Imminent "break" talk coming... how to prepare?

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Tool-Bearing Hominid
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So been seeing this girl on adn off for a long time (2 years) most of the time I was trying to keep it as FWB and recently let her make it more serious....

Things were going very well (super amazing sex etc) but recently I've been getting super busy and I have to admit I;ve been going out quite a bit with friends (and not her) when I have been going out. Not been doing very many cool things with her.

Anyway since a couple weels ago where she spent the whole weekend here and we were super close and I was finally giving her all of the lovey dovey attention she wanted and she was being really close back - at the end she freaked out about something (which almost happens every time she comes over - she freaks out at the end about something small and irrational) the last 2 or 3 times she has been a little more distant - shes been saying she doesnt want to have sex as much. This is odd since she usually comes on to me all the time and cant get enough Also up until recently we had AMAZING sex - its the best shes ever had and she comes multiple times very hard - recently this has reduced - novelty needed in this area.

Shes been saying its odd that she doesnt want sex as much since she always does normally.... it is weird. Anyway shes also started to cool a little over text - no more xxxxxxxxxxxxx - now its one or two. Also I tried calling her this eve and she was dull and tired and she sent me a text - "Im sorry I put a downer on - glad you had a good night - I feel like I'm doing that a lot recently" basically this is all very bad news - what should I do now to avoid things getting worse? I'm very busy till next friday so still some time before I can do some good stuff.Maybe suggest going on a mini break with her when shes a little more in a good mood and if she comes over? Also I was going to suggest she comes over after she goes on a night out on friday (salsa dancing) but - I dont want to start chasing too much (this almost sounds ridiculous after shes chased for so long) but I worry I might flip the balance if Im not careful and I push for friday if she is hesitant for example. mainly i think issue is from boredom from doing the same thing (coming to my place for sex)

Ideas...
 

Whizzy

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If that's all you guys have been doing for two years and she wants something serious, if you plan on keeping her around then doing a few things with her might add a little "magic" and "newness" back to the relationship
 

Eric

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This'll probably suck to hear but, sounds like she found a guy who's giving it to her good.
 

trashKENNUT

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girlsfollow,

Just don't text her for a month. Get your balls rested, and when she meet you a month later, You can blast all the way IN. :) nah kidding.

But yea, i am with Eric. But the least you could do now is save face, which is don't contact her for awhile, a month probably. :)

Zac
 

girlsfollow

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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lol you guys are overreacting MASSIVELY

It is getting a bit dull but believe me I know this girl - she isnt getting any from anywhere else - I know since I've been giving it to her good and I really w=know what she is like. BUT she has been getting a bit cold and I think its cause I havent really been doing all of the normal commitment stuff AND yes she might have some other options that she is talking too which would probably do anything to get in her.

If you;re doubting what I say - the next morning she called me to say sorry and just that she wanted to talk to me - also last time she sent ME personalised chocolate for eating my chocolate. Lol she is very sweet and we clearly have some VERY jaded guys on here - oh dear. Believe me guys I know where you're coming from but not in this case. x
 

trashKENNUT

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gf,

girlsfollow said:
lol you guys are overreacting MASSIVELY

It is getting a bit dull but believe me I know this girl - she isnt getting any from anywhere else - I know since I've been giving it to her good and I really w=know what she is like. BUT she has been getting a bit cold and I think its cause I havent really been doing all of the normal commitment stuff AND yes she might have some other options that she is talking too which would probably do anything to get in her.

If you;re doubting what I say - the next morning she called me to say sorry and just that she wanted to talk to me - also last time she sent ME personalised chocolate for eating my chocolate. Lol she is very sweet and we clearly have some VERY jaded guys on here - oh dear. Believe me guys I know where you're coming from but not in this case. x

Thoughts here,

You have been sleeping with her for 2 years? and you just recently letting herself in. She's gonna be abit cold and feel "weird" because she's thinking. "why we would be close now when we only had sex."

She's feeling three things

1)Wants a relationship
2)Thinks you an FWB
3)That spark is abit off, took you two years to finally get lovey dovey. (She might be thinking something is wrong)

Give her some time to be away from you, if you haven't.

Zac
 

Franco

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I think there are a few unclear things in this post, the most important being this:

I was trying to keep it as FWB and recently let her make it more serious....

Is she your girlfriend, or is she not? That's the next step on the "seriousness" chart after a friends with benefits (since FWB is essentially a casual relationship). You're either exclusive with her, or you aren't. If you're exclusive with her, then she's going to assume you're pretty much her boyfriend at that point.

