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Background
It has now been two weeks since my fwb broke up with me. At first I was devastated because I was dumped in the trashcan just like that. My shield of pride got broken, and I realized how vulnerable I was. I felt so bad about myself, and I hated my guts for making things worse during the break up. But that's besides the point, and what's done is done. A week ago I stopped thinking and started to keep myself busy in one way or another. Usually I need conscious thoughts to get simple stuff like doing the dishes, cleaning the house etc. done. But I just realized that I have been keeping myself busy the last seven days without even thinking about it. And whenever the girl pops up in my mind, I shake her off my thoughts easily by thinking about something else or do something.

I want to take advantage of this state I am in currently. But not in a senseless way. I have realized that even though I have improved my fundamentals and social skills, I'm still not getting laid. Well, what's missing? A lot of things when I meet girls at uni, but the most noteworthy things are that I'm hiding the banana and moving slow (expiring attraction) every single time in this enviroment. I could focus on getting better in this particular area, but for now I want to focus on my studies only.

I can count approximately 10 girls from uni that have been somewhat into me, yet I was clueless. I hate to realize past mistakes this way.. I want this cluelessness to end in the future!

As a result of my failures, I have learned to go out. And well, going out is easy. It's a little time consuming (when I have a lot of other things I ought to do). However, I have never been able to make a direct opener. Last year, I managed to open a girl (situationally) in a coffee shop just for the sake of it. I was proud for taking action, but that was pretty much it. I got her number, but never moved it any further.

Future goal setting
Alright. Let's go.

First of all, I need is a long term goal in seduction. I have been thinking about it, and what I really want is to become a man who takes the women I desire into my life and seduce them like no one ever has done before. I only wonder if this needs some deadline like "before I turn 30" or something like that. Any thoughts about this?

To get there I need to know my sticking point, which is currently that I'm hiding the banana. I know this because I get embarrased and nervous when I want to state my interest. I smile more nervously as a result. It sucks. I want to change this, but not in a senseless way. I need some directions. And I have been trying to find them endlessly. That is, until I stumbled upon this article a few days ago: "The 100 hour rule" by Chase. It's a pretty simple concept: when you want to get good at something, try it for 100 hours in total, then assess whether you want to continue the task or not. 100 hours, no more.

For now, I want to learn to open direct through cold approach, and I would like to follow the idea of 100 hour rule to get started. Here are my main concerns:

#1: I'm a busy man. I have studies, work, taekwondo (both teaching and in club committee) and what not. But these three are the main factors consuming my time every week, and that's not likely to change any time soon. So what I want to know: are 100 hours a reasonable amount of time in my circumstances? Or should I accept that my 100 hours' goal might not take 2 months, but at least twice as much?

#2: I need to define the specific goal that is worth doing for 100 hours. I have one in mind: "Open girls through cold approach directly and see what happens from there". I love this because my primary focus is the direct openers, but it's not limited to just that. If I happen to get a number, set up a date and bed a girl, so be it. If I happen to not even get her hooked or reject me, so be it. I'm outcome independent this way, but I still need to do the approaches. And the approaches and openings are what matter the most. Also to overcome rejections. But I wonder if there are better ways to define my 100 hour rule..?

Are my concerns me being unsecure, or do I need to just get started? Any feedback is welcome!

One thing is for certain: I will create a "100 hour journal" to keep track on how many hours have passed, and what I have achieved in that amount of time

Cheers

a-jay

Ending things with my fwb was one of the best decisions I've ever made lol It forces you to make progress and not get too complacent.

a-jay said:

First of all, I need is a long term goal in seduction. I have been thinking about it, and what I really want is to become a man who takes the women I desire into my life and seduce them like no one ever has done before. I only wonder if this needs some deadline like "before I turn 30" or something like that. Any thoughts about this?

Click to expand...

It's a life long goal imo.

a-jay said:

#1: I'm a busy man. I have studies, work, taekwondo (both teaching and in club committee) and what not. But these three are the main factors consuming my time every week, and that's not likely to change any time soon. So what I want to know: are 100 hours a reasonable amount of time in my circumstances? Or should I accept that my 100 hours' goal might not take 2 months, but at least twice as much?

Click to expand...

