FR  Girl Not Attracted to me Specifically because of my disability

Paulie Walnuts

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Not in truth a complete FR, since I didn't meet this girl via cold approach (it was actually off Okcupid). Just thought I'd write it out since it was a major confidence downer and it helps me to write stuff out here.

Grabbed this girl Katy's number off Okcupid, she was being super flirty, sending me winky faces (and suggesting ice cream instead of coffee, made me think of another poster here haha), she's a 24 year old mother of two, not extremely attractive but I figure I need the practice right now (deep dive, leading, how to text, how to be more comfortable around women etc.)

We start texting, convo gets a little sexual, I tell her my parents are conservatively Muslim and she asks me if I'm a virgin, I say "I'm probably more experienced than most other guys", she asks me why I live with my parents at 22, I say it's because I got really sick and lost my intestines to chron's disease a couple years ago.

Then I get this:

Her: Not trying to be shallow but if you don't have intestines I'm not really interested, that would mean you would have a colostomy bag and I could not find that attractive :/.

Me: Lol. That's the first time I've ever had a woman say that to me, shit like this just makes me stronger, thank you for that and good luck with your dating life.

I'M NOT HERE LOOKING FOR SYMPATHY, told a few of my mates at school about it, they wanted to give me hugs and stuff like that (not what I was looking for they just asked me why I was a little quiet today and kept pushing and prodding till I told them).

Just having a bit of mindset issues right now, had quite a few recent FU's, my approaches haven't been going particularly well, and sometimes when I'm approaching at school I just feel like some old guy creeping on teenage girls (which is not the case because I'm only 22 and 16 is the age of consent in my state). It really is coming off that way I think too because I'll ask things like: "Would you be comfortable going out with an older guy?" and basically just shooting myself in the foot with a "nice guy" tone of voice or saying stupid shit like that.

I'm failing to find a balance between being chill and being aggressive, basically what's happening right now is whenever I try to be dominant, stand tall, speak in a deep tone; I get accused of being "cocky", "arrogant", and "sitting/walking like I'm better than people". Could this be an issue of bad verbals and vibes accompanying those? My kino has creeped out my last couple dates (which is why I really backed off on it). I've gotten better since I've been here I feel like I'm just reaching a plateau (and have not been successful enough yet to be stuck at a plateau).

It's just frustrating right now, can't give up though, if all of you are succeeding I can do it too (not that I'm better than anyone else, it just shows me that anyone is capable of doing this).
 

Reave Krieger

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More Intrigue - Less stating outright

trackrunner12 said:
basically what's happening right now is whenever I try to be dominant, stand tall, speak in a deep tone; I get accused of being "cocky", "arrogant", and "sitting/walking like I'm better than people

Remember: don't overdo the fundamentals as it may come across as tryhard, arrogant etc.


trackrunner12 said:
she asks me if I'm a virgin, I say "I'm probably more experienced than most other guys", she asks me why I live with my parents at 22, I say it's because I got really sick and lost my intestines to chron's disease a couple years ago.

I am 22 years old as well and I still live with my parents because I'm still studying and not earning enough money to afford my own apartment. You did it right one second earlier. You didn't qualify to her question "Are you a virgin?". You should do the same with the question about where you live. Don't state it outright. Build some intrigue as well. (As you saw: it can evoke bad reactions if you admit that you have a disability. It's almost like telling her that you love her on the first date *ouch*).

Either find (invent) another reason why you still live with your parents (like mine) or don't really answer her question. Like this: "I'm actually moving away from here soon. Just staying a few days." This one also has the effect of scarcity.

Two in one sweep!


-Jumok93
 

Bboy100

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'm failing to find a balance between being chill and being aggressive, basically what's happening right now is whenever I try to be dominant, stand tall, speak in a deep tone; I get accused of being "cocky", "arrogant", and "sitting/walking like I'm better than people".
Imo, this is a good thing. Any time a someone calls me cocky or arrogant, I just smile to myself. It means I'm doing something right. In the past, my moments of "arrogance" have brought me the greatest results in game and in life. Admittedly, this hasn't happened to me as of late because I too have been suffering a little bit of a drop in confidence and game. haha

In any case, I wouldn't worry about the Chron's thing. That's just one girl. I highly doubt most girls would give a shit about that. Especially once they see that you're handling your life perfectly fine. With or without the disease. Maybe just avoid mentioning it at the start and you'll be fine.