If she's not your girlfriend, then Zac's last post was closer to the mark. She's tired of just having sex with you and either:

  • A) wants something serious with you or

    B) wants to cut ties because it's holding her back from finding someone who wants to be serious

If she is your girlfriend, then Eric is probably more on the mark that she's getting bored with the relationship (and possibly found another more promising prospect). If the sex is as good as you say it is, I'm more inclined to think that it is the former (that she is not your girlfriend) and that she wants things to become more serious or cut out sex with you, which she's likely hoping will make you chase her.

In either case, you either need to commit to her or let her go.

- Franco
 

Eric

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girlsfollow said:
lol you guys are overreacting MASSIVELY

It is getting a bit dull but believe me I know this girl - she isnt getting any from anywhere else - I know since I've been giving it to her good and I really w=know what she is like. BUT she has been getting a bit cold and I think its cause I havent really been doing all of the normal commitment stuff AND yes she might have some other options that she is talking too which would probably do anything to get in her.

If you;re doubting what I say - the next morning she called me to say sorry and just that she wanted to talk to me - also last time she sent ME personalised chocolate for eating my chocolate. Lol she is very sweet and we clearly have some VERY jaded guys on here - oh dear. Believe me guys I know where you're coming from but not in this case. x

Your certainty is going to be the death of you.

Look, call us jaded, that's fine. It doesn't make you any more right.

There are things that will happen to you in life that you will NOT see coming, and it's going bite you in the ass. The ones you REFUSE to believe are usually the ones that will sting the hardest.

Although it makes me wonder, why are you asking advice if you are so certain? You know what to do then if that's the case; you don't need us to reaffirm your beliefs.
 

trashKENNUT

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Eric said:
Although it makes me wonder, why are you asking advice if you are so certain? You know what to do then if that's the case; you don't need us to reaffirm your beliefs.

:) Chill Eric.

I am sure he work things out.

Zac
 

girlsfollow

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Eric said:
girlsfollow said:
lol you guys are overreacting MASSIVELY

It is getting a bit dull but believe me I know this girl - she isnt getting any from anywhere else - I know since I've been giving it to her good and I really w=know what she is like. BUT she has been getting a bit cold and I think its cause I havent really been doing all of the normal commitment stuff AND yes she might have some other options that she is talking too which would probably do anything to get in her.

If you;re doubting what I say - the next morning she called me to say sorry and just that she wanted to talk to me - also last time she sent ME personalised chocolate for eating my chocolate. Lol she is very sweet and we clearly have some VERY jaded guys on here - oh dear. Believe me guys I know where you're coming from but not in this case. x

Your certainty is going to be the death of you.

Look, call us jaded, that's fine. It doesn't make you any more right.

There are things that will happen to you in life that you will NOT see coming, and it's going bite you in the ass. The ones you REFUSE to believe are usually the ones that will sting the hardest.

Although it makes me wonder, why are you asking advice if you are so certain? You know what to do then if that's the case; you don't need us to reaffirm your beliefs.
Thanks eric for your input - I know you mean well :)

I know all to well the truth of what you say - I've been there done that believe me! I'm pretty sure of what is needed and what the situation is (as I've said above) What I'm here for is to ask for any alternative ways to handle the situation (of things cooling down etc) - since others may have been in the situation before and its nice to hear others inputs.

The reason I am pushing the point that you are overreacting quite strongly is because I know you probably have useful things to say but before you were barking up the wrong tree. I'll give you another example - she came over again last night and was very lovey dovey again and her usual complimentary self. She was enjoying herself so much I almost had to push her out to get her to leave lol. Still would be nice to hear how others have handled this situation before...
 

girlsfollow

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Franco said:
In either case, you either need to commit to her or let her go.

- Franco
This is fundamentally it... you are right here!

Thanks Franco - This is probably fundamentally the issue underlying everything here. She wants me and she is a loving caring nice person to hang out with - also the sex has been good - in terms of her being very eager to please - literally has no boundaries.

However I find it hard to deal with the fact that while I have improved in attractiveness substantially since my last gf (I know this from both objective measures and the types of girls I am attracting and have laid since) she is a step down from the ex in hotness. Ultimately this means sex for me has occasionally not been so great despite her putting in lots of effort and being the most willing to please of any girl I've known. Till now I've just been trying to keep both options open (her and other hotter options - by keeping it FWB) COULD THIS WORK? Issues I can guess will come up are: 1 its not nice for her and she clearly wants more... 2 because its likely to result in LOTS of drama that will muck things up somehow...