Depends on your priorities man. The 100 hours goal, imo, is just to get you started and develop a habit. If you want to go hard, cold approach 20 girls per day. First 10 girls will probably just be warm-up. You'll rack up reference experience in no time.

a-jay said:

#2: I need to define the specific goal that is worth doing for 100 hours. I have one in mind: "Open girls through cold approach directly and see what happens from there". I love this because my primary focus is the direct openers, but it's not limited to just that. If I happen to get a number, set up a date and bed a girl, so be it. If I happen to not even get her hooked or reject me, so be it. I'm outcome independent this way, but I still need to do the approaches. And the approaches and openings are what matter the most. Also to overcome rejections. But I wonder if there are better ways to define my 100 hour rule..?

Click to expand...

Opening direct really is not a big deal and not something I would spend 100 hours doing lol Would you spend 100 hours to practice how to deliver a compliment?

Also you're going to do it anyway whether it's your goal or not. Something that helps to open "direct" effectively is to speak with authority and emotion and with good eye contact. That would be a more effective goal imo.

As for "hiding the banana"...your masculine sexuality is a gift to the women. Come from that frame. She can accept your invitation or not. No big deal. =)

Good luck

Smith, hope you're doing great!

Smith said:

a-jay said:

First of all, I need is a long term goal in seduction. I have been thinking about it, and what I really want is to become a man who takes the women I desire into my life and seduce them like no one ever has done before. I only wonder if this needs some deadline like "before I turn 30" or something like that. Any thoughts about this?

Click to expand...

It's a life long goal imo.

Click to expand...

Of course. What I had in mind was reaching advanced level before I turn 30, but it should not be an "ultimate" goal. As long as I have done my best to get better and still will in the future, that's what counts. In one word: progress

Smith said:

a-jay said:

#1: I'm a busy man. I have studies, work, taekwondo (both teaching and in club committee) and what not. But these three are the main factors consuming my time every week, and that's not likely to change any time soon. So what I want to know: are 100 hours a reasonable amount of time in my circumstances? Or should I accept that my 100 hours' goal might not take 2 months, but at least twice as much?

Click to expand...

Depends on your priorities man. The 100 hours goal, imo, is just to get you started and develop a habit.

[...]

Opening direct really is not a big deal and not something I would spend 100 hours doing lol Would you spend 100 hours to practice how to deliver a compliment?

Click to expand...

What you're saying is I can reword my 100 hour rule to "go out to meet new girls during the day"? Am I right?

I could have that as the major task and making small challenges along the way such as "compliment three girls" one day, "get two numbers" another day etc.

As you note, the 100 hour rule is to develop the habit, or as I want to phrase it: it's a way of committing myself. And it is indeed the commitment I'm lacking. If I can commit myself during those 100 hours, it's very likely I'll commit myself forever.

Smith said:

Also you're going to do it anyway whether it's your goal or not. Something that helps to open "direct" effectively is to speak with authority and emotion and with good eye contact. That would be a more effective goal imo.

As for "hiding the banana"...your masculine sexuality is a gift to the women. Come from that frame. She can accept your invitation or not. No big deal. =)

Click to expand...

Smith said:

If you want to go hard, cold approach 20 girls per day. First 10 girls will probably just be warm-up. You'll rack up reference experience in no time.

Click to expand...

For now, the most important thing is the actual delivering of compliments.. later I can look at how I should deliver them Also, I have tried to gain momentum to open the sets I meet later, yet this falls flat as well. I freeze in action simply because of the embarrassment and rejection I'm risking to face. It's time to move beyond that stage. But I need to do it with a sense of direction, hence, the 100 hour rule.

One last thing I want to tell you that I just realized: the last couple of months, I have had flashbacks to my mid-teens where I was very succesful in multiple aspects. And of course I asked myself "why was I this succesful back then?" without an answer. But now I know it: It's because I always had a plan. Unplanned events always ended with bad or mediocre results, but planned events always ended successful, one way or another. Planning my future in seduction with such direction makes me more secure, more comfortable etc.

Let me know if I'm going completely mad or obsessive Want all the feedback I can get, but also need to get started and not postpone it

Edit: I actually feel a little sad that I can make such a post about approaching when I should really be approaching them... but this is just a-Jay stuck in his head *ironic smile with eyebrows raised*

a-jay said:

Of course. What I had in mind was reaching advanced level before I turn 30, but it should not be an "ultimate" goal. As long as I have done my best to get better and still will in the future, that's what counts. In one word: progres

Click to expand...

