Girl From the Past

bassman

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 21, 2013
Messages
30
Ok, I am new to the forum but I have been following this website for 6 months and bettering myself in every aspect possible and so far it has opened up so many new doors in my life. I have been able to figure out most any situation on my own, until now. And i don't see an article on getting a girl that you knew from the past. but if there is i would much appreciate the link to the article.

So last weekend to my surprise I ran into a girl that i have known for years, who is my best friends sister and her mom calls me her second son. we have always had a thing for each other but in the few instances we were single around each other I never could get her to go all the way with me(those times were before i discovered this site). Until last week when her mom brought her to see me play live at a bar. Her mom left her with me and she was all over me that night(we hadn't seen each other in over a year, sparks flew).

So I took her home and made love to her and "I Know" that she had an amazing experience. And she pretty much fell in love with me that night and through the last week(made me dinner, bought me beer, took me out to lunch and paid over a 5 day period). Everything was going how it is supposed to go when done right. I decided i want to make her my girlfriend. Well all of a sudden she became distant, wont answer my calls, will only answer a text every now and then with a simple lame response and all this happened in a day. it went from head over heals for me, to wont even speak to me.

The best thing I can come up with is that she is either getting buyers remorse or she is shifting me into boyfriend material(which i doubt it is bf material because i already bedded her and she has gone completely cold on me now). I have only tried calling her once since the couple days ago we talked and only sent her a couple texts telling her we should hang out. Now i dont want to do anymore because i am afraid that I am pulling to hard and im not sure if i should just ignore her or push(which i cant figure out any good way how to at this moment). The only other details are that she came out of an abusive relationship(which i think is part of the problem), and she has kids(which i like a lot and have known before and they like me), she is 30, i am 28, and we both have a lot in common. I also made a comment that we should just date for a bit and see what happens. This was after she acted like she wanted to tell everybody that we were together. I believe i screwed up here as well. I know it seems like i am too fixated with her but i do have other girls at this time and she is at least a smokin little 9.5 and all i have done is let her invest in me so far. I just dont get it and it pains me to say that...

Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thank you much in advance
 

bassman

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 21, 2013
Messages
30
Ok, well I posted this late last night and looking at it now, I realize it's way too long. So I guess my basic question would be: what do you do when a girl that you have known and just slept with and made fall head over heels for you goes cold and doesn't respond after about a week? All I have read on this site is about girls which you have no past with or haven't bedded yet. Could it be a "state-shift"? I can't see how it could be her labeling me bf material after I already slept with her.

Thanks again for any help
 

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Oct 9, 2012
Messages
5,484
Bassman-

bassman said:
I also made a comment that we should just date for a bit and see what happens. This was after she acted like she wanted to tell everybody that we were together.

This sounds like the key detail right here.

She was REALLY excited about you... with a connection as far back as this one seems to have been, it probably felt like she'd just met the man of her dreams. When she wants to tell everybody RIGHT AWAY (after less than a week), she's SUPER into you.

When you then say, well, hold your horses, let's just date for a little and see how it goes... unless you word that exactly just right... it's going to come across like, "I am WAY less into you than you are into me," which can douse a hot flame faster than you can say "candle snuffer."

Going cold is always auto-rejection; it sounds like the cause here was getting the impression that the emotions she was feeling were one-sided, girly, unrealistic, and blown entirely out of proportion.

She likely felt embarrassed and silly, and slunk off to go nurse her wounded pride.

Best thing you can do at this point is call her up and talk to her and tell her you're sorry if you came across like you weren't as into her as she is you; you ARE into her, you think she's AWESOME, and you think you DO want to date her... you just have a general rule of, "Let's not rush," even when the other person is AMAZING.

When a woman wants a whirlwind romance and you won't give it to her, it can very often lead to the relationship breaking down entirely, rather than things simply slowing down - this may be one where you need to decide if you're going to give her a whirlwind, or if you're going to say, "Here's all I can offer - if you take it, I'll be thrilled, but if you leave it, I'll understand too."

Chase
 
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