I take it you would say - DONT settle - and just deal with no longer having regular sex? Then try and make one of these girls I attract something more than just a one off night (this is my sticking point at the moment - I seem able to get hot girls in bed and have sex but they all seem to have a bf (unknown to me till after) or be from out of town - nailing a really hot one down is now the issue...I get the feeling top quality social circle might be key here
 

Franco

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gf,

Till now I've just been trying to keep both options open (her and other hotter options - by keeping it FWB) COULD THIS WORK?

It works, but every girl you choose not to commit to has a "time limit" (so to speak) until she's going to be unhappy with the situation for one reason or another. Every girl is eventually looking for the man she is going to spend the rest of her life with, and once she starts feeling like you're not the one (or won't be that one), then she's going to start shopping around for other options. As soon as she finds someone that will fulfill that role, she'll put you on the back-burner (at least until she discovers that her new guy is more of a pushover than she originally thought, if that ends up being the case).

I take it you would say - DONT settle - and just deal with no longer having regular sex? Then try and make one of these girls I attract something more than just a one off night

Yep. I would say not settling is my recommendation. As to whether or not she'll still want to spend time with you if you're no longer having sex is a big question mark (and I imagine she'll fade out of the picture once she finds another sexual partner that satisfies her needs and shows boyfriend potential), but you should be constantly sleeping with new, attractive women as often as possible. From there, it just becomes a numbers game before you come across one that meets your needs in both the looks AND the personality department.

- Franco
 

Whizzy

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ThePlayer said:
You try to simplify things incredibly. 'if your exclusive with her, then shes going to assume....' It's never as simple as that, franco.

I don't see a reason to make things more complicated than what Franco said, people make things more complicated than it has to be all the time.
 

Franco

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TP,

I saw your introduction post, so I should first welcome you to the boards. I can tell by your demeanor that you obviously have confidence in your ability, and that usually translates to results. I don't doubt that you probably have a credible amount of experience with women.

That being said:

In the real world seduction you don't view relationships as a step by step linear undertaking unless you have been poisoned by somebody elses doctrine. Relationships are a flow. To create steps is to limit your power and control over the setup.

One thing we emphasize on this website is understanding things from a woman's perspective. This website is not just about seducing women and being able to sleep with them (and continually sleep with them) in different ways, shapes, or forms. Yes, we inform you that this CAN be done (if you want to run relationships that way) but we also emphasize taking into account women's feelings. We emphasize protecting their emotions and preventing yourself from setting expectations that can lead them down the path to emotional destruction. We do not advise "pump and dump" here because, although we know you CAN be that guy, we don't WANT you to be that guy.

What will tell me about how much you actually know is your realization between the differences of running relationships versus picking up women. Relationships and seduction are two ENTIRELY different topics with their own set of skills to be learned, and those skills are quite different from one another. One requires you to deeply understand women's needs and desires to run correctly while the other does not (assuming you have good process, fundamentals, and logistics to get them in bed).

'if your exclusive with her, then shes going to assume....' It's never as simple as that, franco.

In terms of how you CAN run the relationship, then sure, you can claim exclusivity with one woman, sleep with many others, and have that same woman coming back to you. But how does she really feel about that? She might continue to run with it because you're giving her the best sex she's ever had, but she might be crying at home every night (or giving you drama simultaneously) about how you told her that you're not seeing other women yet you're doing exactly the opposite.

We've been asked on the boards before what the difference between "seduction" and "manipulation" is when it comes to picking up and being in relationships with women. The cognitive dissonance that occurs here is that both work when it comes to sleeping with women. You can seduce them or you can manipulate them and, chances are if you know what you're doing, you're going to end up in bed with them. The real difference between the two "methods" (if you want to call them that) is that one sets the correct expectations without LYING to the woman while the other does whatever means necessary (lying included) to get in the bedroom with them. There is a reason why many women out there refer to many men as "assholes," and manipulation is one of them.

If you tell a girl that you are exclusive with her, then she's going to assume (or hope) you aren't sleeping with other women, and she will be very emotionally distraught if she finds out you are. If you are going to sleep with more than one girl, you absolutely should not promise exclusivity to one and not follow through with that promise. Not all girls necessarily want exclusivity with you and some are open to multi-partner relationships, but the ones that DO want exclusivity definitely do NOT want you to lie to them if you accept those terms.

If you do not agree with what I've mentioned above about protecting women's emotions and relationships, then you probably have more to learn (or these aren't the boards for you).