Not sure how old you are right now. But if you go hard for 4-5 years, you'll reach advanced level no doubt =)

a-jay said:

What you're saying is I can reword my 100 hour rule to "go out to meet new girls during the day"? Am I right?

I could have that as the major task and making small challenges along the way such as "compliment three girls" one day, "get two numbers" another day etc.

Click to expand...

when you go out during the day, just assume you'll meet a lot of girls. This helps to not burn your mental energy on small things like whether to open or not. so set your goal to something that build your skill, like "Taking deep breaths and focus on the girl as I open" or "speak with authority and emotion" or "get into a sexual state during the interaction by feeling aroused in her presence". These are skills that will help you in the long run. Hence something you would want to spend 100 hours on. "go out to meet new girls during the day" is a good goal if you're starting out, but you want to quickly move past that. Of course, if you're busy on that day, you could just compliment three girls instead of getting into long interactions, but as you get better, you'll realize it doesn't even take that long to get to know someone, and it's fun.

a-jay said:

One last thing I want to tell you that I just realized: the last couple of months, I have had flashbacks to my mid-teens where I was very succesful in multiple aspects. And of course I asked myself "why was I this succesful back then?" without an answer. But now I know it: It's because I always had a plan. Unplanned events always ended with bad or mediocre results, but planned events always ended successful, one way or another. Planning my future in seduction with such direction makes me more secure, more comfortable etc.

Let me know if I'm going completely mad or obsessive Want all the feedback I can get, but also need to get started and not postpone it

Edit: I actually feel a little sad that I can make such a post about approaching when I should really be approaching them... but this is just a-Jay stuck in his head *ironic smile with eyebrows raised*

Click to expand...

no worries man haha glad you come to this realization yourself. Like I said, just assume you'll be meeting girls during the day, and don't beat yourself up if you don't, but still try your best.

I went into seduction unplanned. and only by taking action, I know where I need to improve. Then I develop a plan. So take action first.

Good luck!

Hey Smith

I have been out for 13 hours now in total. I have managed to open both gender indirectly or situationally to build up momentum. Trying to push myself every time to talk to more people, and I love getting in social mood with strangers =) I haven't opened direct yet.. however, I'm noticing small wins and I love it. But through these outings and the miserable break up I had with my fwb I have come to realize that my inner game suffers a lot.. to get to the point right away, well, I haven't really been congruent.. I have been wearing a mask for a long time now. And since the break up with my fwb a month ago, I had to go through three mental break downs, the last one in tears, to realize this.

My last break down, the one in tears, was Sunday.. today has been an exceptional day. I have never felt more alive (except when I was 16-17 lol, I'm turning 23 next month - year, long way to 30). My interactions with my student friends felt different.. my interactions with customers also felt different.. it all felt.. better. Natural. Relaxed. But it's all in my head - because I feel I'm being my congruent self again. And I loved it. I was almost dancing on the streets when I listened to dance music

So there you go.. the very reason I hid the banana was that I was afraid of showing it. And why was I afraid? Because .................

We'll see further down the road whether this shift in my inner game will make me open girls I want or not.. I'll keep taking key notes for every outing to see what I'm feeling and push myself even more. I might join Raqimus' Snatch Tournament to push myself further =)

Smith said:

when you go out during the day, just assume you'll meet a lot of girls. This helps to not burn your mental energy on small things like whether to open or not.

Click to expand...

This is what I need to keep in mind for now. Thank you!

Later =)

I think a problem you might be having is in not recognizing which situations are disposable and which are not. Let me share an example. I was in much the same boat as you but at a slightly more advanced stage because opening was no longer too much of a drama. I was chatting to a cutie who was a door girl at a gig, it was crowded so you couldn't get inside but people were listening/watching from the street and I was locked in in the doorway chatting to her. At some point she's told me indignantly she's married (I must have said something flirtatious), so I've replied "it's okay I wasn't looking for a girlfriend, I saw you more as a fuckbuddy", obviously she was quite offended and I had to backpedal a bit, but it was still really liberating. Practice saying offensive things, insult people if you want (calling fat people fat is highly amusing especially if they've just dissed you in some way), but most of all practice saying whatever comes into your head at any given moment! Obviously don't do this in class... YET, your hiding the banana problem in social circle will take longer to solve, what you have to do is always push the boundaries in throwaway situations like cold approach, this both puts you in the habit of being unfiltered by default and teaches you calibration i.e. how far you can go before there is a social consequence. You seem to be well aware that it's a lot further than you're currently going. A great way to practice unfilteredness is by making a rule that you will compliment everyone you speak to today -- this may seem self-conscious but it forces you to voice your thoughts.
Ray

Hey Ray, thanks for sharing your 2 cents!

ray_zorse said:

A great way to practice unfilteredness is by making a rule that you will compliment everyone you speak to today -- this may seem self-conscious but it forces you to voice your thoughts.