Also, just based on this and other posts, I think maybe you're a little bit burnt out? I'd consider taking a little bit of a break. It's like overtraining at the gym. Working hard is good. Working so hard that your muscles can't even recover is counterproductive.

Also, even though I believe younger girls actually like older guys, if you're having trouble adopting that mindset, just go talk to girls somewhere else where there's a more suitable demographic.
 

Hector Papi Castillo

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trackrunner12 said:
Just having a bit of mindset issues right now, had quite a few recent FU's, my approaches haven't been going particularly well, and sometimes when I'm approaching at school I just feel like some old guy creeping on teenage girls (which is not the case because I'm only 22 and 16 is the age of consent in my state). It really is coming off that way I think too because I'll ask things like: "Would you be comfortable going out with an older guy?" and basically just shooting myself in the foot with a "nice guy" tone of voice or saying stupid shit like that.

Don't even mention it if they bring it up. And if you want to have fun and she's teasing you about something, just give her a skeptical look and say "oh, the teenage princess is telling me X, huh?" Or if she starts boasting about anything or getting cocky, say something like "run off, little girl. You're too young for this; you're gonna get hurt" with a sly smile and a wink. Make it a challenge that you're older. She should be chasing you.

And yeah, no asking if she'd be comfortable going out with an older guy. Like I said in the other report, she craves older cock.

trackrunner12 said:
I'm failing to find a balance between being chill and being aggressive, basically what's happening right now is whenever I try to be dominant, stand tall, speak in a deep tone; I get accused of being "cocky", "arrogant", and "sitting/walking like I'm better than people". Could this be an issue of bad verbals and vibes accompanying those? My kino has creeped out my last couple dates (which is why I really backed off on it). I've gotten better since I've been here I feel like I'm just reaching a plateau (and have not been successful enough yet to be stuck at a plateau).

https://www.girlschase.com/content/genui ... rogant-man

You're peaking the beginner phase of arrogant and about to hit the intermediate stage. When you're first starting out with arrogance, people will accuse you of it, because you're reaching beyond your station.

THAT'S A GOOD THING, HOMIE.

Keep pushing. Now you want to make it so normal that people accept it as your baseline attitude. You'll find that people will treat you with auto-rejection/admiration and you'll start spiking people in either direction. Completely and utterly disrespect those who auto-reject you. Laugh at them, insult them, and tease them according to their severity. If they're being a dick, BE A BIGGER DICK. If they keep mouthing off, just brush them off with a "lol okay" or just ignore them. Eye-rolls, looking at them like they have the black plague, etc. In short, FUCK THEM.

But then, while holding onto that rebellious notion, also try to hold rapport with them. Try to add in a "lol chill out, man" if they're getting testy and talk to them through their emotions. Make it an emotional rollercoaster that you conduct. Fastest frame control training I've ever had. That's intermediate arrogance.

Do this until you've transformed control of your attitude down to a switch-board. You can turn it on or off. By the time you've got that, you'll probably also notice that LOTS of girls go cold if you say one or two mean things. That's when your value is high enough that you don't need to be a dick anymore.

Being a dick isn't nearly as much about being a flagrant asshole as people think. That's just the fireworks. It's also about completely shutting people out of your life, ignoring texts and calls just because you don't feel like talking to that person, not listening to the advice of everyone in your life, laughing at authority, learning to despise structure, etc.

As for your colostomy bag - dude, if you really want to own that shit and you're not looking for sympathy, then start making it a topic for self-deprecation. I had a fraternity brother who only had one testicle and not only did our entire fraternity make sure any girl he talked to knew it, he would usually tell them first, because he didn't really care. In fact, some girls asked him to see it and he'd get laid that way. An asshole on your stomach probably doesn't have the same effect, but shit man, just own it. Online game? Yeah, girls are gonna be shitty about it. Online game is the shallowest dating medium.

But meet a girl during the day, sit down for coffee, and just casually mention that you lost your fucking intestines as if it wasn't any more debilitating than getting a parking ticket 20 years ago? Her = Wet.

