Hey Cam,
You mentioned keeping these girls around as friends. Would you recommend this for women I've already slept with and hung out with for a bit? If so, how would you make that transition?
This is actually very possible, and I have several female friends that I have slept with that actually have made excellent friends afterward. However, there are a few things you need to understand, first:
- The more times you've slept with this girl, the less likely it is that she can become a just a friend afterward
- You will most likely encounter some form of drama during the transition period of her being your sexual partner and becoming your friend (again)
- Some alcohol being involved can help smooth the process
There can actually be some
great benefits to sleeping with an attractive female friend and then making her your friend again afterward:
- 1) She'll view you as an extremely dominant and sexual man whenever you spend time with her, and she'll give you great pre-selection value around other women
2) If you handle any drama that arises effectively and appropriately (by maintaining your cool), she will likely never challenge your judgment again
For all of the above listed reasons, if you happen to want to sleep with a female friend of yours,
I highly suggest you only sleep with her once. If you sleep with her more than once, you will give her the impression that there is a deeper chemistry between the both of you, and she will likely become attached. The more attached she becomes, the less likely it is to move the relationship "backwards" toward being friends again.
However, I should mention to be very careful here if you decide to do this. Most guys don't have the type of abundance or self-control to only sleep with an attractive girl once and leave it at that. You
must know before you decide to sleep with her that you do not intend to sleep with her again, otherwise you risk losing the friendship permanently.
The ideal way to make this type of situation occur is to hang out with her in a social setting (preferably with alcohol and with or without other friends). Then, ideally, move the interaction back to your place or her place where the two of you can end up alone. Usually if the two of you have had a few drinks, it's an easy "excuse" to have you or her sleep over, and if she finds you physically attractive, she probably won't mind cuddling with you in the same bed. At this point, you need physically escalate quickly and make things happen.
Just like any other girl you sleep with, you're going to have to treat her nicely the next morning and send her a text along the lines of, "Yesterday was fun, Cassie =). Although I'm pretty exhausted... I'll have to grab some extra sleep tonight!"
Do not make any references to the actual act of having sex with her, as this will only encourage another encounter. Once this is done,
you need to not hang out with her for a period of at least two weeks. This is to let her know that what happened between you two was just one of those "it just happened one night" type of situations. This is where things can get hairy. If she was a friend that already liked you, then the next time you contact her, she might try to cause drama and even accuse you of using her for sex. IF this happens, you need to remain
completely calm, and follow the rules listed in Chase's article about
Women and Drama.
At some point during the conversation (usually by text), she might stop responding to you. If this happens, it's best just to give her some space. After a week or two, you can attempt to contact her and invite her to hang out with you (and preferably other friends) so that she knows that you still value her as a friend and not just as a sex object. She might decline at first, but if she responds, then it is a good sign. Eventually, if you can get her to hang out with you again, you need to act as if nothing ever happened, and she will most likely reciprocate.
Assuming you gave her a great night of sex, she will likely view you as an extremely dominant man, and you'll notice that she will probably be much more physical with you. You can then use this to your advantage (whether it is to improve your chase framing conversation skills or pre-selection ability).
Again, all of this requires great discipline, so try to focus on approaching and meeting new women rather than risking your friendships if you truly value them.
- Franco