Click to expand...

Today I combined this advice of yours with the advice Smith gave in his last comment (to not burn all my mental energi on opening when I have a whole city to talk with). But before I get into how it went, let me share my thoughts of yesterday and today.

Until this point I have looked at girls and thought nothing (literally). But yesterday and today I could look at girls in a very different light than before. I can look at all the same girls now and think "damn, her hair's fine!" or "that's a neat style she's got" when I'm sitting in the libary or the bus.

As I was on my way home from uni today I told myself to step it up and follow the advices of you guys. Frankly, I missed the first 10-15 opportunities miserably. And everytime I thought stuff like "I'm this close to open girls, come on man!" and "show your genuine self, you can do it!". I can't believe it was such a struggle to motivate myself hahaha

That was until I thought "so now I can compliment girls in my head, but as soon as I want to compliment them in an interaction, I back off. Look pal, anyone has the balls to look at girls. I want to have the balls to make their day instead." And I had to think this exact thought 3 times before I could give my first cold approach compliment ever. FINALLY! =) She had a killer body, and I simply told her that she was absolutely stunning and left (she was looking for flowers in front of a flower store). After the approach, my body was like an earthquake, and my heart rate was way higher than the speed limits of German autobahns! and my smile was wider than any huge ass flat screen tv I put myself out there, even if it was just a little.

5 minutes later I saw another cutie in the park next to street. I had no choice. She didn't look receptive, but her brown curls were the prettiest I had seen all day. I saw her from the street and had to tell her that her curls were the prettiest I had seen all day. And she thought I was cute to do something like that. I should have stayed and continued the conversation with the curly darling. But for now, the compliment was enough. After this one, my smile was even wider, but my body was shaking much less. I loved it. But what I love most about this approach was that I literally had no choice but to talk to her.

Damn, I have forgotten to celebrate these small wins. But as much as I am doing it for me, I am also doing it for the girls. That fact alone must be enough celebration

On a similar note: I have gained a lot of social momentum these last couple of days by having laughable conversation with friends and strangers. But this seems to have no effect on whether I do cold approach compliments or not. So maybe I should build "compliment momentum" instead LOL

I'll continue to follow your advices the next couple of days and report back!

Very awesome brother. This is a wonderful achievement. Yes, the first time(s) I did it my heart was racing too. But it rapidly becomes no big deal. Stick at it brother and update us here
Ray

Hey guys, yesterday I opened another girl direct. She was walking with her dog and caught up to me, and I noticed her long-sleeved shirt (it had an awesome pattern) and such I told her. She giggled right away, simultaneously amused as she said "thank you .... *giggling* but it's a jacket" oh well! Couldn't tell the difference lol but judging from her body language and facial expressions - well, she was flattered. We talked for another minute before our ways separated. I went to a coffee shop to study, and when ordering my chocolate drink I had a normal conversation with the barista, but we were nonverbally flirting at the same time. I love this "normal verbal, flirting nonverbal" kind of conversation. After studying I went for an 1 hour walk where I could not make myself open any more :/ Too much in my head again (and initially an "I was tired"-kind of excuse, and I have this belief that I should not disturb people walking or in a group because they seem in a hurry and want no disturbance. Well, this I will fix!

It's Sunday afternoon as I'm writing this, and today I knew I would not meet many girls because I have been to a course from early morning and on my way to work. I decided beforehand this morning that I would compliment the receptionist of the course I've attented these last couple of days. I simply told her that she looked fantastic today. She said "thank you and you too!" I was glad I did the compliment, but I don't think it was like my previous compliments because this one was planned while the previous ones were spontaneous. Later during lunch I told one of the other students that she had this awesome vibe around her, and she was flattered. So yeah, will go for spontaneous because they also force me to be in the moment and speak my mind =)

I don't think I will gain anything more from this thread for now, but I will keep doing the 100 hours of going out, compliment girls and gradually begin to push for numbers and dates. And I will make a new journal to keep you guys posted. Thanks for your advices! I'm absolutely greatful =)

Hard to believe it's already been four years! I'm bumping this thread for myself. I continued cold approaching in day time only for a few months after my last post in this thread.