Oh, and super important, if she starts to get disgusted AT ALL, completely turn around the moral shame onto her, and look at her like she just contracted herpes. Pure disgust. You might even try walking away after delivering this look and seeing how she reacts. You need to condition yourself to repel any and all negative energy associated with your condition.

Everyone is telling you that you're being an arrogant prick - the solution is not to listen, at least not yet. Right now, keep swimming against the tide. Screw the social resistance.

The "you" who comes out on the other end will look back at the one now posting this thread and you'll laugh at how much of a pussy he was.

Hector
 

Paulie Walnuts

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@Jumok93,

You're very correct, whenever I've just flipped it by saying "Oh I'm buying a condo pretty soon" or something like that it works in my favor (what the fuck do I care, once I've already slept with them it won't matter anyway whether I live with my parents or not).

Agreed on the disability as well, if I can't do it as if I own it, better to not do it at all.

@Bboy,

It's certainly possible that I'm burnt out, I'm just worried about losing progress, not only that I'm still extremely outcome dependent (not so much on the approaches anymore, but having dates lined up for the week, I'm not even ok with just 1-2 it's gotta be 4-5, which then makes me double book and do other stupid shit). Since I'm still outcome dependent too I've noticed myself still saying dumb/mean things to girls who flake, even though in my head I know this is absolutely counterproductive. You know your "FU report"? The one about the girl that literally told you she wanted to fuck? Yeah I basically had one of those set to come over on Saturday (more like a bunch of winky faces and we're "watching a movie" but I know that vibe), cept today she said:

Her: Idk, whatever time I'm off work I don't have an off time

Me: Lol idk what that means but I don't do maybes, if not then dont worry about it. Would you like to come over on Saturday nite?

Her: Yeah Saturday night that's what I thought? I never said maybe, I'm a server I don't have an off time. If you're gonna be like that lets just call it off.

Me: Relax haha I didn't know that, I just hate when girls give me that cuz it sounds like a maybe and my parents are only gone one night. If you're in for sure then I'd love you to come :), can you give me an estimated time?

No response to that, and it's obvious why, came off as needy and weak; and the reason it happened is I'm still outcome dependent. She probably won't respond but even if she does the power dynamic is now with her -_-.

You're probably right about the younger girls, that number I got today with my nice guy approach? Yeah she texted me back but she said she hoped it was casual because she's not comfortable with going out with someone 5 years older than her, but I'm absolutely sure now it was the weakness and low confidence approach.

@Anatman

Dude everytime I read your responses I feel my mindset get better, honestly it fucking helps a lot! You're damn right about the bag thing, because... my first cold approach back in November, we had the fact that we take a lot of selfies in common, and she said verbatim "I think it's really sexy that you don't give a shit what people think about your disability", annnnnd then we ended up boning the 2nd time we hungout. (interestingly enough my first ever cold approach with GC I got laid haha, it's just these consecutive ones that I'm having trouble with). Also back when I first got surgery I used tons of self deprecating humor and it really worked in my favor because I just didn't give two shits and was super upfront, and I literally NEVER had anyone get grossed out or have an issue with it, not god damn once (and I met a shit ton of people while running nightclubs/events).

I had a friend once who has the same surgery I did, his was supposed to be reversible so it hit him harder now that it's not, he was hooking up with a girl at a party and she told him too "put his shirt back on" and he did, I told him I would have told that bitch to "go fuck herself" and walked out. Only a matter of time before it happened to me too.

I'm super fucking glad there's an endgame to it, and it makes sense logically for people to understand that it's my real personality (interestingly enough I actually am kind of an arrogant prick, it's been said about me for years while I was in the event industry), I used to be apologetic for it with women (and other people at events when my depression hit and my confidence went down) and I swear it probably made me come off as needy and desperate "getting real" with girls I hadn't slept with yet, now I understand that if you can handle keeping the frame through the social stigma, it will work in your favor (douchebags get laid, seen it a million times AND BEEN the douchebag getting laid before).

Love the advice about dealing with younger girls too :), that's just what I have access too right now, and phrases like that are def gonna work in my favor! I can't FUCKING WAIT to try em out!
 
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