- Franco
 

Whizzy

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I could care less, but trolls are trolls I guess
 

girlsfollow

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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thanks for your reply franco - I am still struggling with the issue actually - I've been moved to pretty much be her bf now (I've tried to resist it by limiting to less than one meet per week - but this hasnt worked)... so I've cut back and very rarely gone to meet other girls. This is a very tough situation - she's really nice, just not that standard (above ex) that I have achieved good closes with quite a few times over the years (but haven't managed to move them into gf territory - my sticking point). Its a tough - its comfortable but dangerously so...
 

Franco

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gf,

thanks for your reply franco - I am still struggling with the issue actually - I've been moved to pretty much be her bf now (I've tried to resist it by limiting to less than one meet per week - but this hasnt worked)... so I've cut back and very rarely gone to meet other girls. This is a very tough situation - she's really nice, just not that standard (above ex) that I have achieved good closes with quite a few times over the years (but haven't managed to move them into gf territory - my sticking point). Its a tough - its comfortable but dangerously so..

As I mentioned earlier in this thread, there's still a time limit on how long you can run a casual relationship. Even seeing her less than once a week is going to eventually falter if you're seeing her for a good 3, 4, 5+ months. Eventually she's going to push for more. Seeing her less than once a week only helps slow down the process when you're seeing each other for an extended period of time.

Anyway, it's ultimately up to you if you want to stay with this girl for awhile. It sounds to me like she doesn't reach your standards and that you're just handcuffing yourself. In one sense, maybe it's a good thing to take a small break from seduction if you feel like you were getting to that point where you can't give it 100% effort. But eventually you should plan on getting back out there until your comfortable seducing and taking women into relationships who meet your true standards.

- Franco
 

Chase

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Franco said:
Anyway, it's ultimately up to you if you want to stay with this girl for awhile. It sounds to me like she doesn't reach your standards and that you're just handcuffing yourself. In one sense, maybe it's a good thing to take a small break from seduction if you feel like you were getting to that point where you can't give it 100% effort. But eventually you should plan on getting back out there until your comfortable seducing and taking women into relationships who meet your true standards.

- Franco

Seconded.

GF, suggesting reading (or rereading, if you've read it) this post, as it sounds like this is exactly what's happening to you right now:

Avoid "Falling Into" Relationships at All Costs

Starts with this:

Chase said:
I've seen a lot of guys in my time fall into relationships with women they never intended to. Avoid this.

Ever see those guys who are just henpecked and dating women you know are beneath them and you can't figure out how the guy is with the girl when you know he could do a lot better, and he looks just kind of sad and defeated...? Invariably, these are the guys who fell into relationships, as opposed to the guys who pointed at a girl and said, "THAT girl. I HAVE to have her," and just took her and she was their dream girl. One's living life fully alive, and the other's kind of stumbling through it zombie-like letting others (in this case, a gal who never quite "measured up") make your choices for you.

Chase
 

girlsfollow

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Chase said:
Franco said:
Anyway, it's ultimately up to you if you want to stay with this girl for awhile. It sounds to me like she doesn't reach your standards and that you're just handcuffing yourself. In one sense, maybe it's a good thing to take a small break from seduction if you feel like you were getting to that point where you can't give it 100% effort. But eventually you should plan on getting back out there until your comfortable seducing and taking women into relationships who meet your true standards.

- Franco

Seconded.

GF, suggesting reading (or rereading, if you've read it) this post, as it sounds like this is exactly what's happening to you right now:

Avoid "Falling Into" Relationships at All Costs

Starts with this:

Chase said:
I've seen a lot of guys in my time fall into relationships with women they never intended to. Avoid this.

Ever see those guys who are just henpecked and dating women you know are beneath them and you can't figure out how the guy is with the girl when you know he could do a lot better, and he looks just kind of sad and defeated...? Invariably, these are the guys who fell into relationships, as opposed to the guys who pointed at a girl and said, "THAT girl. I HAVE to have her," and just took her and she was their dream girl. One's living life fully alive, and the other's kind of stumbling through it zombie-like letting others (in this case, a gal who never quite "measured up") make your choices for you.

Chase

Really appreciate the input both of you! I'm sure you;ve experienced the situation - its like a safety blanket - shes prettier than most of the girls around and it takes a lot of effort to sort through all of them to find a good one. It seems safer to try and continue with the safety blanket... It does start to hold you back in other ways with the others cause you're splitting your time. Add to that the fact that I seem to be able to sleep with better quality girls but retention - ie seeing these high quality girls more often than once is an issue. I think it might be because the city I live in the girls have so much choice! They dont need to settle or be a good girlfriend cause they have so many good options!
I think I'll start another thread about this though.
 
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