Friend with EX GF

Stewie

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Oct 23, 2013
Messages
53
What's your guy's take on this one? Especially those women who are adamant about being friends with their Exs, to me I think being friends with an ex gf indicates that one of the two of you is still holding on to some kind of possibility, so I usually am of the side of not being friends with an ex, especially if she was the one that ended things. Let me know what you all think.

Cheers,
R4l
 

daviddreamer

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Jan 5, 2014
Messages
173
The woman who I am engaged too STILL keeps in contact with her EX. It bothered me before but overtime I have gotten over it. I realize my fiance is just another Human being and I can't control or restrict her from keeping in contact with others.

I just think of it this way. Shes with me now and he is an EX for a reason. In fact he is the weaker one for not moving on and finding other woman. However, what I tell my woman is these exact words "Hey I can't control you or stop you from having guy friends but I do get a little jealous because I care about you and it bothers me". I have also tried telling her that I don't have other female friends because I don't like playing jealousy game or making her feel insecure.

Don't know what if I am doing works but me and my lady don't have any drama so...
 

Richard

Tribal Elder
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Mar 1, 2013
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1,821
Runner,

This one is actually a bit touchy for me - I'm actually against staying in contact with my exes and for that matter - any girl I've slept with who I'm not committed to.

More often than not it's caused drama for me - from both sides:

-I've had girls question my loyalty/intentions because I've stayed in contact with an ex
-I've had an ex try to sabotage what I had with another girl even though she was committed to another guy
-While still finding my footing in PUA - I had a relapse and wanted my ex back ruining something else I had with another girl.

Nowadays - I just don't see the point in keeping in contact.

Another little nuance - when I hit my first dry spell with women I still had (and still have) my exes number memorized and thought about fucking her because she wanted to cheat on her boyfriend with me.

Just drama and problems in my opinion - unless the relationship ends on generally mutual terms.

-Richard
 

Whizzy

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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Jan 8, 2013
Messages
680
I'm much the same way as Richard, especially with the number of ex's that pop up after roughly six months of being apart and try breaking up any new relationships i have. Overall, it's a lot more drama than is needed and it's not like the validation is needed. There is actually this one ex that has tried getting back together with me...roughly 5 times (I mean like tried hard every 3-6 months) and still tries even though i ditched her after realizing it was a bad idea
 

Stewie

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
53
thanks fellas, exactly what I thought, just needed a little reinforcement. Bests

R4l
 

Franco

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Nov 14, 2012
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R4L,

I think this depends on a few factors. If the girl ended the relationship with you, then there usually isn't much reason to keep in contact. It means, in some way, you messed things up with her to the point where she felt like she needed to end it, and attempting to stay around a girl who doesn't want to be around you anymore is usually just going to be more drama and emotional tugging than anything else. Although, these days, girls never really end their relationships with me, so it's not something I have to worry about.

If it's a girl you broke it off with, then I think it really depends on how you broke it off with her. If you can end things in a way that communicate to her that you're moving on but you're still willing to be there for her as a friend, then you can make it work that way. But it also depends on whether or not you see any value in her as a friend because, if there isn't any, then she might just be keeping her hopes up for some type of future reunion when it may never happen.

Most relationships end in some type of emotional, traumatic break-up that results in it being difficult for post-relationship "friendship" to actually work, so if that's the way that a particular relationship ended with a girl, then I would probably just let her go.

- Franco
 

Stewie

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
53
Thanks Franco, what's interesting is that she broke up with me. I know I fucked up, and have accepted it and am meeting new women. She is the one is adamant about keeping me in her life....lol even though I have made it clear I don't do friends thing. Thoughts?
 

Franco

Tribal Elder
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Nov 14, 2012
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R4L,

She is the one is adamant about keeping me in her life....lol even though I have made it clear I don't do friends thing. Thoughts?

I wouldn't keep her around if it was me. The only reasonable explanation for this one is that she wants to keep you around in case she doesn't find anything else out there better, which would essentially keep you in a chasing/lower position. The only exception might be that you two had to move away from each other for career reasons.

I would cut contact with her unless you have some other necessary ties (financial/business possibly) that you need to maintain.

- Franco
 

Just_Dave

Tribal Elder
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Joined
Nov 21, 2012
Messages
529
I would cut contact for now just to let some of the emotions die out a bit. Remember you never completely fall out of love and little sparks could create a fire. Like the other posters have said, you don't want to give a girl the wrong impression that you may want her back in the future.

Friendly: On the off chance I do see one of my exes, I'm just polite and ask them how they've been. Being friends can be weird since I have a busy lifestyle and I can't keep in constant contact with them. As a result, I'm just cordial whenever I see them. I don't hold grudges and I want them to feel comfortable around me. "Don't treat like a stranger girl you know I've seen you naked." - Drake
 
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