night from the trip and is hanging out with him today. Is she just going to keep pushing it until I react??? How do I play this?