Lately, I've heard from few friends and acquaintances (both male and female actually) about times when they did approach or were approached. And one of them is one of my closest friends. He has been really into meeting new girls from any mean possible recently since he broke up with his fiance. He has made me want to start over again with cold approaching for good. We opened a group of five girls when I visited him some time back, and he slept with one of them.

So it's been a week since I saw him, and I haven't been able to make a single approach yet. For some reason, I get "blank" in my head once I see a girl I'd love to meet, almost like time stops for a bit. And then nothing happens. When I get conscious of my thoughts again, that's when I think "I should have approached her".

I don't know why I don't make myself approach even when I get this "blankness" in my head. So the small goal for now is to approach despite the empty thoughts.

ray_zorse said:

I think a problem you might be having is in not recognizing which situations are disposable and which are not. Let me share an example. I was in much the same boat as you but at a slightly more advanced stage because opening was no longer too much of a drama. I was chatting to a cutie who was a door girl at a gig, it was crowded so you couldn't get inside but people were listening/watching from the street and I was locked in in the doorway chatting to her. At some point she's told me indignantly she's married (I must have said something flirtatious), so I've replied "it's okay I wasn't looking for a girlfriend, I saw you more as a fuckbuddy", obviously she was quite offended and I had to backpedal a bit, but it was still really liberating. Practice saying offensive things, insult people if you want (calling fat people fat is highly amusing especially if they've just dissed you in some way), but most of all practice saying whatever comes into your head at any given moment! Obviously don't do this in class... YET, your hiding the banana problem in social circle will take longer to solve, what you have to do is always push the boundaries in throwaway situations like cold approach, this both puts you in the habit of being unfiltered by default and teaches you calibration i.e. how far you can go before there is a social consequence. You seem to be well aware that it's a lot further than you're currently going. A great way to practice unfilteredness is by making a rule that you will compliment everyone you speak to today -- this may seem self-conscious but it forces you to voice your thoughts.
Ray

Click to expand...

Yea Man.. I totally love this insightful post.

One thing I love about cold approaches is the fact that you can be nonjudgmental about yourself.

You might not see this girl again, there's always another girl just walking by and if this one is not doing it for you you can exit the conversation and meet up another girl, immediately.

Last Saturday, I was practicing around shopping malls when I saw a girl walking I set myself up so that it looks like we are going the same route. As I was about to deliver my opener, her phone rang and she got in a very long call.

Another girl crossed the road and I flirted with her and she smiled. I thought to myself whether I should forget girl1 on call and go for girl2. I stopped thinking and went for girl2 because of her responsiveness, we chatted and exchanged phone numbers.

I think cold approach makes you not give a fuck because you've been rejected severally, some that you thought will reject you responded well. You become unattached to women yet attached when you need to be.

Sometimes, I mess around trying to sexualize things and it doesn't go well. No judgement from a stranger, she'll only walk away from the approach. But I can't do that in social circles and get away with it without my reputation being damaged.

Lover said:

Hard to believe it's already been four years! I'm bumping this thread for myself. I continued cold approaching in day time only for a few months after my last post in this thread.

Lately, I've heard from few friends and acquaintances (both male and female actually) about times when they did approach or were approached. And one of them is one of my closest friends. He has been really into meeting new girls from any mean possible recently since he broke up with his fiance. He has made me want to start over again with cold approaching for good. We opened a group of five girls when I visited him some time back, and he slept with one of them.

So it's been a week since I saw him, and I haven't been able to make a single approach yet. For some reason, I get "blank" in my head once I see a girl I'd love to meet, almost like time stops for a bit. And then nothing happens. When I get conscious of my thoughts again, that's when I think "I should have approached her".

I don't know why I don't make myself approach even when I get this "blankness" in my head. So the small goal for now is to approach despite the empty thoughts.

Click to expand...

Blankness or emptiness is just AA. You need to tap into the power of 3seconds rule to make yourself approach.

Sometimes, I get rejected but it doesn't matter I just do the drill with another girl anyway until I find the one who's ready to connect with me. Then I run my process on her.

Just realize that whenever you're infield you need to act and not think. You can analyze how your last approach went after you've acted out the approach not before or during the approach.

Always, use the three seconds rule, brother. It makes the game a little bit easier for you.