FR  Second Approach Ever at the Gym

I was cleaning my smith machine before going to my next workout. A cute girl walked up to me and asked if I was done. She didn't seem interested in me from what I could tell. I said yeah, but I was caught off guard by it and didn't do anything after that. I continued working out and as I went to do my last workout, I saw her a couple of machines behind me, and I decided I would talk to her once I'm done my workout. Here's how the conversation went, from what I can remember:

Me: Excuse me, are you related to someone named **** ****? ( I really did think she looked like someone I knew)
Her: No, I'm not (laughs)
Me: Oh man, you look exactly like her. What's your last name?
Her: *****
Me: Hmm, yeah, doesn't sound familiar. But look, honestly, I just came here cause I thought you were cute and wanted to say hi. (Put my hand out to shake hers)
Her: What's your name?
Me: jaja1234
Her: I'm ****


We talk for a few minutes, some banter; I try throwing in little touches and flirty comments about us being accounting partners and her being my nurse. (I'm an accountant and she's a nursing major, with a little interest in accounting.) I could sense at some point that I should have gone for her number, and I was about to ask. Here's how it ended:

Before I was about to ask for her number:

Her: Well, I have to get back to working out.
Me: Yeah, I have to get out of here too. It's almost 7PM. But hey, when are you free this week. (Here, she made a face that showed hesitation to continue with me)
Her: I work three jobs, so I'm really busy. (Don't know if she was lying here or being honest. I think she was telling the truth though; she named her jobs pretty quickly)
Me: I'll tell you what. (Hold out my phone for her to grab) You put your number in, I shoot you a text. We hang out sometime. If you say no, it's no big deal.
Her: I actually have a boyfriend.
Me: (I make an exaggerated sad face and put my heart on my chest. I think I got that from one of Chase's articles.) You just broke my heart.
Her: I know. I'm sorry. (laughs)

Forgot what happened between here, but here's how I left the conversation:

Me: Come on, let's just run away quick then! (grab her arm and pretend to run away)
Her: Well, my boyfriend is three hours away. (laughs)
Me: All right then, nice talking to you.
Her: Yeah, maybe I'll see you around. (Could go either way good/bad)

After that, I bid her farewell.



One of my brick walls I need to overcome is when a girl mentions her boyfriend. Chase said it's not always true, and I need to persist a little more and not just walk away so quickly. (Although I did hesitate more here because I was at my gym and I didn't want to cause any problem there.) Her saying her boyfriend is three hours away after saying we'll go run away made me think I could have gotten further with her. Or she was just making conversation

I think I'd reply to the boyfriend thing in the following manner:

Her "Actually, I have a boyfriend."
Me "Well that doesn't surprise me. I hope he treats you good."
Her "well he is 3 hours away."
Me "Well I respect my fellow man, but if something changes in your situation and you feel like a drink some time you should get ahold of me."
Her "oh really how would I do that?"
Me "I'll give you my number, but I can't promise I won't find the love of my life in the meantime. Heh Heh heh"
Her: "maybe I don't want your number"
Me: "That is your call. I thought you would be fun to get to know better."
Her : "Fine, Give me your number"
or
Her :"Yeah well it was nice meeting you."
Me: "have a good workout"

Either way you plant a seed without the hard sell. Beside it is the Gym, not some club where she is expecting guys to hit on her.
She probably just wants to get in shape so her boyfriend stays interested. But you expressed your interest and the ball is in her court.
in the case I presented, you can say hello in passing when you see her from now on but let her initiate any interactions.

I do have to pass on an anecdote on a woman giving signals that she is interested in being approached.

This girl Id seen other nights working out on squats and deadlifts, was borrowing lifting straps from another dude there. as she was waiting for the straps next to me I commented about an obnoxiously loud voiced guy over on the other side of the gym. She smiled and replied "That is why I wear these" and held up her ear buds. "I don't know how you and my Brother pointing at the guy with the straps, can work out with no earbuds."
"I just smiled and said "Well I guess I'll have to bring some next time." and went on with my workout.
I didn't ask for her number because 1) I wasn't interested in her. 2) I don't want to Pee in the pool at my gym and 3) I've seen her regularly working out Monday nights. She lifts BIG weight. To much for my taste.

Yeah, I agree. I'm not going to initiate interaction with her. If she does, I'll see if she goes for something.

I like the idea of giving the option. Sounds a lot smoother than what I said to her lol. I don't know if I missed something, but in your anecdote, could you explain where the interest was indicated by her? Was it when she replied to your comment that may have been directed towards anyone listening and not just her?

As tempting as it is I advise against picking girls up at your gym. If it doesn't work out you now have to bump into this person on occasion which can be awkward. You'll also risk being "that guy" who hits on girls at the gym. Best advice, unless they give you obvious IOIs just refrain from gym pickup. Use the gym for what it's for - improving your body so that you increase your chances of success in more pickup appropriate locations.

jaja1234 said:

Yeah, I agree. I'm not going to initiate interaction with her. If she does, I'll see if she goes for something.

I like the idea of giving the option. Sounds a lot smoother than what I said to her lol. I don't know if I missed something, but in your anecdote, could you explain where the interest was indicated by her? Was it when she replied to your comment that may have been directed towards anyone listening and not just her?

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Yeah I glossed over that. She was glancing over at me while I was working on different pieces of equipment. She was in my natural gaze direction so I caught it. It was noticeable before she did her deadlifts that she looked over her shoulder at me, and as she wandered between her brother and her bar, she made a path around so she was in conversation distance.

As tempting as it is I advise against picking girls up at your gym. If it doesn't work out you now have to bump into this person on occasion which can be awkward. You'll also risk being "that guy" who hits on girls at the gym. Best advice, unless they give you obvious IOIs just refrain from gym pickup. Use the gym for what it's for - improving your body so that you increase your chances of success in more pickup appropriate locations.

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I don't really mind the two seconds of awkward eye contact with her. She didn't really seem too uncomfortable. I've only hit on two girls at the gym, and I've been working out for a few years; generally I do try to follow what you said and only go for strong IOI's, but my approaching was rusty haha

Yeah I glossed over that. She was glancing over at me while I was working on different pieces of equipment. She was in my natural gaze direction so I caught it. It was noticeable before she did her deadlifts that she looked over her shoulder at me, and as she wandered between her brother and her bar, she made a path around so she was in conversation distance.

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Okay, got it now. Thanks. And yeah, she was definitely interested then if she gave that much effort to get in your orbit.