So I've been working on my deep diving ability lately. It's one thing that I've been struggling with, as I usually start with asking a good deep diving question, and make a cold read based off it, but don't know how to take it any further.
I read Ross' article on not making the same mistake twice and in the comments section, he provides a good example of deep diving:
As you can see, to further the deep dive, John asks Ashley to provide examples of what good things she's done, based off his cold read on her. He could have even left out the "I hope you use that opinion for good.. rather than unspeakable things" part out and just asked her what opinions she has about the world and such. But my question is this: what are some other ways you guys further your deep dive?
Asking for examples is one way, but it doesn't apply to every situation. For example, a couple weeks ago, I was talking to a Russian girl, and I asked her what she liked about Vancouver compared to her home town. She told me how everyone here is so diverse and different; everyone has their own sense of style, while in Russia, when somethings in fashion, everyone will be wearing it. I made a cold read off this, saying that she must really enjoy her sense of freedom and individualism. In this case, after she agrees, I can't really go on to ask her how she enjoys her sense of freedom. That would just sound weird. Therefore, I was sort of "stuck" here, and couldn't proceed any deeper into the conversation.
In Chase's article 20 ways to talk to a girl, he provides a list of questions that can be used to start a deep dive. I use these questions, but I often struggle on what to follow them up with after the girl responds.
Taken from Chase's article How to talk to girls and make them go wild for you:
In an example such as this one, how can you dwelve deeper into this topic of "diversity?" I guess you could ask something like: "so why are you still here? Why not move somewhere more refreshing?"
I've read all of Chase's articles on deep diving and conversation, so I know I have to be relatable, humble, warm, and so on. But I'm interested in how you guys "further" your deep dive. Lengthy examples would be great, as I often read FRs in this forum about how people deep dive, but they just say they deep dive about school or work or whatever, but never really provide the details on how they accomplished this. I understand why though. Because it would take a long time to actually write it all out. So if someone could take the time to give a detailed account of one of their deep dives, that would be greatly appreciated! Or even if you shed some light onto how I could've carried the conversation further with the Russian chick or in Chase's example above, that would be super helpful as well!
Last question: how long should you stay on a topic? In Chase's example conversation, I find he doesn't stay on topics too long. For example, he deep dives work, travelling, hobbies, and family all relativity quickly. This leads to him getting to know the girl well on a broad spectrum of subjects, but couldn't you stay on say, the topic of work longer? and deep dive that even more, rather than switching to talk about something else? I read in one of Anatman's FR's that he was talking about yoga with this girl for like half an hour. Is this too long? At the same time, Chase does a good job in this example conversation of maintaining the flow, and transferring to a different subject effortlessly and naturally. And I guess you could return to open threads if you run out of things to talk about, and continue deep diving those topics. Just tossing out thoughts right now. All advice on deep diving welcome!
I read Ross' article on not making the same mistake twice and in the comments section, he provides a good example of deep diving:
John: Journalist? Sounds like you're an opinionated girl. I hope you use that opinion for good... rather than unspeakable things.
Ashley: [excited] Yeah, I am opinionated! I'll be sure to use it for good.
John: I don't know if I believe you ... What kind of "good" are you planning on bringing?
Ashley: Well, I've done ABC and DEF and I'm planning on doing XYZ and etc.
As you can see, to further the deep dive, John asks Ashley to provide examples of what good things she's done, based off his cold read on her. He could have even left out the "I hope you use that opinion for good.. rather than unspeakable things" part out and just asked her what opinions she has about the world and such. But my question is this: what are some other ways you guys further your deep dive?
Asking for examples is one way, but it doesn't apply to every situation. For example, a couple weeks ago, I was talking to a Russian girl, and I asked her what she liked about Vancouver compared to her home town. She told me how everyone here is so diverse and different; everyone has their own sense of style, while in Russia, when somethings in fashion, everyone will be wearing it. I made a cold read off this, saying that she must really enjoy her sense of freedom and individualism. In this case, after she agrees, I can't really go on to ask her how she enjoys her sense of freedom. That would just sound weird. Therefore, I was sort of "stuck" here, and couldn't proceed any deeper into the conversation.
In Chase's article 20 ways to talk to a girl, he provides a list of questions that can be used to start a deep dive. I use these questions, but I often struggle on what to follow them up with after the girl responds.
• "How long have you been doing that for?"
• "How do you like it?"
• "Do you think you'll [get promoted / move up / open your own business / master that hobby or art]?"
• "If you don't like it that much, why are you still doing it?"
• "How'd you get into it if you don't like it?"
• "Think you'll do it forever?"
• "What's stopping you from doing it?"
Taken from Chase's article How to talk to girls and make them go wild for you:
You: So how do you like living in California?
Her: It's okay.
You: Why just okay? Why not "great"? [not letting her get away with a vague answer; that doesn't move things forward]
Her: Well, the weather's great, but the people are all the same.
You: And you want more diversity. [keeping it moving along, understanding her]
Her: Right.
You: What's good about diversity? [keeping it moving along, understanding her]
Her: It's just more interesting. The people, the food, the art -- it's all more interesting in more diverse places.
You: Hmm, good observation. Things do get a little repetitive at times. [connecting with her]
Her: [laughs] Yeah.
You: Let's grab a seat. [moving things forward]
Her: Okay.
In an example such as this one, how can you dwelve deeper into this topic of "diversity?" I guess you could ask something like: "so why are you still here? Why not move somewhere more refreshing?"
I've read all of Chase's articles on deep diving and conversation, so I know I have to be relatable, humble, warm, and so on. But I'm interested in how you guys "further" your deep dive. Lengthy examples would be great, as I often read FRs in this forum about how people deep dive, but they just say they deep dive about school or work or whatever, but never really provide the details on how they accomplished this. I understand why though. Because it would take a long time to actually write it all out. So if someone could take the time to give a detailed account of one of their deep dives, that would be greatly appreciated! Or even if you shed some light onto how I could've carried the conversation further with the Russian chick or in Chase's example above, that would be super helpful as well!
Last question: how long should you stay on a topic? In Chase's example conversation, I find he doesn't stay on topics too long. For example, he deep dives work, travelling, hobbies, and family all relativity quickly. This leads to him getting to know the girl well on a broad spectrum of subjects, but couldn't you stay on say, the topic of work longer? and deep dive that even more, rather than switching to talk about something else? I read in one of Anatman's FR's that he was talking about yoga with this girl for like half an hour. Is this too long? At the same time, Chase does a good job in this example conversation of maintaining the flow, and transferring to a different subject effortlessly and naturally. And I guess you could return to open threads if you run out of things to talk about, and continue deep diving those topics. Just tossing out thoughts right now. All advice on deep diving welcome!