Emotional abuse and social isolation from past affecting results (breakthrough!)

Hi there Girlschase, I know I said that I would take a break from this place but I have literally had a breakthrough dealing with why I have this bad mindset and feel that I can finally take another step in solving it.

If you don't remember me, I am the guy who said he believes he cannot get attractive white girls in the US because of his race (desi). Well, after thinking a lot about it, I have realized that the emotional abuse and social isolation I had to endure growing up still has a major impact on me to this day. I had parents that constantly belittled me and yelled at me in public, it was so bad to the point that strangers would tell them to calm down. My parents had this habit of always comparing me to other kids and then telling me how other kids were better in life than I was, it hurt me a lot.

Then there was the issue I had growing up and getting along with other kids in high school. Most of the kids in the neighborhood that I was friends with went to a different high school than I did, they went to a nice private school with a lot of pretty girls and great teachers. I ended up at a terrible high school which had almost no hot girls, terrible teachers, lots of kids from the rough parts of town, and for some reason no sports due to some budget cuts problem. Didn't get into any fights but did hear a lot of insults and didn't make any close friends at all.

So I tried to think about how those two things impacted me in terms of women and I have it figured out now. I feel all that emotional abuse and social isolation kicking in when I am around attractive white girls. Like I really do see them as being out of my league because I was never really the "cool kid" growing up and never received compliments on my looks. I am not and was never perceived as a cool guy in my life because I never even had a chance to learn about such things. Whenever I see an attractive white girl, I get bitter thinking about how I cannot have her because she is always going to go after the attractive white or black jock and not me. Then I realized that is where my need to see a desi guy with an attractive white girl came from, because it is like I am in desperate need of a role model I never had a chance to have growing up. That is why I stick around on girlschase, because I feel that I have a shot at finding legitimate role models and maybe even friends here that circumstances in life never gave me a chance of finding.

I feel like in my head, life dealt me such a tough hand that I cannot be that cool guy who sweeps the blonde bombshell or Angelina Jolie lookalike off her feet. It is like I want to be that guy and do well with those kinds of girls but the emotional abuse and social isolation growing up keeps hurting my self-esteem. Before I even think of approaching these women, my mind keeps telling me how these women view me as undesirable or ugly because of what media and their friends tell them about guys of my ethnic background. Whether that is true, who know but I know that my mindset came from emotional abuse and social isolation growing up.

Now that I have figured that out, how do I now take the steps to attacking this mental setback?

Re: Emotional abuse and social isolation from past affecting results (breakthrou

efore I even think of approaching these women, my mind keeps telling me how these women view me as undesirable or ugly because of what media and their friends tell them about guys of my ethnic background. Whether that is true, who know but I know that my mindset came from emotional abuse and social isolation growing up.

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Hope you're following some good advice that were given to you in your last post. (They're really good!) Stop trying to figure out your past. It's all gone now. Your problem is not that unique. I used to have parents that belittle me unintentionally (comparing me with other kids) and friends that put me down as well. But I don't spend weeks trying to figure out how to solve it because....it's in the PAST. Tell your ego to shut up. It's being irrational. Are you still socially isolated and emotional abused? If not, then stop thinking about it. If yes, then it's pretty obvious that's where you need to work on. Sometimes it's better to learn from your past, find out where you need to work on then just bury it. Don't let it become your identity.

Things are different now. you're not the guy you used to be. We're always changing - we either become better or become worst - we don't stay still. So thrive to become a better version of yourself. Take massive action and don't take failures personally. You still need new experiences to change your mindset. Just thinking about it alone ain't gonna do shit. Be excited about creating new experiences.

Here's an article on how to do cognitive therapy.
https://www.girlschase.com/content/cbt-series-part-i-how-do-cognitive-therapy-yourself